Just the two of us going away to get married

DebDynamite · 02-04-2015 01:39PM #1

Hi all

My fiancee and I have recently bought a house that was a doer-upper so we've spent a lot of our savings on it. We still have a bit to go with it, so all future savings for the next while will be spent on it.

Over the past few years we've sacrificed holidays, etc to try and save as much as we could. It's getting to the stage now where we just want to get married now to get it over and done with before we start a family (romantic, right?!). Just for us, the house was the main thing so we wanted to get that sorted first.

We've been thinking now of just going away on an amazing holiday (as we haven't had one in so long) and getting married while we're away. We just can't justify spending big money on one day when we'd know how far that money could go on the house.

So just wondering if anyone who has done something similar could let me know what you did and would you recommend going away by yourselves to get married?

Dolbert · 02-04-2015 04:45PM

Paging homemadecider!

homemadecider · 02-04-2015 04:47PM

Haha, Dolbert! Yes, this is exactly what we did. We flew to Jamaica, got married on the beach, stayed on for our honeymoon for a few weeks. The resort organised all the wedding arrangements and legal requirements for us.

Would I recommend it? HELL YEAH! It was relaxed, intimate and stress-free. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

MrWalsh · 02-04-2015 04:49PM

Yeah meself and himself eloped and said nothing and went to a serious luxury destination and got married with just the minister, 2 witnesses and our driver.

The important thing to check out are the rules in places you want to marry. We wanted it easy and not to have to have a residency requirement, do blood tests etc.... We actually considered Gretna Green but it turns out youve to go there in advance and then back again to marry.

So do some research about marriage rules in places you might like to get married.

An Bhanríon · 02-04-2015 05:05PM

I know an Irish couple who got married in Vegas and spent a big holiday all around California, etc. They had an absolute ball and wouldn't change any of it.

DebDynamite · 03-04-2015 06:51PM

Thanks guys. Those of you who did it, did you feel you missed out in any way by not having the "big day"? Also, who were your witnesses?

MrWalsh · 03-04-2015 07:03PM

No, it felt very personal and meaningful to me in a way I never feel a traditional big wedding is.

Witnesses were the photographer and hotel catering manager (they were a couple themselves).

homemadecider · 03-04-2015 07:40PM

We had 2 resort staff as witnesses.

I absolutely did not feel like I missed out on anything - on the contrary, I was thrilled to be able to escape the pressures of 'the big day' and do our own thing. We had a party in a pub function room when we came back so people could come and celebrate with us, but kept our wedding day itself to just the two of us. It was very personal, private and intimate.

It depends on what you're into. I don't like big weddings and I would have hated loads of people staring at me. Eloping was a great choice for us but it wouldn't suit lots of others.

pwurple · 04-04-2015 07:21AM

Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.

MrWalsh · 04-04-2015 10:02AM

pwurple wrote: »

Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.

I don't have any family.

My husband has family but his parents are separated, his mum lives in a different country etc... She was annoyed that she wasn't told about it, even if she wasn't going to be there. His brother was a bit taken aback also. Both of those had been the most interfering when we'd been originally just planning a small registry office day. The MIL in particular had caused some stress. It was one of the reasons we decided to elope!

No one could really be hurt because it wasn't about them, it was about us. There was very little could be said in the face of us sharing the good news that we had married without people looking like they were only concerned with themselves.

We did throw a big party a couple of months later where people got to celebrate with us.

In the long run there was no hurt even if there was a bit of vocal "Ah why didn't you tell us" initially.

ABajaninCork · 04-04-2015 07:57PM

You can easily get married in Barbados too! You don't need to give notice.

PM me if that's something you fancy. I can point you in the right direction finding a really nice place to stay.

pwurple · 04-04-2015 10:23PM

MrWalsh wrote: »

There was very little could be said in the face of us sharing the good news that we had married without people looking like they were only concerned with themselves.

In the long run there was no hurt even if there was a bit of vocal "Ah why didn't you tell us" initially.

That's the part I'd have regretted. The vocal expression of hurt, followed by the dismissal of it as insignificant. It's something to prepare for maybe.

MrWalsh · 05-04-2015 09:27AM

pwurple wrote: »

That's the part I'd have regretted. The vocal expression of hurt, followed by the dismissal of it as insignificant. It's something to prepare for maybe.

No regrets here at all. The vocal expressions were more along the lines of fond exasperation rather than hurt. Of course they wanted to know all the details and see the pics etc, so no dismissal at all.

It probably strongly depends on the existing relationships. In our case my husband is known to be a loner within the family who does his own thing and regularly skips family gatherings because he hates noisy parties. So it was no surprise for them that he would skip off to get married. Plus with me having no family, it just made sense for us.

I also really believe that the wedding day is about and for the two people getting married and not done to please everyone else. My mother in law was already unimpressed with the original plans and had been attempting to interfere, organise things we didn't want. So we just decided to do exactly what we wanted and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I certainly wouldn't let the worry of what other people might think or say put me off, about marriage or anything else in life!

homemadecider · 06-04-2015 11:33AM

pwurple wrote: »

Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.

Not at all. My parents were so excited for us, they said they wished there was an option like that available when they got married. In fairness, I have 2 older sisters who had traditional weddings here so my parents had sort of 'been there, done that' by the time my wedding came around. I do think it could have been different if I was an only child.

My husband's mother wasn't best pleased about it, but she wouldn't have been happy about anything we chose (she's just that type - never happy). We decided we had to put ourselves first and have the day WE wanted - we couldn't base our wedding around what other people thought we should do. His mother came around to it in the end and was so excited for us, she took us out to a fancy meal as a send off the day before we got on the plane.

DivingDuck · 06-04-2015 11:48AM

Is it important to you to do this without telling anyone beforehand? Otherwise you can avoid genuine hurt from people who would have liked to know beforehand to give you well-wishes or gifts. There will probably still be those who are unhappy there's not a wedding they can go to, but anyone who throws a fit about you not spending money on a day out for them when they know you have a moneypit house to worry about is a bit of a prat, anyway.

For those who'd just like to feel they were present, maybe you could set up some kind of streaming for the wedding itself?

I think it's a lovely idea. If it's what you both really want and need, don't let anyone else's opinions put you off!

skallywag · 08-04-2015 09:10AM

I've always liked the sound of this, though I would certainly let at least those very close to me know what the plan was beforehand.

I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea. If you are lucky enough to have people who you are very close to then you will run the risk of genuinely hurting them if you don't mention a thing about it upfront.

fits · 08-04-2015 09:16AM

My aunt and uncle were terribly upset when their daughter eloped. She was their only daughter that married. In my family it wouldnt matter so much as there have been loads of weddings. it depends on your personal circumstances but do think about how it will affect those close to you.

08-04-2015 09:22AM

Go for it. We did same almost 30 years ago and NO regrets. It was OUR day and we enjoyed it and have had a great life together since. We are the unit, not the extended families. We did have a do in a pub afterwards and most were just delighted that they didn't have to get dressed up! We did well on Wedding presents to, which was a surprise!

magnethead · 08-04-2015 09:25AM

Myself and the misses are off to the Phillipines for 3 weeks, eloping is the way to go.

I've talked to too many!! people who have dropped 20 - 35K on a wedding and all they got for it was a year of stress planning it and then a mad day of running around been HOST

No Thanks, We're saving for a house to buy next year...and want to get married now as we've two kids under a year and a half....so better do it now ..

We just couldn't afford a big day anyway

MrWalsh · 08-04-2015 09:28AM

skallywag wrote: »

I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea.

Marrying someone is a very personal experience. So while you may not "buy into" how other people feel, other peoples feelings on the matter are just as valid as yours. To each their own and all that.

For me the wedding itself wasnt even the important bit - its the marriage thats important.

Sam Kade · 08-04-2015 09:30AM

Why not ditch the getting married abroad thing and just go to the local register office on ye're own costs around €200 then go on the holiday.

magnethead · 08-04-2015 10:10AM

Very good Sam, I should have pointed that out, we are actually getting the marriage in here before heading out the next Morning to the phillipines for the Honeymoon...It was too much haslle getting all the necessary documentation, as my wife to be is polish and has been divorsed (complicates things radically paperwork wise)

mister gullible · 08-04-2015 10:22AM

Selfish, selfish, selfish. You just want to avoid all the stress and quarrels of a big wedding, spending a fortune on a ginormous dress that will be uncomfortable and she will only wear once, having to invite gibbering fools of uncles, snot faced minors and various hangers onners to a 'do' that they couldn't really be arsed going to. Why would you spend money on setting up your house when you could spend it on loads of people whom you seldom see but somehow feel obliged to feed with overpriced food and plonk.
Think about that when you are off enjoying your selfish selves...

skallywag · 08-04-2015 10:48AM

MrWalsh wrote: »

So while you may not "buy into" how other people feel, other peoples feelings on the matter are just as valid as yours

I'm merely expressing my own personal opinion. What makes you think that I am trying to invalidate other's opinions?

MrWalsh · 08-04-2015 10:53AM

skallywag wrote: »

I'm merely expressing my own personal opinion. What makes you think that I am trying to invalidate other's opinions?

You said:

I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea.

Dismissive no? Perhaps you didnt mean to be, but thats how it read.

skallywag · 08-04-2015 10:59AM

MrWalsh wrote: »

You said:

Dismissive no? Perhaps you didnt mean to be, but thats how it read.

Correct, I don't buy into it myself. I genuinely don't get how that is in any way dismissive of others though? Surely one can say that something is not for them without implicitly also slating those who don't agree.

anncoates · 08-04-2015 11:01AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

We did well on Wedding presents to, which was a surprise!

Sure, that's the main thing anyway.

08-04-2015 11:06AM

anncoates wrote: »

Sure, that's the main thing anyway.

It never entered out thoughts. We were amazed when we got back from Honeymon at the amount of stuff! When thanking one person for their lovely gift, they said "You're Welcome. Thanks for saving us a fortune by NOT inviting us" They had enjoyed the party without all the hassle!

MrWalsh · 08-04-2015 11:11AM

skallywag wrote: »

Correct, I don't buy into it myself. I genuinely don't get how that is in any way dismissive of others though? Surely one can say that something is not for them without implicitly also slating those who don't agree.

Well thats how it came across.

ladygirl · 08-04-2015 12:04PM

Myself and my OH went on holidays last year to Vegas and Mexico.

Whilst in Vegas I saw countless couples after eloping - but sadly It wouldn't be for me personally. There was just something about walking through a casino in a wedding dress that took the romance out of it.

However when in Mexico (Cancun) there was the most beautiful wedding on the beach, the set up by the resort was absolutely amazing. It was then I realised that should I ever get engaged - that this would be the wedding for me

Fairytail wasn't the word

magnethead · 08-04-2015 12:32PM

Yeah, It's gotta be a tropical beach

nothing says NOT Ireland like a tropical beach

Just the two of us going away to get married

Comments