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Would you tell a stranger their partner was cheating on them?

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Comments

  • #212
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    Oh you can do that just like you can squeeze toothpaste back into the tube or unring a bell.
    Can you think of a single problem with asking e.g: "If your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?"

    I don't think anyone here can present a scenario, where that question breaches any of the moral boundaries that people have been describing. You can be blunt about the question or try to create plausible deniability as a part of conversation, either way it doesn't breach the boundaries mentioned.


  • #213
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Can you think of a single problem with asking a complete stranger, after you found out by looking over their partners shoulder into their phone e.g: "If your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?"

    I don't think anyone here can present a scenario, where that question breaches any of the moral boundaries that people have been describing.


    How does that scenario square with your moral boundaries, that the only reason you're aware of their cheating is because you were prying over their shoulder into their phone?

    What kind of person even does that to a complete stranger and they still think of themselves as beyond reproach?


  • #214
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Reading some of these long winded replies should keep a few people too busy to have the time to cheat.


  • #215
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    How does that scenario square with your moral boundaries, that the only reason you're aware of their cheating is because you were prying over their shoulder into their phone?

    What kind of person even does that to a complete stranger and they still think of themselves as beyond reproach?
    Eh, don't insert quotes into my post that I didn't say - i.e. don't put words in my mouth.

    Don't pretend you're replying to my post with all that bullshít - you're the one who inserted all the nonsense you're replying to, so you could pretend you were attacking my post, when instead you're attacking the content that you inserted into my post.


  • #216
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Eh, don't insert quotes into my post that I didn't say - i.e. don't put words in my mouth.

    Don't pretend you're replying to my post with all that bullshít - you're the one who inserted all the nonsense you're replying to, so you could pretend you were attacking my post, when instead you're attacking the content that you inserted into my post.


    That's why I put it in bold. It wasn't such a great distance from your post that people couldn't see the point was to add context.

    You asked for a scenario, I gave you one, the one we had already, the one where you conveniently ignored context to put forward your argument.

    Anyhow, there's the scenario you asked for.


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  • #217
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    That's why I put it in bold. It wasn't such a great distance from your post that people couldn't see the point was to add context.

    You asked for a scenario, I gave you one, the one we had already, the one where you conveniently ignored context to put forward your argument.

    Anyhow, there's the scenario you asked for.
    You're not tackling anything in my post as wrong, you're only tackling the wrongs committed in your own added quote as being wrong - you're effectively arguing with yourself, not me.


  • #218
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Can you think of a single problem with asking e.g: "If your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?"

    I don't think anyone here can present a scenario, where that question breaches any of the moral boundaries that people have been describing. You can be blunt about the question or try to create plausible deniability as a part of conversation, either way it doesn't breach the boundaries mentioned.

    I'd immediately recognise that as a statement posing as a question.

    And then Is consider it a breach of privacy.


  • #219
    Ashbx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 750 ✭✭✭Ashbx


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    I think in that particular situation, the "reportees" were only looking for notoriety for themselves. They don't seem at all to have actually considered her husband, but were rather taking some sort of spiteful glee in publically humiliating this woman, a complete stranger to them.

    No, I wouldn't do it, not to a friend and certainly not to a complete stranger. I'd gain nothing from it only the knowledge that I were a childish, spiteful bastard. I don't have much regard for anyone who interferes in someone's life like that simply in order to humiliate them.

    Not to a friend? Whatever about a stranger, I would most definitely tell my friend if their partner was cheating!


  • #220
    Samaris
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,544 ✭✭✭Samaris


    Matter of interest, can anyone think of a good way to open this conversation with a total stranger , bearing in mind that the stranger aspect is an important part of the whole issue?

    "Hi, great game, yeah?"
    "Yeah, hoped X'd win."
    "Yeah, they've been having a good season. See how the do against Y next month. By the way, if you were being cheated on, purely hypothetically, would you want to know?"
    "..."


  • #221
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    I'd immediately recognise that as a statement posing as a question.

    And then Is consider it a breach of privacy.
    There isn't any statement in the question.


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  • #222
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    You're not tackling anything in my post as wrong, you're only tackling the wrongs committed in your own added quote as being wrong - you're effectively arguing with yourself, not me.


    I added context where you conveniently omitted context in order to present an infallible argument.

    That's just daft.


  • #223
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Samaris wrote: »
    Matter of interest, can anyone think of a good way to open this conversation with a total stranger , bearing in mind that the stranger aspect is an important part of the whole issue?

    "Hi, great game, yeah?"
    "Yeah, hoped X'd win."
    "Yeah, they've been having a good season. See how the do against Y next month. By the way, if you were being cheated on, purely hypothetically, would you want to know?"
    "..."
    :) You could just ask them bluntly "Hi - if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?".

    It's really not tactful at all, but they're either going to answer you or ignore you - and if it's the latter, can take that as your answer.


  • #224
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Ashbx wrote: »
    Not to a friend? Whatever about a stranger, I would most definitely tell my friend if their partner was cheating!


    Not arguing with you or anything, as I can understand how that would make sense and all, but I'm wondering, would you have a word with the person cheating beforehand or anything or would it just be a case of straight out tell their partner, or would it depend upon the circumstances?


  • #225
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    I added context where you conveniently omitted context in order to present an infallible argument.

    That's just daft.
    You inserted this to my post:
    "a complete stranger, after you found out by looking over their partners shoulder into their phone"

    Then you started attacking my post for advocating looking over the partners shoulder, at their phone, as if I said that.


    Do you think any poster reading this thread, does not see, that you did that deliberately, with 100% conscious knowledge that that was a false argument?

    I'm actually going to keep picking at this now for as long as you try and defend it - so work away, try and defend this.


  • #226
    Samaris
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,544 ✭✭✭Samaris


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    :) You could just ask them bluntly "Hi - if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?".

    It's really not tactful at all, but they're either going to answer you or ignore you - and if it's the latter, can take that as your answer.

    Definitely not tactful, and at that point, you've told them. May as well not be disingenuous about it. Phrasing it as an "I was only asking" is rather cowardly, since the damage is now pretty much done, although you've given no proof.


  • #227
    Samaris
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,544 ✭✭✭Samaris


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    You inserted this to my post:
    "a complete stranger, after you found out by looking over their partners shoulder into their phone"

    Partially my fault, KomradeBishop:
    Samaris wrote: »
    At the moment, taking the specific circs as in the OP's post, I wouldn't be reading someone's texting over their shoulder anyway, so I'd never find out about it. And if I somehow -did-, I wouldn't be adding to my own wrongs by trying to address a wrong that I found out about..uh...in a wrong way.

    I assumed from the original argument that we were taking it as being that sort of scenario. Thing is, can't really blanket-statement without SOME sort of scenario, so the one we started off with seemed as good as any.


  • #228
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    :) You could just ask them bluntly "Hi - if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?".

    It's really not tactful at all, but they're either going to answer you or ignore you - and if it's the latter, can take that as your answer.


    You're completely changing the scenario to suit yourself! The question isn't -

    "Would you ask a complete stranger if they would like to know if their partner was cheating on them?"

    It's -

    "Would you tell a complete stranger if their partner was cheating on them?"

    Firstly you argued that it was everyone's moral duty to inform people, no matter what the circumstances, and now you're completely changing the nature of the question to make another entirely different argument about whether to ask them would they like to be informed or not.


  • #229
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Samaris wrote: »
    Definitely not tactful, and at that point, you've told them. May as well not be disingenuous about it. Phrasing it as an "I was only asking" is rather cowardly, since the damage is now pretty much done, although you've given no proof.
    No, you haven't told them anything - and what exact 'damage' will have been done?


  • #230
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    You're completely changing the scenario to suit yourself! The question isn't -

    "Would you ask a complete stranger if they would like to know if their partner was cheating on them?"

    It's -

    "Would you tell a complete stranger if their partner was cheating on them?"

    Firstly you argued that it was everyone's moral duty to inform people, no matter what the circumstances, and now you're completely changing the nature of the question to make another entirely different argument about whether to ask them would they like to be informed or not.
    I haven't presented the 'moral duty' argument at any time today, and that argument is compatible with first finding out if informing is welcome.

    I've presented asking the question first, as it quite effectively sidesteps all moral concerns about informing someone.


  • #231
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    No, you haven't told them anything - and what exact 'damage' will have been done?


    Do you normally ask complete strangers if they'd like to know that their partner is cheating on them?

    There's exactly that immature, sh1t-stirring "I know something you don't" mentality I was talking about earlier. You know their partner is cheating on them, so the question is do you tell them, or don't you?

    It's not "would you ask someone if they'd like to know?". You're answering something you made up to divert away from the original question.


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  • #232
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    Do you normally ask complete strangers if they'd like to know that their partner is cheating on them?

    There's exactly that immature, sh1t-stirring "I know something you don't" mentality I was talking about earlier. You know their partner is cheating on them, so the question is do you tell them, or don't you?

    It's not "would you ask someone if they'd like to know?". You're answering something you made up to divert away from the original question.
    I don't know One eyed Jack, what do you normally ask strangers? :rolleyes: You can ask a stranger anything you bloody like really...if I'm at a baseball game, and I randomly ask any stranger - "Hi, if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?" - is their relationship going to suddenly implode?

    No, don't think so...there'd be no reason for them to take it as anything more than a random question, from a complete stranger - who knows what they'd think really.


  • #233
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    I don't know One eyed Jack, what do you normally ask strangers? :rolleyes: You can ask a stranger anything you bloody like really...if I'm at a baseball game, and I randomly ask any stranger - "Hi, if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?" - is their relationship going to suddenly implode?

    No, don't think so...there'd be no reason for them to take it as anything more than a random question, from a complete stranger - who knows what they'd think really.


    Yes, and as you've pointed out yourself - you've completely side-stepped the actual dilema - would you tell the person their partner is cheating on them?

    It's not up to anyone else here to present you with arguments against a completely different scenario that you decided to put forward instead of what is actually already being presented.


  • #234
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    Yes, and as you've pointed out yourself - you've completely side-stepped the actual dilema - would you tell the person their partner is cheating on them?

    It's not up to anyone else here to present you with arguments against a completely different scenario that you decided to put forward instead of what is actually already being presented.
    You are trying to exclude the question - of finding out whether someone would welcome being informed of their partner cheating - simply because you know it will nullify your moral arguments against informing people.

    You're not going to exclude the question; you don't get to limit the range of debate in the thread, to whatever you like, and try shift the goalposts all over the place.

    Could you please stop flinging copious amounts of fallacious arguments around - it's wasting loads of text replying to them.


  • #235
    Samaris
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,544 ✭✭✭Samaris


    OK Komrade, go and ask the first stranger you meet that's wearing a wedding ring that and report your findings.

    I'll be interested to know how many remain blue-eyed innocents as regards the implications.


  • #236
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    You are trying to exclude the question - of finding out whether someone would welcome being informed of their partner cheating - simply because you know it will nullify your moral arguments against informing people.


    No, I'm excluding it because it's not what's being asked of you.

    You're not going to exclude the question; you don't get to limit the range of debate in the thread, to whatever you like, and try shift the goalposts all over the place.


    There's only one person attempting to shift the goalposts here, and it sure as hell isn't me.

    Could you please stop flinging copious amounts of fallacious arguments around - it's wasting loads of text replying to them.


    The only person introducing a fallacious argument here is your trying to bait and switch with your "what harm in asking them would they like to be told?" nonsense.


  • #237
    Playboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭Playboy


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    You inserted this to my post:
    "a complete stranger, after you found out by looking over their partners shoulder into their phone"

    Then you started attacking my post for advocating looking over the partners shoulder, at their phone, as if I said that.


    Do you think any poster reading this thread, does not see, that you did that deliberately, with 100% conscious knowledge that that was a false argument?

    I'm actually going to keep picking at this now for as long as you try and defend it - so work away, try and defend this.

    Your argument is nonsense and it's embarrassing watching your try and defend it. Either you lack all emotional intelligence or you care little for the impact of your 'question'.
    Many here have stated that there is no way to broach that question with a stranger without actually making it very obvious that you posess the knowledge you are discussing. As I said earlier you might as well tell them up front if you are going as far as asking them such a ridiculous question. For someone who actually has a few brain cells in their head you tend to get yourself involved in the most infuriating and nonsensical arguments. There is nothing wrong with reflecting on a previously held position and coming to the conclusion that you were wrong.

    You would interfere in a persons personal private affairs as you believe that is the lesser of two evils.. Fine at least that makes sense. Trying to convince people that you can somehow ask a stranger for their permission to tell them something so personal before you tell them in order to solve your problem of being intrusive where it isn't wanted is a ludicrous position to take and it must be obvious to you.


  • #238
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Samaris wrote: »
    OK Komrade, go and ask the first stranger you meet that's wearing a wedding ring that and report your findings.

    I'll be interested to know how many remain blue-eyed innocents as regards the implications.
    That's fairly alarmist...how do you think such a conversation is going to go?
    A: "Hi, if your partner was cheating on you, would you prefer if a witness told you the details, or remained silent?"
    B: "Are you saying that my partner is cheating on me?!?!"
    A: "Nope, just a random question."
    B: "OMG my partners cheating on me...:eek:"

    :pac:


  • #239
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Samaris wrote: »
    OK Komrade, go and ask the first stranger you meet that's wearing a wedding ring that and report your findings.

    I'll be interested to know how many remain blue-eyed innocents as regards the implications.


    But the thing is, he could only ask the strangers who he already knows their partners are cheating on them, as that's exactly who we're talking about here.

    How he knows their partners are cheating on them if they are strangers to him is anyone's guess really.


  • #240
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Playboy wrote: »
    Your argument is nonsense and it's embarrassing watching your try and defend it. Either you lack all emotional intelligence or you care little for the impact of your 'question'.
    Many here have stated that there is no way to broach that question with a stranger without actually making it very obvious that you posess the knowledge you are discussing. As I said earlier you might as well tell them up front if you are going as far as asking them such a ridiculous question. For someone who actually has a few brain cells in their head you tend to get yourself involved in the most infuriating and nonsensical arguments. There is nothing wrong with reflecting on a previously held position and coming to the conclusion that you were wrong.

    You would interfere in a persons personal private affairs as you believe that is the lesser of two evils.. Fine at least that makes sense. Trying to convince people that you can somehow ask a stranger for their permission to tell them something so personal before you tell them in order to solve your problem of being intrusive where it isn't wanted is a ludicrous position to take and it must be obvious to you.
    The point is, that even in the most blunt form, the question has plenty of plausible deniability - sure, it seems like a ridiculous scenario, but people really are avoiding thinking it through.

    I don't mind defending a seemingly-ridiculous scenario, when I think there's a valid point to it - people have still not really provided a good example showing such a question causing damage.


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  • #241
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,116 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    The point is, that even in the most blunt form, the question has plenty of plausible deniability - sure, it seems like a ridiculous scenario, but people really are avoiding thinking it through.

    I don't mind defending a seemingly-ridiculous scenario, when I think there's a valid point to it - people have still not really provided a good example showing such a question causing damage.


    Read over what you're actually asking people to do -

    "Provide me with a sensible argument to counter a ridiculous scenario"...

    Daft.


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