Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

mikemac1 · 14-07-2015 07:10AM

I remember Eddie Hobbs on his financial makeover TV show. He told a bridezilla to invite more people as they would contribute more than the cost of the meal so she would break even

ScumLord · 14-07-2015 11:51AM

I never bring a gift, it's bad enough I have to go to the damn thing, wasting my own money on accomodation and then they want a present for getting married after living in sin for 4 years?

My name is URL wrote: »

I always either give it to the couple before they're married or afterwards.

Is it not a bit insensitive to be giving them the wedding gift after the marriage has ended?

Uriel. wrote: »

How long is a piece of string.

200ft seem to be the typical length.

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Bad form to give absolutely nothing if you've a choice not to go. It doesn't need to be a particular amount or anything. If a €20 book voucher is all you can afford, so be it. It's just a goodwill gesture, like bringing a bottle of wine or a few beers over if visiting a friend and they're doing food or whatever.

I hate that though, I hate when people buy junk no one wants just because it's the done thing. Women are especially bad for it, they appear with things and then you have to find room in the bin or go to the bottle bank unexpectedly to get rid of the tat.

I never expect gifts, if I invite people to something I just expect them to show up. If I've put on a dinner I've more than likely thought of everything and everything compliments everything else, so the cheap bottle of wine is just a big dirty stain on the entire evening.

Egginacup · 14-07-2015 01:00PM

Just give a card with the amount of what you think the meal, etc. would cost.

3-4 course meal.......plus couple of glasses of wine would set you back 50 euros in a restaurant. If you go with a partner then stick 100 in a card.

You're getting a band thrown in too and maybe a few glasses of free bubbly before seating.

If you can't afford to give that much then you can't afford it. They didn't invite you to hit you up for cash, they invited you because they wanted you to come to their party.

Herpes Cineplex · 14-07-2015 01:08PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

No. I always give the couple a cash gift, it's only manners to do so.

walkingshadow · 14-07-2015 01:42PM

I often attend weddings without a 'gift'. As far as I am concerned, my attendance at the wedding is the gift, and all are fortunate to bear witness to my various witty anecdotes and insightful humour.

14-07-2015 03:03PM

I don't think I'd care if people came to my imaginary wedding without a gift, because I know I wouldn't judge them for it (unless they were well off and didn't bother).

BUT, I don't think I could bring myself to attend a wedding without some kind of gift, just to acknowledge the importance of the day and my gratitude at being included. I would be very embarrassed if someone thought I was being cheeky or mean, and if I was that strapped for cash, I wouldn't want to feel I had to explain myself. I wouldn't enjoy the day if that was the case.

valoren · 14-07-2015 03:14PM

mikemac1 wrote: »

I remember Eddie Hobbs on his financial makeover TV show. He told a bridezilla to invite more people as they would contribute more than the cost of the meal so she would break even

There's nothing more romantic than treating your Wedding day as a business transaction. :pac:

flossy1 · 14-07-2015 03:24PM

No one wants gifts now. A small card, with a small bit of money in it will do nicely

seamusk84 · 14-07-2015 03:31PM

Funny story, I went to the wedding of some old friends a year ago. Hadn't really seen them for the year coming up to the wedding but went anyway out of respect with my wife.
Anyway it was a big lavish wedding and I ended up forgetting to had over the card and money. So after the wedding I though I would give it to them in person when I saw them again in a few months.
Then 3 weeks after the wedding I got a thank you card for my attendance and my gift. But I actually never gave the card and cash! In fairness they are a very well off couple so I guess never noticed.

baldbear · 14-07-2015 04:03PM

seamusk84 wrote: »

Funny story, I went to the wedding of some old friends a year ago. Hadn't really seen them for the year coming up to the wedding but went anyway out of respect with my wife.
Anyway it was a big lavish wedding and I ended up forgetting to had over the card and money. So after the wedding I though I would give it to them in person when I saw them again in a few months.
Then 3 weeks after the wedding I got a thank you card for my attendance and my gift. But I actually never gave the card and cash! In fairness they are a very well off couple so I guess never noticed.

Ha ha. They noticed. They had a spreadsheet and ticked off who gave what. And sent out the thank you as a "reminder" the viper might turn up yet to shake you down.

steddyeddy · 14-07-2015 04:14PM

There's about 3 or 4 different views about what the mannerly thing to do in this circumstance. I guess it's all opinion.

JacquesDeLad · 14-07-2015 04:39PM

Would you bother going to a wedding for people who you wouldn't buy a gift for?

If you would resent buying them a present, why go to their wedding?

Seems like an odd question to me.

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 04:44PM

Tony Beetroot wrote: »

You would want to be giving €200 as a couple going to a wedding at a minimum, people who dont give any gift are tight arses.

There's a big difference between giving nothing and giving €200. This €200 crack seems to be some dreamed up figure :rolleyes:

steddyeddy · 14-07-2015 04:45PM

JacquesDeLad wrote: »

Would you bother going to a wedding for people who you wouldn't buy a gift for?

If you would resent buying them a present, why go to their wedding?

Seems like an odd question to me.

Couldn't VS wouldn't.

streetcar · 14-07-2015 04:53PM

I have never attended a wedding where I didnt put some cash in a card for the couple.
Having said that, I had no problem with anyone who came to ours and didn't give a gift. We invited them to our wedding - they took a day off work, got babysitters & some of them travelled to the wedding and paid to stay overnight. We certainly didn't invite them to cover our costs or make any money. If they couldnt afford it or they don't believe in it, it didn't matter. They were part of the day and the memories and thats all that we really cared about. We only invited people that we both knew and had a friendship with (or were related to) so they were all people we wanted to be there, rather than fill seats.

If you can afford to give a gift on top of all of the expense, its a lovely gesture but shouldn't be counted on.

waffleman · 14-07-2015 05:04PM

Jaysus some tight feckers in here.
In my opinion if the host of any occasion is puttin in the effort its proper order to bring something.

If yer going to someones house before headin out or for a party bring drink.
If yer invited to someones house for dinner offer to bring dessert - if they already have it bring wine.
If yer invited to someones wedding give a gift/money or dont go.

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 09:49PM

FISMA. wrote: »

Forget the gift, cash is king.

Unless you are a guest/date, you better at least cover your plate(s).

Why? Is it because they can't afford to pay for the dinners :rolleyes:

Cold War Kid · 14-07-2015 11:43PM

ScumLord wrote: »

I hate that though, I hate when people buy junk no one wants just because it's the done thing.

But I didn't suggest that.

steddyeddy · 15-07-2015 02:58AM

waffleman wrote: »

Jaysus some tight feckers in here.
In my opinion if the host of any occasion is puttin in the effort its proper order to bring something.

If yer going to someones house before headin out or for a party bring drink.
If yer invited to someones house for dinner offer to bring dessert - if they already have it bring wine.
If yer invited to someones wedding give a gift/money or dont go.

It's not a matter of being tight sometimes. If people have to take a day off work, get a babysitter and pay travel and accommodation expenses to go to a wedding then they most certainly aren't tight. Sometimes it's hard to get a gift after all that.

Summer wind · 15-07-2015 04:34AM

If I'm invited to a wedding I'd always give a gift. Waterford crystal do a lovely clock for €160 so that's what I usually buy. Or else a voucher or cash in a card.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 09:05AM

steddyeddy wrote: »

It's not a matter of being tight sometimes. If people have to take a day off work, get a babysitter and pay travel and accommodation expenses to go to a wedding then they most certainly aren't tight. Sometimes it's hard to get a gift after all that.

So you would just rock up to someones wedding, eat the meal, listen to the band, stuff yourself with the buffet later on and not give anything?

Well we'll just have to disagree on that - if you can afford everything you have listed then you can sit in a few weekends in the run up to the wedding and put some money in a card - invites are usually out in plenty of time.

When its your turn to have your own wedding every guest has that same list of expenses and I dont believe anyone in here who says they dont mind if they dont get some kind of gift - it does not go unnoticed.

Menas · 15-07-2015 09:24AM

At our wedding there was one guest who did not give a gift. He is a close buddy of mine, but still- I was not going to ask him what had happened.
We just assumed that he decided for some reason not to give us a gift. But we did not send him a 'thank you' card.

Anyway, about a few months later he mentioned to me on a night out that he had seen 'thank you' cards at the other lads houses and he felt embarrassed for asking - but why had we not sent him a thank you card?

So I said that because he had not given a gift we felt no need to send him a card.
To cut long story short, it turned out that he had given us a gift, but we never received it. Lost in delivery. It was all sorted soon enough.

Taboola · 15-07-2015 09:36AM

I was invited to a wedding that was in the middle of nowhere and since I wasn't living in the country at the time I had to fly to Cork airport, get 2 buses and then a taxi to where it was. I couldn't give them a gift on the day as I couldn't afford one considering the expenses I had just to get there. Gave them a card with the intent of giving them something at a later date.

Got a snotty text a couple of weeks after the wedding saying that they noticed I forgot to put money in the card. We are no longer friends.

waffleman · 15-07-2015 10:08AM

Taboola wrote: »

I was invited to a wedding that was in the middle of nowhere and since I wasn't living in the country at the time I had to fly to Cork airport, get 2 buses and then a taxi to where it was. I couldn't give them a gift on the day as I couldn't afford one considering the expenses I had just to get there. Gave them a card with the intent of giving them something at a later date.

Got a snotty text a couple of weeks after the wedding saying that they noticed I forgot to put money in the card. We are no longer friends.

Oh my what an inconvenience you had to travel to a wedding. No-one forced you to go. You make it sound like you were summonsed to the wedding. Its strange to me that people want all the craic, the food, the band etc. that goes with someones big day and then dont want to give the bride and groom anything.

You say "we are no longer friends" like it was you who ditched them but guess what - people arent friends with people who always have some sad story to tell about why they didnt do the right thing and get all butthurt as if they did nothin wrong. Its about respect between friends. Keep turnin up to weddins and give nothin - see how you get on with that but by the sound of your post your ex pals are the ones better off now.

15-07-2015 10:13AM

I give cash. I've given the same amount of cash to every single one of my friends who has gotten married. Whether they've been married abroad, had a wedding nearby, or just had a big evening party.

I've never been in a position where I couldn't afford to give a gift, but some of my friends would have been, and I know that the friends getting married would not give a damn if they got a gift or not and genuinely just want their mates to be there.

omega666 · 15-07-2015 10:17AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

There's a big difference between giving nothing and giving €200. This €200 crack seems to be some dreamed up figure :rolleyes:

There's nothing dreamed up about it.
I got married recently and the average we recieved per couple was 150 - 200 euro. A single person seem to give 100 euro. Quite a few couples gave more than 200. I'd say only two couples gave us less than 100 euro. Didnt bother us.

And the wedding couple will have a list of everyone who gave a present and what they gave for writing the thank you cards so they will know exactly who gave what.....

15-07-2015 10:19AM

waffleman wrote: »

Oh my what an inconvenience you had to travel to a wedding. No-one forced you to go. You make it sound like you were summonsed to the wedding. Its strange to me that people want all the craic, the food, the band etc. that goes with someones big day and then dont want to give the bride and groom anything.

You say "we are no longer friends" like it was you who ditched them but guess what - people arent friends with people who always have some sad story to tell about why they didnt do the right thing and get all butthurt as if they did nothin wrong. Its about respect between friends. Keep turnin up to weddins and give nothin - see how you get on with that but by the sound of your post your ex pals are the ones better off now.

Did you even read her post? She couldn't afford it *on the day* but had every intention of giving one at a later date. Perfectly acceptable.

A good friend would be happy with this arrangement, only a total asshole would make a comment about the money not being in the card.

Sam Kade · 15-07-2015 10:24AM

omega666 wrote: »

There's nothing dreamed up about it.
I got married recently and the average we recieved per couple was 150 - 200 euro. A single person seem to give 100 euro. Quite a few couples gave more than 200. I'd say only two couples gave us less than 100 euro. Didnt bother us.

And the wedding couple will have a list of everyone who gave a present and what they gave for writing the thank you cards so they will know exactly who gave what.....

So it's written in stone then that you must give €200 as a couple :rolleyes: Somehow I doubt that everyone attending a wedding would give you an average of €75-€100 each.

omega666 · 15-07-2015 10:25AM

Sam Kade wrote: »

So it's written in stone then that you must give €200 as a couple :rolleyes: Somehow I doubt that everyone attending a wedding would give you an average of €75-€100 each.

It's not written in stone. You can give whatever you want at a wedding.
I'm just saying that's what we recieved for our wedding and if i was going to a wedding that's
what i would give as a present also.

I''m not sure why your doubting it, i have no reason to make up a story about what we got for wedding gifts.

Miss_Lauren · 15-07-2015 10:30AM

Ditto on the list of who gave what. I think most couples do this.
My husband and I usually give a gift of €150 cash, unless its an older couple who have already set up home and have mortgage paid off, then we'll give a gift, crystal or Newbridge Silver.
I don't think you have to get a gift, I do remember who didn't give a gift at my own wedding, but don't think any less of them. I do however think its rude to not even give a card. We sent everyone who attended a thank you card, and thanked them either for attending, or for attending and/or their card and/or gift.

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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