Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

Ashbx · 15-07-2015 10:37AM

steddyeddy wrote: »

It's not a matter of being tight sometimes. If people have to take a day off work, get a babysitter and pay travel and accommodation expenses to go to a wedding then they most certainly aren't tight. Sometimes it's hard to get a gift after all that.

Well then they shouldn't go to the wedding!

waffleman · 15-07-2015 10:41AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Did you even read her post? She couldn't afford it *on the day* but had every intention of giving one at a later date. Perfectly acceptable.

A good friend would be happy with this arrangement, only a total asshole would make a comment about the money not being in the card.

Yes i read it - maybe she should have intended to tell the couple her intentions. If you dont give a gift you must be prepared for the possibility people will notice. Like I said its about respect. The couple in this case sent a text. A bad reaction I admit but in my opinion they have a right to be annoyed. Give a gift on the day or make your excuses and dont go and you're covered - everyone's happy.

Ashbx · 15-07-2015 10:42AM

As far as I am aware, you are supposed to give approximately the cost of your meal...so about €100.

mayway · 15-07-2015 10:46AM

Tony Beetroot wrote: »

You would want to be giving €200 as a couple going to a wedding at a minimum, people who dont give any gift are tight arses.

I can't agree with that. The main problem these days is that people put on huge extravagant weddings and, nonsensically, expect the guests for foot the bill.

If I go to a wedding and the people getting married are already living together and have a house bought then they're already set up and don't require the traditional leg up to get started that wedding gifts were originally intended for.

In that case, I'd give nothing. For those not brave enough to attend a wedding without a gift then a simple kettle or toaster from the Argos value range (approx €6) should be more than enough.

In the case where the couple are having a civilised affair and are just starting out in life together then a gift of €500 or so will be really really appreciated.

mayway · 15-07-2015 10:51AM

Ashbx wrote: »

As far as I am aware, you are supposed to give approximately the cost of your meal...so about €100.

That's not right. If you want to tie a gift to the meal (which I wouldn't at all) you should shoot for what's it's worth not what it costs.

I was at a wedding recently and the cost was €130 per head but the muck we were served was worse than carvery. For €130 I would want a full a la carte menu or a taster menu from at least 2 a Michelin star restaurant not carvery slops that are only worth about €10 regardless of the amount of cash that the deranged couple have spent on it.

So, I'd go with a gift of an Argos value range kettle or toaster (approx €6) if I was to go with anything. But if the couple can afford the high prices of €100 a head then they really don't need a gift and my presence there should be more than enough. Probably too much actually.

Taboola · 15-07-2015 10:52AM

waffleman wrote: »

Yes i read it - maybe she should have intended to tell the couple her intentions. If you dont give a gift you must be prepared for the possibility people will notice. Like I said its about respect. The couple in this case sent a text. A bad reaction I admit but in my opinion they have a right to be annoyed. Give a gift on the day or make your excuses and dont go and you're covered - everyone's happy.

Right to be annoyed why? They invited me to their wedding. There was no mention of a gift being mandatory.

And they made a remark about the money not being in the card. Who's to say I was going to or should have given them money?

waffleman wrote: »

Oh my what an inconvenience you had to travel to a wedding. No-one forced you to go. You make it sound like you were summonsed to the wedding. Its strange to me that people want all the craic, the food, the band etc. that goes with someones big day and then dont want to give the bride and groom anything.

You say "we are no longer friends" like it was you who ditched them but guess what - people arent friends with people who always have some sad story to tell about why they didnt do the right thing and get all butthurt as if they did nothin wrong. Its about respect between friends. Keep turnin up to weddins and give nothin - see how you get on with that but by the sound of your post your ex pals are the ones better off now.

I'm actually better off with them and yes I ditched them. They did do something wrong. They sent a snotty text message. They aren't children. Only children demand presents. I've been to plenty of weddings since and I'm still friends with the bride and groom and I don't give cash gifts.

Kev W · 15-07-2015 10:53AM

mayway wrote: »

That's not right. If you want to tie a gift to the meal (which I wouldn't at all) you should shoot for what's it's worth not what it costs.

I was at a wedding recently and the cost was €130 per head but the muck we were served was worse than carvery. For €130 I would want a full a la carte menu or a taster menu from at least 2 a Michelin star restaurant not carvery slops that are only worth about €10 regardless of the amount of cash that the deranged couple have spent on it.

So, I'd go with a gift of an Argos value range kettle or toaster (approx €6) if I was to go with anything. But if the couple can afford the high prices of €100 a head then they really don't need a gift and my presence there should be more than enough. Probably too much actually.

Do you work for Argos?

waffleman · 15-07-2015 10:59AM

mayway wrote: »

That's not right. If you want to tie a gift to the meal (which I wouldn't at all) you should shoot for what's it's worth not what it costs.

I was at a wedding recently and the cost was €130 per head but the muck we were served was worse than carvery. For €130 I would want a full a la carte menu or a taster menu from at least 2 a Michelin star restaurant not carvery slops that are only worth about €10 regardless of the amount of cash that the deranged couple have spent on it.

So, I'd go with a gift of an Argos value range kettle or toaster (approx €6) if I was to go with anything. But if the couple can afford the high prices of €100 a head then they really don't need a gift and my presence there should be more than enough. Probably too much actually.

So bring 2 gifts you say?
a card with 130 euro in it and a 6 euro toaster stashed somewhere in case the meal is bad
This thread is hilarious

mayway · 15-07-2015 11:02AM

waffleman wrote: »

So bring 2 gifts you say?
a card with 130 euro in it and a 6 euro toaster stashed somewhere in case the meal is bad
This thread is hilarious

There's no "in case" about it, the meal is always poor in relation to the amount of money spent on it. Value kettles are the way forward if you aren't brave enough to do the right thing i.e. no gift at all.

mayway · 15-07-2015 11:03AM

Kev W wrote: »

Do you work for Argos?

LOL! No, but I do buy a lot of their value kettles and toasters to give away.

15-07-2015 11:03AM

waffleman wrote: »

Yes i read it - maybe she should have intended to tell the couple her intentions. If you dont give a gift you must be prepared for the possibility people will notice. Like I said its about respect. The couple in this case sent a text. A bad reaction I admit but in my opinion they have a right to be annoyed. Give a gift on the day or make your excuses and dont go and you're covered - everyone's happy.

As I posted in another thread, tradition states that you have one year and one day to give a gift to the bride and groom. You don't have to give it on the day.

And like I said, only an asshole would send a text commenting on the lack of gift, that is lack of both respect and class.

If you are expecting a gift on the day, and likely to be annoyed if you don't receive it, then you'd be as well to put that on the invites. See then how many people want to attend your wedding.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 11:13AM

Deleted User wrote: »

As I posted in another thread, tradition states that you have one year and one day to give a gift to the bride and groom. You don't have to give it on the day.

And like I said, only an asshole would send a text commenting on the lack of gift, that is lack of both respect and class.

If you are expecting a gift on the day, and likely to be annoyed if you don't receive it, then you'd be as well to put that on the invites. See then how many people want to attend your wedding.

Ah that old chestnut - you disrespected me after I disrespected you so now it's your fault.

how about you be pro-active concerning your friends so there's no confusion and no-one gets annoyed. Like I said give the gift on the day or dont go and it's all good. I've a feelin I'm goin to be repeating myself a lot here.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 11:17AM

Taboola wrote: »

Right to be annoyed why? They invited me to their wedding. There was no mention of a gift being mandatory.

And they made a remark about the money not being in the card. Who's to say I was going to or should have given them money?

I'm actually better off with them and yes I ditched them. They did do something wrong. They sent a snotty text message. They aren't children. Only children demand presents. I've been to plenty of weddings since and I'm still friends with the bride and groom and I don't give cash gifts.

You want a contract drawn up on the invite do you?
Sounds like you have learned your lesson at these weddings you've been to since - be honest - you gave them a gift on the day didnt you?

Taboola · 15-07-2015 11:17AM

waffleman wrote: »

Ah that old chestnut - you disrespected me after I disrespected you so now it's your fault.

how about you be pro-active concerning your friends so there's no confusion and no-one gets annoyed. Like I said give the gift on the day or dont go and it's all good. I've a feelin I'm goin to be repeating myself a lot here.

Make sure you put that on your invitation.

15-07-2015 11:21AM

waffleman wrote: »

Ah that old chestnut - you disrespected me after I disrespected you so now it's your fault.

how about you be pro-active concerning your friends so there's no confusion and no-one gets annoyed. Like I said give the gift on the day or dont go and it's all good. I've a feelin I'm goin to be repeating myself a lot here.

There is no disrespect when not giving a gift on the day, in fact, tradition also states that you should never bring a wedding gift to a wedding. You should leave it with the couple either before or after the wedding. I always give it to the best man on the day, but that's not required, and certainly not disrespectful not to do so.

You've already acknowledged that they shouldn't have the couple shouldn't have sent the text, and I agree.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 11:39AM

Deleted User wrote: »

There is no disrespect when not giving a gift on the day, in fact, tradition also states that you should never bring a wedding gift to a wedding. You should leave it with the couple either before or after the wedding. I always give it to the best man on the day, but that's not required, and certainly not disrespectful not to do so.

You've already acknowledged that they shouldn't have the couple shouldn't have sent the text, and I agree.

Sounds good to me

Cienciano · 15-07-2015 01:39PM

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

When I was a trainee I couldnt afford gifts and my mates didnt care.

That's because they were my friends, and if I get married I dont want gifts from them

It's about spending the day with people you love.

I grew out of comparing what I got with my friends after my first Communion. Some people never grow out of it it seems.

Give what you can afford. Being there means a LOT more to anyone who cares

I couldn't agree more with this. A wedding is a big party, simple as. A few people didn't give a gift to me on my wedding day, I couldn't care less, all I wanted was for them to show up. It cuts both ways though, bitching about the wedding party cutting corners is bad form too.

Another one is people going to weddings that they don't want to go to! I've never been to a wedding that I didn't want to go to, why don't people just not go? Fair enough if it's your partners friend, but I don't know why people feel they have to go to a wedding that they have no interest in going to!

ShowMeTheCash · 15-07-2015 01:48PM

Deleted User wrote: »

There is no disrespect when not giving a gift on the day, in fact, tradition also states that you should never bring a wedding gift to a wedding. You should leave it with the couple either before or after the wedding. I always give it to the best man on the day, but that's not required, and certainly not disrespectful not to do so.

You've already acknowledged that they shouldn't have the couple shouldn't have sent the text, and I agree.

At the end of the day everyone knows you should bring a gift unless the bride and groom have explicitly told the guests not too.

A wedding is probably going to run the bride and groom 50 to 100+ per head if you average out feeding them and keeping them entertained.
At very least if I attend a wedding I would ensure my presence is not really costing them money!

Most people would let it go but as the other poster mentioned, these things do not go unnoticed and people do talk about other people with regards these kind of things! At least the bride and groom in this occasion did not hide it.

The poster in this regard just said we are no longer friends, by the sounds of it she/he had no intention of giving a gift as I am sure this could be easily explained if like the poster said something happened.

If you cannot afford to go to a wedding then do not go, granted weddings are expensive and you might get hit for a number of them in the same summer but sometimes you just need to be an adult and say look enjoy the day but unfortunately I cannot make it.

Be assured of this, you go there empty handed you will be one of probably a small few and it will be talked about.

A bit like having that mate who conveniently is nowhere to be found when it's his round!

My next wedding will just be me my partner and the kids are staying at home my last wedding I only attended the after party whilst my partner attended the whole day, only commit to what you can afford no one will hold that against you!

Landing at a party with nothing is bad form!

Cienciano · 15-07-2015 01:59PM

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

At the end of the day everyone knows you should bring a gift unless the bride and groom have explicitly told the guests not too.

A wedding is probably going to run the bride and groom 50 to 100+ per head if you average out feeding them and keeping them entertained.
At very least if I attend a wedding I would ensure my presence is not really costing them money!

Most people would let it go but as the other poster mentioned, these things do not go unnoticed and people do talk about other people with regards these kind of things! At least the bride and groom in this occasion did not hide it.

The poster in this regard just said we are no longer friends, by the sounds of it she/he had no intention of giving a gift as I am sure this could be easily explained if like the poster said something happened.

If you cannot afford to go to a wedding then do not go, granted weddings are expensive and you might get hit for a number of them in the same summer but sometimes you just need to be an adult and say look enjoy the day but unfortunately I cannot make it....

No, if you can't afford to have a wedding don't have one! It's not up to the guests to pay, it's the couple. Gifts are optional, or something cheap (€10-15) to mark the occasion is fine.
TBH, if the couple were the type to bitch about not getting a gift, or the gift not covering their plate, I wouldn't want to be at their wedding!

mayway · 15-07-2015 02:16PM

If they can afford a lavish party then they don't need gifts. It's as simple as that really. I don't see why I need to part with my hard earned cash for people that are already set up.

And don't get me started on the "only cash please" brigade. Those grabbers would be lucky to even get the white value range kettle (only €5.99)

goat2 · 15-07-2015 02:18PM

i always give cash, and if i could not cover the expense i cause them with a little extra, then i would not go and be an expense they dont need on them

kfallon · 15-07-2015 02:18PM

mayway wrote: »

If they can afford a lavish party then they don't need gifts. It's as simple as that really. I don't see why I need to part with my hard earned cash for people that are already set up.

And don't get me started on the "only cash please" brigade. Those grabbers would be lucky to even get the white value range kettle (only €5.99)

As tight as a camel's arse in a sandstorm......

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 02:19PM

waffleman wrote: »

So you would just rock up to someones wedding, eat the meal, listen to the band, stuff yourself with the buffet later on and not give anything?

Well we'll just have to disagree on that - if you can afford everything you have listed then you can sit in a few weekends in the run up to the wedding and put some money in a card - invites are usually out in plenty of time.

When its your turn to have your own wedding every guest has that same list of expenses and I dont believe anyone in here who says they dont mind if they dont get some kind of gift - it does not go unnoticed.

I certainly won't plan a wedding with the aim of having guests there who will cover my expenses. My friends mean a lot to me and If they're going to my wedding they're doing me a favour.

I personally haven't attended a wedding without a gift but if I couldn't afford one my friends wouldn't mind.

mayway · 15-07-2015 02:20PM

Cienciano wrote: »

No, if you can't afford to have a wedding don't have one! It's not up to the guests to pay, it's the couple. Gifts are optional, or something cheap (€10-15) to mark the occasion is fine.
TBH, if the couple were the type to bitch about not getting a gift, or the gift not covering their plate, I wouldn't want to be at their wedding!

Yes, if you can't afford a ridiculous pantomime wedding then don't have one. Do NOT have it and then expect your poor guests to fund your selfishness. If everyone was like me and you dropped 50K on a wedding you'd end up with about 200 Argos value toasters (approx €6.99 each) and that would be good enough for you.

Admittedly it would be hilarious to be a fly on the wall as the happy soon-to-be-unhappy couple unwrapped toaster after toaster after toaster.

goat2 · 15-07-2015 02:21PM

Cienciano wrote: »

No, if you can't afford to have a wedding don't have one! It's not up to the guests to pay, it's the couple. Gifts are optional, or something cheap (€10-15) to mark the occasion is fine.
TBH, if the couple were the type to bitch about not getting a gift, or the gift not covering their plate, I wouldn't want to be at their wedding!

i would consider a present that size an insult, better off not going, and being an expense to people, i would bitch and let others know so that others can avoid asking them to their big day

mayway · 15-07-2015 02:21PM

goat2 wrote: »

i always give cash, and if i could not cover the expense i cause them with a little extra, then i would not go and be an expense they dont need on them

I always make sure that I go as it would be too disappointing for them if I didn't show up.

mayway · 15-07-2015 02:23PM

goat2 wrote: »

i would consider a present that size an insult, better off not going, and being an expense to people, i would bitch and let others know so that others can avoid asking them to their big day

Not at all. If you're asked you should go. They only ask you because they want your company on the big day. Don't bother with a gift as it's only a hassle and an expense that you don't need.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 02:25PM

People seem to be making out that there are a class of people who only see their guests in terms of monetary value. No offence guys but most decent and respectable people don't think like this.

goat2 · 15-07-2015 02:26PM

mayway wrote: »

Not at all. If you're asked you should go. They only ask you because they want your company on the big day. Don't bother with a gift as it's only a hassle and an expense that you don't need.

i would be an expense they do not need either, these are usually young people starting out, how could any one think that these people should pay for them, some people we feel we have to ask, and already know they are as tight as a ducks a, and it grigs me to have to ask these ropes around my neck

freshpopcorn · 15-07-2015 02:27PM

mayway wrote: »

Not at all. If you're asked you should go. They only ask you because they want your company on the big day. Don't bother with a gift as it's only a hassle and an expense that you don't need.

It's an invitation not a summons. You should go if you want and when you attend a party/wedding you should bring a gift in my opinion.

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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