Your most embarrassing sex story

15-05-2015 08:54PM

Candie wrote: »

I want to believe I'm not the only one who took a moment to figure out what a Billy Joel is.

I was kind of hoping we could have figured it out together.

15-05-2015 08:59PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I was kind of hoping we could have figured it out together.

You'll be doing a Tom Waits.

I love you KotE

15-05-2015 09:17PM

Candie wrote: »

You'll be doing a Tom Waits.

I love you KotE

You and a hundred others, baby.

Sinfonia · 15-05-2015 10:06PM

spud82 wrote: »

I was humming a song will giving the Billy Joel ( sex tip for Cosmo)

Was it a Billy Joel song??

The Diabolical Monocle · 15-05-2015 10:12PM

well Billy Joel is a pianist, so some high tempo finger shenanigans perhaps ?

finger her like an angry billy joel fingers a broken piano ?

J Mysterio · 15-05-2015 10:15PM

Thats the most ****ing bizarre sex tip ive ever heard.

The Diabolical Monocle · 15-05-2015 10:16PM

McChubbin wrote: »

I got a condom lost inside of me once. Didn't even notice until the next day when it fell out whilst I was on the toilet. Thank Jeebus I was on the Pill at the time. It's funny now but at the time it was horrifying.

I had something like that happen but with a chicken Mcnugget.

Some preservatives they use in those things.

jazz101 · 21-05-2015 02:57PM

Put my finger in the gf, started loudly exclaiming that I'd found something solid, only to realise I'd put it in her back door and was palpating the chicken nuggets she'd eaten the night before

Mister Vain · 21-05-2015 03:13PM

jazz101 wrote: »

Put my finger in the gf, started loudly exclaiming that I'd found something solid, only to realise I'd put it in her back door and was palpating the chicken nuggets she'd eaten the night before

And what did you think it was when you thought you had your finger in the front door? :eek: :pac:

Birneybau · 21-05-2015 04:13PM

jazz101 wrote: »

Put my finger in the gf, started loudly exclaiming that I'd found something solid, only to realise I'd put it in her back door and was palpating the chicken nuggets she'd eaten the night before

She must have a very loose @rsehole.

anvilfour · 21-05-2015 04:14PM

You wouldn't believe mine, it involves Nazi fancy dress and an irate father...

smash · 21-05-2015 04:54PM

jazz101 wrote: »

Put my finger in the gf, started loudly exclaiming that I'd found something solid, only to realise I'd put it in her back door and was palpating the chicken nuggets she'd eaten the night before

Did neither of you do junior cert biology?

BBDBB · 21-05-2015 04:56PM

anvilfour wrote: »

You wouldn't believe mine, it involves Nazi fancy dress and an irate father...

You are Prince Harry and I claim my 5 euro

Birneybau · 21-05-2015 04:56PM

smash wrote: »

Did neither of you do junior cert biology?

Not yet.

anvilfour · 21-05-2015 05:38PM

BBDBB wrote: »

You are Prince Harry and I claim my 5 euro

Well earned too.

newmug · 22-05-2015 11:37AM

According to the Urban Dictionary, a Billy Joel is when you sh1t inside a piano

Zombienosh · 22-05-2015 11:40AM

newmug wrote: »

According to the Urban Dictionary, a Billy Joel is when you sh1t inside a piano

Ah the good old days....when the acoustics counted...

Now everything's digital...it's not quite the same sh1tting on a keyboard.

Bogwoppit · 04-09-2015 08:10AM

Zombienosh wrote: »

Ah the good old days....when the acoustics counted...

Now everything's digital...it's not quite the same sh1tting on a keyboard.

Surely today's equivalent would be trying to sh1t in a usb drive?

Crooked Jack · 04-09-2015 12:16PM

Bogwoppit wrote: »

Surely today's equivalent would be trying to sh1t in a usb drive?

It took you four months to come up with that?

Bogwoppit · 04-09-2015 12:19PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

It took you four months to come up with that?

Was it worth the wait?

What are those? · 04-09-2015 12:22PM

one of my mates pulled at EP last year,was going about his business until he somehow managed to pull his hamstring in whatever position they were attempting.He just about finished the job but found this pretty funny

Savvy student · 04-09-2015 12:28PM

A friend of mine was getting head off a girl in a bathroom at a house party. He said all was going well until his banjo string got caught in her braces... Let's just say a lot of questions were asked about the blood on the bathroom walls.

Medusa22 · 04-09-2015 12:28PM

I have a few but the tamest one (and so the only one that I am willing to share) happened when I was about sixteen. I hadn't been going out with my then boyfriend for that long and I was sexily trying to take my top off, I managed to get it stuck over my head, hands flailing around the place and no amount of wriggling would free me. He stood there laughing at me until he lost his erection and then he eventually helped to pull me free, the fecker :pac::o

Crooked Jack · 04-09-2015 12:30PM

Bogwoppit wrote: »

Was it worth the wait?

Blew my mind. i think you should have kept building the hype til christmas

Bogwoppit · 04-09-2015 03:23PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Blew my mind. i think you should have kept building the hype til christmas

Wait til you see what I post in the new year!

castletownman · 04-09-2015 03:45PM

I have been on crutches the last week after I fell "off" my girlfriend off the bed and dislodged my hip. Perfectly sober but obviously lost my bearings in the throes of passion

wp_rathead · 04-09-2015 03:54PM

Medusa22 wrote: »

I have a few but the tamest one (and so the only one that I am willing to share) happened when I was about sixteen. I hadn't been going out with my then boyfriend for that long and I was sexily trying to take my top off, I managed to get it stuck over my head, hands flailing around the place and no amount of wriggling would free me. He stood there laughing at me until he lost his erection and then he eventually helped to pull me free, the fecker :pac::o

Ha reminds me of the first time I "touched boob"
Teenage disco and managed to pull (using the auld "will ya shift me friend")
Shifting away and I went in for the breasticles - but brainfarted and instead of putting hand up her top I put my hand down her "cleavage"- so had my elbow sticking up..
Realising I probably looked an eejit I thought best thing to do would be put other hand down top her cleavage aswell
Ya know - to balance it put.. So I had my two elbows pointing up
I thought I was getting away with it - until I heard my friend "HAHA THE HELL YA AT"

syklops · 04-09-2015 04:18PM

Savvy student wrote: »

A friend of mine was getting head off a girl in a bathroom at a house party. He said all was going well until his banjo string got caught in her braces... Let's just say a lot of questions were asked about the blood on the bathroom walls.

Oh good. A "Friend of mine" story. Those are always accurate/true/not embellished at all.

Chemical Byrne · 04-09-2015 05:11PM

A friend of mine had a habit of making terribly stupid decisions while drunk. One night out in his hometown he decided it would be a good idea to bring a girl back home to his parents house for ridin'. Got a taxi out the 5 or 6 miles to the farm house, brought her upstairs and made a huge racket, probably waking up his parents at this stage. He then called into both his brothers asking loudly for condoms before retreating into his room with the girl. They made major noise and his parents heard everything. Bad enough but made worse because his mother is very religious. She was furious next morning and didn't talk to him for several weeks for bringing that girl into her house. His father was the exact opposite and praised him for his exploits. He did the same thing again some time later but this time forgot his keys so had to knock and get his mother to open the door whereupon he was so polite as to introduce to mammy the girl he was going to take upstairs in a few minutes and ride. This time though he had the manners to take the mattress down off the bed and onto the floor so it wouldn't squeak as much.

Another time he was getting head from some girl and she told him not to cum in her mouth. Fine. After a while he wonders to himself "do you know what she'd just love, now?" and he proceeded to jizzle in her job. She got up and spat it back in his face.

Absolute legend.

Chemical Byrne · 04-09-2015 05:18PM

I also remember one time I got to riding my ex gf in the living room of a college house. All good and dandy. Maybe 2 days later when I arrived in from college a disgruntled housemate pointed at a teatowel beside the fireplace and asked that I lift it up. I wondered why but lifted it up anyway only to find the used condom from the night with her. Housemate went on a rant of how his mam and sister were visiting the previous night and he only noticed it half way through their tea and biscuits. He described how he had to stealthily drop the towel over it before they saw it but they might still have. And he also gave out that while they were there me and ex were squeaking away upstairs in the bed. He said he was never so mortified in all his life. We fell out for a time over it and I felt really bad about it. I often felt reluctant about sex when someone else was in the house but bitch ex pressured me into it. The more I expressed my discomfort the more she'd pressure me and then would intentionally make stupid noises just to piss off me/housemates. dumping that bitch was the best thing I ever did.

Your most embarrassing sex story

Comments