The power of empathy

Empathy is like emotional intelligence. Some have it, some don't.

Think of a bullying person, me me me. Zero emotional intelligence.

I suppose it's the same thing.

Life is so much easier if you understand and empathise with others.

But not everyone is wired that way. Hence the lack of both empathy and emotional intelligence in many people.

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Ah I don't think empathy is something you either have or don't.

People can empathise about different things due to different experiences.

There are SOME who have zero empathy believe me, I have encountered them in my life and career. Doesn't matter who or what happens around them, zero.

But they would probably be called psychopaths or narcissists, if we are to be honest. No empathy, and manipulation to the nth degree.

I actually would like to kill them. But I would always empathise with their psychological problems and desist

No. I lack emotion in general - compassion and empathy being two of them. I was told it is related to depression, but at this point it is a significant part of who I am as a person, not merely a symptom. I have no interest in manipulation or causing harm to anyone. I just follow social norms and logic as much as possible in order to do what I think is right. In the past, my lack of empathy has definitely gotten me into trouble though. Introspectively, it's quite difficult for me to relate to the negative emotion a lot of people express. Tragic news stories, horrendous events from around the world, videos of people being massacred etc etc. don't cause any reaction in me whatsoever. Obviously, I understand that they are terrible things.

I watched one of those terrorist beheading video's with a friend of mine last year and he told me that the gurgling noises the man made while his neck bled out as he died in agony would stay with him forever. To me, this seemed like a very odd reaction for a person to have from watching a video. Recently, two or three people I know were quite upset (as in crying etc. etc.) at the death of their Grandparents. I found that utterly mind boggling. Of course, mourning at the death of a loved one is not uncommon, and considered to be normal behavior, I know that. But the way it affected them, the emotion they had, it was all alien to me and I found it very puzzling. And, yes. I have experienced the death of a relative more than once.

Regarding the whole "it depends on what you have or have not experienced" argument, this makes no difference to me personally. However, I would agree that it is the case for many people I know. This double standard, intentional or not, is incredibly annoying.

You'll have to put up with the quotation marks as I have limited privileges being a new user.

Saralee4 wrote: »

Whenthesunhits, since you don't feel empathy for others, do you feel that you deserve it?

Can that question really be applied in this case? Someone will feel empathy for someone or they won't. Whether or not they were deserving of it is not a factor. If I had to give an answer - I don't really care. I do think everyone deserves respect though, but empathy is not the same thing as respect.

Personally, if someone doesn't have empathy for me, does it really effect me in any way? I don't think it does.

"I'm just curious like would you be hurt if a partner cheated on you?"

I'd be irritated if a partner cheated on me. I have never had strong feelings for anyone I've been with, so I don't think I'd be hurt. Maybe if I had strong feelings for the person I would.

"Or say someone was badmouthing you?"

Obviously, nobody wants to hear that they've been badmouthed. But if it didn't effect me to a great degree socially/professionally/academically then I probably wouldn't care. If the badmouthing was "lies" that could significantly damage my reputation then perhaps I'd seek legal action.

"Or say you were sick for 3 weeks and noone asked if you were ok but could clearly see you were in pain. Would you feel sad for your self in that kind of situation?"

I'd be totally shocked if that was to occur, but it wouldn't cause me a great deal of sadness if I'm completely honest.

When the Sun Hits wrote: »

No. I lack emotion in general - compassion and empathy being two of them. I was told it is related to depression, but at this point it is a significant part of who I am as a person, not merely a symptom. I have no interest in manipulation or causing harm to anyone. I just follow social norms and logic as much as possible in order to do what I think is right. In the past, my lack of empathy has definitely gotten me into trouble though. Introspectively, it's quite difficult for me to relate to the negative emotion a lot of people express. Tragic news stories, horrendous events from around the world, videos of people being massacred etc etc. don't cause any reaction in me whatsoever. Obviously, I understand that they are terrible things.

I watched one of those terrorist beheading video's with a friend of mine last year and he told me that the gurgling noises the man made while his neck bled out as he died in agony would stay with him forever. To me, this seemed like a very odd reaction for a person to have from watching a video. Recently, two or three people I know were quite upset (as in crying etc. etc.) at the death of their Grandparents. I found that utterly mind boggling. Of course, mourning at the death of a loved one is not uncommon, and considered to be normal behavior, I know that. But the way it affected them, the emotion they had, it was all alien to me and I found it very puzzling. And, yes. I have experienced the death of a relative more than once.

Regarding the whole "it depends on what you have or have not experienced" argument, this makes no difference to me personally. However, I would agree that it is the case for many people I know. This double standard, intentional or not, is incredibly annoying.

Do you have Aspergers by any chance?

eviltwin wrote: »

Do you have Aspergers by any chance?

It is now called Autism Spectrum Disorder. But I get your drift.

Only the author of the posts can tell us. But while s/he may fit some of the traits of ASD, that is not a given.

Maybe the poster will come back and give us a clue.

When the Sun Hits wrote: »

I don't know an awful lot about the condition but I understand that social interaction is difficult for them. I've never been a social butterfly or Mr. Popular but I've always had friends, and have an active enough social life now.

The subject of Aspergers was never brought up by any medical professional I've been to either. So, I really don't think I do.

My eldest has AS and is very like what you described. Some people can't feel empathy and some can't read social situations well enough to know when its needed.

And then there are people who just don't care about anyone else. They are the scary ones.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

ASD people can be loving and caring in their own way. I have a young nephew with it and he is straight out, and says it as he sees it without thinking of the consequences for others' feelings sometimes!

At the same time that kid is adorable in his own way, and he will be ok I sincerely hope!

It is, for sure those you mention, bolded above, that are the odd people. But psychopaths and narcissists can be like that.

God how I hate labels, but sometimes they just explain weird things to us!

No I'm definitely not referring to anyone with ASD in that last bit, like you say I mean the types of narcissistic personality who only care about themselves. I have two kids with ASD and while their empathy wouldn't be great they do have it in their own way.

eviltwin wrote: »

No I'm definitely not referring to anyone with ASD in that last bit, like you say I mean the types of narcissistic personality who only care about themselves. I have two kids with ASD and while their empathy wouldn't be great they do have it in their own way.

I know you weren't referring to ASD as totally oblivious and uncaring. I understood that, and agree totally.

It was your point about those who only care about themselves that struck me.

As I said in an earlier post, psychopathic and maybe narcissistic tendencies lead to such an attitude.

I have witnessed them and their actions over the years. You would not believe how some of their actions have blighted our family. Sad stories, but hey, onwards and upwards. We move on.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

That is very reassuring for those with young kids with ASD. Thanks for the positives there!

Truth, thank you for that as didn't think my post would be helpful to anyone really !

He's 21 now, and I honestly don't know whether or not it came from becoming older or being more able to cope/tolerate with social situations to be honest. Or a combination of both and dealing with depression, who knows

Mam of 4 wrote: »

Spanish Eyes thank you.

Your nephew is lucky to have you in his life tbh. Yes professional help is great , hard to get but my you're dead on point about siblings being a great asset. My son talks to one sibling about everything ,his depression,etc, and the other about boys stuff,:)

It has been hard on them at times but it also has helped them understand somewhat and feel empathy in a situation they might never experience or totally get. In trying to see the world through his eyes I mean

I am going off topic here.

But ASD people (as you probably know) love routines.

So when 9 yr old nephew comes a visiting, it's pancakes in the morning, he whoops when I flip them, makes me laugh so hard, and him too. His brother cleans up the mess, bless him.

And then it's on the Flicker thing out in the park, he has CP aswell, so his legs are not great. But he is a determined boy. And he will go far. I am sure of it. His only sibling, his brother, is an amazing child too. So supportive and will stand up for his brother no matter what.

I will say that until X was born, I never realised how hard parents worked to do the best for their children.

I have the utmost respect for parents who have special children. Totally.

So sit back, and be proud of yourself.