I think my partner was with a prostitute.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 02:03PM

The brother told the friend recently it's happening again this week. Maybe he's going - because he's now single.

arayess · 14-08-2015 02:22PM

CaraMay wrote: »

The brother told the friend recently it's happening again this week. Maybe he's going - because he's now single.

I don't doubt the brother probably goes to see these ladies
but it's not something I'd tell my sister about and that strikes me as abnormal.

She may know he goes but knowing the actual plan in advance is bizarre in the extreme.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 02:58PM

arayess wrote: »

I don't doubt the brother probably goes to see these ladies
but it's not something I'd tell my sister about and that strikes me as abnormal.

She may know he goes but knowing the actual plan in advance is bizarre in the extreme.

He lost his wife over it so his sister knows what he does. It clwarly came out at the same time that ops husband goes too and when rge friend asked her brother for more info he told her that it was still going on and happening again. Are you reading all the posts?

arayess · 14-08-2015 03:02PM

CaraMay wrote: »

He lost his wife over it so his sister knows what he does. It clwarly came out at the same time that ops husband goes too and when rge friend asked her brother for more info he told her that it was still going on and happening again. Are you reading all the posts?

yes. i am.

lets just disagree on this.

Potatoeman · 14-08-2015 03:09PM

CaraMay wrote: »

He lost his wife over it so his sister knows what he does. It clwarly came out at the same time that ops husband goes too and when rge friend asked her brother for more info he told her that it was still going on and happening again. Are you reading all the posts?

This is what she is saying to the op. We don't know if its true. I don't understand the year gap before she told the op or how she knows about the next visit.

robbiezero · 14-08-2015 04:17PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

This is what she is saying to the op. We don't know if its true. I don't understand the year gap before she told the op or how she knows about the next visit.

Sounds a bit odd alright for a middle aged man.
"Hi Sis, won't be over on Friday night, I'm off to the hookers with the lads."

afkasurfjunkie · 14-08-2015 04:22PM

robbiezero wrote: »

Sounds a bit odd alright for a middle aged man.
"Hi Sis, won't be over on Friday night, I'm off to the hookers with the lads."

Have you ever seen the age profile of the men in Thailand/Phuket? Quite a lot of whom are on golf trips too.

robbiezero · 14-08-2015 04:24PM

afkasurfjunkie wrote: »

Have you ever seen the age profile of the men in Thailand/Phuket? Quite a lot of whom are on golf trips too.

It's the middle aged man telling his sister I find a bit odd, not the fact that a middle aged man is doing what has been described.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 04:38PM

He's telling his sister what the others are up to because he's already been caught. He may / may not be going himself but the sûster pressed him for info and he told her about today. No honour amongst thieves seemingly.

Buona Fortuna · 14-08-2015 04:54PM

CaraMay wrote: »

He's telling his sister what the others are up to because he's already been caught. He may / may not be going himself but the sûster pressed him for info and he told her about today. No honour amongst thieves seemingly.

Oh please.

Hi Sis, I know you've lost all respect for me but I'll be off again with the lads next Friday.

There are a number of things that don't quite add up.

~ The friend who found out and decided to share for reasons unknown.
~ How she learnt of future plans
~ Men all at this together

Merkin · 14-08-2015 05:03PM

I feel really sorry for you OP. The whole situation seems terribly odd and I would wonder at this woman's motives. She is certainly intent on causing as much destruction as possible so she is holding quite the grudge. If I were in your shoes I don't think I'd bother fannying about with phoning numbers and I think I'd just follow him this evening. Have you a close friend who you could confide in who could maybe follow him this evening and use their car? All sounds very sleazy I know (as is visiting hookers btw) but if you suspect that he is visiting prostitutes then everything short of catching him in the act is actually going to confirm your suspicions.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 05:47PM

Hi I have been away all day. A friend called to collect a bag of clothes for recycling, saw I was upset and took over. She brought me away for the day, managed to persuade someone to take me in a salon for the back massage and paid for it. She than brought me to the beach and listened to my whole story. It helped to just say it to someone. She wouldn't have me go there or ring anyone to take pictures or anything. She reckons I talk to him. She says that the spying on him will make him be annoyed anyway. She is right here in my house now making dinner and being so good I can't believe it.

coolcat63 · 14-08-2015 05:53PM

Well, given there's a 50/50 chance he won't be at the golf club anyway what harm in checking? I'm amazed, having heard the story, your friend is worried that your husband will be annoyed....

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 05:56PM

coolcat63 wrote: »

Well, given there's a 50/50 chance he won't be at the golf club anyway what harm in checking? I'm amazed, having heard the story, your friend is worried that your husband will be annoyed....

No I don't think she meant it that way. She said if he is innocent my checking on him will make him more annoyed than anything else. She also said that there is more than one way to skin a cat and winked so maybe she has a plan.

ShaShaBear · 14-08-2015 06:08PM

auldgranny wrote: »

No I don't think she meant it that way. She said if he is innocent my checking on him will make him more annoyed than anything else. She also said that there is more than one way to skin a cat and winked so maybe she has a plan.

Well I can definitely see where she is coming from. Obviously something very fishy is going on here and I can see it from your point of view, but the spying/sneaking around to catch him implies distrust and obviously if he found you snooping and he was innocent, it could end up having the same impact on the marriage regardless. Great you have someone who knows the whole story and is clearly giving you good, impartial advice.

strandroad · 14-08-2015 06:14PM

auldgranny wrote: »

No I don't think she meant it that way. She said if he is innocent my checking on him will make him more annoyed than anything else. She also said that there is more than one way to skin a cat and winked so maybe she has a plan.

To be honest you're already killing yourself with worry and doubt, and this is adding just another layer. I'd rather cut it quick myself and
let the chips fall where they may.

tara73 · 14-08-2015 06:16PM

auldgranny wrote: »

No I don't think she meant it that way. She said if he is innocent my checking on him will make him more annoyed than anything else. She also said that there is more than one way to skin a cat and winked so maybe she has a plan.

OP, I really, really feel for you, it must be a horrible situation to be in but your last posts left me a bit baffled. so you want to step back now, not going to find out if he cheats or not?
did you talked it through with your friend what she'll be doing? it sounds like you are just assuming she's doing sth. but you don't know for sure.

I don't think it'll be healthy for you to stay in limbo for the next weeks or even days.
I don't understand either why you are not ringing the numbers you found from that peticuliar day to find out who's behind it. It would have been the first thing for me to do. but in fact it should have been a male person, you don't have a close male family member or friend you could confide in who's doing that for you?

I mean, surely you do what feels right for you, just my 2 cents.

m'lady · 14-08-2015 06:22PM

OP I've been following your situation and haven't really had much advice to offer apart from what you've already been advised. I think you need to know one way or another, I really don't see the point in prolonging it. Personally in your shoes I couldn't care less if your husband is annoyed, it's his friend that has started this ( if he is innocent). I hope things work out for you, I really do.

fits · 14-08-2015 06:27PM

If i were op id be taking the opportinity to find out if he is where he says he is. Uncertainty is a killer.

keysersoze0330 · 14-08-2015 06:29PM

fits wrote: »

If i were op id be taking the opportinity to find out if he is where he says he is. Uncertainty is a killer.

This. Who knows when the next opportunity will arise to provide closure either way. Confront him? there's no proof.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 06:39PM

My friend has gone now to collect her daughter from work. My stomach is sick, I just have to know. I am going to the golf club. One way or the other I have to know.

uck51js9zml2yt · 14-08-2015 06:41PM

auldgranny wrote: »

My friend has gone now to collect her daughter from work. My stomach is sick, I just have to know. I am going to the golf club. One way or the other I have to know.

As a first port of call check the car park for his car.

Flippyfloppy · 14-08-2015 06:53PM

auldgranny wrote: »

My friend has gone now to collect her daughter from work. My stomach is sick, I just have to know. I am going to the golf club. One way or the other I have to know.

Tbh I think you're right. If he is visiting prostitutes he ain't just gonna tell you the truth unless he has to. If you read these forums at all you'll find most cheaters just admit to the bare minimum.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 06:56PM

And if he's innocent he won't mind you checking it out. If someone said this to my op I would be happy to go yo the ends of the earth to reassure him.

padser · 14-08-2015 07:07PM

CaraMay wrote: »

And if he's innocent he won't mind you checking it out.

Really? I think there are are many many people who absolutely would mind the lack of trust it displays.... And yet more who would worry about a partner who reacts to an accusation like that rather than ask them a question.

@OP - hope it goes well and you get an answer

ShaShaBear · 14-08-2015 07:11PM

CaraMay wrote: »

And if he's innocent he won't mind you checking it out. If someone said this to my op I would be happy to go yo the ends of the earth to reassure him.

If someone said this to my OP and he came to me and asked me I would be happy to prove my innocence.
However, I would not be one bit happy to find that he was so convinced I was cheating that he hired a private detective, followed me and had strangers on the internet ringing numbers from my year-old phone records to find out why I had rang them and who they were. I'd be very hurt and betrayed that he would believe I would do that and wouldn't come to me first.
But then, that would be how I would feel in innocence.

strandroad · 14-08-2015 07:31PM

padser wrote: »

Really? I think there are are many many people who absolutely would mind the lack of trust it displays.... And yet more who would worry about a partner who reacts to an accusation like that rather than ask them a question.

There is no good way of doing it. If he's not cheating, checking on him like that is indeed a crap move. But if he is cheating, it's the only option to get any proof.
I'd still do it, because a) it's better to know than not to know and keep torturing oneself b) the friend's story checks out so far.

Whether he is there or not it's still not 100% proof either way but at least it's not this torture.

December2012 · 14-08-2015 07:47PM

The thing is that we all may think we'd act a certain way or do certain things, but until we are in that situation.

The OP has to do whatever she feels is right.

Kidchameleon · 14-08-2015 08:19PM

Best of luck at the golf course agranny. It sucks you having to go through this.

Augme · 14-08-2015 09:30PM

CaraMay wrote: »

And if he's innocent he won't mind you checking it out. If someone said this to my op I would be happy to go yo the ends of the earth to reassure him.

If I was the OH of the OP and I hadn't done anything wrong then I'd dump her if I found out what she did.

I think my partner was with a prostitute.

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