Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

eviltwin · 13-07-2015 06:04PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

That's a different situation. I don't think anybody would expect gifts of people who had to fly to there wedding or travel to there wedding.

You would be surprised

darkpagandeath · 13-07-2015 06:06PM

eviltwin wrote: »

You would be surprised

Aye if you have to fly generally those peoples weddings have one of them donation things. Like pay for our jet ski or dinner for one night lark. Pre set list that all the cheap stuff goes pretty fast if you don't get on it like.

Uriel. · 13-07-2015 06:07PM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Aye if you have to fly generally those peoples weddings have one of them donation things. Like pay for our jet ski or dinner for one night lark. Pre set list that all the cheap stuff goes pretty fast if you don't get on it like.

That sounds awful tbh

darkpagandeath · 13-07-2015 06:09PM

Uriel. wrote: »

That sounds awful tbh

Surprised people are not crowd funding them now tbh.

Cold War Kid · 13-07-2015 06:11PM

Oh those weddings where people stipulate how much they want or where they want gifts from etc: decline. Never had the experience though.

Huntergonzo · 13-07-2015 06:17PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

They seem like the weddings of people you're not close to. Wouldn't it be easier just to decline?

I generally do decline unless it's people I'm close to, but funnily enough the best wedding I was ever at was last year and it was a mate's, girlfriend's mother who was getting married (now there's a pretty loose connection).

It was a civil ceremony that lasted about 10mins (my pint was still cold when I came back out) and they didn't really bother with speeches except to thank everyone who turned up, now that's a wedding, no church or other stupid bullsh1t!

ps, personally I'm not even really a fan of marriage, can't see the point in it, but if you're going to get married and insist that I attend, please please please make it a quick one and NO rambling cringey speeches.

Cold War Kid · 13-07-2015 06:22PM

Bad form to give absolutely nothing if you've a choice not to go. It doesn't need to be a particular amount or anything. If a €20 book voucher is all you can afford, so be it. It's just a goodwill gesture, like bringing a bottle of wine or a few beers over if visiting a friend and they're doing food or whatever.

anncoates · 13-07-2015 06:30PM

Everybody will say blah blah I wouldn't mind, yada yada but going to a wedding without at least a well wishing card or small inexpensive gift is a scabby, cheeky cnut's game, to be fair.

mud · 13-07-2015 06:36PM

Yes I have gone to weddings without a gift. I was totally strapped for cash and the cost of getting to the wedding blew my budget. I didn't buy new clothes or splash on a hotel, there genuinely wasn't anywhere I could get money from.

I also knew that my friends would have been really sad and upset if I hadn't been there so I chose to go empty-handed rather than miss out on my friend's big day. The weddings were close together and I made the right choice by being there.

Within six months I was able to gift them with nice presents and it all worked out great.

I am extremely close to these people which makes a difference maybe?

Riverireland · 13-07-2015 06:40PM

brevity wrote: »

If it's to the full wedding then I'd say give what you can afford but if its the afters then don't.

I agree with this. Though if invited to the full wedding but only attending the afters I'd give the full gift.

miezekatze · 13-07-2015 06:42PM

I've always given something, although I think a lot of people in Ireland tend to go a bit over the top - 200 â‚¬ per couple, seriously!? Personally I'd want a very small wedding and wouldn't really care about gifts.

westcoast66 · 13-07-2015 06:47PM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Who gets married these days that don't live together and already have all the stuff they need ?

We did. She moved in on the wedding night!

eviltwin · 13-07-2015 06:48PM

westcoast66 wrote: »

We did. She moved in on the wedding night!

Brave people!

Frynge · 13-07-2015 06:49PM

I would request a specific gift from each person I invite such as a mixer or a bike for my child. I would also ask certain people to give extra gifts if they have certain skills like maybe ask one person to make cupcakes or someone else to do a painting for me.

retro:electro · 13-07-2015 06:50PM

If I couldn't afford to give a gift/card I just wouldn't attend. I'd be mortified turning up empty handed. From having weddings in the family and as bad as it sounds you always remember the ones who gave nothing. It just smacks of meanness.

Cold War Kid · 13-07-2015 07:02PM

mud wrote: »

Yes I have gone to weddings without a gift. I was totally strapped for cash and the cost of getting to the wedding blew my budget. I didn't buy new clothes or splash on a hotel, there genuinely wasn't anywhere I could get money from.

I also knew that my friends would have been really sad and upset if I hadn't been there so I chose to go empty-handed rather than miss out on my friend's big day. The weddings were close together and I made the right choice by being there.

Within six months I was able to gift them with nice presents and it all worked out great.

I am extremely close to these people which makes a difference maybe?

Oh I just assumed "going to a wedding with a gift" wasn't literal and it also covered giving a gift after or before the actual event. That's totally reasonable imo, it's not like you have to deposit your present somewhere in full view when you arrive. Well hopefully anyway!

Buona Fortuna · 13-07-2015 07:24PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

That's a different situation. I don't think anybody would expect gifts of people who had to fly to there wedding or travel to there wedding.

No. Though when we got married I might have said Ka-Ching, a couple of times when all the Yank acceptances came in

anncoates · 13-07-2015 07:29PM

Certain amount of projection and abdication of personal responsibility in these threads sometimes.

As in, 'weddings shouldn't be about money grabbing and gifts' so - phew - therefore I'm absolved from showing a modicum of manners and generosity to my friends.

Electric Sheep · 13-07-2015 07:30PM

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

No. Though when we got married I might have said Ka-Ching, a couple of times when all the Yank acceptances came in

Why?

Buona Fortuna · 13-07-2015 08:19PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Why?

Being a shallow youth at the time, I just thought of the money, cheques, filthy notes and postal orders pouring in.

Electric Sheep · 13-07-2015 08:22PM

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Being a shallow youth at the time, I just thought of the money, cheques, filthy notes and postal orders pouring in.

Because all Americans are rich? You must have been disappointed to find that not all Americans are rich, and VERY few Americans give wedding gifts on the rather ridiculous scale that has become expected in Ireland. Especially after spending a fortune on flights and accommodation to attend that wedding.

Buona Fortuna · 13-07-2015 08:27PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Because all Americans are rich? You must have been disappointed to find that not all Americans are rich, and VERY few Americans give wedding gifts on the rather ridiculous scale that has become expected in Ireland. Especially after spending a fortune on flights and accommodation to attend that wedding.

I don't dispute that I had this naive, unattractive trait. It was the 80s though.

We got a nice little bundle

Though I dodn't cross check people against the invites later.

Electric Sheep · 13-07-2015 08:30PM

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

I don't dispute that I had this naive, unattractive trait. It was the 80s though.

We got a nice little bundle

Though I dodn't cross check people against the invites later.

OK, now I get it:) In the 80s most of the gifts you received were probably household items, but those travelling from abroad would not want to haul stuff with them, so gave you money instead! Probably the only cash gifts you received back then - I can remember when giving a money gift was considered crass.

Buona Fortuna · 13-07-2015 08:32PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

OK, now I get it:) In the 80s most of the gifts you received were probably household items, but those travelling from abroad would not want to haul stuff with them, so gave you money instead! Probably the only cash gifts you received back then - I can remember when giving a money gift was considered crass.

No pretty much all cash.

The wedding night we had a big pile of cash on the bed. Looked like one of those robbery films.

mud · 14-07-2015 01:17AM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Oh I just assumed "going to a wedding with a gift" wasn't literal and it also covered giving a gift after or before the actual event. That's totally reasonable imo, it's not like you have to deposit your present somewhere in full view when you arrive. Well hopefully anyway!

You could be right although the OP sounds like they were talking about on the day itself.

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I'd feel pretty bad tough going to a wedding either by myself or a couple and having a meal, etc and not giving the couple a gift or a card. If I couldn't afford to give the couple a gift I probably wouldn't attend the wedding unless we were family or very close.

Believe me I did some soul-searching before attending those weddings empty-handed but knew that it was a temporary glitch and missing the days would have been a permanent mistake!

steddyeddy · 14-07-2015 01:52AM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

What you can afford, there's no going rate - shouldn't be anyway.

Well attending a wedding can put people out of pocket enough as it is.

Personally If I have it I give it and I don't hang around with the class of people who judge people by the gifts they bring. Everyone's usually happy that I can make it.

FISMA. · 14-07-2015 03:07AM

Forget the gift, cash is king.

Unless you are a guest/date, you better at least cover your plate(s).

Inspector Coptoor · 14-07-2015 03:29AM

FISMA. wrote: »

Forget the gift, cash is king.

Unless you are a guest/date, you better at least cover your plate(s).

Agreed.

€150 in the card as a couple is the absolute minimum I would give going to a full wedding, €200 on occasion if We don't have Huge diesel costs as well as accommodation costs, and a good bit more if it's immediate family or best friends or if one of us is at the top table.

€50 if going to an afters.

Last two years have Been absolutely mad with the number of wedding and stags.
In 24 months, we'll have been at 20 weddings, including our own, I'll have been at 6 stags (3 abroad) and the OH at 6 hens.
Tough on the bank balance but you do if for friends and family and get on with it

steddyeddy · 14-07-2015 03:38AM

FISMA. wrote: »

Forget the gift, cash is king.

Unless you are a guest/date, you better at least cover your plate(s).

Cover my plate? You mean cover part of their wedding.

zeffabelli · 14-07-2015 07:07AM

I would be too embarrassed to attend without a gift.

I'd prefer to decline and send a gift anyway if the expenses proved too much.

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

Comments