Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

16-07-2015 10:57AM

mayway wrote: »

I can't agree. In YOUR opinion cash may be king but in MY opinion nothing says I can't be arsed more clearly than cash.

Couples getting married don't want anything but cash its a total waste if time giving a gift particularly if is a piece of crap toaster worth a few euro. If I got an Argos value toaster as a present it would go directly into the bin, wouldn't even open the box.

mayway · 16-07-2015 11:04AM

Houston Greasy Trench wrote: »

Couples getting married don't want anything but cash its a total waste if time giving a gift particularly if is a piece of crap toaster worth a few euro. If I got an Argos value toaster as a present it would go directly into the bin, wouldn't even open the box.

I would say that most couples getting married want to get married and stay together.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a wedding where the focus of the day was 100% on cash.

mayway · 16-07-2015 11:19AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

We've been together for a few years now;
We have pots and pans and linen and towels;
We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;
What we would really appreciate is quite simply money;
We know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
And this way there is no chance of bringing the same :rolleyes:

I'd put that wedding invitation straight into the bin and watch as the so-called "marriage" deteriorated rapidly after the brief honeymoon period.

That's very tasteless.

16-07-2015 11:26AM

mayway wrote: »

I would say that most couples getting married want to get married and stay together.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a wedding where the focus of the day was 100% on cash.

You know exactly what I mean, when it comes to the topic of wedding presents they only want cash.

Conall Cernach · 16-07-2015 11:41AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

I got married in 1990 back then it was mostly kitchen stuff but we also got cash gifts from £40-£75. The cash thing was starting to take off then.

My sister was married in 1991 and it was mainly kitchen stuff for her too with the odd cash gift which was taken as a kind of "didn't know what else to get" thing. For the couple of weeks before the wedding our sitting room was full of boxes. Nearly 25 years later she still has a lot of that stuff and can say who got it for her. She has a different husband though.

purplecow1977 · 16-07-2015 11:51AM

I wouldn't call to any occasion with some sort of a gift.
If I was going to a houseparty, I'd bring a bottle of wine & some nibbles.
If I was going to a birthday party, I might offer to bake something.
If I'm going to a 30th birthday, I bring a gift.
If I was going to visit a new baby, I wouldn't turn up without a gift

I can't understand why anyone would go to a wedding without giving a gift.
I do see it as really tight to be honest.

I'm not saying the gift must be expensive, and I've been to a few weddings where I don't even know those getting married very well but still tried to give something small that I thought would be appreciated.

purplecow1977 · 16-07-2015 11:54AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

"We've been together for a few years now;
We have pots and pans and linen and towels;
We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;
What we would really appreciate is quite simply money;
We know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
And this way there is no chance of bringing the same"

I would probably throw this invitation into the bin also

IF you've been living with someone for a few years, majority of people will have cop on to know that you will have most of the household bits and bobs already so would probably get something else or give some cash.

purplecow1977 · 16-07-2015 11:58AM

Candie wrote: »

Giving cash as a gift is a bit vulgar imo, but I suppose if you feel it's appreciated and needed, then it's okay.

Asking for money gifts is so tacky, it should have it's own sex tape and reality show. It's so tacky it's nasty. I can't imagine charging admission to a wedding.

I disagree.

At least with cash, the couple can spend it any way they wish.

Getting a gift, without knowing exactly what the couple like/dislike, can be risky, so I would avoid buying an expensive gift for a couple in most cases.

Everyone appreciates money! Not everyone appreciates tacky photo frames!

Electric Sheep · 16-07-2015 12:26PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I disagree.

At least with cash, the couple can spend it any way they wish.

Getting a gift, without knowing exactly what the couple like/dislike, can be risky, so I would avoid buying an expensive gift for a couple in most cases.

Everyone appreciates money! Not everyone appreciates tacky photo frames!

What is it with the frames? I would gift money because it is just too hard to select something the couple would both want and need otherwise. But I disagree with the "price of admission" attitude of many. Then again, I only attend the weddings of close family and friends. It would be nice if people wised up to the whole "wedding industry", but most people are lemmings, and will do whatever they see other people doing. Sweet cart:pac::pac: so original, photo booth :P I'm so edgy...

purplecow1977 · 16-07-2015 12:33PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

What is it with the frames? I would gift money because it is just too hard to select something the couple would both want and need otherwise. But I disagree with the "price of admission" attitude of many. Then again, I only attend the weddings of close family and friends. It would be nice if people wised up to the whole "wedding industry", but most people are lemmings, and will do whatever they see other people doing. Sweet cart:pac::pac: so original, photo booth :P I'm so edgy...

I just picked photo frames because they're a common enough gift, from what I know! Nothing against frames, and if I came across a nice one, I'd probably give it!

You forgot chocolate fountain....

hynesie08 · 16-07-2015 12:37PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Getting a gift, without knowing exactly what the couple like/dislike, can be risky, so I would avoid buying an expensive gift for a couple in most cases.

Maybe I'm being naive here, but if you don't know someone well enough to know what they like/dislike then why in the name of jaysus would you go to their wedding? Like i don't necessarily have a problem with cash as a present, but I'd like to think I know my friends well enough to get them a present they'll love.

Mesrine65 · 16-07-2015 12:38PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I can't understand why anyone would go to a wedding

Weddings are my version of Dante's circles of hell, an absolute fúcking nightmare I refuse to engage with.

Each to their own though, I always get GBH of the ear-hole off my OH for refusing to attend nuptials :rolleyes:

Menas · 16-07-2015 12:39PM

hynesie08 wrote: »

Maybe I'm being naive here, but if you don't know someone well enough to know what they like/dislike then why in the name of jaysus would you go to their wedding? Like i don't necessarily have a problem with cash as a present, but I'd like to think I know my friends well enough to get them a present they'll love.

Sometimes you get invited to a cousins wedding where you dont know them that well but you go anyway. Cant think of any other wedding I would go to where I dont know the celebrants that well.

Electric Sheep · 16-07-2015 12:44PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I just picked photo frames because they're a common enough gift, from what I know! Nothing against frames, and if I came across a nice one, I'd probably give it!

You forgot chocolate fountain....

I just think it's funny that people give frames as a wedding gift - in my young days it would have been WTF I don't have furniture or linen yet, but thanks for the frame:P.

I am just remembering now the ever popular "nest of tables". I think everyone got one as a wedding present in the 80s, my sister still has and uses hers. That and the ubiquitous sandwich toaster.

anncoates · 16-07-2015 12:45PM

I always give money for wedding presents but I'd be a bit appalled if people specifically asked for it.

Arbitrary gifts for weddings remind me of people that pour scorn on giving generic stuff like vouchers, cash, concert tickets etc for presents to long term friends or your partner: it's a nice thought but a lot of the time, the gift is more about the giver than the receiver. The giver is usually so delighted and self-absorbed by the cleverness and 'uniqueness' of their gift, they don't stop to think that the person is likely to have it already, simply have no room or use for it or just doesn't really want it, especially at a wedding where you could be getting dozens and dozens of gifts.

Sam Kade · 16-07-2015 01:14PM

Houston Greasy Trench wrote: »

You know exactly what I mean, when it comes to the topic of wedding presents they only want cash.

Sh1t in one hand want with the other see which one gets full first

purplecow1977 · 16-07-2015 01:20PM

I've been invited to weddings because of my relationship to couples sister or brother or boyfriend!

Or weddings where you may not be as close to those getting married anymore etc

Many situations where I may not know their tastes very well!

Hell, even choosing a birthday present for my dad is a headache!!!!

waffleman · 16-07-2015 02:54PM

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah? What if they did? Would the world end?

No there is no apocalypse associated with not giving a gift and there is no legal obligation BUT do you think it is acceptable for you and everyone else who attends a wedding (perhaps the wedding of a good friend of yours or a family member) to leave them hanging for 1 year before giving a gift?

Never mind what you would expect from your guests at your own wedding - that is irrelevant - just answer the question.

waffleman · 16-07-2015 03:02PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

Who said they give nothing? I give €150 as a couple but I don't agree with telling people that they should give a certain amount as everyone's circumstances are different.

Look back at the thread and you will soon see - I'm not goin through pickin out the quotes for you because you havent read it or dont remember.

So you give 150 as a couple - excellent in that case my post is not aimed at you.

I dont agree with tellin people a set amount either - but it is quite obvious at this point you havent read this thread or you are ignoring previous posts. My stance is people should give a gift/cash (dont be tight) or make your excuses and stay at home.

People tellin everyone they wouldnt mind not gettin a gift from a few people is irrelevant - why should everyone else subsidise a few chancers who want to be wined and dined at weddings and give nothin?

steddyeddy · 16-07-2015 03:09PM

waffleman wrote: »

Look back at the thread and you will soon see - I'm not goin through pickin out the quotes for you because you havent read it or dont remember.

So you give 150 as a couple - excellent in that case my post is not aimed at you.

I dont agree with tellin people a set amount either - but it is quite obvious at this point you havent read this thread or you are ignoring previous posts. My stance is people should give a gift/cash (dont be tight) or make your excuses and stay at home.

People tellin everyone they wouldnt mind not gettin a gift from a few people is irrelevant - why should everyone else subsidise a few chancers who want to be wined and dined at weddings and give nothin?

Why should I subsidise people who want to get married?

waffleman · 16-07-2015 03:12PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Why should I subsidise people who want to get married?

then dont - stay at home

steddyeddy · 16-07-2015 03:14PM

waffleman wrote: »

then dont - stay at home

If I do I risk falling out with close friends unfortunately.

theoldbreed · 16-07-2015 03:17PM

Extremely bad manners to go to a wedding and not give a gift or even a card. This doesn't mean you have to give two hundred euro in a card, a small token is enough. If you can't afford it or don't think enough of the couple to give a small token then don't go.

waffleman · 16-07-2015 03:27PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

If I do I risk falling out with close friends unfortunately.

your first reply to me in this thread was "it's not always a matter of tightness" - but with tight people it never is - they always have a sad story or an excuse ready.

You can dress it up and deflect whatever way you like. Miserly is still miserly.

Electric Sheep · 16-07-2015 03:30PM

waffleman wrote: »

No there is no apocalypse associated with not giving a gift and there is no legal obligation BUT do you think it is acceptable for you and everyone else who attends a wedding (perhaps the wedding of a good friend of yours or a family member) to leave them hanging for 1 year before giving a gift?

Never mind what you would expect from your guests at your own wedding - that is irrelevant - just answer the question.

Emily Post says wedding gifts should be given before or within 3 months of the wedding. I always give it before because I would be afraid I would forget after.

However, I don't think that most couples would be "hanging" as you put it, surely within a few weeks they would have moved on from the whole wedding madness.

anncoates · 16-07-2015 03:38PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

If I do I risk falling out with close friends unfortunately.

You'll save a few quid though so job's oxo.

AMIRITE?

Sam Kade · 16-07-2015 03:38PM

waffleman wrote: »

your first reply to me in this thread was "it's not always a matter of tightness" - but with tight people it never is - they always have a sad story or an excuse ready.

You can dress it up and deflect whatever way you like. Miserly is still miserly.

There are some mean cnuts out there I'd say every wedding have their fair share of them. My brother got a fiver in a card and a neighbour got a tea set and thought it was lovely. She wanted more of the set because it was small so she took a piece of the set to Cork and asked around the shops if they sold them. One shop she went to she was told that they were a set that they were giving free with any purchase over a certain amount.

Electric Sheep · 16-07-2015 03:44PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

There are some mean cnuts out there I'd say every wedding have their fair share of them. My brother got a fiver in a card and a neighbour got a tea set and thought it was lovely. She wanted more of the set because it was small so she took a piece of the set to Cork and asked around the shops if they sold them. One shop she went to she was told that they were a set that they were giving free with any purchase over a certain amount.

Does it matter that it was free if she thought it was lovely?

steddyeddy · 16-07-2015 03:50PM

waffleman wrote: »

your first reply to me in this thread was "it's not always a matter of tightness" - but with tight people it never is - they always have a sad story or an excuse ready.

You can dress it up and deflect whatever way you like. Miserly is still miserly.

Some people can't afford to subsidise your life choices I'm afraid.

The_Captain · 16-07-2015 04:02PM

The 'gift' is basically to pay for the dinner you're getting.

If I was invited to a restaurant by my friend, I wouldn't sit there and expect them to pay for it all.

Basic manners really

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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