Bragging groom-how to deal?

Milly33 · 20-04-2015 10:05AM

I want that toaster...

Ah I wouldn't read to much into it OP.
Just say your fiancé is sick!! Walla out of it.. Man Flu...
Get him to put the sniffles on for whoever he meets close to the day, that is unless he is going to say it himself why he is not going which is all fine too if he wants to..

I wouldn't think too badly of the man (groom) in fairness he was probably very drunk and sure we all know we say stuff a lot easier when you have a few drinks. If ye did feel a bit ick over the whole thing and did still think the groom was being an ass, just give them half of what ye were going to give or something daft and go along and have a fun day for your cousin.. Don't let her suffer cus her hubby to be said stuff.

If you want to go without him sure do also... It would be fine, if you make a big deal out of it then everyone else will.. Just keep it plain and simple his sick so I came myself..

Kinda agree with Caramay. Not saying men aren't all smoochie poochies do but any chap I have spoken to kinda of talks about the whole "well this chap said they got this much and this person said this person would give you this much"...Its just what they like to do...

sbsquarepants · 20-04-2015 10:24AM

CaraMay wrote: »

Calling a spade a spade - about 80% of couples getting married think like the groom does.

You are going about it the wrong way. The way to cut into the 3k profit is both of you to go, eat, drink and be merry and then give then a kettle lol

Don't see what your own wedding has to do with this?

Why?

The thing to do is forget the profit/loss thing altogether - it's none of your business what it cost or what presents they get. If you're invited to a party of any sort you either go or don't based on all sorts of things - who the person is, what the occasion is, where it is, what your own plans or work situations are for the day and so on - some accounting calculation based on what they're spending versus projected income from gifts should not even enter into it and if it does, to be honest it says as much about your boyfriend as it does the groom OP. If you were happy to go last week, finding out what it cost shouldn't change that.
Either go or don't go, if you do go get them the pressie you can A afford and B think they deserve - that's your only input to the whole affair. What they spend on the day and the why's and why not's of that spending doesn't concern either of you in anyway.

Yes it's a bit obnoxious to go boasting about making a profit on your wedding - but it's hardly a newsflash that some people are dicks now is it!

Milly33 · 20-04-2015 10:40AM

well said...

arayess · 20-04-2015 10:50AM

CaraMay wrote: »

Calling a spade a spade - about 80% of couples getting married think like the groom does.

You are going about it the wrong way. The way to cut into the 3k profit is both of you to go, eat, drink and be merry and then give then a kettle lol

Don't see what your own wedding has to do with this?

you seem a font of knowledge :rolleyes:

most people are decent and might hope to break even on the wedding but only a knob plans to make a profit.
The wedding is the important thing , don't have what you cant afford , it's not a cash equivalent of gofundme

fits · 20-04-2015 10:56AM

arayess wrote: »

most people are decent and might hope to break even on the wedding but only a knob plans to make a profit.

Huh? We are obviously going about things completely the wrong way!

MrWalsh · 20-04-2015 11:07AM

CaraMay wrote: »

Calling a spade a spade - about 80% of couples getting married think like the groom does.

While Ive no idea of the percentage, certainly that some people think this way is clearly evidenced by many threads on here. People arguing that they give less if its not a full traditional Irish wedding as though the event they are invited to is a concert and they are discussing how much to spend a on ticket for it!

People on here have even quoted that they know how much bride and grooms are spending on a per head basis for the meal?!?!?!

So I would think that its not a bit unusual for people to think this way.

However, rather than engage in any kind of tit for tat, if I were you OP Id simply stick to my original plans and go for the 2 days and give whatever gift you were planning to - otherwise you are only lowering yourself to the same level as the types who are counting the pennies on each side of the balance sheet.

stickybookmark · 20-04-2015 11:09AM

yes i have to agree with fits to concept of breaking even on a wedding is alien to me, you'd have to organise a seriously stingey affair and invite tons of guests to do that?

MrWalsh · 20-04-2015 11:11AM

stickybookmark wrote: »

yes i have to agree with fits to concept of breaking even on a wedding is alien to me, you'd have to organise a seriously stingey affair and invite tons of guests to do that?

Eddie Hobbs would be proud!

So maybe you’re having second thoughts about blowing your loot on getting hitched but if you’re
still determined remember my golden rule for having your wedding cake and eating it… Three little
words. ‘Cash gifts only’! That;s what I said Cash Gifts Only. I’m only romantic about my own
marriage.

Get the relatives to cough up in advance. Let everyone know you’re not a fan of fondue sets or foot
spas espresso sets, fruitbowls and bloody crystal ware.

If you have a 150 guests and they all cough up €150 you’ll end up with 22.5 grand in cash so
you’re ballpark profit country. So let the word go out from RTE tonight, from now on, its cash gifts
only!

Bolding added by me

stickybookmark · 20-04-2015 11:44AM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Why?

The thing to do is forget the profit/loss thing altogether - it's none of your business what it cost or what presents they get. If you're invited to a party of any sort you either go or don't based on all sorts of things - who the person is, what the occasion is, where it is, what your own plans or work situations are for the day and so on - some accounting calculation based on what they're spending versus projected income from gifts should not even enter into it and if it does, to be honest it says as much about your boyfriend as it does the groom OP. If you were happy to go last week, finding out what it cost shouldn't change that.
Either go or don't go, if you do go get them the pressie you can A afford and B think they deserve - that's your only input to the whole affair. What they spend on the day and the why's and why not's of that spending doesn't concern either of you in anyway.

Yes it's a bit obnoxious to go boasting about making a profit on your wedding - but it's hardly a newsflash that some people are dicks now is it!

I disagree with this completely. It's everything to do with the OP, it's her hard-earned cash that is contributing to his profit and it's her and her OH that have to take 2 days off work for this plonker's wedding!

Milly33 · 20-04-2015 11:50AM

Yeah but again does it not come down to does she want to go or not want to go..

It is her cash, but then just give as much as you can, they don't have to give lots or like that get a toaster or something.

If she is at a dilemma about going then go or don't go, but don't be saying your not going because he or she said that... That's what happens in school think everyone is all grown up now

Larbre34 · 20-04-2015 11:53AM

Theres a great tradition in Ireland of people making excuses for others and conversely people not taking responsibility.

OP, let your fiancé tell your friend why he has decided not to go, its his flippin family he has a problem with after all.

In fact better yet, this is between the two boys.

ec18 · 20-04-2015 12:03PM

is it possible the remark was misheard and the other guy meant that they'd saved 3K just by having it on a Thursday?

kilkenny12 · 20-04-2015 12:17PM

Larbre34 wrote: »

Theres a great tradition in Ireland of people making excuses for others and conversely people not taking responsibility.

OP, let your fiancé tell your friend why he has decided not to go, its his flippin family he has a problem with after all.

In fact better yet, this is between the two boys.

Exactly. Why didn't the lads at the stag tell him how much of a w@nker he was? Wtf!? Who lets something like that slip and not even give him a slagging?

jlm29 · 20-04-2015 12:42PM

Maybe just don't bother making up a lie/excuse for why your partner isn't going. Just say "he won't make it" and leave it at that.

sbsquarepants · 20-04-2015 01:57PM

stickybookmark wrote: »

I disagree with this completely. It's everything to do with the OP, it's her hard-earned cash that is contributing to his profit and it's her and her OH that have to take 2 days off work for this plonker's wedding!

But it would be money and time well spent if the couple getting hitched ended the day in debt? That makes absolutely zero sense!

If they were happy to spend the money until they found out that there'd be a surplus at the end of the day the only thing that has changed is they (well he in this case) begrudge the couple that surplus. That's the only difference between this week and last week.

MrWalsh · 20-04-2015 02:00PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

If they were happy to spend the money until they found out that there'd be a surplus at the end of the day the only thing that has changed is they (well he in this case) begrudge the couple that surplus.

Its the attitude that is causing the issue not the surplus.

Ginny · 20-04-2015 02:31PM

It's 10 weeks away, it's a Thursday just say in a few weeks that he can't come something has popped up in work. It shouldn't be a big deal at this stage.

Geniass · 20-04-2015 06:18PM

Ginny wrote: »

It's 10 weeks away, it's a Thursday just say in a few weeks that he can't come something has popped up in work. It shouldn't be a big deal at this stage.

In fairness though, what kind of gent would ditch his girlfriend, future wife and future mother of his children (too far? :pac:) and let her go on her own because of something pitiful like this?

AoifeCork · 20-04-2015 09:07PM

OP, is it that your fiance is being a pain and putting this burden on you or do you really think he is justified in his mindset and you just want a decent enough excuse so that the bride doesn't smell a rat and eventually find out what a gimp the groom was at the stag? That's what I'm wondering. If your fiance had a hand in doing the stag it seems a bit of a turn around to say he's not going. Maybe this is one of those "had to be there" situations. Any other wags (for want of a better word!!!) from the stag party you could chat to about this?? I feel like we're missing something...

A-Bit-Dodge · 21-04-2015 01:11PM

Thanks everyone for your opinions. Chatted to groom again to find out why he's being so rash. Basically, it wasn't just a throw away comment, the issue of wedding costs came up and spent a good 5 mins saying they increased numbers cos they were certain they could haggle down on band and hotel package and still get people to give "the going rate of €100" each. He mouthed off a bit too much for a few of the lads liking, given they had just forked out even more bobs for a weekend long stag. Just to be clear too it's not saving €3000 minimum, it's making a profit. I didn't know weddings were a business for the couple to make money from, I personally thought they were something you paid for yourself and in doing so had to save to give your friends and family a day to remember. I have alley said this to my H2b and said he can't go just cos groom sees his wedding a cash cow and it's just his personality. The main concern is that we ARE financially fecked at the moment and 2 days in Meath is going to set us back again. The hotel alone want €150 for the room, then there's diesel, drinks, feeding ourselves etc. I have put money away for the day as I knew it was coming but they way himself sees it, he'd rather tax his car for the year with his money than drop a few more quid into their wedding piggy bank :pac:

We will come up with something but I've decided to keep my mouth shut. I love the bride, she's a sweet girl and while I do think she could do better than the dope she is marrying, she loves him and he makes her happy so it's not my place with 9.5 weeks to go to stir the pot.

For the record, my fiancé won't be budging on thIs. He plays football with the best man and the best man agrees if he could get out of it at this stage he would. He has a young family and his own wife doesn't work... The stag comments irked him massively as well but they were all a bit taken aback so nobody said anything. Weird behaviour. From all the boys! :pac:

Milly33 · 21-04-2015 01:28PM

Well then looks like ye have decided go with it.. I wouldn't bare a grudge though.. Remind yourself of this thread and your hubby to be when ye decide to go for it, bet it gets mentioned at least once

stickybookmark · 21-04-2015 02:39PM

A-Bit-Dodge wrote: »

I have alley said this to my H2b and said he can't go just cos groom sees his wedding a cash cow and it's just his personality. The main concern is that we ARE financially fecked at the moment and 2 days in Meath is going to set us back again. The hotel alone want €150 for the room, then there's diesel, drinks, feeding ourselves etc. I have put money away for the day as I knew it was coming but they way himself sees it, he'd rather tax his car for the year with his money than drop a few more quid into their wedding piggy bank :pac:

That's fair enough. If your OH doesn't go ye'll save 100 euro in a wedding present plus the cost of his drink for the night so yeah it prob would tax a fuel-efficient car for a year

neris · 22-04-2015 01:18PM

I agree with your fiance not wanting to go over the groom seeing it as some sort of business/cash cow. I had a friend who is a cheap skate and saw his wedding as something that would be paid for by others and wasnt going to cost them a cent. This mentality has followed on into the marriage in other ways

eviltwin · 22-04-2015 04:32PM

Geniass wrote: »

In fairness though, what kind of gent would ditch his girlfriend, future wife and future mother of his children (too far? :pac:) and let her go on her own because of something pitiful like this?

It's a wedding, never gone to one without your partner? She will be fine
I'd be letting him tell the couple himself though.

fits · 22-04-2015 04:35PM

Lots of married and coupled up folk coming to ours sans partner.

Geniass · 22-04-2015 04:40PM

eviltwin wrote: »

It's a wedding, never gone to one without your partner?

Now that I think of it. No, we like each other's company.

Agree with the OP not making an issue of it with her friend. That way lay disaster.

eviltwin · 22-04-2015 04:43PM

Geniass wrote: »

Now that I think of it. No, we like each other's company.

Agree with the OP not making an issue of it with her friend. That way lay disaster.

Well I have and its grand. She can still have fun even though he's not there.

Geniass · 22-04-2015 04:56PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Well I have and its grand. She can still have fun even though he's not there.

I'm C-L-E-A-R-L-Y indispensable.

Milly33 · 22-04-2015 05:08PM

I would so go to one without him, grand tis more fun with him but It wouldn't bother me..

December2012 · 22-04-2015 10:43PM

So you'ld have no problems if they had a more expensive wedding and it cost them €3,000 more?

He got a few deals (which I see people talking about for everything wedding related given how expensive it can be). He was talking to his friends, who presumably have a modicum of interest given that it's a stag and you're around the wedding stage yourselves.

it really sounds like your partner is bitching about this guy and not being a good friend.

Bragging groom-how to deal?

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