Have you ever made up a good joke?

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 08:35PM #1

I've always been fascinated by the way jokes make their way around the country, or even the world. But they must start somewhere. So have you ever made up a good joke? I know I'm relying on people's honesty here, which is dodgy territory, but I'll take you at your word.

Guy:Incognito · 14-07-2015 08:37PM

I invented how did the chicken cross the road but sold it for a tenner to a young
Adolf Hitler in a Vienna bar whilst drunk. He ended up having the life I could have had.

When I look back maybe it was just putting too much power in the hands of one man.

amdublin · 14-07-2015 08:38PM

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 08:39PM

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

I invented how did the chicken cross the road but sold it for a tenner to a young
Adolf Hitler in a Vienna bad whilst drunk. He ended up having the life I could have had.

When I look back maybe it was just puttin gtoo much power in the hands of one man.

That's quite a bizarre claim, but it made me laugh. Let that be your second creation!

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 08:40PM

amdublin wrote: »

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

That's pretty good, in fairness. It has just the right amount of cringe for me.

punisher5112 · 14-07-2015 08:41PM

I have no sense of humour so let me know when you see it.

Love a great joke remembering them is a problem though.

The Backwards Man · 14-07-2015 08:41PM

I'd tell you all the joke about the bridge that I made up myself but you wouldn't believe me. In fact, you'd never get over it.

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 08:42PM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Love a great joke remembering them is a problem though.

Yep, that's always the problem. The fact that I hear most jokes in a bar doesn't remedy the situation either.

HalloweenJack · 14-07-2015 08:43PM

I've made some terrible punny ones over the years. I did make this one up but it never caught on:

Why'd the transvestite have a panic attack after he was run over?

Because his bra didn't match his knickers.

Poor Uncle Tom · 14-07-2015 08:49PM

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I've made some terrible punny ones over the years. I did make this one up but it never caught on:

Why'd the transvestite have a panic attack after he was run over?

Because his bra didn't match his knickers.

Why was the Boardsie sorry for posting a bad joke?

Because it wasn't really Holloween, Jack.......

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 08:51PM

I'm trying to be courteous by responding to/thanking all of the earlier contributors, but I'm gonna stop now because I can sense some truly terrible jokes are on the way.

Gloomtastic! · 14-07-2015 09:01PM

I made this up a good few years ago. Younger AH readers will probably be left scratching their heads.....

Saw Cilla Black yesterday. She was leaning over a pile of dog poo saying 'Hello No. 2. What's your name and where do you come from?'

My finest hour

frozenfrozen · 14-07-2015 09:08PM

Never ride a black bird, she'll only fly away

Bonzo Delaney · 14-07-2015 09:14PM

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

Right Turn Clyde · 14-07-2015 09:22PM

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

That's great. That's the stuff I'm after.

14-07-2015 09:23PM

During a particularly low-point in the recession, the Virgin Mary reportedly appeared in a tree stump somewhere in Limerick. I made a very witty comment over a working lunch about pension funds having taken such a turn that even the Virgin Mary was forced into a comeback tour.

Everyone laughed. It was glorious.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 14-07-2015 09:50PM

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

Sorry to burst your bubble but that joke was about in at least 1979, if not earlier. It's in an old annual we have here since my kids were young.

Duckworth_Luas · 14-07-2015 09:57PM

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me

There is no Doctor Who

The main character of the TV show is called "the Doctor", the TV show is called Doctor Who

Your joke should go as follows

Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
The Doctor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzyd91NFx-Y

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 10:01PM

When someone asks what did your last slave die of I say lack of work

C.K Dexter Haven · 14-07-2015 10:12PM

amdublin wrote: »

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

Duck replies "Quack, quack, quack, quack"

Well, what the fcuk did you expect the duck to say? It's a DUCK!

Hollister11 · 14-07-2015 10:12PM

Knock knock

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 10:13PM

Hollister11 wrote: »

Knock knock

Fcuk off

C.K Dexter Haven · 14-07-2015 10:14PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

Fcuk off

Fcuk off who?

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 10:16PM

C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »

Fcuk off who?

Who ever is outside the door

Bonzo Delaney · 14-07-2015 10:18PM

Linda Curved Crate wrote: »

Sorry to burst your bubble but that joke was about in at least 1979, if not earlier. It's in an old annual we have here since my kids were young.

Ah always wondered how it grew legs cause any one I told it to said it was a shyte joke I must of heard it unknowingly on the telly one night the folks would of watched all those early 80s cabaret shows. Woke up the following morning had an alleged flash of genius and tought myself a right funny young lad. Ah well the 30 year roller coaster of infamy comes to an end. Bugger.

pickarooney · 14-07-2015 10:30PM

My eldest is at the stage where he keeps trying to make up jokes but most of them fall a bit flat. He had one decent one the other day, but it loses a bit in translation:

Baby mosquito says to his mammy 'why does everyone clap for us when we pass by?'

fineso.mom · 14-07-2015 10:32PM

When fellas say they are like a 'knight in shining armour'
I say "Do you mean like Sir Wanksalot?"

(Then I roar laughing at the cleverness of me.)

Bonzo Delaney · 14-07-2015 11:06PM

pickarooney wrote: »

My eldest is at the stage where he keeps trying to make up jokes but most of them fall a bit flat. He had one decent one the other day, but it loses a bit in translation:

Baby mosquito says to his mammy 'why does everyone clap for us when we pass by?'

In fairness that's pretty fkn clever for a child to come up with that unless your going to tell us you eldest is in they're 20s now

MonkieSocks · 14-07-2015 11:31PM

AHHHH, I remember the first time I said something, that I thought was funny.

I was only a little nipper at the time

It was November 22, 1963, around 7pm.

I was supposed to have my homework done by half past six, but got distracted playing football.

My Dad came looking for me and when he found me he shouted.

“Kennedy being shot, Kennedy being shot”

I just looked at him and said.

“I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it”

Then I laughed and he gave me a good smack on the head

lazybones32 · 15-07-2015 12:10AM

What do Spanish soccer players feed their babies?

La Liga.

(joke will be redundant if they don't make Liga anymore)

Firblog · 15-07-2015 12:23AM

OH's daughter came up with this one last week

Said I reminded her of her Chinese friend, who's that I asked..

Ugg Lee...

Little wagon

Have you ever made up a good joke?

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