Family member died I really need your help

#1 · 16-06-2015 03:12PM #1

I am going to my godmothers funeral on Thursday and i really help. I am a pallbearer what should i wear? and my wfe what is the require dress code? (Ireland only plz)

jimgoose · 16-06-2015 03:13PM

Black suit, smart shoes and a clean white shirt with a tie. No fancy-dan funny business.

bmwguy · 16-06-2015 03:14PM

Get it off this forum for a start.....people will take the piss on this part of boards.ie and if you are genuinely grieving may not see the funny side. Just a suggestion, there are other forums more suitable

ROAAAR · 16-06-2015 03:14PM

Wear dark clothing, a suit if you have it although don't be worrying about what you wear. Sorry for your loss.

16-06-2015 03:14PM

Agreed - black shoes, suit, white shirt, and a black tie. Dress respectfully. Sorry for your loss.

alchemist33 · 16-06-2015 03:15PM

Sorry to hear about your bereavement. Black suit and black tie, white shirt. for the wife, something sober and dark.

But don't sweat about it -- you have enough to be worrying about.

LadyFenghuang · 16-06-2015 03:25PM

I'm very sorry OP. It might not be best to ask on here. Perhaps ask what others are wearing? A dark suit I think is usual.

16-06-2015 03:27PM

LadyFenghuang wrote: »

I'm very sorry OP. It might not be best to ask on here. Perhaps ask what others are wearing? A dark suit I think is usual.

bmwguy wrote: »

Get it off this forum for a start.....people will take the piss on this part of boards.ie and if you are genuinely grieving may not see the funny side. Just a suggestion, there are other forums more suitable

I don't get this. After Hours can be a fantastic place for discussion. And the OP has already received pretty decent advice.

Kevhog1988 · 16-06-2015 03:27PM

Black suit, black shoes, White shirt, Black tie
Your wife maybe a black dress or something similar

To any of the idiots who will inevitably attempt to troll this thread because its in after hours get a life.

biko · 16-06-2015 03:29PM

What everyone else said - white shirt, everything else black.

Wasn't there another person on here a while back with the same question?

The Backwards Man · 16-06-2015 03:32PM

As long as it's not something from a 70s glam rock band, nobody will be too bothered what you or your wife are wearing. Just be respectable.

ROAAAR · 16-06-2015 03:34PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't get this. After Hours can be a fantastic place for discussion. And the OP has already received pretty decent advice.

But it's not always the case unfortunately. But I do like seeing serious posts in after hours getting serious replies for such things.

ThinkProgress · 16-06-2015 03:36PM

For yourself:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YZerwU5ce9w/Tts7I3UsS2I/AAAAAAAABP0/SMzZEoJ3wLY/s1600/Keanu-Reeve-Matrix-Neo-The-One-Reloaded-Wallpaper.jpg

For your lady:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f3/90/9d/f3909d234008b0ae765acd4654bb1899.jpg

Old school is boring! (You're welcome)

endacl · 16-06-2015 03:36PM

ROAAAR wrote: »

But it's not always the case unfortunately. But I do like seeing serious posts in after hours getting serious replies for such things.

It's normally safe enough around leaving cert time...

Sorry for your loss, op.

Public_Enema · 16-06-2015 03:47PM

As most have suggested, black suit, white shirt, black tie and black shoes. If you don't have the suit, then wear dark clothes. And if you don't have a black tie, then don't wear any tie.

pmasterson95 · 16-06-2015 03:54PM

I agree with everyone else dark suit. But how well did you know her? Like some people would dislike dark as "mourning" their death and prefer people to wear brighter colours to act as a "celebration" of their life? Does anyone get me? I went to a funeral and there was no black at all the woman wanted it to be a celebration of her life so just wanted bright joyous colours.

I'd agree with the dark as I think thats right for about 90% of Funerals but maybe try to see what others are wearing in case its a set thing. Or even just make sure you match the other pallbearers

Suprised no ones barged in saying nothing or barney suit. After Hours can be classy. I never knew that.

murpho999 · 16-06-2015 04:01PM

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

padd b1975 · 16-06-2015 04:06PM

The last funeral I was at, hardly any of the male mourners wore the dark suit, white shirt and black tie combo.

As you are carrying the coffin you should definitely wear a suit and a neutral tie.

Sorry for the loss.

arch_stanton · 16-06-2015 04:10PM

If like me you just have a wardrobe of jean and t-shirts you can get the standard black suit, tie etc from the usual dress hire companies

5starpool · 16-06-2015 04:15PM

murpho999 wrote: »

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

Generally close family members would tend to wear the black suit/tie if possible. Otherwise just something not too garish and no one will care. even at that it won;t be a concern of most, but for a grandmother you should try and wear a suit if you can for the actual funeral part.

LadyFenghuang · 16-06-2015 04:34PM

Ask your fellow pallbearers.

You guys are there for each other. Strong gentlemen have been chosen for a reason to bear the physical weight and metaphorical burden of grief. Err on the side of conservative. Dark colors. Don't worry too much. The man is not chosen for the suit.

I'm sorry. RIP take care of yourself.

Kovu · 16-06-2015 04:37PM

Either a black suit or a dark pinstripe if you have one. White shirt and a dark/neutral tie. Formal wear in other words.

LadyFenghuang wrote: »

You guys are there for each other. Strong gentlemen have been chosen for a reason to bear the physical weight and metaphorical burden of grief. Err on the side of conservative. Dark colors. Don't worry too much. The man is not chosen for the suit.

Not meaning to go off thread topic here but women can be pallbearers too.

listermint · 16-06-2015 04:39PM

murpho999 wrote: »

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

All immediate family wear Dark Ties, its the done thing.

LadyFenghuang · 16-06-2015 04:39PM

Kovu wrote: »

Either a black suit or a dark pinstripe if you have one. White shirt and a dark/neutral tie. Formal wear in other words.

Not meaning to go off thread topic here but women can be pallbearers too.

Of course. It was a figure of speech kindly meant. :-)

The Cool · 16-06-2015 09:06PM

If you're a pallbearer then definitely you should be in the more formally dressed of the mourners, black suit, tie, check with the others.
It's kind of easier for women. I went to my Gran's funeral at christmas, wore a dark green dress, with black jacket and black tights and it was fine.

Sorry for your loss OP.

16-06-2015 09:12PM

Ask the other pallbearers what they are wearing. Not many go down the black suit route. A neat suit, shirt and tie would be usual. Best ask others though. Sorry for your loss. You are doing a good thing honouring a special person. Your wife need only dress smart in a not too bright colour.

looksee · 16-06-2015 09:24PM

Sorry for your loss OP. Much of the dark suit formality has gone now, but I think you should try and check out what the general preference is. I don't think it need be a black suit unless it is requested, smart darkish clothing - even a dark trousers and shirt - would probably be ok. If it is a 'celebration of life' funeral then you might prefer not to be in black.

Slightly aside, my mother's funeral was a 'definitely not black' funeral (she hated black and did not have any black clothes in her wardrobe) but a colourful celebration of life. One of the ladies who attended was more of an acquaintance than a friend, but she was not slow to tell all of us in the family how much she disapproved of this lack of respect and formality!

ProudDUB · 16-06-2015 09:35PM

Wear the darkest suit you have. If it's not black, it should be ok, as people don't usually own black suits these days....Dark? Yes. Black? Not necessarily. Plain white shirt and plain black tie.

Check in with the person who asked you to be a pall bearer and/or the other pall bearers. They won't expect you to go out and buy a brand new suit just for the funeral, but they may still want you you to be in black, if you are a pall bearer. They may presume that you'll know to borrow one if you don't own one, so check in and see what THEY want you to do.

These days, there is no one set standard for every single Irish family, that everyone abides by. It used to be that a black suit was standard, but things have changed now. Some families want all black. Some families are ok with darkish attire. Some families really don't care. You won't know what your family would prefer, until you ask them.

Eutow · 16-06-2015 09:37PM

tonyheaney wrote: »

I am going to my godmothers funeral on Thursday and i really help. I am a pallbearer what should i wear? and my wfe what is the require dress code? (Ireland only plz)

A black suit, white shirt, and black tie. My cousin's father died a few years ago and he was a pallbearer. You will be fine with that. Sorry for your loss.

Stheno · 16-06-2015 09:38PM

looksee wrote: »

Slightly aside, my mother's funeral was a 'definitely not black' funeral (she hated black and did not have any black clothes in her wardrobe) but a colourful celebration of life. One of the ladies who attended was more of an acquaintance than a friend, but she was not slow to tell all of us in the family how much she disapproved of this lack of respect and formality!

Same with my fathers funeral, he had insisted beforehand that he wanted it to be a celebration and there was to be no black.

A few of my work colleagues were dumbfounded to find us wearing bright dresses etc

@OP Sorry for your loss

lizzyman · 16-06-2015 09:41PM

A dark suit in navy or charcoal grey is fine. White shirt, sober plain tie. I remember reading that black suits were pretty uncommon until around 1990 so don't feel like you have to go out and buy/rent a black suit just for the occasion. If you don't have a suit then dark pants and a shirt is fine. You'll want to avoid jeans.

Family member died I really need your help

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