Trivial things that annoy you part 479

Menas · 19-06-2015 08:11AM

Lying down about to go in to an MRI scanner....need to fart...but two nurses fussing over me. Eventually I go in...have my fart while getting scanned.
I wonder if an MRI scanner can pick up a fart?

bnt · 19-06-2015 09:27AM

Menas wrote: »

I wonder if an MRI scanner can pick up a fart?

As long as you don't fart any ferrous metals, you should be grand. Don't try and take your phone in to the machine, though, that would be Very Bad. :eek:

The worst thing about the MRI, in my experience, is having to keep so still for so long. I don't mind the noise so much, with earplugs in it sounds like bad Gabber Techno and I go in to a trance ...

jimgoose · 19-06-2015 09:28AM

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I was doing a race thing last weekend, someone farted, then said 'OH OH' after it rather than 'oooppps'.

And then someone further back that heard the fart said 'you don't let them slip out after the 6km mark'

I find that about half-way through a long walk I'm like the anti-lag on a rally car.

Medusa22 · 19-06-2015 10:15AM

mud wrote: »

My friend who is mostly normal (ish) has tried to tell me several times that she doesn't fart.

I told her that if she doesn't fart when she's awake then she must be farting like a ginnet when she's asleep!

She was very, very angry with me :pac:

I was always trying to be polite and ladylike and hold in my farts around my ex-boyfriend. Well, that back fired, literally, apparently I was farting away like a trooper in my sleep, which he informed me with glee :pac:

fussyonion · 19-06-2015 10:22AM

Bedsheets popping off the corners of the bed.
No matter what size I buy, they always come away.

And my other half gets into the bed and seems to take the sheet with him cos he puts one knee on the bed and slides in.
I've taken to telling him how to get into bed.
I'm sad.

AndyBoBandy · 19-06-2015 10:30AM

fussyonion wrote: »

Bedsheets popping off the corners of the bed.
No matter what size I buy, they always come away.

underneath each corner, where the elastic but goes under the mattress, a couple of well placed safety pins, to hold the 4 corners in place.

Menas · 19-06-2015 03:59PM

Spend ages blowing up the paddling pool. Fill it with water. I even spent ages making a lid for it to stop dirt blowing in there.
Collect the wee fella from creche.
He dips a toe in there and tell me that he does not like it.....fck it. I am going to grab a beer and sit in it myself!

valoren · 19-06-2015 04:05PM

kfallon wrote: »

There's nothing like letting off a good ripper early in the morn, great way to start the day :P

I got in the Ground Floor lift at work as per usual.
It was empty, I pushed the button for the 3rd floor and the doors closed.
All well. I'm alone so I decided to let one off. It stank. Putrid.

Unfortunately I forgot about the -1 floor and the lift said it was "Going Down!" :eek:

The people who called the lift were confronted with a horrible smell and myself wearing a "Yes, it was me" expression.

eisenberg1 · 19-06-2015 04:08PM

Menas wrote: »

Spend ages blowing up the paddling pool. Fill it with water. I even spent ages making a lid for it to stop dirt blowing in there.
Collect the wee fella from creche.
He dips a toe in there and tell me that he does not like it.....fck it. I am going to grab a beer and sit in it myself!

Get some of the farters from around here to join you and turn it in to a jacuzzi:D

Menas · 19-06-2015 04:09PM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

Get some of the farters from around here to join you and turn it in to a jacuzzi:D

Ha ha! I was waiting for the first smart arse to crack that joke! Take a bow son.

Son Of A Vidic · 19-06-2015 04:11PM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

Get some of the farters from around here to join you and turn it in to a jacuzzi:D

Jacuzzi? More like Old Faithful...:pac:

wp_rathead · 19-06-2015 04:11PM

Those things in the airport - kinda like flat escalators that are just on the floor
Well people who DON'T walk when on them- those people who just stand there and get in your way

Son Of A Vidic · 19-06-2015 04:52PM

All this recent talk of farts, reminds me of a horrific trauma I endured some years ago with an old flame. Timing as they say is everything and this couldn't have happened at a worse time.:(

We were in the midst of a wonderful copulation session, when I noticed her smiling and then trying not to smile. Now since I knew she already had her bit of fun, I guessed it wasn't a failing on my part. So then I began to wonder was I making some weird sex face.

Anyway, my speculation quickly ended as she then began to say - "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." and I said Sorry?....sorry for wha..." and then it happened. She let out what can only be described as a monstrous elephant fart, of Richter Scale proportions which must have lasted for 10 seconds.

I hung on in desperation, determined not to miss my happy ending. Feck it, if she had hers, I was having mine. When her gaseous eruption subsided and the laughing died down, I was so proud that I had remained on target and was able to quickly recommence my quest.

Sadly my smugness was quickly ended, because it turned out I was actually gassing myself with every movement I made. My face must have been a sight, because she erupted into hysterics and she was also probably enjoying her own scent.

She laughed and laughed, I laughed and I cried. But mostly I cried. I had lost the will to live, I had failed in my quest. Only an NBC suit would have helped me to complete the quest.

Now I've played a lot of sports, been on a lot of teams and trained in a lot of gyms. But I had never before and never since, experienced such a vile cloud of arse methane. It was like having a sack of rotten eggs tied around your head, trapped in a lift full of Guinness fart.

What that beautiful creature unleashed upon me that night was beyond human. It should have been classified as a weapon of mass destruction.

retro:electro · 19-06-2015 04:59PM

Oh dear god I actually can't stop laughing hilarious

TomBtheGoat · 19-06-2015 05:06PM

Note to self: Don't drink coffee while reading a Corvus post. That's the second time this week, I've sprayed coffee on my monitor.

Wanderer2010 · 19-06-2015 05:08PM

People who, having just spent upwards of an hour or more in the departure gates with plenty of toilets nearby, get STRAIGHT UP and go to the toilet the moment the seat-belt sign is off. Would you not just go before a flight so as to stop any panicky trips to the toilet 2 minutes into the flight???

Also, people who order large amounts of food on a short (2 hours or less) flight, again despite the fact that there are often plenty of cafes and stalls in the same area as departure gates. What the hell are people doing that they seem completely blind to toilets and cafes?:mad::mad:

KatW4 · 19-06-2015 05:10PM

People who tell you how to live your life as if they know what's best for you and you can't make your own decisions.

LynnGrace · 19-06-2015 05:24PM

Guy in the queue behind me today, when I was buying my lunch, saying to the girl at the till, '€3.40 for them, I could buy two of them for €3 n a shop'
Girl nodded and smiled patiently. I wish she had said 'well **** off so, and buy two of them, in a shop'.

He wasn't even buying the damn pastry or whatever he was mithering about. And I'm sure he must know that staff don't set the prices in chain coffee shops... :rolleyes:

Aglomerado · 19-06-2015 06:31PM

Walking near work today and a convoy of wedding cars is stopped at junction while I cross. No sooner have I stepped off the footpath then they all start honking their horns. Jesus the cacophony!!! I suffer from hyperacusis and my ears are still ringing! The guests (not the newly weds in the lead car) were hanging out of the car windows too, and screaming. What are you supposed to do, wave at them? bless yourself? Genuflect? Throw shredded aldi receipts at them like confetti? Bloody attention seekers.

wp_rathead · 19-06-2015 06:36PM

Special place reserved in hell for people who have full blown phone conversations on a quiet bus
I want to stab the guy two seats behind me

Public_Enema · 19-06-2015 06:42PM

Menas wrote: »

He dips a toe in there and tell me that he does not like it.....fck it. I am going to grab a beer and sit in it myself!

I bought a paddling pool two years ago and there's no kids in my house. When the warm weather arrives, out comes the pool with a few beers to hand.

DareGod · 19-06-2015 08:06PM

Between friends' birthdays, nephews' and nieces' christenings and birthdays, both here and abroad, mothers day, fathers day, people's anniversaries.... I feel like I'm tripping over myself trying to keep up with all the cards I've to send, and I keep f**king up and forgetting. Is it just me or do they all seem to come at once? It's exhausting trying to keep up.

I'm single, no kids, and I don't celebrate my birthday. Nobody's gotta send me nothin'.

Raymond Darcy · 19-06-2015 08:50PM

The amount of hidden sugars there are in everything these days...

Pumpkinseeds · 19-06-2015 09:43PM

The aul Cork fella on the train to Dublin on Wednesday. We decided to sit in the quiet zone, yeah that didn't work out so well... There were 2 aul fellas from Cork, travelling seperately and alone. One of them started chatting to some random aul ones across the aisle from him about the history of the primary school he attended and had to insert AND between years, as in 19 hundred AND 67, just to make it that much more tedious. I don't give a fcuk about the history of parishes and their populaces 400 years ago. He didn't come up for breath between Limerick Junction and Heuston:mad:

To add to the misery, the other aul Cork fella decided to have a go at the 2 young foreign ladies who were pushing the shop trolley around. He was roaring at them that they 'let a lot of people down not coming around with the trolley earlier on' and that they were a disgrace etc etc. That backfired on him because people put him straight very fast. So a stressful trip to Dublin. On the plus side I discovered a new favourite cocktail that night, Manhattans.:) I highly recommend them.;)

Pumpkinseeds · 19-06-2015 09:46PM

Raymond Darcy wrote: »

The amount of hidden sugars there are in everything these days...

Yeah, I've noticed that a lot of low fat foods are very high in sugar. I didn't used to read labels other than to buy something claiming to be low fat. When I switched to piscetarian food I had to start reading food labeling. It's amazing how many foods contain beef or pork gelatine, especially sweets.:(

Samsgirl · 19-06-2015 10:38PM

Can't sleep. Too warm.

Robsweezie · 20-06-2015 02:18AM

trying to listen to the news on the radio and someone either talks over it or starts rustling bags as loud as they can.

Raymond Darcy · 20-06-2015 05:33AM

Too many unhealthy snacks/crisps full of salt and fat in the shops.

SoupyNorman · 20-06-2015 06:10AM

People who cant make a simple decision.

The wife, mother-in law and sister in law here yesterday evening trying to decide on what take-away to get. In all fairness I usually take charge but I said no, this time I'll see how and when they actually reach a decision.

Twas as infuriating as it was fascinating, you can tell they knew what they wanted but were too afraid to upset the other person.

The conversation went along the lines of:

"What do you want"

"Eh, dont mind"

"What about you"

"Eh, dont mind either"

"Right, so where will I go"

"Emmmmmm"

Oh good god my insides were churning with annoyance.

Rubberlegs · 20-06-2015 09:46AM

Being tired after a week of very early starts with the youngest. So today at 7.30 (yay, a lie in!) when she got up , I couldn't move. She took full advantage of this and was rooting through everything in the bedroom. I rarely wear make up, but she found my blusher and took the little brush out of it:(. She says she has put it "somewhere safe".

Trivial things that annoy you part 479

Comments