Is being invited to a wedding afters like an insult these days?

Cerbera

This came up in conversation earlier and I'd love to hear peoples opinions on it.

The logic behind the statement is this -

Years ago when it was customary for people going to a wedding to give a present like a toaster etc the afters was a way for the people getting married to have all their friends there without having the expense of paying for meals for everyone if they couldn't afford it. Nowadays however most people give cash as a present, roughly €100 per person, which is way more than the cost of a meal so the guests basically pay for themselves so asking people to an afters is unnecessary and anyone who gets an afters invitation is actually someone the people getting married didn't want at their wedding but feel they have to invite them because they're related / neighbours.

The conversation earlier was interesting to say the least

:eek:

JaseBelleVie

I'm actually happier to get an invite only to the afters. You get to congratulate the couple, have a few drinks and a meal and you save on the usually arse-numbing ceremony experience.

Nib

No, it's not. The ceremony is for family and close friends.

Everyone else is invited to the afters.

/thread

Lisha

No. You get to dance and enjoy the party while missing all the boring bits.
It's a night out. Enjoy it and Feic the begrudgers

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Depends on how well I know the couple. If they're annoying rwats, I don't want to go to the wedding.

El Weirdo

I think the OP means an 'evening' invite.

Fuck that shite. If I'm not getting fed, don't expect the usual €150-€200 'gift'.

recyclebin

If it was an evening invitation then it can be a bit of an insult.

Don't most people get invited to both the ceremony and the afters together anyway.

kneemos

The church bit has me day dreaming about pulling out an ouzi and spraying every last motherfcuking one of them.

The Backwards Man

If you think I'm not good enough to see you tie the knot, there's no way I'm going to watch you make a drunken twat of yourself.

Vojera

An invitation to the Plate-Lickers' Ball? No thanks!

Serious reply, depends on how well you know the couple and how far away the venue is. An invitation to an afters that's very far away is a bit crap.

Cerbera

I'm not invited to either, don't even know the couple, but I thought it was an interesting take on the whole evening invitation thing.

By the time I'd listened to everyone I was staring to thing the evening-only invite was actually fairly sh!tty.

In this case the venue is huge and far away and most people are going to the full wedding anyway and I could see the point of the couple who got the invite to the afters.

For what it's worth they're not going.

major bill

Wait hold on a minute, obviously people are under the wrong impression of what the ''afters'' is,

the afters to me was always an evening invite which I think the way weddings have gone is a bit of an insult,

whats this ''Afters'' that includes the meal???? your either invited to the full wedding including meal or invited to the afters never knew there was an inbetween.

Vojera

Cerbera wrote: »

In this case the venue is huge and far away and most people are going to the full wedding anyway and I could see the point of the couple who got the invite to the after.

Getting an invitation to the afters where the venue is very far away stinks of "We feel obliged to invite you but don't give enough of a sh1t about you to invite you to the whole thing."

When weddings were always held locally to the bride's family it was normal to give afters invitations to practically the whole village where I'm from. But once weddings started moving to fancier hotels that stopped.

The_Valeyard

major bill wrote: »

Wait hold on a minute, obviously people are under the wrong impression of what the ''afters'' is,

the afters to me was always an evening invite which I think the way weddings have gone is a bit of an insult,

whats this ''Afters'' that includes the meal???? your either invited to the full wedding including meal or invited to the afters never knew there was an inbetween.

yeah, im confused also.

Afters -you arrive for the dancing and drinking after all the speeches

Whole day - ceremony, pre-drinks, dinner, speeches.

Cerbera

Just to clarify what I meant by "afters" is the bit where the band are playing, the meal and speeches and all that are well over and the only food that may be there at that stage will be the cocktail sausages

AndonHandon

Cerbera wrote: »

Just to clarify what I meant by "afters" is the bit where the band are playing, the meal and speeches and all that are well over and the only food that may be there at that stage will be the cocktail sausages

Fcuk that.

kneemos

Cerbera wrote: »

Just to clarify what I meant by "afters" is the bit where the band are playing, the meal and speeches and all that are well over and the only food that may be there at that stage will be the cocktail sausages

After the Goats have changed hands.

Sounds like a finance scam.

anncoates

Yeah it's an insult because everyone I've ever worked with, been acquainted with or lived near has to be my bestie or I cry.

Paramite Pie

Cerbera wrote: »

In this case the venue is huge and far away and most people are going to the full wedding anyway and I could see the point of the couple who got the invite to the afters.

How exactly are the couple acquainted with the bride/groom? It's not necessarily offensive. Would the couple have gone to the full wedding if invited?

Spanish Eyes

Afters are the best bit. You get great grub (the afters now have fish n chips and mini burgers and lots of nice stuff, sometimes better than the main feckin meal!)

Then you have a dance and a few jars. Then you go home.

Best bit... you don't have to sit through hours of boredom during the day, AND the speeches.

Seriously though, Afters are usually for colleagues, or neighbours. The B+G want them to be there, but they and the Afters guests KNOW they are not for the full day.

If I was asked to an afters as a colleague or neighbour etc. I'd be delighted.

Be open and enjoy folks.

Butterface

I don't see the point of inviting people to the "afters" considering the happy couple will likely recoup the cost of the wedding and a lot more! So really, they could just invite them to the whole thing. By that time of the evening many of the guests will be well on it, and you probably would only get a minute or two of the Bride and Groom's attention. I don't get it!

I was at a colleague's wedding a few years back and some of the older ladies from the office were invited in the evening. One came by after the Saturday evening mass with her two daughters in tow and then sat there for about an hour eating cocktail sausages and drinking 7-up. I don't know why she bothered!

errlloyd

Only getting to the wedding invite age now just been invited to my first one, and didn't realise the cash gift was the norm, glad we've sorted that out.

As for getting invited to the afters, I get the impression inviting weddings guests is the worst job any couple has to do ever. I have complete sympathy for them, so they can do what they want. I'd never begrudge a groom.

Mint Aero

Cerbera wrote: »

The conversation earlier was interesting to say the least

:eek:

Pity I wasn't there. Would've been more interesting than your attempt.

awec

I think you'd have to be a pretty sad individual to be insulted by it.

Grayson

I've been invited to afters a few times. I don't mind. It's been occasions when the couple are strapped for cash and only invited close family to the wedding.

lulu1

El Weirdo wrote: »

I think the OP means an 'evening' invite.

Fuck that shite. If I'm not getting fed, don't expect the usual €150-€200 'gift'.

But thats the thing they will expect it

deco nate

awec wrote: »

I think you'd have to be a pretty sad individual to be insulted by it.

I'm insulted by this post...

















.. Em, wait....

lulu1

The way I look at it is

If I'm not good enough to be invited to the wedding i'm not good enough to be invited to the afters

Ps I dont want to be invited to the frecking wedding anyway

I have got 2 invites for a 40th and 60th later on in the year and everyone has to pay for their own meal

Happy feking birthday

Spanish Eyes

After invitees would not give the same amount as a full time guest.

At least I wouldn't anyway, but I'd be generous, and give half the amount of the full timers.

Missing the church/registry office an hanging around starving for ages, and having to listen to the speeches, and then hang around some more sounds like bliss to me.

What's not to like.

major bill

awec wrote: »

I think you'd have to be a pretty sad individual to be insulted by it.

Equally a sad individual to travel down the country for one on a bus

someone touched on it earlier, Tough decision and not one I begrudge the bride or groom in making when listing whos going. not really insulted (wrong word to use) just wouldnt be bothered Unless it was on me Doorstep.

Different strokes for Different Folks though. I know many couples that never bothered having a afters at their wedding. seems to be a thing of the past.

cmssjone

I have a large family overseas and I didn't really want them to all come (over 50 cousins) but tradition dictated all were asked. So I invited the aunts and uncles to the wedding and the cousins to the afters. I knew that most of the cousins wouldn't want to come just to the afters so many of the families decided not to come over to the wedding. Those cousins who did accept to come to the afters, I automatically invited to everything. Only a handful of aunts/uncles turned up and only 2 of the cousins and they were the ones that I liked anyway. Worked out perfectly!

jimgoose

Yes. I've been invited to wedding "afters" a few times. I usually completely ignore it, once I went for a couple of hours and sent the fcukers an invoice for my time afterwards.

dubscottie

I am glad I only get asked to the afters.. I don't do religion and parents were Protestant so cant be arsed..

Being "told" to do the prayer thing at the last wedding was enough.. Refuse to go to a wedding now unless its the afters.

I got pissed off asking everyone "what happens next" because I didn't have a clue!.

Oops69

Afters are a nightmare , the first thing you're confronted with are overtired sweaty chocolate smeared faces of little page boys and girls tearing around the dance floor , knocking over drinks and annoying everyone , then you get stared up and down at like a Second class citizen by the 'real' guests with the 'hats ' and ' good suits '. The afters is concept from The seventies and eighties and needs to die , in fact the conventional irish wedding really needs to jump into the late 2oth century , let alone the 21 St

NachoBusiness

Not as much an insult as being asked to the honeymoon afters would be.

Spanish Eyes

I dislike weddings but I like a party.

So the Afters is perfect.

Can someone tell me that they absolutely LOVE the whole wedding day mumbo jumbo, and bridezillas, and hanging around and all that?

You must be masochists so.

Butterface

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I dislike weddings but I like a party.

So the Afters is perfect.

Can someone tell me that they absolutely LOVE the whole wedding day mumbo jumbo, and bridezillas, and hanging around and all that?

You must be masochists so.

But the "party" part of a wedding day is only fun because you're absolutely bollixed from a day of drinking and having craic throughout the day with the other guests. I don't want to turn up halfway through the night and stand at the bar catching up.

In saying that, I wouldn't be insulted about being invited to the evening part. I just wouldn't go.

Spanish Eyes

Butterface wrote: »

But the "party" part of a wedding day is only fun because you're absolutely bollixed from a day of drinking and having craic throughout the day with the other guests. I don't want to turn up halfway through the night and stand at the bar catching up.

In saying that, I wouldn't be insulted about being invited to the evening part. I just wouldn't go.

But you can always go and a few before the Afters aswell! Then you'd be grand and sure the rest of them who were there all day are delighted to see a new face, great craic for sure.

Have to say the afters invite is a relief to me, as opposed to the full gig.

But having said that there are lots of occasions when I didn't go either. Depends on where it is, and who is inviting me.

liz lemoncello

I'm a horribly cynical person, but I have to ask; is afters not just another way to get more gifts/$?

Electric Sheep

cmssjone wrote: »

I have a large family overseas and I didn't really want them to all come (over 50 cousins) but tradition dictated all were asked. So I invited the aunts and uncles to the wedding and the cousins to the afters. I knew that most of the cousins wouldn't want to come just to the afters so many of the families decided not to come over to the wedding. Those cousins who did accept to come to the afters, I automatically invited to everything. Only a handful of aunts/uncles turned up and only 2 of the cousins and they were the ones that I liked anyway. Worked out perfectly!

Wow. I wouldn't normally think inviting someone to only the afters was an insult, but inviting someone to come from abroad to only the afters?:rolleyes:

No wonder so few wanted to come to the wedding, I bet you went down in family history, and not in a good way.

Robsweezie

After party = afterthought

gormdubhgorm

awec wrote: »

I think you'd have to be a pretty sad individual to be insulted by it.

I saw this and I was thinking I wonder if the moderator would be happy with that persons comment?
Then I saw "moderator" beside the username!

But yeah your spot on. I think it is mostly women who get insulted all this wedding invite craic lets be honest!

gossipgirl10

A lot of people on the thread seem to be of the opinion that if people are giving decent cash gifts then they are paying for themselves and should be asked to the whole thing but putting together a guest list can be a nightmare for a bride and groom. If you come from a bigger family and have your parents insisting that Jimmy and Mary from over the road come because they were at their daughters wedding I'd imagine it gets hard to narrow down a list to what the venue can accommodate.

I do think it's a bit of an insult to be invited to the afters of a wedding either invite the person or don't and live with the consequences I do however think it's fine to give afters invites to people like the bride or grooms siblings friends that they wouldn't have at the whole wedding but that their siblings would like to have there later for the party

Robsweezie

I always felt the afters was for the irrelevant tag -alongs who aren't majorly important or even liked by the bride and groom, but would kick up an almighty stink if they weren't asked. And some who are nice people but just not close enough to be in the inner circle of "real" guests.

Are people seriously that sensitive nowadays that when they get invited to a party they take it as an insult? What the fcuk.

Boom_Bap

It's all about the after after party.

Menas

Boom_Bap wrote: »

It's all about the after after party.

Ah here, if someone invited me to the 'residents bar' part of the wedding that starts at 1am I would probably be delighted.

Cut out all the other wedding crap and get down to the serious boozing business!

deise08

I had two different cousins get married last year.

The first invited my parents and my sister to the wedding. ( we then got invites to the afters the night before the wedding.)

The second invited the parents and the brother to the wedding. ( we then hot invites to the afters two weeks before the wedding.) which to me was the second round of invites after they had gotten their replies from their first set of invites.

Let's face it - weddings, well, the ceremony, are incredibly boring. You sit on extraordinarily uncomfortable seats, awkwardly making small talk with people near you, listening to some old man prattling on for ages, then when the good part happens - exchanging of the rings - you've got ages to go afterwards.

Jon Stark

Only recently got to know someone and she ended up inviting me to her wedding afters. I was chuffed tbh.

Depends who it is and situation really. Like if I invited someone to my wedding only to get invited to their afters, that's a bit of a snub.

I don't like weddings anyway so in the main I couldn't give a flying fcuk.

messrs

any suggestions on what to give as a gift for been invited to the afters - i've been asked to the evening part of a work colleagues wedding so wondering if I do go what should I be giving ? ( only thing to stop me from going is I don't drive and the venue is not on a bus route )