Stage fright at the jacks

thelad95 · 09-04-2015 10:40PM #1

Men of AH, do you suffer from stage fright in public toilets? I find I can be affected by it if it's a small room. If it's a large, open-plan jacks, it flows a lot easier.

PirateShampoo · 09-04-2015 10:42PM

Count it as a blessing, you wouldn't want to end up on the Sex Offenders List.

everlast75 · 09-04-2015 11:06PM

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Never. But then again, I've a cOck the size of a jelly babies leg.

FYP

fleet_admiral · 09-04-2015 11:08PM

No, im not a scuttler. As in I dont scuttle off to a cubicle because im afraid to piss at the urinal.

artanevilla · 09-04-2015 11:08PM

It's considered a genuine condition.

http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/07/06/7020946-too-shy-to-go-bathroom-stage-fright-a-real-condition

Macavity. · 09-04-2015 11:11PM

If I'm sober I'll always go to the cubicle if it's available, unless the place is totally empty. I'm self conscious that someone will grab by penis or do something weird.

If I'm drunk these worries seem to dissipate and I urinate proudly at the urinal.

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire · 10-04-2015 12:55AM

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm self conscious that someone will grab by penis or do something weird.

I'm self-concious that I won't be able to go soon enough, and people will think I'm just standing there to look at other people's dicks (or some other unspecified weird activity). Which is ridiculous really, since I think we've all at one point seen someone who can't go, and we get what their deal is and aren't bothered by it.

Mr_Muffin · 10-04-2015 01:05AM

When it happens I imagine my child hood sweet heart is sucking my doink and it just starts to flow, I am not sure why this works but don't tell my child hood sweet heart.

thelad95 · 10-04-2015 01:12AM

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

When it happens I imagine my child hood sweet heart is sucking my doink and it just starts to flow, I am not sure why this works but don't tell my child hood sweet heart.

Why not? I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

The Backwards Man · 10-04-2015 01:15AM

Hate urinals, rather go outside and piss in a council pickup

Dozer Dave · 10-04-2015 01:18AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Hate urinals, rather go outside and piss in a council pickup

Hate them too getting blasted with piss from other users.

Mickey H · 10-04-2015 01:31AM

There's no logical reason to get stage fright at the jacks.

Unless of course the dude beside you has a massive lad and is banging it off of the side of the urinal to get the last bit out...

FloatingVoter · 10-04-2015 01:48AM

Use the Ladies. When challenged ....respond as Peter O' Toole did

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7z-M92N4L8

Mint Aero · 10-04-2015 02:03AM

I can't piss near anyone in the jacks lest I want my head kicked in. I've a power hose on me. I blast the urinal and the piss ricochets off and splatters anyone within a 6ft radius.

the_syco · 10-04-2015 02:03AM

It comes down to breathing. Take a deep breath walking up to the cubicle, whip it out, and don't breath out until you start pissing. When you start pissing, slowly breath out, and you'll be fine.

PARlance · 10-04-2015 02:08AM

the_syco wrote: »

It comes down to breathing. Take a deep breath walking up to the cubicle, whip it out, and don't breath out until you start pissing. When you start pissing, slowly breath out, and you'll be fine.

A risky startegy. If you don't start pissing, you die.

ToddyDoody · 10-04-2015 07:46AM

Yes. I'll neve ****e in the urinal if there's someone beside me.

thelad95 wrote: »

Men of AH, do you suffer from stage fright in public toilets? I find I can be affected by it if it's a small room. If it's a large, open-plan jacks, it flows a lot easier.

bodhrandude · 10-04-2015 07:50AM

Give yer willie coaching lessons, you need to teach it drama and to speak with a confident voice.

Geniass · 10-04-2015 08:02AM

Yip, never like peeing at the urinal and I have nothing to be bashful about.

Have stood there thinking, 'okay, don't do this to me'.

Banjo String · 10-04-2015 09:24AM

Nope.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSKL3ohnr3A

biko · 10-04-2015 10:12AM

No, if I could get away with pissing up against the bar I would.

fleet_admiral · 10-04-2015 10:21AM

biko wrote: »

No, if I could get away with pissing up against the bar I would.

There used to be an oul one that was barred out of every pub in Rathmines/Ranelagh/Harolds Cross because of something similar to that. She was a rotten old bat who wouldnt go to the toilet and instead just pissed wherever she was sitting.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 10-04-2015 10:36AM

There are two things that really annoy me about visiting the urinals of an Irish pub.

One is the pungent smell of urine and faeces that assaults your nostrils. It seems that having toilets that would make a Bombay sewer inspector retch marks out a pub as being a place of real 'character' and a proper 'old man pub'. Bonus points for having 40 year old hand dryers that don't work.

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 10-04-2015 10:47AM

If you dish out less Fcuks, life becomes easier.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 10-04-2015 10:49AM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

...'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'...

Sure you weren't in London init?

zl1whqvjs75cdy · 10-04-2015 10:49AM

No stage fright here, just whip out my foot of man meat and carry on. No conversation at the urinals though, that's just weird.

thelad95 · 10-04-2015 10:52AM

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

No stage fright here, just whip out my foot of man meat and carry on

Would you not just whip out your knob?

awec · 10-04-2015 10:57AM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

There are two things that really annoy me about visiting the urinals of an Irish pub.

One is the pungent smell of urine and faeces that assaults your nostrils. It seems that having toilets that would make a Bombay sewer inspector retch marks out a pub as being a place of real 'character' and a proper 'old man pub'. Bonus points for having 40 year old hand dryers that don't work.

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

Don't forget the puddles of piss all over the floor.

Dravokivich · 10-04-2015 10:59AM

Maybe what you need is a Pee Charm

http://www.g4tv.com/videos/27326/code-monkeys-pee-charm/

sorry, couldn't seem to find the vid on youtube

Grayditch · 10-04-2015 11:02AM

Start pushing the piss to the lad on the walk to the jacks. Give yourself a head start. Tell yourself you are the piss king, and your piss is the best piss in the land. Even if there are lads powerhosing their eight pints out of themsleves beside you. You are the true piss king. Let it flow, my son.

Geniass · 10-04-2015 11:24AM

Grayditch wrote: »

Let it flow, my son.

Think that might be the theme tune from an upcoming Disney movie.

Stage fright at the jacks

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