Wedding presents...who did and who didn't!

Milly33 · 13-07-2015 05:08PM

Jes really.. They must have gotten pretty mad with the best man. Bit much out of people really

bleary · 13-07-2015 05:23PM

I know for really good friends I have been really late with a card and present. Mainly because if I don't really need to think about it I can just stick money in a card. Whereas for them I was up to a year late. I really wanted something thoughtful and that they would love. Never found it so bought a book and stuck the money in it instead.
Some people I almost started avoiding as I felt terrible they would think I wasn't giving them something.

fits · 13-07-2015 05:42PM

I have no idea if some people didnt give us cards or gifts and i dont care much either. The fact they came is the main thing and i hope they enjoyed themselves.

Neyite · 13-07-2015 11:08PM

fits wrote: »

I have no idea if some people didnt give us cards or gifts and i dont care much either. The fact they came is the main thing and i hope they enjoyed themselves.

I'd be the same, tbh. It's a gift to have all the family around and having a day out together, especially as the older generation thins out a bit. I'd be gutted if someone I really wanted to have there enjoying the day felt that the needed to turn down the invite because they were too broke to get me a gift.

CaraMay · 14-07-2015 03:57AM

Sligo those digs were clearly intended at me. My point is that it's a couples day and most of the couples think you are as excited about their wedding as they are. That's rarely the case. Maybe it is an excuse to get away from the kids for some but for a lot it's an expensive, conveyor belt day shock doesn't always suit.

If you expect people to dress up and arrive at a locator of your choosing on the day of your choosing then yes, they should send a thank you card, whether it not they get a gift.

Sligo1 · 14-07-2015 08:08AM

CaraMay wrote: »

Sligo those digs were clearly intended at me. My point is that it's a couples day and most of the couples think you are as excited about their wedding as they are. That's rarely the case. Maybe it is an excuse to get away from the kids for some but for a lot it's an expensive, conveyor belt day shock doesn't always suit.

If you expect people to dress up and arrive at a locator of your choosing on the day of your choosing then yes, they should send a thank you card, whether it not they get a gift.

No no no caramay, I honestly wasn't aiming that at you. It was a general comment to explain a lot of posters seem slightly hypocritical on the wedding forum. all I was saying is that it is common manners to send a card to say congratulations. Just as it is common manners to send thank you cards to guests. Yet many many posters here don't seem to think manners goes both ways. Also, while I agree there are a lot of bride/groomzillas around there are also a lot of guests (as apparent on this forum) who think the entire world revolves around them and that there would be utter devastation from all around if they didn't show up to someone's wedding day. Newsflash... Unless you were a best friend or brother/sister etc... You really probably won't be massively missed. So if it is a chore then just don't go. And if you do go have some manners and send a card to say congrats. There really is no excuse. And I just don't buy those excuses saying guests pay enough to attend. If you have spent enough then go and make one! Brides and grooms may spend thousands upon thousands on their day.... But they are still expected to send thank you cards (as apparent on this forum). And many people get very ratty if they don't.

Don't take my comment personally caramay. It really wasn't aimed at you and sorry If you thought it was

.

Sligo1 · 14-07-2015 08:13AM

CaraMay wrote: »

If you expect people to dress up and arrive at a locator of your choosing on the day of your choosing then yes, they should send a thank you card, whether it not they get a gift.

But with this point I have to say, i gave out invites. But I didn't "expect" peiple to came. I invited them and gave them an rsvp which gave them a choice. I certainly didn't think they would be as excited as me on the day as I was the one getting married. Not them. Why would they be as excited as me? It makes no sense... Unless it was the friend of mine who copped off with the best man.... Then maybe....

But I certainly would hope people would decline the invite if they were only going out of duty and thought the day was going to be a boring monotonous waste of time.

CaraMay · 14-07-2015 08:20AM

I don't think guests would believe that the couple would be devestated if they don't show up but you do need to come up with a pretty good excuse otherwise if often alters the friendship.

Anyway we both agree that everyone should send a card

Flippyfloppy · 14-07-2015 08:42AM

Im really in agreement with the sentiment of thank you cards, however what if instead you personally thank each guest after the wedding in person? I felt thank you cards were a bit formal and Made sure to thank each guest for coming on the day, and again afterwards & thanked them personally for their gift whatever it was when I saw them. Would thank you cards really be necessary after this?

Sligo1 · 14-07-2015 09:14AM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Im really in agreement with the sentiment of thank you cards, however what if instead you personally thank each guest after the wedding in person? I felt thank you cards were a bit formal and Made sure to thank each guest for coming on the day, and again afterwards & thanked them personally for their gift whatever it was when I saw them. Would thank you cards really be necessary after this?

I thanked people personally and also sent thank you cards. However, if it were me as the guest and the bride/groom thanked me personally for whatever it was I gave them I think this is enough. It's a lot more personal and to know they made the effort to ring me to chat to say thank you or said it soon after the wedding I would think this even nicer than a thank you card.

Sam Kade · 14-07-2015 09:26AM

Judging by the title it seems that the op was more interested in what was in the card rather than just getting a card.

ronjo · 14-07-2015 10:23AM

One thing I really dont get is that if you are planning on giving a gift why on earth would you wait (Up to a year!!!) to give it?

If I was giving cash I would certainly give it on the day.... If a gift then drop it up to their house in the days before or the day after.... Or even to one of the parents house.
Whats with this ridiculous waiting??

Flippyfloppy · 14-07-2015 10:26AM

Sligo1 wrote: »

I thanked people personally and also sent thank you cards. However, if it were me as the guest and the bride/groom thanked me personally for whatever it was I gave them I think this is enough. It's a lot more personal and to know they made the effort to ring me to chat to say thank you or said it soon after the wedding I would think this even nicer than a thank you card.

I hope our thank yous were enough! We had around 100 guests so we were able to thank each personally. Jeez even to this day I still thank them for coming when they mention the day!

Addle · 14-07-2015 10:43AM

ronjo wrote:

Whats with this ridiculous waiting??

I sometimes have to wait until it's affordable.

A lot of bride and grooms whine about refusals too.

ronjo · 14-07-2015 10:47AM

Addle wrote: »

I sometimes have to wait until it's affordable.

A lot of bride and grooms whine about refusals too.

If I felt someone needed to wait to save to give me a present I really wouldnt want them doing that as they obviously have more important things to spend their money on than me.

hdowney · 14-07-2015 11:03AM

Addle wrote:

A lot of bride and grooms whine about refusals too.

Those that whine about refusals really didn't want/care if you attended. They wanted the gift they expected you attending would bring and are pissed they won't be getting it. You can bet your bottom dollar if you said sorry I can't attend but here have this gift/cash anyway they wouldn't be whining about your lack of attendance.

Sunny Dayz · 14-07-2015 11:04AM

I know for our wedding one of our closest friends said to us that they would be waiting until after our wedding to get our gift. They said the reason for this was that they had something in mind for us, it was a personal thing to be specially made and they didn't want organise it and then find out that someone had gotten us something similar or the same. Made complete sense and we loved the gift (an engraved mirror with our family crests).

14-07-2015 11:10AM

Tradition states you have one year and one day after the wedding to give the bride and groom a gift!

ronjo · 14-07-2015 11:41AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Tradition states you have one year and one day after the wedding to give the bride and groom a gift!

Perhaps it does state this but its an absolutely ridiculous tradition if you ask me.

Ok I understand from above that they wanted to wait until after the wedding for a personal gift but 1 year???

lazygal · 14-07-2015 12:05PM

ronjo wrote: »

Perhaps it does state this but its an absolutely ridiculous tradition if you ask me.

Ok I understand from above that they wanted to wait until after the wedding for a personal gift but 1 year???

Yeah, I think this 'tradition' is an excuse for those who don't really intend to give a gift at all more than anything. I didn't mind not getting a gift or a card. What I did mind was those who kept saying 'We haven't forgotten about you, we will get you something/drop up that card/send it on as soon as we have it organised', especially from our siblings. We know you won't get us anything, you know you won't get us anything, stop the pretence that 'it's on the way'.

Neyite · 14-07-2015 12:32PM

ronjo wrote: »

Perhaps it does state this but its an absolutely ridiculous tradition if you ask me.

Weddings are a ritual steeped in traditions, this is just one of them. Being given away, engagement rings, wedding rings, bouquets, button holes, top hats and tails, bridesmaids, the big dress reveal, first dance, cutting the cake, speeches, all are just a few of the traditions that we commonly see at weddings.

Fair enough if someone thinks that a lot of those traditions are outdated and don't include them in their wedding, but its a tad hypocritical to go all out on all the other traditional aspects of a wedding then give out because the tradition of permitting guests to give a gift up to a year afterwards isn't one that suits them.

In days gone by, gifts were traditionally household items to help set up home together, so it would stand to reason that maybe 9 months after the wedding or so, the couple might have needed other items for their home, such as baby equipment. I'm just guessing by the way. Equally it gave guests time for the couple to see what they still needed for their home after the initial flurry of gifts.

lazygal · 14-07-2015 12:36PM

Some traditions lose their meaning or relevance over time. It might be called a wedding breakfast because of tradition stemming from the wedding laws in place until the Victorian era, but most people wouldn't expect a wedding invite for breakfast time. Likewise we don't hang the bloody sheets out any more or ask women to obey. I would rather know someone isn't getting me something than have someone keep bringing up the fact that a non-existant gift is on the way. Most people, if they are going to give something, do so within the couple of months of the wedding. That's the tradition of any wedding I've been to, including my own, and we got our thank yous out within a few months too.

Addle · 14-07-2015 12:50PM

How many couples would actually go through with the 'traditional' wedding day and all its trimmings if they weren't expecting a return?

How many people actually have that kind of money to spend on one day?

eviltwin · 14-07-2015 12:53PM

Addle wrote: »

How many couples would actually go through with the 'traditional' wedding day and all its trimmings if they weren't expecting a return?

How many people actually have that kind of money to spend on one day?

If they are going full traditional her dad would be paying for it

You can be really traditional of course and not have sex or live together before marriage and so on. But who would? People take the traditions they like and leave the ones they don't and that's okay.

lazygal · 14-07-2015 12:55PM

Addle wrote: »

How many couples would actually go through with the 'traditional' wedding day and all its trimmings if they weren't expecting a return?

How many people actually have that kind of money to spend on one day?

What do you mean by 'traditional'? We had a pretty traditional day, white dress, ceremony (non religious), food and entertainment. We had it saved for and didn't spend more than what we had budgeted for for most things. I could have had a more expensive dress and we could have spent more on other things, but certain things were a higher priority (food and free bar were the main ones). If we had had to borrow money or rely on people giving us cash to fund the day, we would have had a smaller wedding and a lower budget.
We weren't expecting a return, whatever that means. We made sure to keep costs for guests low by having the wedding in a venue close to public transport and providing food and drink all day, and if anyone asked we said a gift wasn't expected. The thing that does annoy me is people who even four years on pretend they will give us something. I know they won't and they know they won't.

ronjo · 14-07-2015 01:13PM

Neyite wrote: »

but its a tad hypocritical to go all out on all the other traditional aspects of a wedding then give out because the tradition of permitting guests to give a gift up to a year afterwards isn't one that suits them.

Oh get off your high horse. Its nothing to do with what suits me.
I just think its absolutely ridiculous to wait a year to give someone a present for a wedding.

Neyite · 14-07-2015 01:23PM

ronjo wrote: »

Oh get off your high horse. Its nothing to do with what suits me.
I just think its absolutely ridiculous to wait a year to give someone a present for a wedding.

Calm down, I think you might have crossed wires. My point was that there are lots and lots of ridiculous traditions surrounding weddings, this being one of them. I personally think a year is also too long and people generally get their gift from me within weeks of a wedding.

But I also think that if a couple decide that many traditions are important to them to incorporate into their day, surely the one about the 'year and a day' gift giving can be given a pass?

sillysmiles · 14-07-2015 03:47PM

ronjo wrote: »

Oh get off your high horse. Its nothing to do with what suits me.
I just think its absolutely ridiculous to wait a year to give someone a present for a wedding.

What difference does it make? If someone gave you a gift a year after the wedding or a week after the wedding, does it really make a difference? Is it so hard to be gracious and say thank you?

Electric Sheep · 14-07-2015 05:42PM

sillysmiles wrote: »

What difference does it make? If someone gave you a gift a year after the wedding or a week after the wedding, does it really make a difference? Is it so hard to be gracious and say thank you?

Late gifts mess up the profit/loss spreadsheet the week after the wedding.;)

Flippyfloppy · 14-07-2015 06:00PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Late gifts mess up the profit/loss spreadsheet the week after the wedding.;)

Ah here, I really hate this notion on boards that ALL brides and grooms are so greedy! Sure there's some...but in my group of friends there is none! Which makes me think of the saying 'your vibe attracts your tribe'

Wedding presents...who did and who didn't!

Comments