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Early Date Etiquette

2

Comments

  • #32
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Jenny Thalia wrote: »
    A lot of men seem to be affronted by a woman wanting to pay her way early on, from what I've experienced. I've only met maybe 2 men who were cool with me paying my way. The rest just got offended, saying it's their job to pay as a man.


    I've had a lot of first dates in my life and I can honestly say I've never met a man who had a problem with me paying my way on initial dates. One guy was bemused (the rich dude I mentioned earlier) but the rest took it as the norm. If a guy got offended as opposed to being a bit surprised, a second date wouldn't be forthcoming. Very strange reaction to someone who's just trying to be fair.


  • #33
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    I've had a lot of first dates in my life and I can honestly say I've never met a man who had a problem with me paying my way on initial dates. One guy was bemused (the rich dude I mentioned earlier) but the rest took it as the norm. If a guy got offended as opposed to being a bit surprised, a second date wouldn't be forthcoming. Very strange reaction to someone who's just trying to be fair.

    Oh yeah, I agree and in all but one case, there was no second date.

    I like paying my share so anyone who doesn't like it can feck off tbh.


  • #34
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Eating in places like Germany is great I find - because both of the issues you describe above are simply non-issues there entirely. When the waiting staff come to the table to settle the bill - the first question out of their mouths is always "zusammen oder getrennt" or "Together or separate?".

    If "together" then the bill gets handed to the person paying. If separate then with no fuss whatsoever each person is invited to identify what they had - and they are given a sub total..

    See - who says ze germans don't get romance!


  • #35
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,059 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    Maybe some guys feel a bit threatened if the girl makes an offer to pay/split the bill, as they see an inference that they can't fulfill their role and 'take care of' the woman?


  • #36
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    osarusan wrote: »
    Maybe some guys feel a bit threatened if the girl makes an offer to pay/split the bill, as they see an inference that they can't fulfill their role and 'take care of' the woman?


    Well, I understand that's the dynamics in some relationships but it wouldn't be the kind of relationship I'd like to be in. I want to "take care of" the man as well. I cooked a meal for me fella for our second date partly to show case the kinda woman I was and set a precedent for our relationship.


    It could be a signal that the man in question has an "old fashioned" idea of what a relationship constitutes but many women do too, to be fair. Good luck to them!


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  • #37
    TrustedApple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,678 ✭✭✭TrustedApple


    I be one with saying the lad has to pay for the dinner or 1st drinks on a date basicly what ever comes 1st.

    There a few months ago I was on a date and the girl in quastion was buying my drinks for the night and I felt extramly guilty for it. Any time I got up to go to the loo she had another bottle of beer for me at the table.

    I was on another date there last weekend and we went to sew a film and she had the money out to pay for me but I said nope to her and pushed the money out of the way and paid for both of us as I just don't like people paying for my stuff at all.

    But the lad paying for the date I think gives a good sign that he is not afard to put his hand in his pucket and is not a complate tight ass with money


  • #38
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    osarusan wrote: »
    Maybe some guys feel a bit threatened if the girl makes an offer to pay/split the bill, as they see an inference that they can't fulfill their role and 'take care of' the woman?

    I think it could be read as some kind of feminist statement and that would make them alert to ideological insanity.


  • #39
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,059 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Well, I understand that's the dynamics in some relationships but it wouldn't be the kind of relationship I'd like to be in. I want to "take care of" the man as well. I cooked a meal for me fella for our second date partly to show case the kinda woman I was and set a precedent for our relationship.


    It could be a signal that the man in question has an "old fashioned" idea of what a relationship constitutes but many women do too, to be fair. Good luck to them!

    The funny thing, from my perspective at least (and this was 10+ years ago) is that if i get the impression that the girl is happy to pay, go halves, etc, then I'm happy to pay!

    It's when it seems expected that I pay that I get less happy about it.


  • #40
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    I think it could be read as some kind of feminist statement and that would make them alert to ideological insanity.


    Ye wha?


  • #41
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,059 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    I think it could be read as some kind of feminist statement and that would make them alert to ideological insanity.
    I think that is ridiculous.


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  • #42
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    osarusan wrote: »
    The funny thing, from my perspective at least (and this was 10+ years ago) is that if i get the impression that the girl is happy to pay, go halves, etc, then I'm happy to pay!

    It's when it seems expected that I pay that I get less happy about it.


    Yeah nobody, man or woman, wants to be taken for a mug.


  • #43
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    osarusan wrote: »
    I think that is ridiculous.

    It could be read that way, in cultures where its the norm. The man might read it as, oh here we go.... here she is asserting her inependence to send me a message loud and clear...


  • #44
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    It could be read that way, in cultures where its the norm. The man might read it as, oh here we go.... here she is asserting her inependence to send me a message loud and clear...



    Well the man is a gob****e then.


  • #45
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Well the man is a gob****e then.

    Think about it...if it's the norm, which it is in Canada and the US, and this woman in the OP was in Toronto, and you deviate from that.... then yes it could be read as infection by insane ideology.

    You may not think feminism is for the ideologically insane, but many do, myself included in that.


  • #46
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    Think about it...if it's the norm, which it is in Canada and the US, and this woman in the OP was in Toronto, and you deviate from that.... then yes it could be read as infection by insane ideology.

    You may not think feminism is for the ideologically insane, but many do, myself included in that.


    Haha! Okely dokely. Good luck with that. Hope you and your high-maintenance princess live happily ever after.


  • #47
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,059 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    The man might read it as, oh here we go.... here she is asserting her inependence to send me a message loud and clear...
    To me, it sounds more like something some women might like to think (or hope?) the man believes, and is scared by.

    EDIT: Just saw this:
    zeffabelli wrote: »
    Think about it...if it's the norm, which it is in Canada and the US, and this woman in the OP was in Toronto, and you deviate from that.... then yes it could be read as infection by insane ideology.

    You may not think feminism is for the ideologically insane, but many do, myself included in that.
    Yeah, good luck.


  • #48
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Haha! Okely dokely. Good luck with that. Hope you and your high-maintenance princess live happily ever after.

    Genuinely it is the norm in North American.

    It is considered highly scummy not to pick up the tab. You wont get a second date.


  • #49
    saintsaltynuts
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,147 ✭✭✭saintsaltynuts


    If your going to be paying for everything on the first date that deserves at least a sticky finger.


  • #50
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    Genuinely it is the norm in North American.

    It is considered highly scummy not to pick up the tab. You wont get a second date.


    Groovy. I don't live in North America though.


  • #51
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Groovy. I don't live in North America though.

    Yeah ok, but OP does, which is more relevant to understanding the dialogue he is referencing.


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  • #52
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    Yeah ok, but OP does, which is more relevant to understanding the dialogue he is referencing.


    Aren't we having a general chat about date etiquette now? You'd only label a woman "ideologically insane" (snigger) if she's American?


  • #53
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Aren't we having a general chat about date etiquette now? You'd only label a woman "ideologically insane" (snigger) if she's American?

    No, I didn't say I would...I said a man out on a date might read it that way...


  • #54
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Good for him. He's entitled to think what he likes and find a woman who thinks similar but he wouldn't be to my taste. It's all about personal preferences.

    All I am saying, is that you have to look at these things inside their contexts and local values.


  • #55
    Maximus Alexander
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    If I asked someone out, I'd expect to pay. But I wouldn't be too interested in a second date with someone who expected me to pay on the basis that I had a penis.


  • #56
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    All I am saying, is that you have to look at these things inside their contexts and local values.

    Okay so you're specifically talking about America. You didn't make that clear in your first post.


  • #57
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Ah I've mentioned it a few times. I live in Spain. Spain.


  • #58
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Okay so you're specifically talking about America. You didn't make that clear in your first post.

    US & Canada, North America.

    OP mentioned Toronto. That is the context.

    Obviously while everyone is in school or college, this doesn't really apply. But then dating doesn;t consist of dinners, there are a wide variety of affordable activities people can do on a date....even just go for an ice cream.

    Going out in IReland is very expensive.


  • #59
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Well it lead onto a general discussion about date etiquette as it's an Irish message board. Most posts are referencing Ireland and Irish dating etiquette and the question she asked wasn't what people would do if they hypothetically lived in the States or Canada....obviously.


  • #60
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Well it lead onto a general discussion about date etiquette as it's an Irish message board. Most posts are referencing Ireland and Irish dating etiquette and the question she asked wasn't what people would do if they hypothetically lived in the States or Canada....obviously.

    Not obvious when the OP lives in Toronto and the woman he is talking to is Canadian...

    Surely as an ex patriot one would know..different cultures...different values...different meanings....

    I guess its interesting to compare and contrast..... to some extent.


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  • #61
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    John Terry wrote: »
    I think dinner is a bad choice for a first date, a game of bowling or a walk in a park is much better, there's less pressure, it's more relaxed and the money aspect isn't a big deal.

    Dinner is too much pressure, especially in Ireland where it costs a small fortune.


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