I think my partner was with a prostitute.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 10:25AM

auldgranny wrote: »

Yes well if it was the local golf club I would be able to come up with some excuse for being there but not this one. Too far away and not in the same direction as any of my family and friends.

Don't you think it is a good idea?

Definitely if you can organise it that quickly

willow tree · 14-08-2015 10:27AM

magicmushroom wrote: »

It's just when you said about getting someone to follow him and take pictures - that's when I thought hold on a minute here, this is a bit mad now...

well it gets the job done, no wasting time. Its very bad for anyones mental health to be in this limbo. Once op has her evidence then she can figure out what to do.
I hope you've lots of support op, I really feel for you no matter what the outcome.

Greenduck · 14-08-2015 10:53AM

OP, what I would do (and what a close friend of mine did before)..

Get a friend male or female (doesn't matter if your OH knows them) and go with them to the golf club in their car. You wait outside and let your friend go in and check if they are there or there is a booking.

If there is a booking - leave
If there is not a booking you can take it from there.

If your OP is there and see's said friend, use an excuse like they were coming for a drink/dinner etc.. and make excuses to go.

Alternatively you could ring the golf club and ask to speak to your husband. That you cant get through to his phone for whatever reason?

You could also call the golf club and say your husband asked you to ring and check what time he's tee-ing off at - that he forgot?

I cant imagine what hell you are going through right now. Try and look after yourself and confide in someone you can trust that will keep an open mind and be un judgemental about the situation.

IITYWYBMAD · 14-08-2015 11:03AM

Greenduck wrote: »

OP, what I would do (and what a close friend of mine did before)..

Get a friend male or female (doesn't matter if your OH knows them) and go with them to the golf club in their car. You wait outside and let your friend go in and check if they are there or there is a booking.

If there is a booking - leave
If there is not a booking you can take it from there.

If your OP is there and see's said friend, use an excuse like they were coming for a drink/dinner etc.. and make excuses to go.

Alternatively you could ring the golf club and ask to speak to your husband. That you cant get through to his phone for whatever reason?

You could also call the golf club and say your husband asked you to ring and check what time he's tee-ing off at - that he forgot?

I cant imagine what hell you are going through right now. Try and look after yourself and confide in someone you can trust that will keep an open mind and be un judgemental about the situation.

It's highly unlikely the golf club will have or reveal details of the OP's husband. It's more likely, given that this appears to be a last minute take up for an empty slot, that it's under a group name or company name.

It you know the details of the club and what time they are supposed to be playing, you should be able to go onto the clubs website and see if a booking has been made for that time.

I would not recommend going to the golf club yourself. Assuming he is driving, do you have a sibling you can confide in and ask them to go?

I think it's important from both a mental and physical health perspective that you get to the bottom of this. Should your partner be sleeping with others (irrespective of their day job) he is exposing you to all manner of health issues, and I don't need to tell you about the mental health issues, as I can see the stress in every word you type.

Good luck to you, and I hope the outcome is of some comfort to you.

OneOfThem · 14-08-2015 11:03AM

Gongoozler wrote: »

If it was me, I wouldn't be going to the golf club. I'd either follow him, and get some photographs evidence, so that he doesn't try fleece you in the divorce, or I'd take the opportunity to change the locks and dump his stuff outside.

This isn't great advice. There's no fault divorce in Ireland. Someone cheating (if he has) doesn't effect the settlement in any way. You also can't lock someone out of their own home. He would be perfectly entitled to kick the door in, stroll in, sit down and start watching TV, if that's what he wanted to do. He'd also be entitled to sue her in small claims if anything happened to any of his things that were dumped outside.

kylith · 14-08-2015 11:06AM

What about 'accidentally' leaving your phone in his car with a GPS app turned on so you know where the car has been during the day.

Potatoeman · 14-08-2015 11:11AM

I don't understand how she found out about it a year later and how she knows her brother is going to see a hooker and exactly when. It seems very strange.

Potatoeman · 14-08-2015 11:12AM

kylith wrote: »

What about 'accidentally' leaving your phone in his car with a GPS app turned on so you know where the car has been during the day.

You can get apps for that if you have a smsrtphone.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 11:15AM

We don't own the house we are in at the moment, we are renting so I won't be changing locks or dumping stuff or anything like that.
I am taking on board advice about eating. I think actually I didn't eat yesterday at all. I can't remember if I did.

giggle84 · 14-08-2015 11:17AM

Greenduck wrote: »

Alternatively you could ring the golf club and ask to speak to your husband. That you cant get through to his phone for whatever reason?
.

Phones aren't allowed on the course so you could ring the golf course and say it's an emergency and you need to speak to him. But if he did happen to be actually playing golf you'd need to come up with something to say to him when he came to the phone!

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this it sounds so awful. For what it's worth I think I would go the private detective route, you'll get evidence if he's guilty so he can't lie his way out of it, and if he's innocent you'll find out without having to accuse him. And I don't think that would be OTT or crazy or like a movie.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 11:18AM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I don't understand how she found out about it a year later and how she knows her brother is going to see a hooker and exactly when. It seems very strange.

She didn't give me the date. She said something about what happened that day and I know the date. I don't want to say what happened because I am afraid people would recognise me from it. I don't know if a work colleague or a neighbour could be on Boards

lifeandtimes · 14-08-2015 11:20AM

op make sure you eat and take care of yourself or you could end collapsing from exhaustion.

Just to throw something in regarding the phone numbers and the fact that its a group who go and do it(supposedly) wouldn't they be going to a brothel and getting everything done together all in one? meaning that he wouldn't have to phone an individual prostitute? seems strange that a group of lads get together and then all call a prostitute from their phones individually and then go off on their own no?

magicmushroom · 14-08-2015 11:22AM

Do you have someone available to call the girls number?

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 11:27AM

magicmushroom wrote: »

Do you have someone available to call the girls number?

Yes Duffman13 daid he would do it for me.

IITYWYBMAD · 14-08-2015 11:28AM

giggle84 wrote: »

Phones aren't allowed on the course so you could ring the golf course and say it's an emergency and you need to speak to him. But if he did happen to be actually playing golf you'd need to come up with something to say to him when he came to the phone!

This is incorrect. I'm a member of a golf club, and phones are not banned on golf courses. Some courses have a local rule to say that phones should not be used to take calle, but there are (for example) GPS Apps available for iPhone and Android that can be used to give you yardages on golf courses. He will have his phone with him, but it may be on silent.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this it sounds so awful. For what it's worth I think I would go the private detective route, you'll get evidence if he's guilty so he can't lie his way out of it, and if he's innocent you'll find out without having to accuse him. And I don't think that would be OTT or crazy or like a movie.

This is probably the best way to go. Or, if you had access to his phone and it was an iPhone use Find my iPhone or another GPS app to track him yourself.

Potatoeman · 14-08-2015 11:30AM

auldgranny wrote: »

She didn't give me the date. She said something about what happened that day and I know the date. I don't want to say what happened because I am afraid people would recognise me from it. I don't know if a work colleague or a neighbour could be on Boards

Best not to give too many details. I'm wondering why it took a year for her to find out and how she knows about the next time they are doing this.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 11:36AM

I don't think all the men are using prostitutes by the way. She mentioned her brother and my husband and one man. The others all know and cover for them with the golfing story but they don't go themselves.

lifeandtimes · 14-08-2015 11:42AM

auldgranny wrote: »

I don't think all the men are using prostitutes by the way. She mentioned her brother and my husband and one man. The others all know and cover for them with the golfing story but they don't go themselves.

than ring the other guys and ask to speak to your husband,say there phone isn't getting through and you need to speak to him and then if hes there ask about you heading out tonight or something?

I know its none of my business but out of curiosity and if you don't mind but what ages are the both of you and do you have kids together?? and how long have you been married, you may have said already but i cant find it, also if you don't feel comfortable answering then don't and tell me to shut up

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 11:50AM

lifeandtimes wrote: »

than ring the other guys and ask to speak to your husband,say there phone isn't getting through and you need to speak to him and then if hes there ask about you heading out tonight or something?

I know its none of my business but out of curiosity and if you don't mind but what ages are the both of you and do you have kids together?? and how long have you been married, you may have said already but i cant find it, also if you don't feel comfortable answering then don't and tell me to shut up

We are together 6 years but only got married this year. We both have children but not together. We are both in our 50's. We haven't been getting along great lately but really most of that has been my fault. I have been finding fault with him a lot

lifeandtimes · 14-08-2015 11:58AM

auldgranny wrote: »

We are together 6 years but only got married this year. We both have children but not together. We are both in our 50's. We haven't been getting along great lately but really most of that has been my fault. I have been finding fault with him a lot

if the relationship is failing im not saying theres no blame on both parties but if he has been seeing hookers then that is most certainly not your fault, if the relationship is failing he makes a decision to either fix it and make it get better or go and do something like this, that was his call,not yours,seeing as it was last year this supposedly happened then theres been a problem for a while that both of you need to fix it but in your defense you may not have seen the problem and he ignored it and didn't respect you enough to try and fix it.

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 11:59AM

Op you've done nothing wrong and don't deserve this. There is no point calling the club as they may only have one name for the tee time.

giggle84 · 14-08-2015 12:00PM

IITYWYBMAD wrote: »

This is incorrect. I'm a member of a golf club, and phones are not banned on golf courses. Some courses have a local rule to say that phones should not be used to take calle, but there are (for example) GPS Apps available for iPhone and Android that can be used to give you yardages on golf courses. He will have his phone with him, but it may be on silent.

My bad, I meant you're not allowed use them on the course as in to take calls, so it would be plausible for her to ring the golf course in an emergency to try to reach him as it wouldn't be unusual for someone to not check their phone while out on the course.

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 12:04PM

My husband will most certainly have his phone on him tonight on the course because Man Utd are playing and he will be checking it every so often to see if they are winning. I,m feeling kinda weird about the whole thing now. I am wondering is this what my life has got to, trailing him like a spy and checking his phone bills. Not exactly the happy ever after is it?

CaraMay · 14-08-2015 12:06PM

auldgranny wrote: »

My husband will most certainly have his phone on him tonight on the course because Man Utd are playing and he will be checking it every so often to see if they are winning. I,m feeling kinda weird about the whole thing now. I am wondering is this what my life has got to, trailing him like a spy and checking his phone bills. Not exactly the happy ever after is it?

Again this is not your fault but it's a heavy blow either way.

giggle84 · 14-08-2015 12:07PM

auldgranny wrote: »

My husband will most certainly have his phone on him tonight on the course because Man Utd are playing and he will be checking it every so often to see if they are winning.

Yes but the golf club won't know that if you ring them and say you need to reach him urgently, they should be able to tell you then if he's not there. But obviously that could backfire if he is there and he comes to the phone.

magicmushroom · 14-08-2015 12:07PM

auldgranny wrote: »

My husband will most certainly have his phone on him tonight on the course because Man Utd are playing and he will be checking it every so often to see if they are winning. I,m feeling kinda weird about the whole thing now. I am wondering is this what my life has got to, trailing him like a spy and checking his phone bills. Not exactly the happy ever after is it?

You don't know that yet.
You've been told something horrible so you're obviously going to want to find out if it's true.
You might find out that it's not! Remember that - he's not proven guilty yet.
There is still a possibility that you could discover the accusation is a lie.
He could be innocent so don't write off your future happiness just yet.

I really hope this turns out well for you, it's such a crappy situation

Is Duffman13 calling the number for you today?

auldgranny · 14-08-2015 12:21PM

magicmushroom wrote: »

You don't know that yet.
You've been told something horrible so you're obviously going to want to find out if it's true.
You might find out that it's not! Remember that - he's not proven guilty yet.
There is still a possibility that you could discover the accusation is a lie.
He could be innocent so don't write off your future happiness just yet.

I really hope this turns out well for you, it's such a crappy situation

Is Duffman13 calling the number for you today?

I think so yes.

dudara · 14-08-2015 12:57PM

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CiboC · 14-08-2015 01:03PM

magicmushroom wrote: »

There is still a possibility that you could discover the accusation is a lie.

Try to remember that, there is a possibility that the only thing he is guilty of is covering for the others, he may not be 'using' himself.

arayess · 14-08-2015 01:41PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I don't understand how she found out about it a year later and how she knows her brother is going to see a hooker and exactly when. It seems very strange.

I find this odd myself.
The sister may know the brother went , as it was the cause of the marriage ending but to know in advance that a session with the hookers is on friday is crazy weird.
What sister would know that of her brother?

I'd know a few lads myself who visit escorts regularly but I know they go in general terms but the precise dates and times aren't known. That type of stuff is usually kept discrete , the whole golf ganging knowing is strange too.

I'm still not convinced she is telling the truth.

But time will tell.

OP I wish you the best in this and I hope you take care of yourself and find happiness.

I think my partner was with a prostitute.

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