My sister doesn't want me to move back home

rawn · 09-04-2015 04:10PM #1

Hi guys. My fiance and I had lived in my dad's house for about a year (we're both in college so it suited us, and also suited my dad financially). We shared the biggest room, my dad had his room and my younger sister (19) had the box room. Before we moved in she had the run of both rooms so she kept all of her clothes in the big room, along with a lot of my dad's junk/tools/old furniture. When we moved in, we cleared out the room, and built a shed out in the back garden for my dad's stuff. However, my sister refused to move her clothes out so we had to buy another wardrobe for our stuff. Her excuses ranged from "But my stuff was there first" to "You shouldn't even be here". It caused a lot of tension, as she wandered in and out of our room at will leaving us with no privacy. A few months ago we were given the opportunity to move in with friends, with the premise that it would be for no longer than a year. We reminded my sister that we would have to move back in at some point, as we would both still be in college and rent in Dublin is way too expensive for us to afford. But as it stands, I'm having a lot of trouble in the new house, as i have previously discussed on this forum (can't link from my phone). I am suffering with depression and social anxiety, and as a result have been unable to return to college. I feel like i need to move back home ASAP for my own mental health. My sister has since moved into our old room, but still keeps a lot of her stuff in the box room. I anticipated tension so i spoke to her recently and asked how she would feel if i moved back in, and explained why. She said she didn't want to move out of the big room. I said we could try move into the box room (2 of us on a single bed and 2 computers), she said she would feel bad then. I said it would be fine then she said she "wanted her space". I suggested we discuss some house rules beforehand and work out something that would suit us all and she got mad and said i would "end up getting my way anyways". I even said I'd move into the box room alone and my fiance would stay in our current house and she said again that she wanted her space. I feel bad that i need to come home so soon, and i know she just got settled into the big room, but i don't know what to do from here. My dad is remaining neutral, although he has made it clear that it's his house and if i want to come back i can, no matter what my sister says. However, i don't want to move back in and make her miserable, I'd be better off staying in the current place and being miserable myself, because at the end of the day she's my baby sister and i want her to be happy! Am i being unreasonable?

MagicMarker · 09-04-2015 04:22PM

At the end of the day, if your dad says you can move back in that's all the matters.

However I would be pissed off if I was your sister and you're trying to kick me out of what is now my room. Leave your fiance where he is and take the box room yourself, it's not fair on your sister to have to share with the both of you.

Sligo1 · 09-04-2015 04:48PM

Your sister sounds like a spoilt brat! If I was in your position and my sister was telling me she wanted space and telling me not to move back into the "family home"... I'd point to where the door is and tell her she is welcome to move out herself as there are plenty of other houses out there that she would have loads of space in. Sorry OP, I know she is your sister but it sounds like she has a terrible attitude! I feel terrible for you and you are not being unreasonable at all. If I was her mother or father I would tell her to shape up or ship out!

MrWalsh · 09-04-2015 04:55PM

Your sister really sounds selfish and horrible.

Im am already aghast that she thought it was ok to leave her stuff in a wardrobe in your room and wander in and out - and worse, that you didnt just tip the stuff out in a pile and leave her to clear it away!!

Move in and kick her out of the big room, she is a disgracefully selfish brat if she thinks she is entitled to the big room over the needs of two adults!

LegacyUser · 09-04-2015 05:27PM

I kind of disagree with the other posters here OP. I live in a house share, and there's no way I'd live with a couple. I can imagine how frustrating it must be being essentially forced to live with one. I know you're her sister but a couple is a couple. In fact it must be far worse living with a couple that's comprised of your sister tbh. Now your sister is absolutely being a brat in her behaviour but I can absolutely see why she's annoyed.

I remember your other post and It does sound like rather than dealing with your social anxiety you're running away from it but regardless even in terms of a proper relationship with your fiancé i fail to see how it will continue to be a healthy relationship while living with your dad and your sister. I mean on a basic practical level, what about the sexual side of the relationship? I can't imagine it's great having sex in earshot of your dad and sister ?!! Or your poor sister having to hear that !

I think you absolutely have the right to move back in that's a given. And the right to the bigger room seeing as you're the eldest and presumably paying rent (I presume your sister doesn't?) however I do think it's unfair to move your fiancé in. Yes it's okay with your dad, but if you can't afford a place of your own together then it's unfair to just expect to just be put up at home. I think the healthiest thing for your relationship is for your fiancé to stay put where he is and for you to move back home alone. That seems like the fairest compromise. Then you can still visit your fiancé for some "bedroom" time, and your sister isn't forced to have to live with a couple (which I'd bet money on being the real issue she has with you moving home to be honest)

As an aside op if the shoe was on the other foot and your sister decided to move her boyfriend in would you be comfortable having to share a house with the both of them?

Teyla Emmagan · 09-04-2015 05:49PM

I do feel a bit sorry for your sister to be honest. Will you and your fiancÃ©e be moving in and out for the rest of your lives? One of you might be OK but if you move as a pair you double the number in the house when you appear. And maybe because you're a couple you're very "take over the joint". I presume she's always lived there so I can understand how she would resent you coming and going and coming again. It's her home, not a houseshare.

It's your Dad's house though, what he says goes at the end of the day.

I don't know why he isn't the one in the biggest room though!!

SusieBlue · 09-04-2015 06:21PM

I don't see your sisters issue at all. Its not like your kicking her out of her bedroom, she still has her own space. Why does she need two bedrooms? She's being difficult for the sake of being difficult, I presume because when you aren't there she has the run of the place.

She will still have her own room. I would not entertain any more of these whims if I were you. Its your dads house and he has said you are welcome and pandering to her by letting her have use of two rooms will do you no good. Don't back down on allowing her keep her stuff in your room..She can have one or the other but not both. The more you give into her the more she'll expect and want. She is making you feel like a guest in your own home because she is taking up so much bedroom space. Don't get your dad involved but make her choose, and insist on having the privacy upheld in the room you get.

Sligo1 · 09-04-2015 07:00PM

The thing is... If it were just the point that the sister voiced her dissatisfaction at the couple moving in. Grand. Perhaps it could be discussed etc and compromises made. However, from the OPs post, the younger sister appears to be a completely self absorbed self entitled creature. Eg. Taking up 2 rooms even when the older sister and her fiancé lived there!

This isn't a house share scenario. This is the fathers house and it is the family home. If the father says the fiancé can stay... The younger sister shouldn't have a say at all. She is old and ugly enough to move out at her age and start paying for accomodation where she would have a say in what goes and who lives there. Right now, she has no entitlement.

Fwiw, a few couples I know have moved back home with their parents a year or so before their wedding so they can save money for wedding and house etc. nothing strange about it imho. Not for me, but if their parents are ok with it there shouldn't be a problem.

MouseTail · 09-04-2015 07:33PM

Ispywhatshespies wrote: »

I think you absolutely have the right to move back in that's a given. And the right to the bigger room seeing as you're the eldest and presumably paying rent (I presume your sister doesn't?) however I do think it's unfair to move your fiancé in.

I agree with almost all of your post, except the fact the OP is entitled to the larger room. Anyone from a large family knows, when someone moves out, whilst they will always have a bed, they relinquish the right to 'their' bedroom, and the next sibling moves up the pecking order. This is the sisters bedroom now, it would be incredibly unfair to ask her to move bedrooms, regardless of who is paying rent.

evolving_doors · 09-04-2015 07:39PM

MouseTail wrote: »

I agree with almost all of your post, except the fact the OP is entitled to the larger room. Anyone from a large family knows, when someone moves out, whilst they will always have a bed, they relinquish the right to 'their' bedroom, and the next sibling moves up the pecking order. This is the sisters bedroom now, it would be incredibly unfair to ask her to move bedrooms, regardless of who is paying rent.

OP told sister he didn't mind which room!

strandroad · 09-04-2015 07:47PM

Moving back on your own into the box room is a very reasonable request so if she's protesting that she's being a brat and don't mind her.
I can see how she could have issues with a couple, or with giving up the room she now has, but if you remove these points and she still says no, she's the one who is unreasonable.
Listen to your dad instead.

Big Bag of Chips · 09-04-2015 08:14PM

Moving back yourself, to the box room sounds like the most reasonable option. Your sister has moved into the big room. That is now hers. You and your fiancé have no right to move back and kick her out of that room. It is also not practical for you and your fiancé to move into a single bed in the box room. You need to move home for your health. It is not practical that your fiancé move with you so he's just going to have to stick it out where he is, or find somewhere more suitable.

Your sister doesn't get a say. You move back to the box room, and she keeps all her stuff in the big room. Most people can manage with one room!

Tokyo · 09-04-2015 08:15PM

If your sister in her early teens, I might have a little more sympathy, but at 19, your sister is legally an adult, and as such equally in a position to move out if she doesn't like living under your father's roof. Because at the end of the day, it is exactly that - your father's home, and if you have discussed it with him and he is happy with this living arrangement, then that's really where it begins and ends.

Your sister sounds like she's gotten used to having the run of the house to herself, and I don't think that it is at all unfair for her to sleep in the smaller room, if you and your fiancé are to be sharing a room and a bed together. She lives presumably for free or at a greatly reduced rate in your father's home, and with that comes certain compromise. One compromise being that your father is happy to have you live with them.

LegacyUser · 09-04-2015 11:27PM

she got mad and said i would "end up getting my way anyways".

Why do you think she said this? Do you /did you often end up getting your own way growing up in the house being the eldest sister? Is it possible she sees you as the apple of your fathers eye and is perhaps a little bit jealous of this and was enjoying the closeness of living alone with her dad without you there anymore?

Is it possible your sister already predicts you acting a bit hard done and moaning/whinging/guiltripping/making her look bad unless she relents and gives you and your fiance the big room? I mean you yourself seem to already know that you and your fiance sharing box room was a ridiculous idea "(2 of us on a single bed and 2 computers)" but yet you suggested it anyways and not surprisingly she said that would make her feel bad. You living alone there and your fiance staying in the houseshare would also be something that you could become very upset about having to live apart from your fiance all because your selfish sister wants a bigger room. And you could say all you want that you wouldn't mind and that you just want your little sister to be happy, but all that does is make you look lovely and kind and your sister look like a spoilt selfish cow as she has already been called on this thread.

So in a way your sister is right. Unless she wants everyone to think she is being a selfish bitch, or have people say "oh look at the poor engaged couple having to live separately, would she not just give them the bigger room", then yes you probably will end up getting your own way anyways.

I wouldn't like to be put in that guiltripped sort of situation either and would be annoyed too if I had to leave the room in my home that I was just settled into unless I wanted to look like a selfish cow to everyone else and made to feel bad by my kind sister who "just wanted me to be happy" . She's a villain no matter what she chooses unless she gives you exactly what you want...

Ideally try giving the houseshare with friends one last shot, or else try again to find somewhere affordable for you and your fiance to share alone. If you must move back home then move by yourself to the box room and try to make an effort not to moan about the situation to your family or anybody who would try to make your sister feel bad about it. Try to appear happy enough with the situation, as you said it's only short term until you finish college this year. best of luck whatever happens.

meeeeh · 10-04-2015 12:11AM

I suspect your sister's reaction wouldn't be half as bad if you would say at begging that you are moving into the box room alone. When she first complained you offered to stay in box room, although it would be the two of you with two computers. You always knew that was completely unrealistic so why did you suggests for you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to move into ? Or were you just hoping to guilt your sister into giving you her room.

Your sister has very little say in the arrangements but I can imagine why she is annoyed. It is up to your father to decide what he wants to do. It is not up to your sister to allow you to stay in box room and I am sure she will get over it.

cloudatlas · 10-04-2015 12:28AM

I can see the sisters point of view. Because you have a boyfriend she has to step aside or feels she has to step aside and let you have the room that she has settled in twice whether she likes it or not. That isn't selfishness that is anger because you've put her in a difficult position. If you move into the box room then she will feel guilty at either confining you two to a tiny room or splitting you up as he will have to stay somewhere else. I'd be annoyed too.

LegacyUser · 10-04-2015 01:20AM

I'd be annoyed too if I were your sister.

Thing is, you moved out, and the arrangements in your Dad's house have since changed. I don't think it is fair to expect that the big room is 'held over' for you, or that you can take it back. It is now her space. I would think that by your Dad 'staying neutral' that means that he is grand with you moving back - but is not ok with telling your sister that she has to give up what is now her room.

I really sympathise with you, you are having a tough time of it - but I don't think it is reasonable to expect that you can move out, and then move back in and expect things to be exactly as they were/as you want them to be - at the cost of disrupting how your Dad's house has been running since you left. And you are kinda emotionally blackmailing your sis a little.

I know it is important to you to have the big room, but I presume she feels that it is impportant to her too. Of course I or anyone here could say that your reasons for needing it trump hers - but not in her world! Plus she & your Dad would have to live with a couple - maybe they are fine with that, most wouldn't be though.

I think your options are to stay where you are with your BF, see if there's any chance at all that you could afford somewhere small/cheap/out of town together, or you move back in to your Dad's place alone, and take the box room.

rawn · 10-04-2015 03:13AM

OP here. Yes I totally understand what everyone is saying about me guilt tripping her. But I was genuine in the fact that I would take whatever option was available, even if it is the box room. I don't want to make her miserable, honestly I don't. And about me getting my own way, this stems from the fact that I am helpful to my dad (I help around the house, and cook most days, so he is more generous when I ask for favors whereas she does nothing but always asks for lifts to her boyfriends house and my dad says no cos she asks at bad times such as when he has taken his medication and can't drive). About the sexual side, yes this is an issue that we have faced when we lived there but given how I am now it's just something we would have to sacrifice again. My sister and my dad LOVE my fiance living there, he is clean, helps around the house, is friendly and they genuinely love him, I think my sister has a problem with me more than him. We're typical sisters, we argue over borrowing clothes etc (which is a 50/50 kind of thing, we're both the same size). Also, she pays her share of the rent which is 12E per week plus 10E for food/utilities, but we paid 30E each and bought our own food. I have a feeling she is against the tension we built up about her being in and out of my room and me being unhappy about it, which made things tense at the time.

EDIT: BTW my sister spends most of her time sleeping in her boyfriends house (3/4 days a week). And I know no matter how much time she is away from the house her room is still her room, just pointing it out cos she mentioned "wanting her space".

athtrasna · 10-04-2015 08:15AM

If you pay more rent you should have the bigger room surely?

LegacyUser · 10-04-2015 08:44AM

rawn wrote: »

OP here. Yes I totally understand what everyone is saying about me guilt tripping her. But I was genuine in the fact that I would take whatever option was available, even if it is the box room. I don't want to make her miserable, honestly I don't. And about me getting my own way, this stems from the fact that I am helpful to my dad (I help around the house, and cook most days, so he is more generous when I ask for favors whereas she does nothing but always asks for lifts to her boyfriends house and my dad says no cos she asks at bad times such as when he has taken his medication and can't drive). About the sexual side, yes this is an issue that we have faced when we lived there but given how I am now it's just something we would have to sacrifice again. My sister and my dad LOVE my fiance living there, he is clean, helps around the house, is friendly and they genuinely love him, I think my sister has a problem with me more than him. We're typical sisters, we argue over borrowing clothes etc (which is a 50/50 kind of thing, we're both the same size). Also, she pays her share of the rent which is 12E per week plus 10E for food/utilities, but we paid 30E each and bought our own food. I have a feeling she is against the tension we built up about her being in and out of my room and me being unhappy about it, which made things tense at the time.

EDIT: BTW my sister spends most of her time sleeping in her boyfriends house (3/4 days a week). And I know no matter how much time she is away from the house her room is still her room, just pointing it out cos she mentioned "wanting her space".

OP this is going to sound harsh but it seems like your allowing your depression and anxiety issues to control your life, I mean sacrificing your sex life just so you don't have to deal with living in a house share is quite frankly unhealthy and is just going to damage your relationship. I mean it's just unrealistic to expect your fiancé to just put up with no sex, that's not a healthy relationship with your lover, that's having a long term sleep over with your friend to be quite frank. If you've already lived in the house previously, I presume your sex life was previously pretty much on hold for a year! No one in a relationship would be happy in that situation, your fiancé may say he's okay with it but it's very unlikely he actually is.

OP you say they both love your fiancé and that may be the case but that's an entirely separate situation from having to live with him. He may be the perfect house mate, but he's still an extra house mate. And no matter how much you claim they love him, living with a couple completely changes the dynamics of a house no matter how nice the couple is.

Okay so your sister does pay rent, then I take back everything I previously said about the larger room, it would be completely unfair to expect your sister to move out of the room if she pays rent for it, it may only be a nominal amount, but if someone moved into the house share you are currently in with your fiancé and wanted your room, would you let them have it? Because that's essentially what you're expecting of your sister, to just hand back the room because you've moved back in.

Also 30 euro each a week is a laughable amount of rent OP so it's not exactly something I'd be lording over your sister with regards trying to get the larger room back.

Have you considered OP that your sister spends 4 nights a week at her boyfriends because maybe she wants to get away from Living with a couple?

Look OP the more you write the more I side with your sister it does seem that your hellbent on moving your fiancé back into the house and getting the bigger room. Rather than considering the opinions and options posters have put to you all you've done is try to justify you moving back in, I help more around the house, everyone loves my boyfriend, he's amazing around the house I pay 18 euro more a week than she does, she's never there. If this is the kind of non argument you use to sway your dad and sister into getting your own way then I'm not surprised she's so annoyed, I would be too!

Look OP yes you're having personal issues at the minute, but it's selfish and unfair to expect special treatment and people to just jump to your beat because of them , your fiancé having to put up with a sexless relationship, your sister having to live with a couple and give up her room, or live with a couple and made to feel the bad guy because she didn't give up your room. Your poor dad being caught up in the middle of all the selfishness. That may sound harsh OP but all actions have consequences, you chose to move out and the consequence of that action was your sister moved into the bigger room. Rather than dealing with that consequence and considering alternative solutions you're acting like a sulky child, "okay we'll move back I to the teeny tiny room, woe is us" when the fairest and only practical solution is for both of you to either find your own place or for only you to move back and not your fiancé.

LegacyUser · 10-04-2015 11:29AM

I didn't think many would agree with what I was trying to get across in my earlier post, but it seems that some thankfully do. What I was trying to get across when I said she was the "villain no matter what she chooses unless she agrees to what you want", and my questioning you offering the ridiculous option of you and fiance sharing the box room knowing it would make her feel bad, was that you are displaying passive aggressive "martyrdom" traits although you might not realise it or mean to.

I used to be very bad for this myself until I acknowledged how I behaved, try to put myself in others shoes and saw how selfish, irritating and destructive it could be to relationships.

When I read your post I recognised my old self straight away in you. I thought if I wanted what you wanted I would have acted and said exactly the same things as you, and I know my own little sister would have responded exactly the same way your sister is responding right now.

I spent a lot of my life getting my own way both at home and in my current relationship by being very helpful and close with my mother (more like a friend), and by going into sulks whenever things didn't go my way. I'd give weak smiles, say I was "fine" and being the strong person soldering on, but mope about looking tearful and miserable until somebody relented, took pity and gave me what I wanted.

If I was in your shoes and moved into the box room alone whilst fiance stayed in house share, I could picture the old me pretending to be "fine" with it, and if anybody asked saying I just wanted my sister to be happy too, but at the same time I know I would have made tiny little comments frequently about how really I was very "sad" about the situation, such as "oh I can't wait until we live together again, I miss having him close sooo much - but don't worry I'm fine", or "all our other couple friends keep telling us about lovely nights in together they had, it makes me so sad we can't have that - but don't worry I'm fine", and if I was in the situation of sharing box room with fiance well I can imagine the old me would have had a field day! , "I have no room for my things and can never find anything", "my poor fiance can't study properly for college in the house because we are in such a cramped space" - but don't worry we'll soldier through because I am such a nice person and just want my sister to be happy.

It's classic guiltripping and passive aggressiveness, and if your sister has grown up used to you acting this way, I can completely see why she's so angry!
Apologies if you are not normally this way at all, but that is just the impression I am getting from your posts, so sorry if I am taking you up wrong, it just reminded me of how I used to be until it was pointed out to me.

Also I've just noticed that you have actually dropped out of your course so your stay would be a lot longer than just until you both finish college this year. You'd both be there until you at some point resume your course and eventually finish. Also even when you both are finished your courses, high possibility you won't just both walk into well paying jobs. Could be years before you are both in jobs well paying enough that YOU consider it affordable enough to move out together. So it could look to your sister that this is just you edging your way in under the pretence of it being short term when really she expects that it might be much longer term.

If you do choose to take the box room by yourself it would be unfair if you made little comments and acted sad about it towards your father and /or sister until someone offered you the big room, you must suck it up and try to appear genuinely ok with it or else don't do it at all. Would be best though if you and fiance somehow got your own place or if you continued working on your anxiety issues and learnt to live in the houseshare.

tinkerbell · 10-04-2015 05:58PM

Your sister pays €12 rent and €10 for food/utilities and you and your fiancé pay €60 per week in rent and bring your own food? WTF :eek: €12 on rent? €10 on food and bills?! On that basis, SHE gets the box room - you and fiancé get the big room and she is not allowed store her crap in your room. Agree this with your dad (I'm sure he'll be delighted to get the extra rent). She's 19, an adult, so she either pays her way or else she gets a room proportional to the crappy amount of rent she's paying. What an entitled spoiled brat she is.

rawn · 10-04-2015 06:07PM

Thanks for the input. Harsh but fair. But there's an awful lot of assuming going on, like assuming my sister stays out most nights cos of us, that's not the case as she does it even now with us not in the house. 30e rent is all we can afford as we're both on BTEA of 156e p/w and we're trying to save money in case a cheap house does appear for us to rent. And i never said we had no sex life in my dads house, just that we'd wait til they were both out (happens daily). And I'm not "expecting" the big room at all, we even researched building a lodge out the back garden or lifting a mobile home out there (my dad was fine with it, he's in bad health so was happy with us being there to help out) but that plan want feasible. But my sister wasn't happy with that plan either. Bottom line is she doesn't want to live with me under any circumstances, so I'll just have to accept that.

meeeeh · 10-04-2015 06:09PM

It is up to op's father to decide who pays what. Weather anybody is paying rent is irrelevant.

athtrasna · 10-04-2015 06:14PM

I really don't understand why your sister has a veto here. She's an adult. She pays minimal rent and much less than you would. She also doesn't appear to be as helpful to your Dad as you do OP...so why is your sister being given the final say?

meeeeh · 10-04-2015 06:23PM

Op, I really don't think there's a problem. You want to move home, your father told you you can and the box room is free. Just move in, your sister will get over it.

rawn · 10-04-2015 06:25PM

athtrasna wrote: »

I really don't understand why your sister has a veto here. She's an adult. She pays minimal rent and much less than you would. She also doesn't appear to be as helpful to your Dad as you do OP...so why is your sister being given the final say?

To keep the peace, really. My dad just doesn't have the energy to deal with her, which is another reason why I'm reluctant to just move back in without her being okay with it, i don't want to create any more stress for my dad so it would make everyone miserable all around, which i don't want.

meeeeh · 10-04-2015 06:53PM

It is up to your father to decide how much energy he has to deal with her. He told you that you can move in and you know that the box room is free. I would say your current squabble is more tiring for your father than you just moving in. And since you are prepared to move In alone your sister should get over it quickly and if she doesn't, she can move out.

Sligo1 · 10-04-2015 07:44PM

I don't see why OP should have to move in without her fiancé! If dad says it fine and little sis is kicking up a fuss... Let little sister move out. That way she does have a say who she lives with as she will be paying rent for that entitlement. I'd move in with my fiancé and not give it a second thought. Fwiw, if it was the situation where she was a good sister who wasn't selfish and helped out etc and had a good attitude I
Might have a different opinion. But in going from what the OP has described in her posts Id move in with my fiancé (into whatever room was available) and wouldn't give it a second thought. If she feels bad about the 2 of ye in the box room... Let her feel bad. From the sounds of her she won't feel bad ENOUGH to give up the big room (which she only occupies 50% of the time anyway) to you and your OH.

LegacyUser · 10-04-2015 08:26PM

Agree with 'can see your sister is annoyed' in that you are coming across (I'm sure unintentionally) as a bit of a martyr in this and I can see that your sister probably feels like she is being put in a lose lose situation regarding the two rooms.

Would it be worth sitting down and asking if you can work out some ground rules with her so that you can guarantee in some way that she **will** have her space. It's not like she hasn't lived with you both before so there must be some kind of reasoning behind not wanting to share with you both, or with you (to be honest, I can't believe you truly are prepared deep down to live apart from your fiancee). I know she is your sister, and no offense, but a couple changes the whole dynamic of a house share, as stated by other posters.

The social anxiety and depression I hope you are getting help with.

LegacyUser · 10-04-2015 09:20PM

Sligo1 wrote: »

I don't see why OP should have to move in without her fiancé! If dad says it fine and little sis is kicking up a fuss... Let little sister move out. That way she does have a say who she lives with as she will be paying rent for that entitlement. I'd move in with my fiancé and not give it a second thought. Fwiw, if it was the situation where she was a good sister who wasn't selfish and helped out etc and had a good attitude I
Might have a different opinion. But in going from what the OP has described in her posts Id move in with my fiancé (into whatever room was available) and wouldn't give it a second thought. If she feels bad about the 2 of ye in the box room... Let her feel bad. From the sounds of her she won't feel bad ENOUGH to give up the big room (which she only occupies 50% of the time anyway) to you and your OH.

Why should her little sister have to move out or be forced into a position she's so unhappy that she has to move out, or move to a smaller room, or be made feel guilty or "bad ENOUGH" about keeping the bigger room which is now HER own room, or be made feel bad or guilty about not wanting to share with a couple, or guilty about separating an engaged couple by only having the sister stay alone and likely listen to the unhappiness/giving out that that particular situation would bring?

The OP moved out. Moved back in last year with fiance. Moved out again to houseshare. Now wants to move back in again with fiance. Each time the younger sister is getting moved around to make things work for her sister and her fiance.

Your sister has a boyfriend too who she sees several nights a week but who she doesn't try to move into the family home. How happy would you be if your sister moved her partner into HER bigger room and they both payed a bit of rent? No problem at all right? You wouldn't complain that it should be you and your fiance in the bigger room, you wouldn't complain when they took over and played house together as couples do, you'd be totally cool with that right? Forgive me if I don't believe you would, it's just that not many people would.

Something doesn't add up here at all. Supposedly your father and sister LOVE having your fiance living there yet your dad is remaining neutral and your sister is adamant that she doesn't want you to move in together.

The mobile home or building a lodge idea sounds a good idea, why was your sister against that idea? Is it because she already knew (before you looked into it more) that it was just another infeasible idea like your suggestion of you and fiance sharing the box room and that the talk of you two taking the bigger room and turfing her out would inevitably happen again?

It's a pity that those ideas aren't feasible because they do genuinely sound like a great idea but if your sister had an issue with them even if they were feasible, then it really points to the conclusion that it's the living with a couple aspect she has a problem with despite how well she likes your fiance.

If that is the case (the living with a couple being the problem) and you won't get your own place together and you won't live in a houseshare together, then just move into the box room on your own and never again bring up the argument that you and your fiance should be the ones in her room. I'm sure if you never mention the topic again she would eventually be ok that it was just you staying there and not complaining about it. Unless she has some other major reasons for not wanting to share a house even with just you on your own?

You taking the box room on your own would be completely acceptable I think as long as you didn't argue or complain all the time that your fiance should be there too with you.

My sister doesn't want me to move back home

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