Bridesmaids boyfriend putting a dampner on things

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 12:49PM #1

Hi there, I'm wondering if I should ask my bridesmaid to keep her boyfriend in check for our wedding in July.

I've known the boyfriend for years and we don't get along, but we muddle together for her sake. He's always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder but recently has been making a number of remarks about how I'm going to 'get some land' when he does X or Y, one of the threats is to turn up in a three piece white suit or tell my future in laws about getting too drunk at junior discos years ago.

The girlfriend is one of my best friends but she's in love so doesn't see what the rest of us do, surprisingly she has started following his tune and made some smart remarks at my hen about what the wedding is costing them etc and how he's a guest I shouldn't be giving him jobs (I asked if the bridesmaids boyfriend might be able to bring some of the decorations from the church to the reception). Anyway I think she would be very defensive so not sure how to approach it.

I have really tried to rise above all of this and I know on the day I won't care, but I just think the way he has been going on is a bit unacceptable and would just think someone needs to call him up on it.

lazygal · 12-05-2015 12:54PM

If you decide to tell him how to behave, it won't go down well. He sounds like an immature pain in the arse. We had a similar guest at our wedding. He was the one who looked silly on the day for acting in a particular way,not us. No way would I have told him how I expected him to act. He was an adult and responsible for his own behaviour.

Find someone else to transport the decorations and keep your fingers crossed that they'll break up before the day.

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 12:59PM

lazygal wrote: »

If you decide to tell him how to behave, it won't go down well. He sounds like an immature pain in the arse. We had a similar guest at our wedding. He was the one who looked silly on the day for acting in a particular way,not us. No way would I have told him how I expected him to act. He was an adult and responsible for his own behaviour.

Find someone else to transport the decorations and keep your fingers crossed that they'll break up before the day.

Thanks Lazygal - it's so annoying I know he just wants a reaction! The little evil part of me would love to stick him in the corner with my aunts and see how they put up with him!

Mr Peebs · 12-05-2015 01:02PM

Sherlof3 wrote: »

Hi there, I'm wondering if I should ask my bridesmaid to keep her boyfriend in check for our wedding in July.

I've known the boyfriend for years and we don't get along, but we muddle together for her sake. He's always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder but recently has been making a number of remarks about how I'm going to 'get some land' when he does X or Y, one of the threats is to turn up in a three piece white suit or tell my future in laws about getting too drunk at junior discos years ago.

The girlfriend is one of my best friends but she's in love so doesn't see what the rest of us do, surprisingly she has started following his tune and made some smart remarks at my hen about what the wedding is costing them etc and how he's a guest I shouldn't be giving him jobs (I asked if the bridesmaids boyfriend might be able to bring some of the decorations from the church to the reception). Anyway I think she would be very defensive so not sure how to approach it.

I have really tried to rise above all of this and I know on the day I won't care, but I just think the way he has been going on is a bit unacceptable and would just think someone needs to call him up on it.

You should really have considered this before choosing your bridesmaid.

give her a choice - either the bf stays at home or they both do

lazygal · 12-05-2015 01:03PM

Mr Peebs wrote: »

You should really have considered this before choosing your bridesmaid.

give her a choice - either the bf stays at home or they both do

Ah, here, you can't decide on a bridesmaid because of who's she's dating! And people break up/meet people all the time.

MagicMarker · 12-05-2015 01:03PM

If you don't like him then why are you involving him by asking him to bring you decorations??? Your bridesmaid is absolutely right there.

Anyway, all in all this seems like a non-issue. He's made some ''remarks''. So what? What do you mean by keeping him ''in check''?

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 01:04PM

You can't control everyone and everything so stop trying.
You might be stressing about the big day in general, and this stressing about the bridesmaids bf is just an easy acceptable way of letting those built up stresses out.
I'd not give him any more attention than he already has, he's trying to wind you up and you are falling for it.

lazygal · 12-05-2015 01:04PM

Sherlof3 wrote: »

Thanks Lazygal - it's so annoying I know he just wants a reaction! The little evil part of me would love to stick him in the corner with my aunts and see how they put up with him!

He sounds like a child. Our 'problem' guest was commented on by other guests-but in a 'he really needs to cop on way' not 'OMG this is a crap wedding because of this guy pointing out all the negative things about the day' way. Leave him off. If you've noticed how annoying he is, other people will too, and won't judge you on his behaviour.

Milly33 · 12-05-2015 01:10PM

Oh dear one thing I am sure you do not need... What a shame and for the bm to be following suit, remarks like that would are a bit cheeky..

Is he sitting with ye at the top table or is he sitting somewhere else.. Depending where, for me I would put him out of sight of your table anywho so you don't have to be looking at him.. Put him with some other chap you think he will get along with, that way he might just end up having a laugh and forgetting all about taking the piss.

I find a lot of the time it is all just talk aswell, bet you on the day he will be as good as can be....

The only other option is to come out to the Bm and tell her that he is kinda of annoying you. You can say it nicely....

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 03:13PM

Yeah, a bm would love to hear hey your bf is kinda of annoying. She probably doesn't think so, what if she said your future husband is kinda annoying because he said x y and z, would you answer, oh sorry, you are right, I'll go talk to him, thank you.

Milly33 · 12-05-2015 03:32PM

Why not, I don't think they are 10 or children

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 03:36PM

Who takes criticism of their partner well. Oh and if you really want to do it right, add in, he's acting annoyingly and you are starting to act that way too.
Try picture someone saying that to you, would you really say thanks for the newsflash that my bf and I have been acting annoying.
You might end up making him worse.
Possibly right, he's a guest at a wedding, he might like to just show up and at the wedding and have a nice day, not have to help out and more or less pay for his day out too. I'm just saying, look at both sides if you can before doing anything.

Milly33 · 12-05-2015 03:39PM

right o

bigpink · 12-05-2015 04:02PM

Why did you ask him do to a job if you dislike him?

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:07PM

lazygal wrote: »

Ah, here, you can't decide on a bridesmaid because of who's she's dating! And people break up/meet people all the time.

Mr Peebs wrote: »

You should really have considered this before choosing your bridesmaid.

give her a choice - either the bf stays at home or they both do

Ah she's one of my best friends and tbh there was no issue at all beforehand it's just seemed to creep out of the woodwork now!

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:09PM

bigpink wrote: »

Why did you ask him do to a job if you dislike him?

The other bridesmaids boyrfriends volunteered over dinner one night, we actually didn't specifically ask him.

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:11PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you don't like him then why are you involving him by asking him to bring you decorations??? Your bridesmaid is absolutely right there.

Anyway, all in all this seems like a non-issue. He's made some ''remarks''. So what? What do you mean by keeping him ''in check''?

As I mentioned I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but his non stop barrage of negative comments is an attempt at deliberately being mean, my query was just if there might be a way I could broach it with my bridesmaid.

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:12PM

Part of me thinks the other guests would find his turning up in a white suit hilarious!

bucketybuck · 12-05-2015 04:16PM

Sherlof3 wrote: »

As I mentioned I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but his non stop barrage of negative comments is an attempt at deliberately being mean, my query was just if there might be a way I could broach it with my bridesmaid.

Why not just tell him to fuck off? The next time he comes out with some mean comment just tell him to keep his opinions to himself, and leave it at that.

Not everything has to be a drama, he is being a dick, tell him to stop being a dick and move on.

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 04:17PM

Negative comments might just be lads humour being misread by a lady who is probably quiet stressed about her big day. None stop barrage?
Our judgements are often flawed.

We process info in a self-referential ways.

We can be significantly influenced by seemingly insignificant situational variables.

seamus · 12-05-2015 04:19PM

Sherlof3 wrote: »

I've known the boyfriend for years and we don't get along, but we muddle together for her sake. He's always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder but recently has been making a number of remarks about how I'm going to 'get some land' when he does X or Y, one of the threats is to turn up in a three piece white suit or tell my future in laws about getting too drunk at junior discos years ago.

So let him. Who is he? Just some guy. Trust me, the person who attempts to upstage or badmouth the bride at a wedding is the one who comes out of it with their own reputation in tatters.

how he's a guest I shouldn't be giving him jobs (I asked if the bridesmaids boyfriend might be able to bring some of the decorations from the church to the reception).

Yeah well I agree with this. Friends and family will happily do jobs for you. Bridesmaids' boyfriends, not so much. Don't give him anything to do, stick him at a table with people he knows and then you don't need to worry about him.

I have really tried to rise above all of this and I know on the day I won't care, but I just think the way he has been going on is a bit unacceptable and would just think someone needs to call him up on it.

Can't be you. Because getting a rise out of you is what he wants. Just don't involve him in the wedding and there's very little he can actually do besides making irritating remarks.

A lighter aside - as he's known you years is there any chance he actually fancies the arse off you and his infantile behaviour is his frustration coming out?

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 04:21PM

Yeah fancies you or finds you as annoying as you find him?

Marsden · 12-05-2015 04:23PM

Tell him not her, if he has a problem with it he can f*ck off and not go the wedding. If it bothers you that much don't let it fester. Your mates feelings aren't the priority, why should you suffer because he feels like acting the eejit. If your mate doesn't understand then f*ck her too. It may be an awkward situation but its only awkward because he's making it that way.

12-05-2015 04:30PM

is he in charge of speeches? no! so he'll be someone elses drunk problem wearing a white suit running round telling old disco stories. if your bridesmaid thinks he's worth emulating or admiring then so what, her problem.

play it by ear on the day and if you get along with any of the more adult type alpha males, tell them to check em, only if it's balatantly obvious to all he's being mean and thus taking away from your day! then your bridesmaid may wish she'd have cautioned him well in advance. he sounds like a knob though.

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:32PM

I'm sure he finds me very annoying too - we've known each other since school and always lots of competition academically and with results etc. I was never that bothered about it but he was always very competitive! Had a snog about ten years ago but there's nothing unresolved there!

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 04:32PM

The plot thickens!

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:36PM

Thanks for all of the comments and suggestions all - it is a bit of a non-issue, I will go for a few drinks with my BM and try and see if there's anything she needs to air, and also try and quietly say it's a bit distracting him going on like that. Ultimately just need to let it wash over and this be the end of it!

12-05-2015 04:40PM

"Ultimately just need to let it wash over and this be the end of it"
if you'd have done this years ago rather than giving him just a snog, who's to say the nuptials wouldn't be yours and his!!! ha ha ha cant beat a good semen joke!

bjork · 12-05-2015 04:43PM

Why are you worried if someone tells your parents you got drunk at junior cert discos

Sounds like your trying to control too much and are over worrying.

Sherlof3 · 12-05-2015 04:44PM

lazygal wrote: »

He sounds like a child. Our 'problem' guest was commented on by other guests-but in a 'he really needs to cop on way' not 'OMG this is a crap wedding because of this guy pointing out all the negative things about the day' way. Leave him off. If you've noticed how annoying he is, other people will too, and won't judge you on his behaviour.

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh dear one thing I am sure you do not need... What a shame and for the bm to be following suit, remarks like that would are a bit cheeky..

Is he sitting with ye at the top table or is he sitting somewhere else.. Depending where, for me I would put him out of sight of your table anywho so you don't have to be looking at him.. Put him with some other chap you think he will get along with, that way he might just end up having a laugh and forgetting all about taking the piss.

I find a lot of the time it is all just talk aswell, bet you on the day he will be as good as can be....

The only other option is to come out to the Bm and tell her that he is kinda of annoying you. You can say it nicely....

rusty cole wrote: »

"Ultimately just need to let it wash over and this be the end of it"
if you'd have done this years ago rather than giving him just a snog, who's to say the nuptials wouldn't be yours and his!!! ha ha ha cant beat a good semen joke!

OH's parents are in their 80s and may be a bit like WTF!

12-05-2015 04:56PM

yeah but I wasn't serious about the semen thing??? why you quote my joke!!

oh dear, bit of a stuffy pants then!

Bridesmaids boyfriend putting a dampner on things

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