Mad Neighbour Stories

Are the comments in cow language?

I used to live in a city which seemed to have a disproportionate amount of mad people.

There was one lady who used to live across the road from me. Probably about mid-forties, well-dressed and seemingly normal if you saw her in the supermarket or on the street. However, she very often used to have her living room window open and sit on the windowsill drinking a bottle of wine. She would sing constantly, one of her favorite songs being "Je Ne Regrette Rien". In between singing she would cackle like a witch, burst into tears and continue singing and shlugging her wine. She'd also wave and greet passers-by, but sometimes shouted insults at them. One unfortunate child nearly got a bottle of wine across the head. I saw her in the launderette one day and saw her go up to someone, take off all her clothes (everything, absolutely everything) and put them in a washing machine. Then she asked a horrified-looking Japanese girl if she could have a fiver.

A friend of mine (who lived on the same street) had another lady who lived upstairs from her. She was quiet most of the time, but at regular intervals her washing machine would break and flood the apartment. Of course, this started leaking through into my friend's ceiling. Other neighbors in the house wanted to know what the horrible smell was. The lady had locked her door and not been seen in several days, so the fire department, the ambulance and the police all showed up one night. They were banging on the door trying to get her to leave, but she kept screaming, "Go away! Go away! I don't have any money, leave me alone, you vampires!" or something to that effect. Eventually they had to break down the door and she was taken away to a mental facility. Returned the next week, though.

Another person I lived across the hall from didn't cause as much commotion. We had little plaques with our surnames on them beside the front door, but she'd ripped hers off and thrown it in the bin. I never heard much from her except for a television being to loud sometimes. Every now and then, though, usually in the small hours of the morning, you would hear the most unholy shriek from her apartment.

Though she technically wasn't a neighbor, there was a homeless lady who spent a lot of time on a street I lived (not the same one as the Je Ne Regrette Rien woman). She had different spots she would sit in during the day and evening and slept in some bushes at the end of the road. If you walked past them late at night and woke her up, she would growl at you. This lady also used to light cigarettes and watch them burn whilst talking to them. Sometimes at night, when I looked outside my apartment window, I could see her sitting next to a fire hydrant. She would normally be flicking a lighter, the flame illuminating her face. Was rather unsettling. She also used to shriek from time to time, though not as much as my other neighbor.

I have a old fella as a neighbour a few doors down who likes to play diddly idle dee music at top volume (dial set to 11) with the front windows open.
In his front garden there are maybe 15 old style sweet bottles filled with water and aligned up carefully in a cross shape which are apparently for the local dogs and cats to drink from (I asked as curiosity was killing me), we must have very intelligent canines as they can unscrew the lids too it seems. Lately he has been putting flowers in some of them.

He likes to play hurling in the front garden with himself (whacks the ball off the front of his house). Or sit out in the evening reading a newspaper regardless of the time of year or weather.

For all that he is lovely fella to talk to. I think he has family further down the road that check in on him from time to time, which is probably for the best!

I live next to a crazy b1tch of an old lady. She is retired and does nothing except make life a misery for me and two of my neighbours.

It goes in cycles, 3 weeks not a peep then in the fourth week all hell breaks loose. Take last night, I returned home at about 11pm and swing my car towards her drive way so I could reverse into my driveway. No sooner had I put the car into reverse, I saw an explosion of lights go on in her living room. Followed by her coming to her window and staring out, followed by her coming to her front door and watching me get out of my car and head inside.

To make matters worse she keeps calling the cops every couple of weeks and complains about being intimidated by me and the other two neighbours. If she was a man she would have gotten a hiding by now with all the crap she has pulled.

A woman in our area used to go to the local shops every single day and buy a bottle of wine and a box of tampons. She may have been drinking the wine but she was around 60 odd so I don't know what she needed the tampons for. Bless her...

The woman across the road from us used to feed our cat constantly and say she had him in her house sometimes. She also told us our name for him wasn't right and proceeded to call him boots. She was horrified when we told her he actually had a medical condition where he'd pee blood if he wasn't given a certain type of food (100% true, poor cat) and that she should watch out for p!ss around her house.

scdublin wrote: »

A woman in our area used to go to the local shops every single day and buy a bottle of wine and a box of tampons. She may have been drinking the wine but she was around 60 odd so I don't know what she needed the tampons for. Bless her...

The woman across the road from us used to feed our cat constantly and say she had him in her house sometimes. She also told us our name for him wasn't right and proceeded to call him boots. She was horrified when we told her he actually had a medical condition where he'd pee blood if he wasn't given a certain type of food (100% true, poor cat) and that she should watch out for p!ss around her house.

Soaking the tampons with wine then in they go ��

I live next door to a family who make that lot in Shameless look like the royal family. Their newest thing is to bring their kitchen table and chairs out onto the street to eat their meals. Not the garden, the actual street :eek: I don't know why they have a house in the first place. All family arguments take place in the street it seems, you never hear anything from within the house. They seem to be a bit mentally ill, the parents would be late 40's but are very childlike when you talk to them. They are harmless and quite friendly but just very odd and I worry a lot about their young kids who don't seem to be well cared for.

I get wound up by landmowers and strimmers malfunctioning, Sometimes when I'm gardening I use very bad language and they stare over the wall at me and walk inside.

I really really want to see these cows with "johnny your nothing but a cnut" on the side