Have you ever made up a good joke?

Right Turn Clyde

I've always been fascinated by the way jokes make their way around the country, or even the world. But they must start somewhere. So have you ever made up a good joke? I know I'm relying on people's honesty here, which is dodgy territory, but I'll take you at your word.

Guy:Incognito

I invented how did the chicken cross the road but sold it for a tenner to a young
Adolf Hitler in a Vienna bar whilst drunk. He ended up having the life I could have had.

When I look back maybe it was just putting too much power in the hands of one man.

amdublin

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

Right Turn Clyde

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

I invented how did the chicken cross the road but sold it for a tenner to a young
Adolf Hitler in a Vienna bad whilst drunk. He ended up having the life I could have had.

When I look back maybe it was just puttin gtoo much power in the hands of one man.

That's quite a bizarre claim, but it made me laugh. Let that be your second creation!

Right Turn Clyde

amdublin wrote: »

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

That's pretty good, in fairness. It has just the right amount of cringe for me.

punisher5112

I have no sense of humour so let me know when you see it.

Love a great joke remembering them is a problem though.

The Backwards Man

I'd tell you all the joke about the bridge that I made up myself but you wouldn't believe me. In fact, you'd never get over it.

Right Turn Clyde

punisher5112 wrote: »

Love a great joke remembering them is a problem though.

Yep, that's always the problem. The fact that I hear most jokes in a bar doesn't remedy the situation either.

HalloweenJack

I've made some terrible punny ones over the years. I did make this one up but it never caught on:

Why'd the transvestite have a panic attack after he was run over?

Because his bra didn't match his knickers.

Poor Uncle Tom

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I've made some terrible punny ones over the years. I did make this one up but it never caught on:

Why'd the transvestite have a panic attack after he was run over?

Because his bra didn't match his knickers.

Why was the Boardsie sorry for posting a bad joke?

Because it wasn't really Holloween, Jack.......

Right Turn Clyde

I'm trying to be courteous by responding to/thanking all of the earlier contributors, but I'm gonna stop now because I can sense some truly terrible jokes are on the way.

Gloomtastic!

I made this up a good few years ago. Younger AH readers will probably be left scratching their heads.....

Saw Cilla Black yesterday. She was leaning over a pile of dog poo saying 'Hello No. 2. What's your name and where do you come from?'

My finest hour

frozenfrozen

Never ride a black bird, she'll only fly away

Bonzo Delaney

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

Right Turn Clyde

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

That's great. That's the stuff I'm after.

During a particularly low-point in the recession, the Virgin Mary reportedly appeared in a tree stump somewhere in Limerick. I made a very witty comment over a working lunch about pension funds having taken such a turn that even the Virgin Mary was forced into a comeback tour.

Everyone laughed. It was glorious.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me
Joke back around 84 I was 8
Heard it on bosco a year later Tought I was the bees knees for that.
Heard it a few times occasionally over the years
Was at a family show one night recently on holidays with the wife and kids sort of a butlins type of thing and the mc for the night used it
And of course I proud as punch proclaiming that was my joke
While my good wife demanding I sit the fk down and shut the fk up

Sorry to burst your bubble but that joke was about in at least 1979, if not earlier. It's in an old annual we have here since my kids were young.

Duckworth_Luas

Bonzo Delaney wrote: »

I always claimed I came up with the
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
Oh how did you know it was me

There is no Doctor Who

The main character of the TV show is called "the Doctor", the TV show is called Doctor Who

Your joke should go as follows

Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who
The Doctor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzyd91NFx-Y

Sam Kade

When someone asks what did your last slave die of I say lack of work

C.K Dexter Haven

amdublin wrote: »

I made this up:

A duck walks into a bar.
"Any quack" says the barman

Duck replies "Quack, quack, quack, quack"

Well, what the fcuk did you expect the duck to say? It's a DUCK!

Hollister11

Knock knock

Sam Kade

Hollister11 wrote: »

Knock knock

Fcuk off

C.K Dexter Haven

Sam Kade wrote: »

Fcuk off

Fcuk off who?

Sam Kade

C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »

Fcuk off who?

Who ever is outside the door

Bonzo Delaney

Linda Curved Crate wrote: »

Sorry to burst your bubble but that joke was about in at least 1979, if not earlier. It's in an old annual we have here since my kids were young.

Ah always wondered how it grew legs cause any one I told it to said it was a shyte joke I must of heard it unknowingly on the telly one night the folks would of watched all those early 80s cabaret shows. Woke up the following morning had an alleged flash of genius and tought myself a right funny young lad. Ah well the 30 year roller coaster of infamy comes to an end. Bugger.

pickarooney

My eldest is at the stage where he keeps trying to make up jokes but most of them fall a bit flat. He had one decent one the other day, but it loses a bit in translation:

Baby mosquito says to his mammy 'why does everyone clap for us when we pass by?'

fineso.mom

When fellas say they are like a 'knight in shining armour'
I say "Do you mean like Sir Wanksalot?"

(Then I roar laughing at the cleverness of me.)

Bonzo Delaney

pickarooney wrote: »

My eldest is at the stage where he keeps trying to make up jokes but most of them fall a bit flat. He had one decent one the other day, but it loses a bit in translation:

Baby mosquito says to his mammy 'why does everyone clap for us when we pass by?'

In fairness that's pretty fkn clever for a child to come up with that unless your going to tell us you eldest is in they're 20s now

MonkieSocks

AHHHH, I remember the first time I said something, that I thought was funny.

I was only a little nipper at the time

It was November 22, 1963, around 7pm.

I was supposed to have my homework done by half past six, but got distracted playing football.

My Dad came looking for me and when he found me he shouted.


“Kennedy being shot, Kennedy being shot”

I just looked at him and said.







“I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it”

Then I laughed and he gave me a good smack on the head

lazybones32

What do Spanish soccer players feed their babies?

La Liga.




(joke will be redundant if they don't make Liga anymore)

Firblog

OH's daughter came up with this one last week

Said I reminded her of her Chinese friend, who's that I asked..

Ugg Lee...

Little wagon

Sam Kade

My wife's niece was playing outside and she said to her mother that she was afraid of a dog, her mother said don't mind him he's harmless. Half an hour later she ran into the house telling her mother that harmless was after her.

RayCon

Was up in Newry a few years ago and my son asked for a Zumo (fruit smoothy thing) ... got it for him and he started to sip it. Then he says "This tastes different than the usual - it's more tangy" ....
I replied "yeah, everything is more Orangey up here" ...

IH784man

Firblog wrote: »

OH's daughter came up with this one last week

Said I reminded her of her Chinese friend, who's that I asked..

Ugg Lee...

Little wagon

Kevin hart made that one up

I believe I made this up, or at least added my own twist.

I like my women the way I like my coffee - Tall, black and it hurts when I dip my mickey in.

Penn

My cockney uncle tried to make a house out of fruit, but his apples and pears collapsed.

Lucy8080

Deleted User wrote: »

I believe I made this up, or at least added my own twist.

I like my women the way I like my coffee - Tall, black and it hurts when I dip my mickey in.

You should copyright that joke.

Because if ever I have the misfortune of hearing it again I want to know that someone's paying for it!

I think I just made up a joke!

wp_rathead

Made this one up in secondary school :
How does a Weatherman get over a wall?
They climate


Ya.. Ya I was cool..

PizzamanIRL

A blonde is getting ice cubes for her drink
Some of them fall on the floor
She proceeds to pick them up to use them
Friend asks if she's still going to use the dirty cubes
Blonde says "Yeah I'll boil them to sterilise them"

Please hold your applause ladies and gentlemen

SafeSurfer

I made up a bit of a long winded joke as a child in the eighties.

The family dog called Value, because he is valued so much goes missing. The whole family search everywhere for him but he is nowhere to be seen. That night the dad goes to the local shop and comes back with boxes and boxes of homestead brand groceries. The wife looks at him and says what are you doing?
He says, you know, "homestead, brings value home".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzl96xULAAU

5dolla12

I made this one up a while back:

"All my friends think i'm too apathetic, but I Don't care what they think".

Penn

I was going to make up a non-sequitur, but I like dogs.

I was going to make up a cliché joke about being Irish, but I'm too drunk.

I read a book on glue last week. It was great. Then again, every book is great when you've been sniffing glue.

I made my girlfriend a candlelit dinner last night. It took ages to cook that way.

I bought my girlfriend a voucher for a bikini wax. She ripped all her other bikinis trying to shave them.

I went for a job interview at Marvel. They asked me to name pictures of superheroes. It was a test of character.

MonkieSocks

Firblog wrote: »

OH's daughter came up with this one last week

Said I reminded her of her Chinese friend, who's that I asked..

Ugg Lee...

Was that not, Sum Yung Wong