Stage fright at the jacks

thelad95

Men of AH, do you suffer from stage fright in public toilets? I find I can be affected by it if it's a small room. If it's a large, open-plan jacks, it flows a lot easier.

PirateShampoo

Count it as a blessing, you wouldn't want to end up on the Sex Offenders List.

everlast75

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Never. But then again, I've a cOck the size of a jelly babies leg.

FYP

fleet_admiral

No, im not a scuttler. As in I dont scuttle off to a cubicle because im afraid to piss at the urinal.

artanevilla

It's considered a genuine condition.

http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/07/06/7020946-too-shy-to-go-bathroom-stage-fright-a-real-condition

Macavity.

If I'm sober I'll always go to the cubicle if it's available, unless the place is totally empty. I'm self conscious that someone will grab by penis or do something weird.

If I'm drunk these worries seem to dissipate and I urinate proudly at the urinal.

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm self conscious that someone will grab by penis or do something weird.

I'm self-concious that I won't be able to go soon enough, and people will think I'm just standing there to look at other people's dicks (or some other unspecified weird activity). Which is ridiculous really, since I think we've all at one point seen someone who can't go, and we get what their deal is and aren't bothered by it.

Mr_Muffin

When it happens I imagine my child hood sweet heart is sucking my doink and it just starts to flow, I am not sure why this works but don't tell my child hood sweet heart.

thelad95

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

When it happens I imagine my child hood sweet heart is sucking my doink and it just starts to flow, I am not sure why this works but don't tell my child hood sweet heart.

Why not? I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

The Backwards Man

Hate urinals, rather go outside and piss in a council pickup

Dozer Dave

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Hate urinals, rather go outside and piss in a council pickup

Hate them too getting blasted with piss from other users.

Mickey H

There's no logical reason to get stage fright at the jacks.

Unless of course the dude beside you has a massive lad and is banging it off of the side of the urinal to get the last bit out...

FloatingVoter

Use the Ladies. When challenged ....respond as Peter O' Toole did

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7z-M92N4L8

Mint Aero

I can't piss near anyone in the jacks lest I want my head kicked in. I've a power hose on me. I blast the urinal and the piss ricochets off and splatters anyone within a 6ft radius.

the_syco

It comes down to breathing. Take a deep breath walking up to the cubicle, whip it out, and don't breath out until you start pissing. When you start pissing, slowly breath out, and you'll be fine.

PARlance

the_syco wrote: »

It comes down to breathing. Take a deep breath walking up to the cubicle, whip it out, and don't breath out until you start pissing. When you start pissing, slowly breath out, and you'll be fine.

A risky startegy. If you don't start pissing, you die.

ToddyDoody

Yes. I'll neve ****e in the urinal if there's someone beside me.

thelad95 wrote: »

Men of AH, do you suffer from stage fright in public toilets? I find I can be affected by it if it's a small room. If it's a large, open-plan jacks, it flows a lot easier.

bodhrandude

Give yer willie coaching lessons, you need to teach it drama and to speak with a confident voice.

Geniass

Yip, never like peeing at the urinal and I have nothing to be bashful about.

Have stood there thinking, 'okay, don't do this to me'.

Banjo String

Nope.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSKL3ohnr3A

biko

No, if I could get away with pissing up against the bar I would.

fleet_admiral

biko wrote: »

No, if I could get away with pissing up against the bar I would.

There used to be an oul one that was barred out of every pub in Rathmines/Ranelagh/Harolds Cross because of something similar to that. She was a rotten old bat who wouldnt go to the toilet and instead just pissed wherever she was sitting.

Aongus Von Bismarck

There are two things that really annoy me about visiting the urinals of an Irish pub.

One is the pungent smell of urine and faeces that assaults your nostrils. It seems that having toilets that would make a Bombay sewer inspector retch marks out a pub as being a place of real 'character' and a proper 'old man pub'. Bonus points for having 40 year old hand dryers that don't work.

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

If you dish out less Fcuks, life becomes easier.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

...'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'...

Sure you weren't in London init?

zl1whqvjs75cdy

No stage fright here, just whip out my foot of man meat and carry on. No conversation at the urinals though, that's just weird.

thelad95

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

No stage fright here, just whip out my foot of man meat and carry on

Would you not just whip out your knob?

awec

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

There are two things that really annoy me about visiting the urinals of an Irish pub.

One is the pungent smell of urine and faeces that assaults your nostrils. It seems that having toilets that would make a Bombay sewer inspector retch marks out a pub as being a place of real 'character' and a proper 'old man pub'. Bonus points for having 40 year old hand dryers that don't work.

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

Don't forget the puddles of piss all over the floor.

Dravokivich

Maybe what you need is a Pee Charm

http://www.g4tv.com/videos/27326/code-monkeys-pee-charm/


sorry, couldn't seem to find the vid on youtube

Grayditch

Start pushing the piss to the lad on the walk to the jacks. Give yourself a head start. Tell yourself you are the piss king, and your piss is the best piss in the land. Even if there are lads powerhosing their eight pints out of themsleves beside you. You are the true piss king. Let it flow, my son.

Geniass

Grayditch wrote: »

Let it flow, my son.

Think that might be the theme tune from an upcoming Disney movie.

Grayditch

Frozen At The Cubicle.

Geniass

Grayditch wrote: »

Frozen At The Cubicle.

Ice Cubicle - Frozen the prickuel

Annasopra

I cant piss at urinals if there is anybody else at them. If there is noone else in the room my piss flows easily. If there is anyone else at or the urinals or I have to goto a cubicle.

Mister Vain

Could never do it. I always have to use the cubicle.

Egginacup

I sneezed while pissing and consequently the contents of my arse blew out the back and filled my toggs.

Annasopra

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnWd3JVnfE

theboy1

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

There are two things that really annoy me about visiting the urinals of an Irish pub.

One is the pungent smell of urine and faeces that assaults your nostrils. It seems that having toilets that would make a Bombay sewer inspector retch marks out a pub as being a place of real 'character' and a proper 'old man pub'. Bonus points for having 40 year old hand dryers that don't work.

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

You sound like a snob and possibly a nerd.

Guys that get stage fright over a urinal..........well I can't help but feel they are less of a man

Aongus Von Bismarck

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

I guess Zyklon B in the showers ruined the whole social side of communal bathrooms in Germany.

smash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Guys that get stage fright over a urinal..........well I can't help but feel they are less of a man

Maybe they just don't want to embarass you by whiping it out when you can't compete...

Miss Demeanour

smash wrote: »

Maybe they just don't want to embarass you by whiping it out when you can't compete...

God its times like this I'm glad I'm a woman......

bnt

I wouldn't call it "fright" as such, but sometimes the urinals in pubs are so close together that my personal space is infringed and it feels unsafe. Facing a wall with your fly open is a vulnerable position to be in, but if I try to look behind me, for example, the guy next to me might think I'm trying to look at his junk.

Then there's the question of noise: it's hard to relax and let it flow if there are loud conversations and banging doors behind me. It's not "stage fright" to prefer a few seconds of peace and quiet in the middle of a loud night out. :cool:

stateofflux

I try and avoid urinals at all cost and will wait for a cubicle. The bang of Closet Homo parading as bravado is only beaten by the stench of piss in most cases

HardenendMan

I get stage fright sometimes. If I'm fairly sober and jacks is full of drunk scobes wanting to chat.

Once had a lad turn to me and said hi I'm Brian what's the story. Grand says I (with a please fcuk off tone). He takes the hand of his lad and wants a hand shake. Eh...no thanks. I was bursting. Had to leave fully loaded.

TPD

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

The second is when you are at the urinal going about your business, only to have some red-faced drunken oaf try and engage you in conversation.

'Jaysus, it's a great game of football int it?'

'Time to drain the lizard'.

Etc.

Toilets here in Germany tend to be: clean. They don't tend to be the type of place where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about the state of the weather.

I've never understood why someone would try to strike up a conversation while holding their penis.

HardenendMan

TPD wrote: »

I've never understood why someone would try to strike up a conversation while holding their penis.

I do. With my wife. Please suck please suck. No talking back.

TPD

HardenendMan wrote: »

I do. With my wife. Please suck please suck. No talking back.

She sounds like quite the conversationalist!

Mister Vain

For me, pissing is a very private thing and not something I want to share with someone else.