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Would you date someone in disabled/in a wheelchair

2

Comments

  • #32
    marwelie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭marwelie


    Single wheelchair user here. I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair. The last time someone asked me out i was in secondary school and the very next day i ended up in hospital for six weeks. She visited me once. I don't have problems flirting with women but that's as far as it goes. I'm useless at reading the signs as to whether someone likes me or not (apparently three separate woman have wanted to date me and i never realised ;)) don't think id be brave enough to ask a woman I've never met before out for most of the reasons mentioned already. Its a big commitment to date a disabled person. If you were to ask me out I wouldn't turn you down though, unless you were a smoker or pissed as a fart ;)


  • #33
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    DareGod wrote: »
    Just something to ponder: it could happen to any of you at any time, any of you could need a wheelchair, starting tomorrow. You could develop a degenerative muscle disease, or you could be injured, it could happen tomorrow. So when you ask "Would you date someone in a wheelchair?" you're also asking "Would you expect someone to date you if you end up in a wheelchair?"

    Being in a wheelchair is not something that happens to "other people." It could easily be any of you within the coming year. I reckon that it would be a great idea, if you answered no to the question, to encourage a change to the stigma attached to being disabled by rethinking your position on the matter, and encouraging a general change to the stigma.

    It's easy to say "No, I wouldn't" from the smug position of being fully-abled right now, but there's nothing to stop YOU from becoming disabled, it could happen to you tomorrow. Is it time to rethink disability? I believe so.
    A friend of mine her teenage daughter developed terminal cancer during the last few weeks she used a wheelchair. A couple of people took her to electric picnic and pushed and lugged. She had an amazing time. They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar. Don't underestimate people. They can surprise you.

    Great post though. I haven't thought of it like that but yeah. It could happen ..touch wood gulps ..


  • #34
    marwelie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭marwelie


    silverfeather wrote: »
    They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar.

    Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined ;)


  • #35
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    marwelie wrote: »
    Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined ;)
    She didn't.


  • #36
    DareGod
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭DareGod


    silverfeather wrote: »
    A friend of mine her teenage daughter developed terminal cancer during the last few weeks she used a wheelchair. A couple of people took her to electric picnic and pushed and lugged. She had an amazing time. They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar. Don't underestimate people. They can surprise you.

    Great post though. I haven't thought of it like that but yeah. It could happen ..touch wood gulps ..

    As much as it's an undesirable situation, I don't think that being wheelchair-bound is something to be feared. If you fear it, and it actually happens, then are you just going to give up on life? I assume not. So what's the point in fearing it? If it happens, you'll just carry on with your life. There will be extra obstacles to overcome, sure, but it's not exactly the worst thing that can happen to you. There's plenty in life to be grateful for and happy about besides "not being in a wheelchair."

    And I'd much rather marry a wonderful person who uses a wheelchair than an idiot who has full use of their limbs.


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  • #37
    marwelie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭marwelie


    silverfeather wrote: »
    She didn't.
    thats a sign of true friendship, my friends would do that too just to wind me up....bastards ;) nothing i hate more than people being politically correct with me and afraid to offend me. if i fall over i get up.....


  • #38
    DareGod
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭DareGod


    marwelie wrote: »
    Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined ;)
    marwelie wrote: »
    thats a sign of true friendship, my friends would do that too just to wind me up....bastards ;) nothing i hate more than people being politically correct with me and afraid to offend me. if i fall over i get up.....


    Bizarre statements, even with the winky face.


  • #39
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    silverfeather wrote: »
    I asked a guy who was in a wheelchair out once in Vicar street he was an American guy he turned me down.


    Would a person in a wheelchair date any of us? Think about that now.

    He was either taken or wasn't into you.


  • #40
    eternal
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 8,867 ✭✭✭eternal


    YFlyer wrote: »
    He was either taken or wasn't into you.

    Where'd you get the degree in rocket science?


  • #41
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    marwelie wrote: »
    Single wheelchair user here. I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair. The last time someone asked me out i was in secondary school and the very next day i ended up in hospital for six weeks. She visited me once. I don't have problems flirting with women but that's as far as it goes. I'm useless at reading the signs as to whether someone likes me or not (apparently three separate woman have wanted to date me and i never realised ;)) don't think id be brave enough to ask a woman I've never met before out for most of the reasons mentioned already. Its a big commitment to date a disabled person. If you were to ask me out I wouldn't turn you down though, unless you were a smoker or pissed as a fart ;)

    I wasn't either of those I promise! Honestly I was 20 and maybe he was in a position where he felt he couldn't be as easy going with that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have had the life experience to be able to understand the commitment issue at that point. Although I realized in my mind that I would need to be totally genuine and caring etc. ( I would with anyone). I am either really shy quiet or totally screwy when you first meet me. Relationships can end for any reason and I get where you are coming from now I wouldn't have probably then. I would have been what's the big deal?? Why so tentative? I completely understand why now.

    I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair.

    Actually what you just said there makes sense. I had never really even spoken to a person in a wheelchair really before I met him. I know that sounds weird but its true. He probably realized. I never asked why he was in a wheelchair etc I never would have thought about issues beyond what I could visibly see.


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  • #42
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    YFlyer wrote: »
    He was either taken or wasn't into you.
    By george I think he's got it!


  • #43
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    eternal wrote: »
    Where'd you get the degree in rocket science?

    Haha I'm not trying to take her to Uranus.


  • #44
    h2005
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,428 ✭✭✭h2005


    Wish I wasn't so shallow but no.


  • #45
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 19,174 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Was with a guy who was disabled. He walked, very slowly, on crutches. He had been paralized from the neck down but learned to 'walk' with crutches. He will get worse as he gets older.

    Believe me, when we were lying down he was more than able bodied!!!!

    Didn't put me off in the slightest, he was, and is, a very attractive, confident, sexy man.


  • #46
    marwelie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭marwelie


    DareGod wrote: »
    Bizarre statements, even with the winky face.

    Firstly if you've ever sat in a wheelchair going over cobbles you'd understand how uncomfortable it is. Avoid this scenario at all costs if you're sitting down. As for the second statement it shows that they were seeing through the disability and being with the girl because they were her friends not because they felt sorry for her.


  • #47
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    bubblypop wrote: »
    Was with a guy who was disabled. He walked, very slowly, on crutches. He had been paralized from the neck down but learned to 'walk' with crutches. He will get worse as he gets older.

    Believe me, when we were lying down he was more than able bodied!!!!

    Didn't put me off in the slightest, he was, and is, a very attractive, confident, sexy man.
    All ya need is love baby!


  • #48
    eternal
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 8,867 ✭✭✭eternal


    marwelie wrote: »
    if youd ever sat in a wheelchair going over cobbles youd understand how uncomfortable it is. avoid at all costs, unless you want to wind me up.

    Is it not like sitting on a washing machine then?


  • #49
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    silverfeather wrote: »
    By george I think he's got it!

    He either turned you down or got it.


  • #50
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    eternal wrote: »
    Is it not like sitting on a washing machine then?
    That's what I thought when reading it.

    But I have to say i think it was jarring on her back.


  • #51
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    YFlyer wrote: »
    He either turned you down or got it.
    :confused:

    He turned me down. Let's dwell on this some more.


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  • #52
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    silverfeather wrote: »
    :confused:

    He turned me down. Let's dwell on this some more.

    So has us all.


  • #53
    marwelie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭marwelie


    eternal wrote: »
    Is it not like sitting on a washing machine then?

    never had the pleasure....too high up for me ;)
    i suppose it depends whether you're carrying a passenger at the time but if on a solo trip its no fun, i can assure you.....especially if you hit a pot hole at speed :eek:


  • #54
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    YFlyer wrote: »
    So has us all.
    You all turned me down??? :(
    Well ok then. I understand!


  • #55
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    silverfeather wrote: »
    You all turned me down??? :(
    Well ok then. I understand!
    Yeah actually ...I can really really understand ..I really don't blame yis!


  • #56
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    silverfeather wrote: »
    You all turned me down??? :(
    Well ok then. I understand!

    And I didn't have wheels to escape :(


  • #57
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    YFlyer wrote: »
    And I didn't have wheels to escape :(
    Haha you able bodied cu*t! :D


  • #58
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Would I. I don't know, tbh. I've a fairly eclectic taste in men, I think, and the fellas I've liked in the past have taken even me by surprise. I'd never say never tbh.


  • #59
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,712 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    A number of years back we were at a party on campus in UL. We decided to go to Kilmurry Lodge a local niteclub.

    One of the girls was extremely small and needed a wheelchair to move around. Her friend said to four of us to push her down the ramp into the niteclub. We had barely a finger each on the wheelchair. Still got to jump the queue and get in free :)


  • #60
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    YFlyer wrote: »
    A number of years back we were at a party on campus in UL. We decided to go to Kilmurry Lodge a local niteclub.

    One of the girls was extremely small and needed a wheelchair to move around. Her friend said to four of us to push her down the ramp into the niteclub. We had barely a finger each on the wheelchair. Still got to jump the queue and get in free :)
    I think the 'inconvience' is more of a social construct in people's head. We're all bleeding inconvient!

    We all have our stuff. It's just society is more set up for our stuff.

    Maybe I'm naieve but I don't think you should put people in bozes.


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  • #61
    ahnowbrowncow
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,591 ✭✭✭ahnowbrowncow


    I tend to stay away from wheelchair users as I read somewhere that rapists have used wheelchairs to get close to their victims without arousing suspicion.


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