How much to give to a wedding couple?

Right Turn Clyde · 23-07-2015 11:27PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Oh right, I thought you weren't being serious with the thing about looking stingy if it's less than €100 in the card and it would be better to give an empty card

Nah, not at all. I'm only taking the piss. Give what you can afford. If I was the groom I'd be embarrassed to hear of anyone stressing over it, and I'm sure most people would feel the same.

I was unemployed not so long ago and honestly couldn't afford to give my mate anything for his wedding. Instead, I got a modest voucher for a nice little restaurant nearby. My friend and his wife went there a couple of days before the wedding, had three courses each from the early-bird menu and just de-stressed for a couple of hours. They said it was exactly what they needed.

It's a bit of a cliche, but it's the thought that counts.

One eyed Jack · 23-07-2015 11:29PM

Some seriously silly money being thrown about in here. OP it's impossible for any of us here to suggest how much you should give anyone for their wedding. Sure I don't know if you're on social welfare or if you're obscenely wealthy.

I don't give cash gifts anyway, I give charity gifts - make a donation to charity on the happy couple's behalf. It seems to have gone down well so far anyway. I wouldn't really be too interested in paying for someone's wedding. If I'm invited, I'm invited as a guest, not as a paying guest. Always struck me as crass to have guests pay for a couple's lavish wedding tbh. The couple themselves should be able to afford it, or not, whichever the case may be.

Right Turn Clyde · 23-07-2015 11:35PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Some seriously silly money being thrown about in here. OP it's impossible for any of us here to suggest how much you should give anyone for their wedding. Sure I don't know if you're on social welfare or if you're obscenely wealthy.

I don't give cash gifts anyway, I give charity gifts - make a donation to charity on the happy couple's behalf. It seems to have gone down well so far anyway. I wouldn't really be too interested in paying for someone's wedding. If I'm invited, I'm invited as a guest, not as a paying guest. Always struck me as crass to have guests pay for a couple's lavish wedding tbh. The couple themselves should be able to afford it, or not, whichever the case may be.

I never think of myself as a paying guest, but I'm happy to help pay for it as a gesture of goodwill. I actually like weddings and I get a small kick out of seeing the happy couple have the big day they wanted, with little expense to themselves.

There's so much cynicism around weddings. I think a lot of Irish people need to grow a pair of balls and say no to weddings that they'd rather not be at, and a lot of engaged couples need to grow a thick skin and accept that not everyone wants to celebrate their big day.

OneOfThem · 23-07-2015 11:39PM

It's my birthday next week, you're all invited. I've paid 40 euros each for us for an awful dried out beef brisket you won't under any circumstances want to eat. You'll get a glass of **** wine someone has chosen. I know you don't like it, but it's part of the package I bought. The music is atrocious. I'd like you all to sit and watch me eat my birthday cake. You pay for it. The cake that I'll eat. Basically I've chosen everything about this party out of a list of things I don't like, and I know for fvck you don't like. But it's my party. So we'll all be there underwhelmed together. Wishing we were somewhere fun. Of course you'd rather be anywhere else. Who wouldn't? But you have to come. How could you refuse? Now help cover the cost of it, there's a good lad.

Expecting people to help cover the cost of your wedding is like throwing yourself a really really really sh1t birthday party, insisting people show up, and then hitting them with a bill for the dried out salmon they may or may not have consumed? Is this not what this is? Am I alone in thinking this?

Right Turn Clyde · 23-07-2015 11:43PM

OneOfThem wrote: »

It's my birthday next week, you're all invited. I've paid 40 euros each for us for an awful dried out beef brisket you won't under any circumstances want to eat. You'll get a glass of **** wine someone has chosen. I know you don't like it, but it's part of the package I bought. The music is atrocious. I'd like you all to sit and watch me eat my birthday cake. You pay for it. The cake that I'll eat. Basically I've chosen everything about this party out of a list of things I don't like, and I know for fvck you don't like. But it's my party. So we'll all be there underwhelmed together. Wishing we were somewhere fun. Of course you'd rather be anywhere else. Who wouldn't? But you have to come. How could you refuse? Now help cover the cost of it, there's a good lad.

If you were my friend and it honestly made you happy, then I'd be there eating dried out brisket and snorting coke in the toilet. Yer mates are yer mates.

OneOfThem · 23-07-2015 11:50PM

Right Turn Clyde wrote: »

If you were my friend and it honestly made you happy, then I'd be there eating dried out brisket and snorting coke in the toilet. Yer mates are yer mates.

And would you give me money? Would you not consider your willingness to show up, eat the dried out brisket, and snort coke with me at the awful party being a mate enough without contributing to the cost of the crappy party that didn't at all consider what the people that would be attending would like it to be like?

Right Turn Clyde · 23-07-2015 11:54PM

OneOfThem wrote: »

And would you give me money? Would you not consider your willingness to show up, eat the dried out brisket, and snort coke with me at the awful party being a mate enough without contributing to the cost of the crappy party that didn't at all consider what the people that would be attending would like it to be like?

In all seriousness, what kind of wedding's have you been at? They must have been absolutely terrible. Your friends mustn't be very cultured. Just say no from now on.

biko · 23-07-2015 11:56PM

A voucher for a "good time".

OneArt · 24-07-2015 12:38AM

Thankfully most of my friends are poor, unfortunate misfits who couldn't have a functional romantic relationship with an orange, let alone a flesh person.

Saves me a lot of money for booze and delicious things. Yum.

PizzamanIRL · 24-07-2015 02:42AM

If he's as good a friend as you say, just give him a blowie on the morning of the wedding to sort his nerves.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 24-07-2015 02:56AM

If you're skint ,cover the price of the meal plus €50.

That way nobody feels hard done by.

Lyaiera · 24-07-2015 08:09AM

At weddings is there a place to put the heartfelt meaningful gift/gift you bought because you're too broke to give meaningful cash?

24-07-2015 08:50AM

Drop it at the house beforehand

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 24-07-2015 09:04AM

Jesus so much hostility towards weddings!
I go visit my elderly cousin sometimes and when I do I always bring nice chocolates or some sort of a cake with me, because I wouldn't go anywhere empty handed. Same if I'm visiting my friends, even if it's just a bar of chocolate for the child -- never go with one arm longer than the other.

I wouldn't see it as being a paying guest but it's a token to gift the couple on their special day, that they've probably put the best part of a year into organising and the bride is probably more worried about you having a good day and enjoying everything she's put together than she is about becoming someone's wife.

If you're so bitter about it and don't want to eat salmon, then just say sorry about that, can't attend! No big deal and everyone's happy

murpho999 · 24-07-2015 09:18AM

Personally I'm finding that weddings have gone OTT in the last few years.

Have become a 2 day affair. May involve a hotel stay, travel (often abroad) and then drink etc.
That's excluding the stag weekend which is often abroad as well.
Then to say that a couple have to pay €200 just to be there to eat a meal is extreme. People should pay what they can afford.

Couples should not be getting married with the idea that the guests will cover the costs.
It's supposed to be a once in a life-time event and they invite people that are close to them that they want to share the day with and therefore they should expect some costs.

Guests then should be free to decide themselves what to give without social pressure that €50 per person is insulting.

Citroen2cv · 24-07-2015 09:26AM

$5,000,000,000 in Gold Bullion to be placed in a specified Swiss bank account.

vienne86 · 24-07-2015 09:34AM

How many of us groan when we find a wedding invite in the post? It shouldn't be like this, but often is. A right pain.

24-07-2015 11:13AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don't give cash gifts anyway, I give charity gifts - make a donation to charity on the happy couple's behalf. I.

I really hope this nonsense doesn't catch on, what a ridiculous thing to give as a present. Donate money to a charity if your choice and then claim its a present? You'd be as well just to donate to charity if you want and give them nothing at the wedding as I'd imagine opening a card with nothing and opening it to see money going to some random charity would give a similar level of excitement.

How people aren't embarrassed to go to a wedding without giving a proper gift (i.e. Cash nowadays) I just don't get.

fussyonion · 24-07-2015 12:12PM

Personally, I would give €100, but that's me.
Most of the guests will be giving money, so it's all going to add up to a nice sum.

Then again, if you're not flush, give what you can.
Honestly, OP, whatever you give is going towards a nice sum at the end of the day and it's still a gift.

Weddings are expensive things to attend anyway, what with outfits, transport and drinks.

PizzamanIRL · 24-07-2015 12:26PM

Find a gift in the gift area and take the card stuck to it and replace with a card, signed by you.

kingtut · 24-07-2015 12:28PM

€200 if you are going alone, €300 if attending as a couple.

wylie · 24-07-2015 12:28PM

Do people invite guests to get presents?

kingtut · 24-07-2015 12:30PM

wylie wrote: »

Do people invite guests to get presents?

Yes but most won't admit it! Why else would you invite someone you rarely speak to or haven't seen in ages?!

Samaris · 24-07-2015 12:41PM

I get cash is an appropriate and useful present, especially since people are marrying later in life, etc, and so don't necessarily need all the bits and pieces to set up the marriage home. And the wedding is expensive, so the monetary gifts often defray some of the costs.

But from my own side, and this is purely a personal thing, I'd prefer a small, happy wedding based on the couple's interests rather than an impersonal hotel and meal, that doesn't cost much, and gifts were given that people make or just think the couple would like. No fuss and drama, or as little as possible, a fairly small collection of people that really want to see you both marry and share the day. Some nice dresses for the bride/one or two bridesmaids that aren't ridiculously, royally expensive. You get the idea.

Actually answering the question though, yeah, E100-200 seems to be the usual these days. But if he is a mate, he'll get it if you can't afford much. If you're nervy about not being able to give "the usual" amount, just do what you can afford and maybe something personal that stems from friendship rather than a transaction.

cashback · 24-07-2015 12:46PM

kingtut wrote: »

€200 if you are going alone, €300 if attending as a couple.

€300.... really?

I'd rather go on a nice weekend away somewhere on the continent instead.

Herpes Cineplex · 24-07-2015 12:51PM

wylie wrote: »

Do people invite guests to get presents?

That's the only reason they're inviting you. So the appropriate respone would be to give them nothing.

scdublin · 24-07-2015 12:52PM

I was always told to give enough to cover the cost of the dinner at least so €50 per person is fine in my eyes but if it's a close friend I guess go a little more if you can afford to.

suicide_circus · 24-07-2015 12:54PM

When he's up on the stage saying his vows, run up and jock the c*nt

kingtut · 24-07-2015 12:54PM

cashback wrote: »

€300.... really?

I'd rather go on a nice weekend away somewhere on the continent instead.

Yup really.
Apt username is apt

Hail 2 Da Chimp · 24-07-2015 01:34PM

I think a lot of the people complaining about the price of the present aren't taking into consideration the price it costs to actually organise the wedding.
Price of the meal: €50 pp
Price of glass of wine / champagne: €5 pp

Not to mention:
Organising the band.
Organising the DJ after the band.

After the total cost of the wedding, if you aren't giving ~€70 per person, the married couple are footing the entire cost of your meal, any wine they've provided you and any entertainment they've provided.

So the wedding present isn't just a present to the married couple, you're paying for your food and entertainment for the night too.

Edit: Any if you still think it's too much money - don't go to the wedding, save the bride and groom the cost of your food and entertainment and save yourself some cash - you cheap bastard.

How much to give to a wedding couple?

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