Family member died I really need your help

tonyheaney

I am going to my godmothers funeral on Thursday and i really help. I am a pallbearer what should i wear? and my wfe what is the require dress code? (Ireland only plz)

jimgoose

Black suit, smart shoes and a clean white shirt with a tie. No fancy-dan funny business.

bmwguy

Get it off this forum for a start.....people will take the piss on this part of boards.ie and if you are genuinely grieving may not see the funny side. Just a suggestion, there are other forums more suitable

ROAAAR

Wear dark clothing, a suit if you have it although don't be worrying about what you wear. Sorry for your loss.

Agreed - black shoes, suit, white shirt, and a black tie. Dress respectfully. Sorry for your loss.

alchemist33

Sorry to hear about your bereavement. Black suit and black tie, white shirt. for the wife, something sober and dark.

But don't sweat about it -- you have enough to be worrying about.

LadyFenghuang

I'm very sorry OP. It might not be best to ask on here. Perhaps ask what others are wearing? A dark suit I think is usual.

LadyFenghuang

LadyFenghuang wrote: »

I'm very sorry OP. It might not be best to ask on here. Perhaps ask what others are wearing? A dark suit I think is usual.

bmwguy wrote: »

Get it off this forum for a start.....people will take the piss on this part of boards.ie and if you are genuinely grieving may not see the funny side. Just a suggestion, there are other forums more suitable

I don't get this. After Hours can be a fantastic place for discussion. And the OP has already received pretty decent advice.

Kevhog1988

Black suit, black shoes, White shirt, Black tie
Your wife maybe a black dress or something similar


To any of the idiots who will inevitably attempt to troll this thread because its in after hours get a life.

biko

What everyone else said - white shirt, everything else black.

Wasn't there another person on here a while back with the same question?

The Backwards Man

As long as it's not something from a 70s glam rock band, nobody will be too bothered what you or your wife are wearing. Just be respectable.

ROAAAR

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't get this. After Hours can be a fantastic place for discussion. And the OP has already received pretty decent advice.

But it's not always the case unfortunately. But I do like seeing serious posts in after hours getting serious replies for such things.

ThinkProgress

For yourself:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YZerwU5ce9w/Tts7I3UsS2I/AAAAAAAABP0/SMzZEoJ3wLY/s1600/Keanu-Reeve-Matrix-Neo-The-One-Reloaded-Wallpaper.jpg

For your lady:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f3/90/9d/f3909d234008b0ae765acd4654bb1899.jpg


Old school is boring! (You're welcome)

endacl

ROAAAR wrote: »

But it's not always the case unfortunately. But I do like seeing serious posts in after hours getting serious replies for such things.

It's normally safe enough around leaving cert time...

Sorry for your loss, op.

Public_Enema

As most have suggested, black suit, white shirt, black tie and black shoes. If you don't have the suit, then wear dark clothes. And if you don't have a black tie, then don't wear any tie.

pmasterson95

I agree with everyone else dark suit. But how well did you know her? Like some people would dislike dark as "mourning" their death and prefer people to wear brighter colours to act as a "celebration" of their life? Does anyone get me? I went to a funeral and there was no black at all the woman wanted it to be a celebration of her life so just wanted bright joyous colours.


I'd agree with the dark as I think thats right for about 90% of Funerals but maybe try to see what others are wearing in case its a set thing. Or even just make sure you match the other pallbearers


Suprised no ones barged in saying nothing or barney suit. After Hours can be classy. I never knew that.

murpho999

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

padd b1975

The last funeral I was at, hardly any of the male mourners wore the dark suit, white shirt and black tie combo.

As you are carrying the coffin you should definitely wear a suit and a neutral tie.

Sorry for the loss.

arch_stanton

If like me you just have a wardrobe of jean and t-shirts you can get the standard black suit, tie etc from the usual dress hire companies

5starpool

murpho999 wrote: »

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

Generally close family members would tend to wear the black suit/tie if possible. Otherwise just something not too garish and no one will care. even at that it won;t be a concern of most, but for a grandmother you should try and wear a suit if you can for the actual funeral part.

LadyFenghuang

Ask your fellow pallbearers.

You guys are there for each other. Strong gentlemen have been chosen for a reason to bear the physical weight and metaphorical burden of grief. Err on the side of conservative. Dark colors. Don't worry too much. The man is not chosen for the suit.

I'm sorry. RIP take care of yourself.

Kovu

Either a black suit or a dark pinstripe if you have one. White shirt and a dark/neutral tie. Formal wear in other words.

LadyFenghuang wrote: »

You guys are there for each other. Strong gentlemen have been chosen for a reason to bear the physical weight and metaphorical burden of grief. Err on the side of conservative. Dark colors. Don't worry too much. The man is not chosen for the suit.

Not meaning to go off thread topic here but women can be pallbearers too.

listermint

murpho999 wrote: »

I would disagree about the black tie as not everyone would wear then at funerals nowadays.

Just sensible non flash clothing would be my advice.

All immediate family wear Dark Ties, its the done thing.

LadyFenghuang

Kovu wrote: »

Either a black suit or a dark pinstripe if you have one. White shirt and a dark/neutral tie. Formal wear in other words.



Not meaning to go off thread topic here but women can be pallbearers too.

Of course. It was a figure of speech kindly meant. :-)

The Cool

If you're a pallbearer then definitely you should be in the more formally dressed of the mourners, black suit, tie, check with the others.
It's kind of easier for women. I went to my Gran's funeral at christmas, wore a dark green dress, with black jacket and black tights and it was fine.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Ask the other pallbearers what they are wearing. Not many go down the black suit route. A neat suit, shirt and tie would be usual. Best ask others though. Sorry for your loss. You are doing a good thing honouring a special person. Your wife need only dress smart in a not too bright colour.

looksee

Sorry for your loss OP. Much of the dark suit formality has gone now, but I think you should try and check out what the general preference is. I don't think it need be a black suit unless it is requested, smart darkish clothing - even a dark trousers and shirt - would probably be ok. If it is a 'celebration of life' funeral then you might prefer not to be in black.

Slightly aside, my mother's funeral was a 'definitely not black' funeral (she hated black and did not have any black clothes in her wardrobe) but a colourful celebration of life. One of the ladies who attended was more of an acquaintance than a friend, but she was not slow to tell all of us in the family how much she disapproved of this lack of respect and formality!

ProudDUB

Wear the darkest suit you have. If it's not black, it should be ok, as people don't usually own black suits these days....Dark? Yes. Black? Not necessarily. Plain white shirt and plain black tie.

Check in with the person who asked you to be a pall bearer and/or the other pall bearers. They won't expect you to go out and buy a brand new suit just for the funeral, but they may still want you you to be in black, if you are a pall bearer. They may presume that you'll know to borrow one if you don't own one, so check in and see what THEY want you to do.

These days, there is no one set standard for every single Irish family, that everyone abides by. It used to be that a black suit was standard, but things have changed now. Some families want all black. Some families are ok with darkish attire. Some families really don't care. You won't know what your family would prefer, until you ask them.

Eutow

tonyheaney wrote: »

I am going to my godmothers funeral on Thursday and i really help. I am a pallbearer what should i wear? and my wfe what is the require dress code? (Ireland only plz)

A black suit, white shirt, and black tie. My cousin's father died a few years ago and he was a pallbearer. You will be fine with that. Sorry for your loss.

Stheno

looksee wrote: »

Slightly aside, my mother's funeral was a 'definitely not black' funeral (she hated black and did not have any black clothes in her wardrobe) but a colourful celebration of life. One of the ladies who attended was more of an acquaintance than a friend, but she was not slow to tell all of us in the family how much she disapproved of this lack of respect and formality!

Same with my fathers funeral, he had insisted beforehand that he wanted it to be a celebration and there was to be no black.

A few of my work colleagues were dumbfounded to find us wearing bright dresses etc


@OP Sorry for your loss

lizzyman

A dark suit in navy or charcoal grey is fine. White shirt, sober plain tie. I remember reading that black suits were pretty uncommon until around 1990 so don't feel like you have to go out and buy/rent a black suit just for the occasion. If you don't have a suit then dark pants and a shirt is fine. You'll want to avoid jeans.

Stheno

Stheno wrote: »

Same with my fathers funeral, he had insisted beforehand that he wanted it to be a celebration and there was to be no black.

A few of my work colleagues were dumbfounded to find us wearing bright dresses etc


@OP Sorry for your loss

My mother wore a pink/burgundy/grey dress to my fathers funeral. No one thought it inappropriate.

Stheno

Deleted User wrote: »

My mother wore a pink/burgundy/grey dress to my fathers funeral. No one thought it inappropriate.

My work colleagues all came down in sober black/gray suits, I hadn't thought to tell them in advance. They were more surprised than thinking it inappropriate, a few of the less tactful ones commented on it

Sheep Lover

[Deleted User] wrote: »

My mother wore a pink/burgundy/grey dress to my fathers funeral. No one thought it inappropriate.

All three colours? She must of spent the whole day changing in and out dresses.

Gael23

For you black suit and shoes, white shirt and black tie.
Your wife can wear anything she feels appropriate, most people wear black to funerals but once she doesn't wear something to glaringly bright it will be fine.

This thread needs respect as others have said.

Sheep Lover

Sheep Lover wrote: »

All three colours? She must of spent the whole day changing in and out dresses.

In one dress. It was multicoloured and suited her perfect.

Just wear a nice respectable suit. At my dads funeral myself and my brother wore rented black suits, white shirts and black shoes. As the only sons, we were the top two pallbearers every time the coffin was carried obviously. The four behind us varied throughout the funeral from Dads brother, several brothers in law, several nephews, grandson and son in law and they all wore their own suits. Everyone wore suits but they were all different. All still looked very respectable. Sorry for your loss.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

My mother wore a pink/burgundy/grey dress to my fathers funeral. No one thought it inappropriate.

My mother wore something with a bit of colour at my fathers funeral too as did my sisters and most of the women from the family. Everyone looked well.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Spanish Eyes

biko wrote: »

What everyone else said - white shirt, everything else black.

Wasn't there another person on here a while back with the same question?

Yes, that was me. I was going to a country funeral for the first time, and looked for advice on what was the norm. Got some great replies, and to be fair the thread turned out very funny and entertaining.....even though it was a funeral, but it wasn't a close relative of mine. I dressed appropriately in the end. Respectfully anyway.

As it happened, my OH was pallbearer at that funeral and wore a dark grey suit, white shirt, and black tie, it was like a uniform. You cannot go wrong with that combination as a pallbearer really.

Merrion

I wore charcoal suit and white shirt and tie - seemed to be right.

Just to add - sensible black shoes, not slip-ons or slick-soled shoes. Grass is slippery even when dry.

chakademus

ThinkProgress wrote: »

For yourself:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YZerwU5ce9w/Tts7I3UsS2I/AAAAAAAABP0/SMzZEoJ3wLY/s1600/Keanu-Reeve-Matrix-Neo-The-One-Reloaded-Wallpaper.jpg

For your lady:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f3/90/9d/f3909d234008b0ae765acd4654bb1899.jpg


Old school is boring! (You're welcome)

Best laugh Ive had all day.:pac::pac::pac:

lizzyman

chakademus wrote: »

Best laugh Ive had all day.:pac::pac::pac:

You should probably get out more.