Would you date someone in disabled/in a wheelchair

fussyonion

This was discussed on Adrian and Jeremy this morning and I thought I'd see what you all think..

Would you date someone in a wheelchair or was disabled?
Be honest now, you're entitled to your opinion.

I would (if I was single), and we clicked...then it wouldn't be an issue.. but would it put you off if someone was in a wheelchair?

I love my other half so much that no matter what happened, I would always stand by him.

MODS can you edit my title to read "Would you date someone disabled or in a wheelchair?" (I typoed)

Omackeral

fussyonion wrote: »

This was discussed on Adrian and Jeremy this morning and I thought I'd see what you all think..

Would you date someone in a wheelchair or was disabled?
Be honest now, you're entitled to your opinion.

I would (if I was single), and we clicked...then it wouldn't be an issue.. but would it put you off if someone was in a wheelchair

I love my other half so much that no matter what happened, I would always stand by him.

MODS can you edit my title to read "Would you date someone disabled or in a wheelchair?" (I typoed)

Well it would have to be you doing the standing, in fairness.

It depends. I probably wouldn't be attracted to someone in a wheelchair straight off the bat, but it would probably happen in time if I knew and liked them. It really depends on the disability, and it's only a factor in initial attraction. Once you know and like someone you can see beyond their physical issues. The only issue would be if there was a disability that precluded sexual functioning, it would be difficult to overcome a problem like that long term, but if you love someone enough you find a way I suppose.

I have no problem with the concept per se.

If you're in a committed relationship and the other person becomes disabled, it might be a very hard thing but ideally it wouldn't split us up. Again, it depends on the extent and nature of the disability.

frostyjacks

Yeah, I like to push women around.

myshirt

Depending on the man, some women out there may need the wheelchair after a good seeing to.

amber69

frostyjacks wrote: »

Yeah, I like to push women around.

That's up there with they'd have to be wheely nice.

magentis

Candie wrote: »

It depends. I probably wouldn't be attracted to someone in a wheelchair straight off the bat, but it would probably happen in time if I knew and liked them. It really depends on the disability, and it's only a factor in initial attraction. Once you know and like someone you can see beyond their physical issues. The only issue would be if there was a disability that precluded sexual functioning, it would be difficult to overcome a problem like that long term, but if you love someone enough you find a way I suppose.

I have no problem with the concept per se.

If you're in a committed relationship and the other person becomes disabled, it might be a very hard thing but ideally it wouldn't split us up. Again, it depends on the extent and nature of the disability.

Thats what tongues are for.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

frostyjacks wrote: »

Yeah, I like to push women around.

And talk behind their backs.

uch

If they were Hot, defo

Cienciano

No

silverfeather

I asked a guy who was in a wheelchair out once in Vicar street he was an American guy he turned me down.


Would a person in a wheelchair date any of us? Think about that now.

frostyjacks

Cienciano wrote: »

No

Think about the parking spaces you'll get

CianRyan

Would I pursue someone in a wheelchair? Probably not.
I like to share hobbies with my girlfriend. Those being rock climbing, hiking, martial arts and yoga, it's how I spend my time and it's lucky that it's also how she spends her time.
Unfortunately, I don't see someone in a wheelchair scaling cliffs or wrestling, not the majority anyway, there's always an exception to the rule, I know.

On the other hand, if anything happened to my girlfriend and she ended up in a wheelchair I would stick with here no matter what.
Yes it would be hard and it would be a big change but I love her and it would be mental to throw away over 5 years of love over a wheelchair.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

silverfeather wrote: »

Would a person in a wheelchair date any of us? Think about that now.

I think that's a bit of a given, regardless of whether someone's able bodied or not, they still have to agree to date you.

silverfeather

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

I think that's a bit of a given, regardless of whether someone's able bodied or not, they still have to agree to date you.

The question is a little patronizing like oh you must be a really deep person to see past that and date poor wheelchair person. Come on....he had a better social life than most people on here i'd wager.

DoYouEvenLift

No, wouldn't be able to cope with it to be honest. But you never know, they're people just like the rest of us so it's very possible one could have a personality and looks good enough to make the disability an overlooked inconvenience

magentis

magentis wrote: »

Thats what tongues are for.

The one sidedness might wear a little thin, over time.

Laoislion8383

I honestly don't think I would and I think it's because I wouldnt find them attractive when we look for a mate we are looking for somebody who can give our kids the best chance in life you know pass on good strong genes, even if the persons disability was not caused my genetics it is still subconsciously off putting, it's different if u were in a relationship and that person had the misfortune to become paralysed you would still love them and maybe even find them attractive because u love the person they are.

But there are some very attractive and nice people who have found themselves in the horrible position of needing a wheelchair....

Menas

No, the wife would kill me.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

silverfeather wrote: »

The question is a little patronizing like oh you must be a really deep person to see past that and date poor wheelchair person.

Could have maybe been phrased better. I see it as more of a question of would you prioritize personality above all other characteristics. That's just me though.

silverfeather

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

No, wouldn't be able to cope with it to be honest. But you never know, they're people just like the rest of us so it's very possible one could have a personality and looks good enough to make the disability an overlooked inconvenience

I would imagine being a lifelong partner of someone and being a carer is different to being on a few dates etc. Inconvenience who cares? Being a lifelong nurse ...that is a sacrifice. I think you stick with your partner etc.

The guy I asked out ..at the time I didn't mull over in my head the pro's and cons or think about it. Not because i am some deep person but because in the moment you just don't consider it. I'd say I was largely ignorant of what his life was like. I just liked him. I only met him that one night. I didn't get a glimpse into any emotional issues that he might have gone through because of his situation. I was there with some college mates and after on the way home they kept chatting and wondering about 'the dick status'. I kept thinking he had probably been asked that or knew people were wondering about that many times. I wondered myself. I wondered was that why he said no? Then I felt arrogant to think it might be anything other than he just didn't like me. I have to be honest with you and say a tiny tiny part of me was arrogant enough to feel that. Accessibility is more socially awkward if people are honest than inconvenient. A guy or girl having to be physically carried or pushed in front of a date exposes a lot of vulnerability.

A few dates etc is different you never know what way things will go.

Being the bitch who didn't date someone because they are in a wheelchair or being the bitch who dated someone because they are in a wheelchair and thought 'hey this person has few choice and that means you're a nice person' are both pretty stupid.

The Cunning Linguist

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Could have maybe been phrased better. I see it as more of a question of would you prioritize personality above all other characteristics. That's just me though.

I think most people do, once you get past that initial attraction. Otherwise we're all finished because nobody stays young and beautiful forever.

silverfeather

Candie wrote: »

I think most people do, once you get past that initial attraction. Otherwise we're all finished because nobody stays young and beautiful forever.

**** that i'm special.

silverfeather

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Could have maybe been phrased better. I see it as more of a question of would you prioritize personality above all other characteristics. That's just me though.

I din't think that deep about it I just asked him and one date is not like I was auditioning for Halo status.

I have no idea what would have lain down the road had something happened.

beks101

Probably not TBH. It would be extremely hard to get passed it. And it would limit what you could do, where you could go etc with them. Sadly wheelchair-access friendly places are not nearly as common as they should be.

I have a disabled mate who lives a pretty brilliant life though, better than most able-bodied people. She's also gorgeous. No shortage of male attention. She does tell me that she can attract a rather weird crowd too though. Fetish-ists who see it as a turn-on or guys who treat her as that "had sex with someone in a wheelchair" challenge.

Mister Vain

beks101 wrote: »

I have a disabled mate who lives a pretty brilliant life though, better than most able-bodied people. She's also gorgeous. No shortage of male attention. She does tell me that she can attract a rather weird crowd too though. Fetish-ists who see it as a turn-on or guys who treat her as that "had sex with someone in a wheelchair" challenge.

That's pretty fúcked up.

No I couldn't get passed it myself TBH. I could make allowances for a lot of things, but I don't think I could ever date a disabled person.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

silverfeather wrote: »

I was auditioning for Halo status.

They hold auditions for these? Where?

silverfeather wrote: »

I have no idea what would have lain down the road had something happened.

You'd probably have become adept at changing tyres.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

That's pretty fúcked up.

No I couldn't get passed it myself TBH. I could make allowances for a lot of things, but I don't think I could ever date a disabled person.

Not even if it was an unseen disability, such as blindness in one eye or something muscular? Not all disabilities are devastating and insurmountable.

silverfeather

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

They hold auditions for these? Where?

In the minds of the overly sheltered well meaning.

DareGod

Just something to ponder: it could happen to any of you at any time, any of you could need a wheelchair, starting tomorrow. You could develop a degenerative muscle disease, or you could be injured, it could happen tomorrow. So when you ask "Would you date someone in a wheelchair?" you're also asking "Would you expect someone to date you if you end up in a wheelchair?"

Being in a wheelchair is not something that happens to "other people." It could easily be any of you within the coming year. I reckon that it would be a great idea, if you answered no to the question, to encourage a change to the stigma attached to being disabled by rethinking your position on the matter, and encouraging a general change to the stigma.

It's easy to say "No, I wouldn't" from the smug position of being fully-abled right now, but there's nothing to stop YOU from becoming disabled, it could happen to you tomorrow. Is it time to rethink disability? I believe so.

DareGod

Mister Vain wrote: »

That's pretty fúcked up.

No I couldn't get passed it myself TBH. I could make allowances for a lot of things, but I don't think I could ever date a disabled person.

You could easily become disabled or wheelchair bound tomorrow yourself. It's not something that happens to "other people." You could also currently be developing a muscle wasting disease without yet having any symptoms. You may be in a wheelchair yourself in five or ten years. Just so you know.

marwelie

Single wheelchair user here. I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair. The last time someone asked me out i was in secondary school and the very next day i ended up in hospital for six weeks. She visited me once. I don't have problems flirting with women but that's as far as it goes. I'm useless at reading the signs as to whether someone likes me or not (apparently three separate woman have wanted to date me and i never realised ) don't think id be brave enough to ask a woman I've never met before out for most of the reasons mentioned already. Its a big commitment to date a disabled person. If you were to ask me out I wouldn't turn you down though, unless you were a smoker or pissed as a fart

silverfeather

DareGod wrote: »

Just something to ponder: it could happen to any of you at any time, any of you could need a wheelchair, starting tomorrow. You could develop a degenerative muscle disease, or you could be injured, it could happen tomorrow. So when you ask "Would you date someone in a wheelchair?" you're also asking "Would you expect someone to date you if you end up in a wheelchair?"

Being in a wheelchair is not something that happens to "other people." It could easily be any of you within the coming year. I reckon that it would be a great idea, if you answered no to the question, to encourage a change to the stigma attached to being disabled by rethinking your position on the matter, and encouraging a general change to the stigma.

It's easy to say "No, I wouldn't" from the smug position of being fully-abled right now, but there's nothing to stop YOU from becoming disabled, it could happen to you tomorrow. Is it time to rethink disability? I believe so.

A friend of mine her teenage daughter developed terminal cancer during the last few weeks she used a wheelchair. A couple of people took her to electric picnic and pushed and lugged. She had an amazing time. They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar. Don't underestimate people. They can surprise you.

Great post though. I haven't thought of it like that but yeah. It could happen ..touch wood gulps ..

marwelie

silverfeather wrote: »

They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar.

Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined

silverfeather

marwelie wrote: »

Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined

She didn't.

DareGod

silverfeather wrote: »

A friend of mine her teenage daughter developed terminal cancer during the last few weeks she used a wheelchair. A couple of people took her to electric picnic and pushed and lugged. She had an amazing time. They would take her into town and push her over cobble stones in temple bar. Don't underestimate people. They can surprise you.

Great post though. I haven't thought of it like that but yeah. It could happen ..touch wood gulps ..

As much as it's an undesirable situation, I don't think that being wheelchair-bound is something to be feared. If you fear it, and it actually happens, then are you just going to give up on life? I assume not. So what's the point in fearing it? If it happens, you'll just carry on with your life. There will be extra obstacles to overcome, sure, but it's not exactly the worst thing that can happen to you. There's plenty in life to be grateful for and happy about besides "not being in a wheelchair."

And I'd much rather marry a wonderful person who uses a wheelchair than an idiot who has full use of their limbs.

marwelie

silverfeather wrote: »

She didn't.

thats a sign of true friendship, my friends would do that too just to wind me up....bastards nothing i hate more than people being politically correct with me and afraid to offend me. if i fall over i get up.....

DareGod

marwelie wrote: »

Anyone who enjoys being pushed over cobblestones in a wheelchair needs their head examined

marwelie wrote: »

thats a sign of true friendship, my friends would do that too just to wind me up....bastards nothing i hate more than people being politically correct with me and afraid to offend me. if i fall over i get up.....

Bizarre statements, even with the winky face.

YFlyer

silverfeather wrote: »

I asked a guy who was in a wheelchair out once in Vicar street he was an American guy he turned me down.


Would a person in a wheelchair date any of us? Think about that now.

He was either taken or wasn't into you.

eternal

YFlyer wrote: »

He was either taken or wasn't into you.

Where'd you get the degree in rocket science?

silverfeather

marwelie wrote: »

Single wheelchair user here. I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair. The last time someone asked me out i was in secondary school and the very next day i ended up in hospital for six weeks. She visited me once. I don't have problems flirting with women but that's as far as it goes. I'm useless at reading the signs as to whether someone likes me or not (apparently three separate woman have wanted to date me and i never realised ) don't think id be brave enough to ask a woman I've never met before out for most of the reasons mentioned already. Its a big commitment to date a disabled person. If you were to ask me out I wouldn't turn you down though, unless you were a smoker or pissed as a fart

I wasn't either of those I promise! Honestly I was 20 and maybe he was in a position where he felt he couldn't be as easy going with that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have had the life experience to be able to understand the commitment issue at that point. Although I realized in my mind that I would need to be totally genuine and caring etc. ( I would with anyone). I am either really shy quiet or totally screwy when you first meet me. Relationships can end for any reason and I get where you are coming from now I wouldn't have probably then. I would have been what's the big deal?? Why so tentative? I completely understand why now.

I can usually tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they've ever known someone disabled or in a wheelchair.

Actually what you just said there makes sense. I had never really even spoken to a person in a wheelchair really before I met him. I know that sounds weird but its true. He probably realized. I never asked why he was in a wheelchair etc I never would have thought about issues beyond what I could visibly see.

silverfeather

YFlyer wrote: »

He was either taken or wasn't into you.

By george I think he's got it!

YFlyer

eternal wrote: »

Where'd you get the degree in rocket science?

Haha I'm not trying to take her to Uranus.

h2005

Wish I wasn't so shallow but no.

Was with a guy who was disabled. He walked, very slowly, on crutches. He had been paralized from the neck down but learned to 'walk' with crutches. He will get worse as he gets older.

Believe me, when we were lying down he was more than able bodied!!!!

Didn't put me off in the slightest, he was, and is, a very attractive, confident, sexy man.

marwelie

DareGod wrote: »

Bizarre statements, even with the winky face.

Firstly if you've ever sat in a wheelchair going over cobbles you'd understand how uncomfortable it is. Avoid this scenario at all costs if you're sitting down. As for the second statement it shows that they were seeing through the disability and being with the girl because they were her friends not because they felt sorry for her.

silverfeather

bubblypop wrote: »

Was with a guy who was disabled. He walked, very slowly, on crutches. He had been paralized from the neck down but learned to 'walk' with crutches. He will get worse as he gets older.

Believe me, when we were lying down he was more than able bodied!!!!

Didn't put me off in the slightest, he was, and is, a very attractive, confident, sexy man.

All ya need is love baby!

eternal

marwelie wrote: »

if youd ever sat in a wheelchair going over cobbles youd understand how uncomfortable it is. avoid at all costs, unless you want to wind me up.

Is it not like sitting on a washing machine then?

YFlyer

silverfeather wrote: »

By george I think he's got it!

He either turned you down or got it.

silverfeather

eternal wrote: »

Is it not like sitting on a washing machine then?

That's what I thought when reading it.

But I have to say i think it was jarring on her back.

silverfeather

YFlyer wrote: »

He either turned you down or got it.

He turned me down. Let's dwell on this some more.