Is being invited to a wedding afters like an insult these days?

jimgoose · 24-06-2015 12:17AM

Yes. I've been invited to wedding "afters" a few times. I usually completely ignore it, once I went for a couple of hours and sent the fcukers an invoice for my time afterwards.

dubscottie · 24-06-2015 12:18AM

I am glad I only get asked to the afters.. I don't do religion and parents were Protestant so cant be arsed..

Being "told" to do the prayer thing at the last wedding was enough.. Refuse to go to a wedding now unless its the afters.

I got pissed off asking everyone "what happens next" because I didn't have a clue!.

Oops69 · 24-06-2015 12:20AM

Afters are a nightmare , the first thing you're confronted with are overtired sweaty chocolate smeared faces of little page boys and girls tearing around the dance floor , knocking over drinks and annoying everyone , then you get stared up and down at like a Second class citizen by the 'real' guests with the 'hats ' and ' good suits '. The afters is concept from The seventies and eighties and needs to die , in fact the conventional irish wedding really needs to jump into the late 2oth century , let alone the 21 St

NachoBusiness · 24-06-2015 12:20AM

Not as much an insult as being asked to the honeymoon afters would be.

Spanish Eyes · 24-06-2015 12:27AM

I dislike weddings but I like a party.

So the Afters is perfect.

Can someone tell me that they absolutely LOVE the whole wedding day mumbo jumbo, and bridezillas, and hanging around and all that?

You must be masochists so.

Butterface · 24-06-2015 12:37AM

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I dislike weddings but I like a party.

So the Afters is perfect.

Can someone tell me that they absolutely LOVE the whole wedding day mumbo jumbo, and bridezillas, and hanging around and all that?

You must be masochists so.

But the "party" part of a wedding day is only fun because you're absolutely bollixed from a day of drinking and having craic throughout the day with the other guests. I don't want to turn up halfway through the night and stand at the bar catching up.

In saying that, I wouldn't be insulted about being invited to the evening part. I just wouldn't go.

Spanish Eyes · 24-06-2015 12:51AM

Butterface wrote: »

But the "party" part of a wedding day is only fun because you're absolutely bollixed from a day of drinking and having craic throughout the day with the other guests. I don't want to turn up halfway through the night and stand at the bar catching up.

In saying that, I wouldn't be insulted about being invited to the evening part. I just wouldn't go.

But you can always go and a few before the Afters aswell! Then you'd be grand and sure the rest of them who were there all day are delighted to see a new face, great craic for sure.

Have to say the afters invite is a relief to me, as opposed to the full gig.

But having said that there are lots of occasions when I didn't go either. Depends on where it is, and who is inviting me.

liz lemoncello · 24-06-2015 02:01AM

I'm a horribly cynical person, but I have to ask; is afters not just another way to get more gifts/$?

Electric Sheep · 24-06-2015 02:06AM

cmssjone wrote: »

I have a large family overseas and I didn't really want them to all come (over 50 cousins) but tradition dictated all were asked. So I invited the aunts and uncles to the wedding and the cousins to the afters. I knew that most of the cousins wouldn't want to come just to the afters so many of the families decided not to come over to the wedding. Those cousins who did accept to come to the afters, I automatically invited to everything. Only a handful of aunts/uncles turned up and only 2 of the cousins and they were the ones that I liked anyway. Worked out perfectly!

Wow. I wouldn't normally think inviting someone to only the afters was an insult, but inviting someone to come from abroad to only the afters?:rolleyes:

No wonder so few wanted to come to the wedding, I bet you went down in family history, and not in a good way.

Robsweezie · 24-06-2015 02:06AM

After party = afterthought

gormdubhgorm · 24-06-2015 02:09AM

awec wrote: »

I think you'd have to be a pretty sad individual to be insulted by it.

I saw this and I was thinking I wonder if the moderator would be happy with that persons comment?
Then I saw "moderator" beside the username!

But yeah your spot on. I think it is mostly women who get insulted all this wedding invite craic lets be honest!

gossipgirl10 · 24-06-2015 02:18AM

A lot of people on the thread seem to be of the opinion that if people are giving decent cash gifts then they are paying for themselves and should be asked to the whole thing but putting together a guest list can be a nightmare for a bride and groom. If you come from a bigger family and have your parents insisting that Jimmy and Mary from over the road come because they were at their daughters wedding I'd imagine it gets hard to narrow down a list to what the venue can accommodate.

I do think it's a bit of an insult to be invited to the afters of a wedding either invite the person or don't and live with the consequences

I do however think it's fine to give afters invites to people like the bride or grooms siblings friends that they wouldn't have at the whole wedding but that their siblings would like to have there later for the party

Robsweezie · 24-06-2015 02:20AM

I always felt the afters was for the irrelevant tag -alongs who aren't majorly important or even liked by the bride and groom, but would kick up an almighty stink if they weren't asked. And some who are nice people but just not close enough to be in the inner circle of "real" guests.

24-06-2015 10:09AM

Are people seriously that sensitive nowadays that when they get invited to a party they take it as an insult? What the fcuk.

Boom_Bap · 24-06-2015 10:11AM

It's all about the after after party.

Menas · 24-06-2015 10:13AM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

It's all about the after after party.

Ah here, if someone invited me to the 'residents bar' part of the wedding that starts at 1am I would probably be delighted.

Cut out all the other wedding crap and get down to the serious boozing business!

deise08 · 24-06-2015 10:16AM

I had two different cousins get married last year.

The first invited my parents and my sister to the wedding. ( we then got invites to the afters the night before the wedding.)

The second invited the parents and the brother to the wedding. ( we then hot invites to the afters two weeks before the wedding.) which to me was the second round of invites after they had gotten their replies from their first set of invites.

24-06-2015 10:21AM

Let's face it - weddings, well, the ceremony, are incredibly boring. You sit on extraordinarily uncomfortable seats, awkwardly making small talk with people near you, listening to some old man prattling on for ages, then when the good part happens - exchanging of the rings - you've got ages to go afterwards.

Jon Stark · 24-06-2015 10:22AM

Only recently got to know someone and she ended up inviting me to her wedding afters. I was chuffed tbh.

Depends who it is and situation really. Like if I invited someone to my wedding only to get invited to their afters, that's a bit of a snub.

I don't like weddings anyway so in the main I couldn't give a flying fcuk.

messrs · 24-06-2015 10:25AM

any suggestions on what to give as a gift for been invited to the afters - i've been asked to the evening part of a work colleagues wedding so wondering if I do go what should I be giving ? ( only thing to stop me from going is I don't drive and the venue is not on a bus route )

Rubberlegs · 24-06-2015 10:31AM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Wow. I wouldn't normally think inviting someone to only the afters was an insult, but inviting someone to come from abroad to only the afters?:rolleyes:

No wonder so few wanted to come to the wedding, I bet you went down in family history, and not in a good way.

We were invited to the afters of my cousin's daughter in England. Granted we don't know them well, but still! Between the price of flights, accommodation, dinner and having to get kids sorted here so we could go, there's not a hope I'm going for just the afters. To be honest if we had been invited to the whole day, I probably would have gone and made the weekend of it. It would have been lovely to catch up with family. It wouldn't enter my head to expect someone to travel all that way just for the afters of my wedding. I'd feel I was insulting them.

24-06-2015 10:32AM

messrs wrote: »

any suggestions on what to give as a gift for been invited to the afters - i've been asked to the evening part of a work colleagues wedding so wondering if I do go what should I be giving ? ( only thing to stop me from going is I don't drive and the venue is not on a bus route )

Depends on your budget, but a bottle of Moet is around €50.

MrWalsh · 24-06-2015 10:35AM

Cerbera wrote: »

Nowadays however most people give cash as a present, roughly €100 per person, which is way more than the cost of a meal so the guests basically pay for themselves

LOL!!!

You think a holding a wedding just costs the amount of the meal per person?

Theres the meal, the venue, the entertainment, the free booze, the decor, the gifty bits on each table.......

kfallon · 24-06-2015 10:38AM

Jon Stark wrote: »

I don't like weddings anyway so in the main I couldn't give a flying fcuk.

Most of them are shíte tbh, especially the ones where your own mates are not there!

I got invited to an afters recently, I politely declined the invitation, couldn't be arsed!

josip · 24-06-2015 10:39AM

cmssjone wrote: »

I have a large family overseas and I didn't really want them to all come (over 50 cousins) but tradition dictated all were asked. So I invited the aunts and uncles to the wedding and the cousins to the afters. I knew that most of the cousins wouldn't want to come just to the afters so many of the families decided not to come over to the wedding. Those cousins who did accept to come to the afters, I automatically invited to everything. Only a handful of aunts/uncles turned up and only 2 of the cousins and they were the ones that I liked anyway. Worked out perfectly!

Glad you're happy how it worked out.
Did you really expect cousins to come from overseas to an afters?
Would it have been better not to invite them at all?

pwurple · 24-06-2015 10:47AM

What an insight into loner boardsies this thread is...

I love weddings. I get to catch up with people I haven't seen in ages. Everyone looks great. We have a laugh, some drinks, some food and maybe a dance.

A wedding invite is a compliment, and a massive one at that. Not an insult.

irishejit · 24-06-2015 10:51AM

Wow....can't get over how sensitive some people are about this, just get over it you obviously aren't as important to the happy couple as you think, and some people will get offended by anything these days!

Also it's very dependent on how large the families are, vs how many friends you want to invite. I know I would rather have my friends there than cousins etc who i never seen, have nothing in common with but are expected to invite them because they are "family", my friends are more family to me.

Other factors could be things like the church having smaller capacity than the reception venue in some cases. If you aren't sitting through the church you ain't getting a feed!

As for gifts my rule is if I get an evening invite I don't get a gift. I'll be honest unless it was a really really close friend I'd far rather just be invited to the evening, saves the rigmarole of the rest of the day

Jon Stark · 24-06-2015 10:54AM

pwurple wrote: »

What an insight into loner boardsies this thread is...

I love weddings. I get to catch up with people I haven't seen in ages. Everyone looks great. We have a laugh, some drinks, some food and maybe a dance.

Or, the "loners" see the people that they want to see regularly and don't leave it until a wedding to catch up with them.

awec · 24-06-2015 11:08AM

messrs wrote: »

any suggestions on what to give as a gift for been invited to the afters - i've been asked to the evening part of a work colleagues wedding so wondering if I do go what should I be giving ? ( only thing to stop me from going is I don't drive and the venue is not on a bus route )

You don't have to give anything if you don't want. You won't look tight for turning up to the disco bit without a gift.

mickstupp · 24-06-2015 11:49AM

I would definitely be insulted if any of my friends invited me to their weddings. Ceremony or afters. Can't stand the things.

Is being invited to a wedding afters like an insult these days?

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