was it easier

silverfeather · 12-05-2015 02:19AM

I think those businesses tend to be a little immoral.

Innocence leads to true love! True love all the way! I believe!

Night now sleepy zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

fizzypish · 12-05-2015 10:17AM

PTH2009 wrote: »

Was it easier for guys to meet girls back in the old days eg 1960's,70's. ??
Discuss

**** the 60's. Lets discuss the early 1200's. If you had a spare sheep you weren't using you could buy a wife. If you wanted a stunner then make it a Ram. Alternatively if you were a 6.6 ft giant you could probably just claim her. Simpler times.....

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 10:25AM

fizzypish wrote: »

**** the 60's. Lets discuss the early 1200's. If you had a spare sheep you weren't using you could buy a wife. If you wanted a stunner then make it a Ram. Alternatively if you were a 6.6 ft giant you could probably just claim her. Simpler times.....

Go even further back in time and you could just bash her over the head and drag her into your cave. The was no PC brigade back then.

sbsquarepants · 12-05-2015 10:25AM

OP you must be in an awful state. Maybe I'm from a different era (im 40) but seems to me that these days it must be a battle to actually avoid the hoards of sex crazed women plying their wares on the auld interweb thingy.
I used to have to actually go out (yes, leave the house) and talk to them (yes, use words, from my very own mouth - crazy shít altogether).
Nowadays it's as easy as ordering a Chinese! Look at the menu - ooh that one looks tasty, click. What the hell is wrong with you OP, you whingebag!

dgt · 12-05-2015 10:39AM

OP you must never have learned to use your handbrake...

Everyone knows a well executed handbrake turn gets all the ladies wet

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 10:40AM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

OP you must be in an awful state. Maybe I'm from a different era (im 40) but seems to me that these days it must be a battle to actually avoid the hoards of sex crazed women plying their wares on the auld interweb thingy.
I used to have to actually go out (yes, leave the house) and talk to them (yes, use words, from my very own mouth - crazy shít altogether).
Nowadays it's as easy as ordering a Chinese! Look at the menu - ooh that one looks tasty, click. What the hell is wrong with you OP, you whingebag!

Yeah if you're using an Escort site maybe. Online dating is not quite as easy. The odds are stacked against the fellas. Any decent looking woman on those sites is likely to get a lot of messages. Competition is fierce.

Micky Dolenz · 12-05-2015 10:43AM

I had sex once, it was nice.

12-05-2015 10:52AM

Apart from the more obvious social and cultural aspects, I think peoples expectations have changed dramatically and they've moved the goalposts into the realm of the unrealistically aspirational. Plain people feel short changed if they can't attract a stunningly handsome or beautiful partner, because they believe anything less is 'settling', and wind up lonely and alone.

Back in the day you probably looked for someone with a similar background, shared values, someone you got along with and felt you could raise kids with. Today the shopping list of what people want in a partner is much more detailed and includes things like height, fashion sense, accent and I know one guy who told me he wasn't interested in a woman if she hadn't graduated from a prestige university, on top of being fit and beautiful and not wanting kids and having a salary in triple digits. He's a very lonely person, but hey, he's not settling for less!

TheBeardedLady · 12-05-2015 10:52AM

I don't know if it was easier back then but I suppose the internet gives us access to the thoughts of people who are not successful that we didn't have in the past.

Now as well as the pub/club thing, you have online, which wasn't the case when I was 25 and for that, I would've assumed it's easier.

the evasion_kid · 12-05-2015 11:06AM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Online dating has created a window shopping mentality when it comes to finding a partner. Men generally out number the women on these sites. For the women its like walking into Tesco. You have multiple aisles with a plethora of options. You can pick something up, put it back, try something else. For the men its like walking into Aldi, only most of the items aren't for sale; they're just there for show. There's just one shelf at the back of the shop with available items and there's a queue a fcuking mile long to get to it.

Some of these sites are hilarious,average looking girl posts up a picture que a ton of likes,cheesey compliments...the women go around like the queens of a bunch of desperate subjects

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 11:11AM

Candie wrote: »

Apart from the more obvious social and cultural aspects, I think peoples expectations have changed dramatically and they've moved the goalposts into the realm of the unrealistically aspirational. Plain people feel short changed if they can't attract a stunningly handsome or beautiful partner, because they believe anything less is 'settling', and wind up lonely and alone.

Back in the day you probably looked for someone with a similar background, shared values, someone you got along with and felt you could raise kids with. Today the shopping list of what people want in a partner is much more detailed and includes things like height, fashion sense, accent and I know one guy who told me he wasn't interested in a woman if she hadn't graduated from a prestige university, on top of being fit and beautiful and not wanting kids and having a salary in triple digits. He's a very lonely person, but hey, he's not settling for less!

Nail on the head.

Having said that, I don't think anybody should ever settle either, which is what some people do out of fear of ending up alone. Your expectations shouldn't be too high, but the attraction needs to be there.

The Corinthian · 12-05-2015 11:19AM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah if you're using an Escort site maybe. Online dating is not quite as easy. The odds are stacked against the fellas. Any decent looking woman on those sites is likely to get a lot of messages. Competition is fierce.

Actually, statistically, once in your thirties the odds are actually stacked very much in favour of men. Of course, women will still get a lot of messages compared to men, but that's mainly cultural - because men are expected to make the first move, but in reality there are far more women subscribed to such sites than men. It's certainly not click and fück, but you would have to be remarkably lazy or picky to not get anywhere.

Candie wrote: »

Apart from the more obvious social and cultural aspects, I think peoples expectations have changed dramatically and they've moved the goalposts into the realm of the unrealistically aspirational.

Personally I blame romcoms for all this. Well, more correctly romcoms are a demonstration of the unrealistic, individualist expectations that people expect and feel entitled to in modern society. Where once marriage was a life-long socio-economic commitment, where love would come with time, we expect the man/woman of our dreams straight away and plan no further than the happily ever ending marked by a wedding.

Problem is that with lots of flawed people seeking flawless life partners, everyone will fall short and remain alone. Until inevitably, they look in the mirror and see someone who should have started a family years ago, and that's when they do the opposite; panic take the first mammal with the right naughty bits, who ticks a minimum of boxes and rush into a life-long commitment with someone who suits them far less than the multitude they rejected when younger for not being 'the one'.

Going to your average thirtysomething wedding is, as often as not, like watching a car crash in slow motion.

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 11:30AM

The Corinthian wrote: »

Actually, statistically, once in your thirties the odds are actually stacked very much in favour of men. Of course, women will still get a lot of messages compared to men, but that's mainly cultural - because men are expected to make the first move, but in reality there are far more women subscribed to such sites than men. It's certainly not click and fück, but you would have to be remarkably lazy or picky to not get anywhere.

I'm not so sure about that. In my 4 years of online dating I only managed to get 2 dates. Then again I'm a very very patient man.

Most guys I've spoken to about it haven't had any luck with online dating at all. I don't think its about being picky or lazy. It just doesn't work for some people.

TheBeardedLady · 12-05-2015 11:50AM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Nail on the head.

Having said that, I don't think anybody should ever settle either, which is what some people do out of fear of ending up alone. Your expectations shouldn't be too high, but the attraction needs to be there.

I agree with you on the attraction but I think everyone in a long-term relationship "settles" to some degree. One thing I realised being in a long-term relationship is that I'm very fair from perfect and I'm in no position to demand perfection from the person I'm with - I have to "settle" for their faults just as they do for mine or it wouldn't work.

People nowadays demand a long list of attributes from a partner that they can't live up to themselves. I think it has more to do with the fact that we are sold the cult of the individual and of products perfectly suited to us and our needs (that we never knew we had) nowadays and I think that's spilling over into every aspect of our lives. I see it on here: people writing off Ireland as a "****hole" when they wouldn't know a genuine "****hole" if they fell into one. There's an entitlement there that was never around in my early twenties and it's all happened so fast.

Average young fellas complaining the very hot women ignore them complaining they can't see their "inner niceness" when they've chosen that women for her hotness alone - the irony is lost on them. No doubt it exists amongst women too("If you can't accept me at my worst etc." bollocks) but you see more of it online from men.

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 12:13PM

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I agree with you on the attraction but I think everyone in a long-term relationship "settles" to some degree. One thing I realised being in a long-term relationship is that I'm very fair from perfect and I'm in no position to demand perfection from the person I'm with - I have to "settle" for their faults just as they do for mine or it wouldn't work.

People nowadays demand a long list of attributes from a partner that they can't live up to themselves. I think it has more to do with the fact that we are sold the cult of the individual and of products perfectly suited to us and our needs (that we never knew we had) nowadays and I think that's spilling over into every aspect of our lives. I see it on here: people writing off Ireland as a "****hole" when they wouldn't know a genuine "****hole" if they fell into one. There's an entitlement there that was never around in my early twenties and it's all happened so fast.

Average young fellas complaining the very hot women ignore them complaining they can't see their "inner niceness" when they've chosen that women for her hotness alone - the irony is lost on them. No doubt it exists amongst women too but you see more of it online from men.

Well you have to compromise and make allowances, but when you really like someone its worth it. Sometimes a person can tick all the right boxes but there's just no spark. I never thought I would have dated a single mother for example, but there you go.

The men complaining online are usually the ones that were shot down on a night out. There is definitely more of an entitlement there now alright. As I said already, there's a window shopping mentality. They were talking about dating on the radio last week. One woman said she was going on dates twice a week, but they never went beyond the first date which I think is a bit crazy. She has met all these men but hasn't clicked with any of them. It makes me wonder what her requirements are.

Potential-Monke · 12-05-2015 12:25PM

I think it was easier some years back. I'm 32 (today) and single for just over 3 years. I have no idea of the dating game due to 2x7 year relationships, and a one year relationship, with about a total of 2 years being single altogether since i was 15. My job also has a horrible work pattern which doesn't allow me to socialise on the normal nights (fridays and saturdays) that often.

The online dating game, while i can see it would work for some, doesn't work for everyone, for a combination of reasons as stated above. Mostly due to unrealistic expectations from both sexes. Social media and chick flicks give women an unrealistic expectation of men (i know not all women want the Ryan Gosling looks and body, but quite a lot do). Social media and porn give men unrealistic expectations too. I just found it easier back in the day to actually talk to someone, get to know them, etc. Online dating gives someone too much time to think about answers which give a false idea of the person.

While i'm no Ryan Gosling, i must have something right to have had 2 seven year relationships (both which ended for genuine reasons), but because i'm not the typical good looking fella i get swiped right (or left, don't know which is the "no" side on Tinder), even though i've an honest profile. In saying that, i've also never met someone on a night out, and my relationships usually spur from a friendship, which i think is very hard to obtain through online dating.

My biggest problem at the moment is someone i work with, whose entire family and quite a few work colleagues have told her that i'm "the one", but being Supreme Commander Friendzone is probably the reason it's never going to happen. Pity, i reckon we would be a brilliant couple, but hey, live and learn.

TheBeardedLady · 12-05-2015 12:37PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

The men complaining online are usually the ones that were shot down on a night out. There is definitely more of an entitlement there now alright. As I said already, there's a window shopping mentality. They were talking about dating on the radio last week. One woman said she was going on dates twice a week, but they never went beyond the first date which I think is a bit crazy. She has met all these men but hasn't clicked with any of them. It makes me wonder what her requirements are.

I've never seen Tinder in action but I assume you can narrow down the options like other dating websites? That had to have an effect on people's mentality and their expectations. It seems people are less willing to give someone a chance unless they tick (literally on these websites) a whole load of boxes first. I wonder does that mentality carry over to the real world?

I remember I was told by someone on here that I'd "settled as women do in their 30s" because my boyfriend was unemployed at the time (he had a job when I met him and has one now) - eh, I'm TEFLing on E13,500 a year - hardly a catch in terms of career myself! He now earns 2.5 times as much as I do so is he settling? Some people would believe so. If we'd met on a dating site, we might never have met up in the first place as we wouldn't have made allowances for each others faults/mistakes/fcuks ups like we did when we met in person and neither of us having much experience with online dating.

I've never properly tried online dating but I'd say it can be a head wreak if you're looking for something serious.

12-05-2015 12:42PM

Its just different with the advent of technology. There was no real dating culture or people talking about the dating scene... basically we went to the pub or local nightclub in single sexed groups then the groups would sit near each other eventually you would end to talking to the same person for a few weeks in row there was never a formal date as such....... and then somehow your were a couple and ended up being driven home by them in their Cortina, them you got married aged around 23 and that was it for most people.

The Corinthian · 12-05-2015 12:46PM

mariaalice wrote: »

basically we went to the pub or local nightclub in single sexed groups then the groups would sit near each other eventually you would end to talking to the same person for a few weeks in row there was never a formal date as such....... and then somehow your were a couple and ended up being driven home by them in their Cortina, them you got married aged around 23 and that was it for most people.

Alternatively...

Two women are tending their vegetable stands on Moore street.

One turns to the other and says, "I hear your Jacintha is getting married".

"She is", answers the second.

"So when is the baby due?", the first asks.

"Nah, she's not pregnant", comes the answer, to which the first exclaims "Sure, that's posh!".

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 12:54PM

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I've never seen Tinder in action but I assume you can narrow down the options like other dating websites? That had to have an effect on people's mentality and their expectations. It seems people are less willing to give someone a chance unless they tick (literally on these websites) a whole load of boxes first. I wonder does that mentality carry over to the real world?

I remember I was told by someone on here that I'd "settled as women do in their 30s" because my boyfriend was unemployed at the time (he had a job when I met him and has one now) - eh, I'm TEFLing on E13,500 a year - hardly a catch in terms of career myself! He now earns 2.5 times as much as I do so is he settling? Some people would believe so. If we'd met on a dating site, we might never have met up in the first place as we wouldn't have made allowances for each others faults/mistakes/fcuks ups like we did when we met in person and neither of us having much experience with online dating.

I've never properly tried online dating but I'd say it can be a head wreak if you're looking for something serious.

It can be a head wreck alright. I'd still prefer it to trying to meet someone on a night out though. I never had much luck in the bars and clubs and was very disillusioned with the whole thing. I've never tried Tinder but I found the social groups on facebook to be very useful for meeting people. It's different because you don't have the same expectations that you'd have on a date. It's more relaxed. I've heard a lot of stories about people hooking up on Tinder but I'm incredulous to say the least.

12-05-2015 12:56PM

Of my siblings the majority met their partners in a pub or nightclub except for one who met her husband at a debs he had gone with someone else and so had she but they got talking and the rest is history.

somefeen · 12-05-2015 01:03PM

Ive been on dating sites and so far have found the women to be either incredibly boring or very negative.
Reading stuff like this in profiles

"Dont message me if you are a faker or a cheater"

Oh OK then I'm a complete bastard and I'm glad you said that cos I wouldn't have wanted to waste your time. I'l go look for the girls with "Total prick wanted to **** me about" plastered across their profile.

"Tired of getting messed about and my heart broken"

****ing deal with it. Relationships end sometimes

"Dont know what to write here. just message if you want to know anything"

In other words you cant be arsed writting anything and your only here for an ego boost

"I want a man who'll treat me like his princess!"

I read that sentences as; My mummy daddy always told me I was special and amazing and so I must be and you better serve me

That and long long lists of the stuff they don't like.

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 01:14PM

somefeen wrote: »

Ive been on dating sites and so far have found the women to be either incredibly boring or very negative.
Reading stuff like this in profiles

"Dont message me if you are a faker or a cheater"

Oh OK then I'm a complete bastard and I'm glad you said that cos I wouldn't have wanted to waste your time. I'l go look for the girls with "Total prick wanted to **** me about" plastered across their profile.

"Tired of getting messed about and my heart broken"

****ing deal with it. Relationships end sometimes

"Dont know what to write here. just message if you want to know anything"

In other words you cant be arsed writting anything and your only here for an ego boost

"I want a man who'll treat me like his princess!"

I read that sentences as; My mummy daddy always told me I was special and amazing and so I must be and you better serve me

That and long long lists of the stuff they don't like.

There is a lot of that shyte. Or the photos with multiple people and you don't know which one she is.

The 2 girls I did meet from POF were lovely though. Sound as pounds they were, and attractive too. You have to go though a lot of shyte to get to the good stuff but isn't that the case in your typical discho?

strobe · 12-05-2015 01:26PM

I think both men and women have gotten a bit more slective/picky.

Casual sex without a commitment has become more and more available to men as societal attitudes to women sleeping around a bit have changed, and therefore you get fewer men willing to get into or stay in a relationship for sex.

And women are earning more and more so you get fewer women getting into or staying in relationships for money (oops, not meant to say money, what do people call it now, oh yeah 'ambition'

.)

Bit of both still goes on but I think it's getting less common, so naturally, it takes people longer to settle into a relationship with someone.

I don't think it's a bad thing. People that want to still pair off, just takes people a bit longer than it used to find someone they're prepared to do that with longterm.

sbsquarepants · 12-05-2015 01:33PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

I'm not so sure about that. In my 4 years of online dating I only managed to get 2 dates. Then again I'm a very very patient man. Most guys I've spoken to about it haven't had any luck with online dating at all. I don't think its about being picky or lazy. It just doesn't work for some people.

I've never tried online dating, but anyone I know who has informs me it's pretty much fish in a barrel territory.

On a (possibly related) side note. If you've only managed to pull 2 women in 4 years - why are you so vain?

:D

Mister Vain · 12-05-2015 01:40PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

On a (possibly related) side note. If you've only managed to pull 2 women in 4 years - why are you so vain?:D

Because I thought it was about me.

Bubor wrote: »

I pull a lady home most nights I go out, for me it's been getting easier and easier.

Yeah your arms must be stronger now from all that pulling.

Earthhorse · 12-05-2015 02:04PM

Yeah, of course it's gotten harder, surprised to hear anyone say otherwise, though it is hard to take anyone who uses the phrase "man card" seriously. Go back only a generation or two (depending on your age) and most people would be expected to have married someone with a view to starting a family inside their 20s. This cultural expectation changed and with it people's standards. Whereas previously attraction and chemistry mattered they were often balanced out by compatibility. Now, attraction and chemistry take up a far larger slice of the pie.

Compare it to the job market; previous generations wanted a job to help keep them out of poverty, today's generation want something that's fulfilling. Even with the recent recession this is true in the long term. The only people that don't feel the pinch are the best candidates who will never struggle too much to find desirable employment.

The dating scene is no different; if you are good looking, good company and gregarious then you'll find yourself with a lot of options and confused by the subject of this thread. If you tick only one or none of those boxes you'll find yourself in a different position. So today's expectations make it harder for everyone but for a certain type of person there's a huge spike in difficulty that previously was mitigated for by the culture.

It's a bit like communism; more people had a job (partner) but few people had much choice!

The knock on consequences only compound the issue. With fewer people in a rush to settle down those top prospects remain available indefinitely, making the competition harder. Sure, these were the people who got snapped up right away in the olden days but in being so they made things easier for everyone else. Now, they are still out there; for the unlucky ones they just haven't found someone, but there are another batch that aren't interested in settling (but may say they are to broaden their options) or that are flawed in some way that makes settling with them hard, but they take up an inordinate amount of other people's time. Everyone wants to be with them (or thinks they do) and once again the other, more ordinary, candidates are overlooked.

I could go on (some would say I already have) but modern romance is demonstrably far more demanding and complex than previous generations. This isn't to say it's worse for the overall happiness of most people. It may well be. But this specific area of life is far harder for a certain type and percentage of people, moderately harder for most and marginally harder for the few at the top than it was before.

Earthhorse · 12-05-2015 02:05PM

Potential-Monke wrote: »

My biggest problem at the moment is someone i work with, whose entire family and quite a few work colleagues have told her that i'm "the one", but being Supreme Commander Friendzone is probably the reason it's never going to happen. Pity, i reckon we would be a brilliant couple, but hey, live and learn.

Two seven year relationships you said? Hardly the Supreme Commander at all!

RomanKnows · 12-05-2015 02:08PM

Good sense of humour, decent personal hygiene, and a schlong like the arm and clenched fist of a Portuguese fisherman is all you need.

beks101 · 12-05-2015 02:25PM

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I've never seen Tinder in action but I assume you can narrow down the options like other dating websites? That had to have an effect on people's mentality and their expectations. It seems people are less willing to give someone a chance unless they tick (literally on these websites) a whole load of boxes first. I wonder does that mentality carry over to the real world?

I remember I was told by someone on here that I'd "settled as women do in their 30s" because my boyfriend was unemployed at the time (he had a job when I met him and has one now) - eh, I'm TEFLing on E13,500 a year - hardly a catch in terms of career myself! He now earns 2.5 times as much as I do so is he settling? Some people would believe so. If we'd met on a dating site, we might never have met up in the first place as we wouldn't have made allowances for each others faults/mistakes/fcuks ups like we did when we met in person and neither of us having much experience with online dating.

I've never properly tried online dating but I'd say it can be a head wreak if you're looking for something serious.

Yeah, totally agree.

People think "shur with online dating you're never more than a click away from meeting someone!" and that's true. But it completely extracts the authenticity, spontaneity, stress and normalcy out of these meetings.

Once upon a time you might have randomly met a friend of a friend and got butterflies and thought "wow, I wonder if he feels the same..." - you had the build-up, the chemistry right off the bat, the things in common that bond you with a person - background, outlook, interests, humour, aspirations - and then the uncertainty of if you were even within a flying pig's chance of him feeling the same, which adds to the romantic ambience.

These days, you go window shopping. Five minutes on Tinder, twenty matches, five "hey how are you"s, one or two whom you may end up meeting, both of whom are on their third Tinder date that week and you sit there and wonder if this chap is a better option than Sean The Accountant who is also good looking but can spell properly / has better banter, but also drinks like a fish, so maybe you'll meet that Danny from Dundrum fella instead for the craic...and round and round we go.

I met my OH at a work course, properly met him again at a house party six months later and we got together after me spending most of my 20s single and the above scenario playing out throughout those years. I stopped buying into the online thing where you're encourage to market yourself - and see others - as a product upon which a bunch of bullsh1t caveats are to determine someone's suitability as a life partner. Age, height, weight, job, how many sedated Tigers has he posed beside in Thailand, how popular is he.

You get sucked in, regardless of your actual own attractiveness and flawlessness, and believe if you're not scoring the hottest bird on the map, you're underachieving, and even if this one is hot, what about the next one? What if I'm missing out by 'settling' with this wan who is good craic and seems a decent person, when there's something shinier and newer and cooler around the corner?

was it easier

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