Joined at the hips

kylith · 10-07-2015 11:37AM

fatknacker wrote: »

I have to say I was a little disappointed to be excluded from 2 of my very good mates stag's a while back. We've been friends a good while and there were never any relationship things or anything between us all. I thought they considered me a friend more than a pair of lovely knockers. I mean, I got over it easily and didn't lose sleep. But still. Thought we were all mates and it didn't matter. Guess it did.

I think the gender 'rules' for stag/hen nights are outdated in this day and age. I've a couple of very good friends who are men and I too would be upset to be left out if they were having a stag night. They're not the type to go to strip clubs or anything though.

10-07-2015 11:45AM

fatknacker wrote: »

I have to say I was a little disappointed to be excluded from 2 of my very good mates stag's a while back. We've been friends a good while and there were never any relationship things or anything between us all. I thought they considered me a friend more than a pair of lovely knockers. I mean, I got over it easily and didn't lose sleep. But still. Thought we were all mates and it didn't matter. Guess it did.

Ah now, completely over analysing it and over dramatising it with the "he only liked my tits, thought we were friends" stuff.

It's a stag. Which means it's a men's night or weekend away. No matter what people say about gender equality, it just is. Furthermore, it's usually not even organised by the groom, but by his friend/the best man/groomsman, so he won't call the shots at all. To expect him to use his stag to make some stand on gender equality or to take it as a measurement of your friendship is unreasonable. You weren't excluded, your presence was probably never on the cards.

seachto7 · 10-07-2015 11:49AM

No women on stags. This "frendzzzzzz" b*llox needs to stop.

kylith · 10-07-2015 11:51AM

Collie D wrote: »

I'm afraid the law is quite strict on this. No matter how friendly you are with the lads you're not going on a stag.

I still can't get my head around why anybody would think bringing the girlfriend was acceptable. Fair play to the lads on the Sheffield stag who put the couple straight.

I'm not even sure how I feel about gay men going on hen nights.

Deleted User wrote: »

Ah now, completely over analysing it and over dramatising it with the "he only liked my tits, thought we were friends" stuff.

It's a stag. Which means it's a men's night or weekend away. No matter what people say about gender equality, it just is. Furthermore, it's usually not even organised by the groom, but by his friend/the best man/groomsman, so he won't call the shots at all. To expect him to use his stag to make some stand on gender equality or to take it as a measurement of your friendship is unreasonable. You weren't excluded, your presence was probably never on the cards.

Why not though? If one of your good friends is a woman and you enjoy spending time in her company, she can hold her drink, and she's not all precious about farting and drunken behaviour then why not invite her along on a pre-wedding piss up?

10-07-2015 12:00PM

kylith wrote: »

Why not though?

Out of courtesy to the other men going, who will expect it to be a men's weekend away.

Of course there is nothing wrong about it. But the why not applies in many different ways. Why not take the stag on a religious retreat? Why not take them on a knitting course? Anything is possible or permissible, it's just not done.

If someone feels very strongly that a female friend should be there, then I would at least expect him to tell the other guests so they can make up their minds if they want to be there. Much the same as if the weekend consisted of prayer or knitting...

purplecow1977 · 10-07-2015 12:07PM

Has it come to a stage where the tradition MEN ONLY STAG and WOMEN ONLY HEN needs a change?

These are meant to be celebrations before you get married off.

Surely you WOULD want your good friends there so if you're a man & one of your good friends is female.....why not?!

(Or is it a case of OF COURSE MEN AND WOMEN CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS!)

10-07-2015 12:11PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Has it come to a stage where the tradition MEN ONLY STAG and WOMEN ONLY HEN needs a change?

These are meant to be celebrations before you get married off.

Surely you WOULD want your good friends there so if you're a man & one of your good friends is female.....why not?!

(Or is it a case of OF COURSE MEN AND WOMEN CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS!)

But we cannot prescribe that something "needs a change". Celebrations evolve.

When did stags become the means to measure the relationship between men and women? I will probably never be asked to be bridesmaid, but I wouldn't draw many conclusions about the nature of the male/female relationship from that.

arayess · 10-07-2015 12:23PM

seachto7 wrote: »

No women on stags. This "frendzzzzzz" b*llox needs to stop.

I agree 100%

Egginacup · 10-07-2015 12:26PM

If I were the groom or the best man/organiser of the stag bash, or any of the lads, and some twonk arrived with his girlfriend at the hotel or pub or kick-off point I would put my foot straight down and say "She fcuks off or you both fcuk off. You can go where you like but you are NOT coming with us on our pub crawl, strip joint, booze cruise, bungee-jump, whatever"

No fcuking WAY would I let him and his fcuking ball-and-chain ruin the do for the rest of the lads.

Fat Christy · 10-07-2015 12:41PM

fatknacker wrote: »

I don't see much too bad with that. Many of my friends are fellas. I would not want to exclude them from my pre wedding shindig because they don't want to wear feather boas and drink willy straws.
Even I'd be in the "fk that" camp for hens.

I don't think I'd have a hen, mostly because I don't have many female friends but at the same time I don't know about a combined party. I love going off with my own friends so I'd say if I was getting married I'd just have a party with all my friends rather than 'hen/girls night out only' type thing.

Just out of LT relationship and we would go out on our own with our friends. I would not like my partner coming with me all the time when I was meeting my friends and he was the same. You need some time apart. it's just not healthy to be clinging out of each other. We also had separate hobbies and interests and sometimes we just did things alone.

purplecow1977 · 10-07-2015 12:48PM

Egginacup wrote: »

If I were the groom or the best man/organiser of the stag bash, or any of the lads, and some twonk arrived with his girlfriend at the hotel or pub or kick-off point I would put my foot straight down and say "She fcuks off or you both fcuk off. You can go where you like but you are NOT coming with us on our pub crawl, strip joint, booze cruise, bungee-jump, whatever"

No fcuking WAY would I let him and his fcuking ball-and-chain ruin the do for the rest of the lads.

I think you need to calm down! The manner in which you're speaking may likely get YOU told to feck off & stay at home!

VisibleGorilla · 10-07-2015 12:49PM

Each to their own, I wouldn't have a relationship like this and any I've known to be similar have ended.

conorhal · 10-07-2015 12:53PM

fatknacker wrote: »

I have to say I was a little disappointed to be excluded from 2 of my very good mates stag's a while back. We've been friends a good while and there were never any relationship things or anything between us all. I thought they considered me a friend more than a pair of lovely knockers. I mean, I got over it easily and didn't lose sleep. But still. Thought we were all mates and it didn't matter. Guess it did.

Ah jaysus, could you not let the guys indulge in a little male bonding before one of them is consigned to a lifetime of sitting on a foot stool outside a changing room in Debenhams holding his wife's handbag and sighing heavily?

AT the same time, I don't think it's unreasonable that ladies would shout NOPE! if a male partner or friend threw a strop about the lack of an invite to a girlie spa weekend of gossip, pedicures and bellini's.

10-07-2015 12:57PM

conorhal wrote: »

invite to a girlie spa weekend of gossip, pedicures and bellini's.

Hell on earth.

Son Of A Vidic · 10-07-2015 12:59PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Do you know any couples that can no longer function as individuals and have to involve their OH in everything? I've stopped going out with them am I being unreasonable?

I was meeting up with my best mate in London back in 2012. We were going to an NFL game and going to have a good weekend. Two weeks before I flew over, his wife invites herself and their seven month old toddler along for the weekend. I was going to cancel but I didn't and needless to say, she helped fúck the weekend up. Anyway, three years later they are now separated, he got his balls back and is now wearing his own trousers again. Such controlling and almost obsessive behaviour, is never healthy or a good sign for any relationship. The unfortunate thing is though, most people often don't see it until the damage is done.

arayess · 10-07-2015 12:59PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I think you need to calm down! The manner in which you're speaking may likely get YOU told to feck off & stay at home!

if the rest of the stag wanted the gf to stay , maybe it would be better to be told to feck off and stay at home.

Fat Christy · 10-07-2015 12:59PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Hell on earth.

I like going for massages but not with other people.

Also shopping in groups is hell on earth. Shopping day with the girlos = Not fun.

Crash Override · 10-07-2015 01:06PM

dont bother wrote: »

the OP has said many times that it's BOTH people in the couple that are doing this.
they obviously love each others company. the stag do is a bit mad though!

however, Steadyeddy - have you stopped to think that maybe people grow up, and grow out of hanging around in groups of "mates" and settle into a sort of "married life"?

it's not them, it's you i think. if you have this horrible need to kind of "keep the gang together"....

in the couples eyes, it aint "the gang" that'll be there through thick and thin...

basically - the opposite of bro's before hoes.

Not sure I agree here,

Obviously being in a serious relationship will affect your 'Social Situation' in terms of Prioritising your significant other's time over others in certain circumstances etc, however, the "grow out of hanging around groups of mates" doesn't really make sense.

Since when did being in a Long Term serious relationship or being Married mean you have to ditch all your friends? Sure if they were to split up, then neither would have any friends left because they would have alientated them all.

Just my two cents.

Fat Christy · 10-07-2015 01:08PM

Never ditch your friends regardless of the situation. They're the people you'll need if all goes to sh*t.

kylith · 10-07-2015 01:28PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Out of courtesy to the other men going, who will expect it to be a men's weekend away.

Of course there is nothing wrong about it. But the why not applies in many different ways. Why not take the stag on a religious retreat? Why not take them on a knitting course? Anything is possible or permissible, it's just not done.

If someone feels very strongly that a female friend should be there, then I would at least expect him to tell the other guests so they can make up their minds if they want to be there. Much the same as if the weekend consisted of prayer or knitting...

Maybe it's just me, but I can't wrap my head around the idea that a celebration for a person who is getting married has to be a gender specific men's/women's weekend away*. You're celebrating a friend's marriage; if Mary is on your regular Saturday Night Going Out rota then why would you tell her to she's not welcome to celebrate your upcoming nuptuals with the rest of your friends? Personally if I were having a hen night it'd be assumed that my male friends would be coming too, they're my friends, I enjoy their company, why would I exclude them for no good reason?

And what kind of ass would refuse to go to a friend's stag party because one of the participants has genitals on the inside rather than the outside? What's so different about stags? Women can drink and play paintball, or men can drink cocktails and get pedicures, just as well. I was away recently at a friend's going-away party and I was the only girl (other than his GF) in the main group. I drank with the lads, I got pissed with the lads, I was hungover with the lads, I bantered with them. At no point was I made to feel like I wasn't welcome at a party for one of my oldest friends because I have a vagina.

I get the feeling that you're of the opinion that men and women are fundamentally different and can't be friends, and that if a woman was at a stag she'd insist on it being facials in a spa rather than a boozy weekend, which shows a lack of knowledge about women, and a belief that women would be ignorant of what would be involved in a stag party.

*Also can't understand this whole thing of it 'having' to be a weekend away these days.

H3llR4iser · 10-07-2015 01:33PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Guys I might have described the situation wrong but it's definitely not a case of home being whipped by her. Even when she's not out he calls her begging him to come out. It's just a weird weird interdependence him and her and some of their coupely friends have!

Key point - has he done the same with any other girlfriend in the past? If so, then yeah, he has an issue himself.

If he does, however, It wouldn't take long for his girlfriend to be annoyed by it - you know, women find neediness as smothering and off putting as we do, if not more actually.

If this is the first time he behaves like that, then there's something else - he's most likely doing it to avoid trouble / arguments / shouting matches.

Anyway if I was you or your mates, as a friend I'd be watching the situation because it seems clear to me he has an issue - either a personal insecurity one, or an emotional abuse one...

10-07-2015 01:47PM

kylith wrote: »

I get the feeling that you're of the opinion that men and women are fundamentally different and can't be friends...

First of all, I think men and women are different. It's hardly a bizarre opinion. I would have thought they are biologically different, maybe a different psychological make up, different chromosomes, those sort of very huge differences.

As for the "can't be friends"...:D. Yes, that's precisely what I meant!

doncarlos · 10-07-2015 01:52PM

fatknacker wrote: »

I have to say I was a little disappointed to be excluded from 2 of my very good mates stag's a while back. We've been friends a good while and there were never any relationship things or anything between us all. I thought they considered me a friend more than a pair of lovely knockers. I mean, I got over it easily and didn't lose sleep. But still. Thought we were all mates and it didn't matter. Guess it did.

I was doing best man for one of my mates and two of his close female friends were convinced they'd be going on the stag. Had to tell them under no circumstances would they be going that it was men only.

steddyeddy · 10-07-2015 01:55PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I thought a hag was a gay guy's stag (lolled when I heard it being used in that context).

I thought a hag was a girl who hangs around like a gay guy? She's from the planet faghagion as we used to say.

Huntergonzo · 10-07-2015 01:58PM

This would drive me nuts, not so much if it was one of the lad's girlfriend's, that doesn't really bother me, in fact one of the lads nearly always has his missus with him and nobody cares, she's a nice girl, but if I had a girlfriend who constantly wanted to be by my side, I'd end it in a heartbeat.

I know that sounds harsh but I love peace and quiet and I'm very content being on my own, so I know what I want and I think it would be even worse to lead someone on and let them think that I enjoy constant company, it could only end in tears.

Magico Gonzalez · 10-07-2015 01:59PM

kylith wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but I can't wrap my head around the idea that a celebration for a person who is getting married has to be a gender specific men's/women's weekend away*. You're celebrating a friend's marriage; if Mary is on your regular Saturday Night Going Out rota then why would you tell her to she's not welcome to celebrate your upcoming nuptuals with the rest of your friends? Personally if I were having a hen night it'd be assumed that my male friends would be coming too, they're my friends, I enjoy their company, why would I exclude them for no good reason?

And what kind of ass would refuse to go to a friend's stag party because one of the participants has genitals on the inside rather than the outside? What's so different about stags? Women can drink and play paintball, or men can drink cocktails and get pedicures, just as well. I was away recently at a friend's going-away party and I was the only girl (other than his GF) in the main group. I drank with the lads, I got pissed with the lads, I was hungover with the lads, I bantered with them. At no point was I made to feel like I wasn't welcome at a party for one of my oldest friends because I have a vagina.

I get the feeling that you're of the opinion that men and women are fundamentally different and can't be friends, and that if a woman was at a stag she'd insist on it being facials in a spa rather than a boozy weekend, which shows a lack of knowledge about women, and a belief that women would be ignorant of what would be involved in a stag party.

*Also can't understand this whole thing of it 'having' to be a weekend away these days.

I think your fixating on the gender/genitalia thing, if you have a relationship with the groom and his crowd, all good. If this woman didn't and was not invited on the stag it's not cool.

If you're invited itdoesn't matter, but if you're not invited you don't turn up as a plus one. Same for stag, hen or whatever you want to call your last hurrah before marriage.

Don't make it a gender issue, it's not. It's about who gets invited.

steddyeddy · 10-07-2015 02:14PM

Guys I can't emphasise enough that my male friend is at fault. She doesn't really nag him it's just they can't do anything without each other.

steddyeddy · 10-07-2015 02:20PM

Anyone who says their OH should grow out of hanging with mates has issues.

steddyeddy · 10-07-2015 02:21PM

Patww79 wrote: »

Is she a good bit out of his league, or does he see it that way, by any chance? Of so, he probably thinks that if he leaves her alone then she'll be riding all round her so he's gone a bit psycho trying to give her no free time.

No they're both considered very good looking people.

Red Kev · 10-07-2015 02:25PM

kylith wrote: »

Why not though? If one of your good friends is a woman and you enjoy spending time in her company, she can hold her drink, and she's not all precious about farting and drunken behaviour then why not invite her along on a pre-wedding piss up?

Stags and Hens are exactly that; male or female only parties. Anything else is just another piss up. If a woman goes on a Stag then there is a bit of a dampener on it. Men do and say things in the company of other men that they'd never do in front of a woman (and vice versa when it comes to women). For this reason it's a bit easier to let the hair down when it's only lads than if a woman is around.

I'll give an example:
We went on a Stag to Hamburg two years ago, the room was a dorm room is a hostel right in the city centre, We were 10, but we booked the whole room with 12 beds for the weekend. Flew over Friday, came back Sunday. One of the best memories was Saturday morning lying in bed having a farting competition and just swapping war stories of the weekend, or previous nights out.
If a woman was there we wouldn't be doing that, no matter how well you know them. I wouldn't do it as I'd like to keep a bit of a good name for myself amongst my female friends. For the record we didn't go to sex clubs or brothels, me and one of the other lads lived in Germany for a while and we both knew Hamburg well. But the point is that the chat we were having over the weekend is totally different to when we are with any females.

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Has it come to a stage where the tradition MEN ONLY STAG and WOMEN ONLY HEN needs a change?

These are meant to be celebrations before you get married off.

Surely you WOULD want your good friends there so if you're a man & one of your good friends is female.....why not?!

(Or is it a case of OF COURSE MEN AND WOMEN CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS!)

I've been to several pre wedding parties where everyone was there, male and female. These were organised in Dublin and means that people who couldn't go to the Hen or Stag could go out on a night with the Bride & Groom.

These were organised along with a Hen & Stag. Some people can't go because of cost, or family commitments or they just wouldn't be hugely close to the Bride or Groom.

And of course it's a chance for female friends of the groom, and male friends of the bride to go out. The parties don't cost anything, it's just a get together or piss up in a pub, just like any Saturday night. Simple to organise really.

Joined at the hips

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