Wedding presents...who did and who didn't!

Addle · 15-07-2015 08:15AM

Sligo1 wrote:

if

Sligo1 wrote:

It would also make me wonder of there is also the smallest bit of jealously or bitterness there aswell if I'm completely honest...

Well of course, if a woman doesn't agree with another, she must be jealous!

There was a time that it was a choice for me and I chose not to take it.
Do you really believe there are no couples out there who are dependent on gifts to cover the cost of their wedding day?
And that there are couples who bemoan not receiving a gift they seem to be appropriate?

Addle · 15-07-2015 08:17AM

*deem, not seem.
I don't know how to edit my post on this phone.

stickybookmark · 15-07-2015 08:21AM

Addle wrote: »

Do you really believe there are no couples out there who are dependent on gifts to cover the cost of their wedding day?

You'd want to be a tight-arse couple to make this work. I had a crowd of 150. Our 2D wedding presents amounted to 25% of the total cost of our wedding. (Not including what our parents contributed there obviously)

Sligo1 · 15-07-2015 08:28AM

Addle wrote: »

Well of course, if a woman doesn't agree with another, she must be jealous!

There was a time that it was a choice for me and I chose not to take it.
Do you really believe there are no couples out there who are dependent on gifts to cover the cost of their wedding day?
And that there are couples who bemoan not receiving a gift they seem to be appropriate?

Of course I don't think that if one doesn't agree with another she may be jealous. What I do believe is some people do appear to have a slight chip on their shoulder when they come on constantly bemoaning nearly anything to do with weddings and grouping all individuals who chose to get married in the same bracket. ... Well then yes... I would kinda think that of im honest...

tuisginideach · 15-07-2015 08:46AM

These posts surprise me. I am at the stage of going to weddings of nieces and nephews. The impression I got from another (overwhelmingly female) board is that many couples have calculated the expected 'income' per guest and that that is set against the wedding costs.

There is also talk on that forum of minimum €200 'gift' per couple - definitely no-one would dream of TKMaxx houseware at €50!!! For us to gift €200 is a big deal and requires cutbacks elsewhere so definitely same suit / previous dress/ babysitting favours!

I rarely give a present on the day as I would feel a card and cheque might go amiss on the day. The fact that the card and cheque mightn't be delivered for a number of days/weeks afterwards would not strike me as rude - I'll get it them when I get a chance/meet them / meet their parents.

After a recent wedding I bumped into bride elsewhere and apologised saying we still had her card. 'Oh you needn't have said anything, everything got mixed up in the room after the wedding, haven't a clue who gave us stuff' ....

What really does annoy me is when people don't bother to acknowledge gifts - now I always give cheques as I am still wondering if cash gifts (for 21sts etc in previous 10 years) were ever received - never ever mentioned again!!!

Vojera · 15-07-2015 11:15AM

We also kept a note of who gave us what gifts so that we could write personalised cards rather than a generic "thanks". We sent cards to everyone who came to thank them for the effort of coming (I'm from Donegal and my wife is from Dublin, so we met somewhere in the middle), and then for their gift of X, because I think it's nice to acknowledge the gift you were given. I know when I get thank you cards I like when the person mentions what I gave them because then I know they received it.

Some people didn't give us a gift and that's fine. As I said, everyone had to travel to be with us and I know that that would have put some guests under financial pressure and I'm extremely grateful that they came to celebrate with us anyway.

Some people didn't give us a card, though, and I was a bit sad about that. I'm a card hoarder, I have a box full of old birthday cards, Christmas cards, thank you cards, etc. and every so often I like to look at them and feel happy, so I'm a bit sad that I don't have a card from everyone who helped us celebrate. But I also understand, as another poster said, that some people feel that they can't give a card without a gift and I wouldn't want anyone to feel put out.

I don't think it's nice to presume that just because people wonder why they didn't get a card that they're being ungrateful or only interested in the money that might have been in it.

pwurple · 15-07-2015 12:35PM

We kept note of it too, for exactly the same reason. There's so much going on at weddings and the few days before/after with people dropping in, and anyone who has come from abroad zooming around. It would be very easy to lose track. We didn't have a guest book, just because our wedding was fairly informal, so it wouldn't have suited.

My parents DRILLED it into me about the wedding thank you cards. We had them sent out within a month, and wanted to be able to write something personal in them, rather than some generic platitude. People we hadn't invited, or who couldn't attend sent us wedding gifts as well, so our thank you cards were going much further afield than the guest list. I'd be some obnoxious yoke if I didn't send someone an invite and then didn't thank them for a gift either!

Moody_mona · 15-07-2015 12:43PM

What can you write that's personal about money? Thank you for your generous gift?

Vojera · 15-07-2015 12:50PM

Moody_mona wrote: »

What can you write that's personal about money? Thank you for your generous gift?

Yeah!

"Thank you for your generous gift. It is very much appreciated and will greatly help us set ourselves up for married life."

It's not like you need to write how much they gave or anything, but just to acknowledge that you know what they gave you and you're thankful for it.

We were late sending our cards (within the year, but still very late) so for a few people I mentioned that we used their gift to treat ourselves to fancy dinner on our honeymoon, etc. I think people like to know that you didn't just spend it on groceries (although I'm sure we did with some of ours!)

Moody_mona · 15-07-2015 12:53PM

^ Thanks, I was just wondering

Sligo1 · 15-07-2015 12:57PM

Yep if it was money we wrote "thank you so much for your very generous gift, it was very kind of you".... Or something along those lines.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 01:21PM

reminds me of my parents big party.. I must say it was very handy I had a list of who said they were coming printed out and had a pen with it. So at any chance I could tick off who was there and who wasn't. Great for keeping track for cards and just for people to say thanks for coming

stickybookmark · 15-07-2015 01:24PM

Moody_mona wrote: »

What can you write that's personal about money? Thank you for your generous gift?

Been thinking about this too. Wish the professional photos would hurry up so I can do the thank you cards! Don't want to bother them though as it's wedding season sure they are very busy.

How about ''Thank you for your wedding present which was much appreciated' I might put that as baseline and then go up to 'generous', and ''very generous'' as applicable. I don't really want to put a one line fits all it's like the 3D presents where you mention the actual present.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 01:28PM

I wouldn't fancy the generous or very generous part!! It just brings it back to cash or putting a value on the gift again.

can you not just say something like thank you for helping us to celebrate and than you for you very ______ precious, sentimental, thoughtfull for cash gift then

Zulu · 15-07-2015 01:34PM

Interestingly, I've a few weddings coming up this year. Weddings of people who never got around to giving us a present. That's fine, as the high-horse brigade will explain it's an honor that they even graced our presence on the day (and they're are somewhat correct in this).

...but the question is: do I return the sentiment?
Am I now relieved of any social etiquette with regards to a present??
Can I just write a heartfelt card and don't bother with the present????

Or is that me being petty? Do I need to fork out for a present because I know it to be the right thing to do??

High-horsers probably have a better view from up there so I'd appreciate any advice!

stickybookmark · 15-07-2015 01:40PM

Zulu wrote: »

Interestingly, I've a few weddings coming up this year. Weddings of people who never got around to giving us a present. That's fine, as the high-horse brigade will explain it's an honor that they even graced our presence on the day (and they're are somewhat correct in this).

...but the question is: do I return the sentiment?
Am I now relieved of any social etiquette with regards to a present??
Can I just write a heartfelt card and don't bother with the present????

Or is that me being petty? Do I need to fork out for a present because I know it to be the right thing to do??

High-horsers probably have a better view from up there so I'd appreciate any advice!

There is no right and wrong, it's a matter of opinion.
I would Give nothing.

Is there a teeny weeny chance that their card got lost? Just in case there is, I'd give no card. If you give an empty card it's a big bold statement I'm not giving you a present on purpose.
Just not giving a card they could Always have that teeny weeny doubt that yours got lost. They'll never be sure.

To my shame when invited to a wedding a few years ago which was held in a country where giving much smaller presents than Ireland was the norm I decided to give a small present(in the country where the bride is from it would be acceptable but by irish terms -groom and he's my friend- it wouldn't be) Anyway they came to our wedding and gave the exact same small present back. OH and I laughed out loud when we opened their card (they are loaded). OH said to me that's a 'revenge is a dish best served cold present' if I ever saw one :-D
So true. I'm still kinda mortified about it but hopefully now we're quits.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 01:51PM

when you say small gift do you mean cash!! haha funny story..

I would think Zulu though and im not being a high hoarser that sure feck it give something if you would anyway, no point in letting it linger and well he didn't give me something so I am not going to give them anything. Kids ok but adults I would expect would be better than that...

Just give what you can and leave it at that...

stickybookmark · 15-07-2015 01:53PM

Milly33 wrote: »

when you say small gift do you mean cash!! haha funny story..

QUOTE]

Well I think I bought from the registry list at the time actually (but definitely not a ''generous gift'' ) and they gave a similar cash equivalent back

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 01:58PM

Ah well now jes that now is a bit in you face ish, especially if you say they are loaded.. but then again it all goes back to what do you think your worth.. Sod it all everyone this year is getting a card and a packet of love hearts

lazygal · 15-07-2015 01:59PM

We still give what we'd give regardless. Part of me wants to treat them like they treated us and be petty about it, but the larger part of me wants to be the bigger person. One person in particular gave us nothing at all, not even a card, but we gave what I'd consider a nice sum of cash, as well as travelling a fair bit out of our way to attend the wedding which was abroad. I know how you feel though!

lazygal · 15-07-2015 02:03PM

*climbs up on high horse*

What does annoy me, if I'm honest, are those honeymoon type fund things. I know someone who was asked to a wedding recently where the invite came with a whole story about how a few months after the wedding the happy couple planned to head away for a few months to 'insert poverty stricken country here' and it would SUPER DUPER if their wedding guests could help them out with money to do this WINK WINK instead of giving them household items, which they have more than enough of, having lived together. I thought that was really cheeky. And so did the person who got the invite.

Neyite · 15-07-2015 02:05PM

Zulu wrote: »

Interestingly, I've a few weddings coming up this year. Weddings of people who never got around to giving us a present. That's fine, as the high-horse brigade will explain it's an honor that they even graced our presence on the day (and they're are somewhat correct in this).

...but the question is: do I return the sentiment?
Am I now relieved of any social etiquette with regards to a present??
Can I just write a heartfelt card and don't bother with the present????

Or is that me being petty? Do I need to fork out for a present because I know it to be the right thing to do??

High-horsers probably have a better view from up there so I'd appreciate any advice!

1. Don't give anything, but drop hints about the substantial cash amount in the card you gave to *vague bridal party person*

2. Give a spectacularly awful tasteless or pointless household item. Bonus points for putting a battered card "forgotten" at the bottom of the box that says "Congratulations to Mr and Mrs. Zulu on your wedding, Love from Auntie Mary"

3. Retain your moral high ground by giving them the same kind of gift you'd give to generous friends.

Personally I'd go with number 3, but the first two would be funny especially if they were particularly grabby themselves.

sent from my high horse i-phone.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 02:23PM

lazygal wrote: »

*climbs up on high horse*

What does annoy me, if I'm honest, are those honeymoon type fund things. I know someone who was asked to a wedding recently where the invite came with a whole story about how a few months after the wedding the happy couple planned to head away for a few months to 'insert poverty stricken country here' and it would SUPER DUPER if their wedding guests could help them out with money to do this WINK WINK instead of giving them household items, which they have more than enough of, having lived together. I thought that was really cheeky. And so did the person who got the invite.

Ohh there is another blinder of one.. Yeah I think maybe when people don't think on the invites as such properly maybe (this is to give them credit) and when they send them out quick, then they think and go mmmm maybe we shouldn't have said that.... I wonder will they get a lot of pots

Zulu · 15-07-2015 02:26PM

Neyite wrote: »

2. Give a spectacularly awful tasteless or pointless household item. Bonus points for putting a battered card "forgotten" at the bottom of the box that says "Congratulations to Mr and Mrs. Zulu on your wedding, Love from Auntie Mary"

Love it.

PinkLemonade · 15-07-2015 02:32PM

Neyite wrote: »

1. Don't give anything, but drop hints about the substantial cash amount in the card you gave to *vague bridal party person*

2. Give a spectacularly awful tasteless or pointless household item. Bonus points for putting a battered card "forgotten" at the bottom of the box that says "Congratulations to Mr and Mrs. Zulu on your wedding, Love from Auntie Mary"

3. Retain your moral high ground by giving them the same kind of gift you'd give to generous friends.

Personally I'd go with number 3, but the first two would be funny especially if they were particularly grabby themselves.

sent from my high horse i-phone.

Id do a fourth option, a gift that costs about a quarter of your usual budget, you'll get something quite nice but small for that and spend the diffrence on a treat for yourself - in lieu of their gift for you!

Zulu · 15-07-2015 02:36PM

PinkLemonade wrote: »

Id do a fourth option, a gift that costs about a quarter of your usual budget, you'll get something quite nice but small for that and spend the diffrence on a treat for yourself - in lieu of their gift for you!

Well now. I don't know what to say about that. Ingenious?

Neyite · 15-07-2015 02:58PM

Zulu wrote: »

Well now. I don't know what to say about that. Ingenious?

Well, I'm sure they'd say that they would just want their guests to be comfortable and happy, so maybe when you book into the wedding hotel, make sure you tell them about the very expensive his & hers pamper package in the hotel spa that you are looking forward the morning after the wedding, and the upgraded suite you've treated yourselves to. While handing over the lovely little thoughtful token to them.

They'd love that. :P

stickybookmark · 15-07-2015 03:42PM

PinkLemonade wrote: »

Id do a fourth option, a gift that costs about a quarter of your usual budget, you'll get something quite nice but small for that and spend the diffrence on a treat for yourself - in lieu of their gift for you!

This is what I would do. Give something like this:
http://www.newbridgesilverware.com/products/giftware/lighting//item/IG966/Tealight+Holder+for+3+Candles

We got this as a present from somebody. It's not going to break the bank but it's pretty

Electric Sheep · 15-07-2015 03:45PM

lazygal wrote: »

Yeah funny how some don't like them, even though they were a source of employment for them apparently.

I'd imagine that's why they don't like them - if you work in that sector, you'd get fed up of the "notions" and the whole dog and pony show very quickly.

Ruby31 · 15-07-2015 04:40PM

littlemisshobo wrote: »

Oh well has it been long since the wedding? Maybe things are tight for them and they are just waiting until they can gave something they have in mind or feel comfortable giving. I'd wait and if it nothing materialises well then what can you do only forget about it really? shit buzz though!!

Sorry for delay replying. Our wedding was 3 months ago. She's broke when it comes to paying for stuff that's not for herself, but seems to have money for coffees, meals out, clothes, etc for herself. She's getting worse as time goes by. I just read the posts regarding what to do when attending the wedding of a guest who gave no gift and I'm afraid, the way I feel at the moment, I'd give the same...just an empty card! I hate how this is changing my view of her.

Wedding presents...who did and who didn't!

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