Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 02:30PM

goat2 wrote: »

i would be an expense they do not need either, these are usually young people starting out, how could any one think that these people should pay for them, some people we feel we have to ask, and already know they are as tight as a ducks a, and it grigs me to have to ask these ropes around my neck

I don't think anyone should pay for me. If you can't afford the wedding why have one?

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 03:03PM

It's tad amount to rearranging deck chairs on the titanic anyway.

If we give €200 to every wedding we go to & this as the median we got per couple who came to our wedding, it works out even in the long run.

Save, of course, for those people at a wedding who never get married.

Going empty handed or with a value toaster is just the stingiest thing I've ever heard.

Sickens me to be honest.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 03:20PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

It's tad amount to rearranging deck chairs on the titanic anyway.

If we give €200 to every wedding we go to & this as the median we got per couple who came to our wedding, it works out even in the long run.

Save, of course, for those people at a wedding who never get married.

Going empty handed or with a value toaster is just the stingiest thing I've ever heard.

Sickens me to be honest.

Good point - never thought of that

These tight feckers probably have no intention of gettin married (probably because no-one would have them) so they turn up at as many weddins as they can and mooch everything. Shameful carry on.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:21PM

goat2 wrote: »

i would be an expense they do not need either, these are usually young people starting out, how could any one think that these people should pay for them, some people we feel we have to ask, and already know they are as tight as a ducks a, and it grigs me to have to ask these ropes around my neck

I'll say it again, if you can't afford the lavish pantomime then simply don't have it.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 03:23PM

mayway wrote: »

I'll it again, if you can't afford the lavish pantomime then simply don't have it.

You can say the same about attending a wedding. If you can't afford a reasonable gift. Stay at home.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:24PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

It's tad amount to rearranging deck chairs on the titanic anyway.

If we give €200 to every wedding we go to & this as the median we got per couple who came to our wedding, it works out even in the long run.

Save, of course, for those people at a wedding who never get married.

Going empty handed or with a value toaster is just the stingiest thing I've ever heard.

Sickens me to be honest.

I'm not sure why it sickens you. What sickens me is people overspending on lavish parties that they can't afford and expecting guest to bail them out.

And there's nothing wrong with value toasters and kettles so there isn't. They're quality items as long as you don't expect to get more than 6 months out of them.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:25PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

You can say the same about attending a wedding. If you can't afford a reasonable gift. Stay at home.

If I'm asked to a wedding I assume it's because they want me there and not because of any gift I may bring. I wouldn't want to disappoint the happy couple by not turning up at their pointless party.

deathtocaptcha · 15-07-2015 03:30PM

All weddings should have a no-gift policy. The reality is very few people actually *want* to attend weddings and it's a chore / hassle along with major expense for those attending.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 03:31PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

You can say the same about attending a wedding. If you can't afford a reasonable gift. Stay at home.

I think some posters are coming from different angles. If I have money I always bring a nice gift. If I can't afford one I.e I am broke I wouldn't mind not going with one. Not being able to afford something isn't a choice. The people I hang around with aren't the type of people to judge people by what they can afford. I'd say more people would fall out with you if you didn't go to their wedding.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:32PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

I think some posters are coming from different angles. If I have money I always bring a nice gift. If I can't afford one I.e I am broke I wouldn't mind not going with one. Not being able to afford something isn't a choice. The people I hang around with aren't the type of people to judge people by what they can afford. I'd say more people would fall out with you if you didn't go to their wedding.

Absolutely! It's never about the gift.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 03:35PM

mayway wrote: »

Absolutely! It's never about the gift.

Yep. No offence but it seems like have the poster on this thread hang around with classless people.

soundmangar · 15-07-2015 03:36PM

Depends. If it's black tie and making me rent a tux or get on a plane to go to your wedding, no. Anything else, yes

Ashbx · 15-07-2015 03:37PM

deathtocaptcha wrote: »

All weddings should have a no-gift policy. The reality is very few people actually *want* to attend weddings and it's a chore / hassle along with major expense for those attending.

Then don't go at all!

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:37PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yep. No offence but it seems like have the poster on this thread hang around with classless people.

It certainly seems that way alright. I've been to dozens of weddings and the people who invite me are always delighted that I came regardless of any gift that I may or may not bring. I suspect that some peoples attitude may change slightly upon receipt of an actual wedding invitation.....

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:38PM

soundmangar wrote: »

Depends. If it's black tie and making me rent a tux or get on a plane to go to your wedding, no. Anything else, yes

If I have to rent a tux or get on a plane then I absolutely wouldn't go. That's a scandalous rip off.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 03:39PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

I think some posters are coming from different angles. If I have money I always bring a nice gift. If I can't afford one I.e I am broke I wouldn't mind not going with one. Not being able to afford something isn't a choice. The people I hang around with aren't the type of people to judge people by what they can afford. I'd say more people would fall out with you if you didn't go to their wedding.

All you've got to do is thick the card and say your unable to attend. If they're going to fall out with you for being unable to attend something. There weren't your real friends in the first place.
P.S I'm not all for gift giving and big weddings.

Ashbx · 15-07-2015 03:39PM

Who of these posters are married? And did you accept the gifts?

Im not married but I would be happy if someone arrived with a €6 toaster or a €500 mixer! Its the thought that counts....the thought ! To arrive completely empty handed (not even a card) is disgraceful in my opinion!

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 03:43PM

Ashbx wrote: »

Who of these posters are married? And did you accept the gifts?

Im not married but I would be happy if someone arrived with a €6 toaster or a €500 mixer! Its the thought that counts....the thought ! To arrive completely empty handed (not even a card) is disgraceful in my opinion!

I'm married 6 months at this stage so just been through it.
It's a social minefield of who to invite or not.

When it comes to gift giving etc, out of the 230 odd we had for dinner only 3 people gave nothing.

Others gave what they could afford, and as I said earlier, most simple returned what we had given them for their wedding.

To make a point about "if you can't afford it, don't have thee lavish wedding, we could afford it, saved hard for 18 months and paid around €28k all in for what was one hell of a party over 3 days for us.

If I could do the day itself again tomorrow, I would, just not that pesky organizing beforehand

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 03:44PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

All you've got to do is thick the card and say your unable to attend. If they're going to fall out with you for being unable to attend something. There weren't your real friends in the first place.
P.S I'm not all for gift giving and big weddings.

So don't attend one of the best days in a best mate's life because I can't afford a good present? Would you want your best mate not to attend yours if he was broke?

VisibleGorilla · 15-07-2015 03:48PM

No I wouldn't.

I turn down invites to weddings nearly always, horrible events.

NewCorkLad · 15-07-2015 03:48PM

deathtocaptcha wrote: »

All weddings should have a no-gift policy. The reality is very few people actually *want* to attend weddings and it's a chore / hassle along with major expense for those attending.

6 weddings last year looked forward to all of them and enjoyed them all. Cash gift given to all

4 weddings on the way next year and already looking forward to meeting up with everyone and having a good night. Cash gift will be given to all.

However Im getting married soon and would hate it if people didnt come due to being unable to afford a present, everyone we invited we want there. Everyone's financial situation is different and you never know what people are dealing with behind closed doors, no one should have too scrimp and save to give us a present.

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 03:49PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

So don't attend one of the best days in a best mate's life because I can't afford a good present? Would you want your best mate not to attend yours if he was broke?

Best friend I'd attend but if it was somebody further out I wouldn't attend.
If I ever do get married it's going to be a very small church ceremony with close family/about two friends followed by a trip to a local restaurant with a no gifts rule.
P.S I explained this in my first post.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:50PM

I think cash is an incredibly tacky gift. And what with there being no shortage of white value range toasters and kettles at Argos there really is no excuse to go with cash.

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 03:51PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Best friend I'd attend but if it was somebody further out I wouldn't attend.
If I ever do get married it's going to be a very small church ceremony with close family/about two friends followed by a trip to a local restaurant with a no gifts rule.

And more power to you.
When it happens, I hope you have a great time.
We tried to keep numbers down to under 150, in the end it peaked out at 230 odd for dinner with around 100 in for afters.
Country weddings are a different kettle of fish

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 03:51PM

mayway wrote: »

I think cash is an incredibly tacky gift. And what with there being no shortage of white value range toasters and kettles at Argos there really is no excuse to go with cash.

Obvious troll is obvious

Ashbx · 15-07-2015 03:52PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

I'm married 6 months at this stage so just been through it.
It's a social minefield of who to invite or not.

When it comes to gift giving etc, out of the 230 odd we had for dinner only 3 people gave nothing.

Others gave what they could afford, and as I said earlier, most simple returned what we had given them for their wedding.

To make a point about "if you can't afford it, don't have thee lavish wedding, we could afford it, saved hard for 18 months and paid around €28k all in for what was one hell of a party over 3 days for us.

If I could do the day itself again tomorrow, I would, just not that pesky organizing beforehand

Ive just been a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding and im seriously thinking of eloping when I get married to avoid all that drama! Wow, I never knew how stressful it could be!

Like you this couple saved hard for their wedding. Paid for absolutely everything themselves (and they are only 26 and 29) and not that they should be reimbursed for it but I think the guests should show the appreciation of all the hard work put in. As I said, even if its a card to say thank you for the great day, im sure it means a lot to the bride and groom who put in countless months of hard work.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:52PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Best friend I'd attend but if it was somebody further out I wouldn't attend.
If I ever do get married it's going to be a very small church ceremony with close family/about two friends followed by a trip to a local restaurant with a no gifts rule.
P.S I explained this in my first post.

Your future wife may not agree and will go running to Brown Thomas/Arnotts to make a gift list. Or even insist on cash gifts.

Try and steer her to Argos if you can as they have the best selection of cheap tat.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:54PM

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

Obvious troll is obvious

Cash IS an incredibly tacky gift.

mayway · 15-07-2015 03:55PM

Ashbx wrote: »

Ive just been a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding and im seriously thinking of eloping when I get married to avoid all that drama! Wow, I never knew how stressful it could be!

Like you this couple saved hard for their wedding. Paid for absolutely everything themselves (and they are only 26 and 29) and not that they should be reimbursed for it but I think the guests should show the appreciation of all the hard work put in. As I said, even if its a card to say thank you for the great day, im sure it means a lot to the bride and groom who put in countless months of hard work.

No problem at all with a card and possibly a small token gift. But that's the end of it.

Inspector Coptoor · 15-07-2015 03:56PM

mayway wrote: »

Cash IS an incredibly tacky gift.

In YOUR opinion.

I disagree.
I think cash is a very practical gift nowadays where couples are already co-habitating and already have a toaster and a kettle

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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