Just the two of us going away to get married

pwurple

ladygirl wrote: »

Fairytail wasn't the word

Was the word Fairytale?

fits

someone had to say it.

onasis

We got married in the Jamaica over 20 years ago. Just the 2 of us and we had a great time. We stayed in an all inclusive resort and had 2 glorious weeks. When we came home we had a party for family and friends - very casual and for us much more enjoyable. I would do it again in a heart beat.

K_P

Married 7 years now. Myself and the OH thought about eloping just the 2 of us. Like you, we'd just bought a house and almost all of our money was going into that. Neither of us were all that into having the big day and personally I hated the idea of being the centre of attention for the day. In the end, we didn't elope, but we didn't do the big day either. We went away with our immediate families, had a big holiday together (9 of us in total) and got married in the middle of it.

In hindsight, I'm so glad our families were with us. My father has passed away since and I have such lovely memories of that time with him and him walking me down the aisle. I don't know if that would be at all relevant for you OP, but something to consider maybe.

Toots

Guys can we try and express our opinions without belittling others. Different strokes, and all that.

ladygirl

pwurple wrote: »

Was the word Fairytale?

LOL Just saw this now :D:D

JustAThought

Friends went off & got married far far away - most couldn't travel to the other side of the world for it & it was expected to be small ( about 20). They decided to throw a get together - not a meal - fit those who couldn't go , friends, distant relations etc & THAT got totally out of hand & ended up as a sit down thing in a hotel with 300+ people invited - " disco", cake , no meal, buffet food - total chaos & exactly what they'd hoped to avoid & cost a fortune after all - plan your non-wedding party well!!!

Jogathon

I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

His mum was so hurt that he didn't want her there, and the guy I was seeing was hurt that he picked one brother over another to be there. They are a close family and it caused bad feelings. On the day that they came down and announced it, I must say it didn't feel like a celebration, the parents just couldn't understand why he left them out.

But...by all means go for it, but be mindful that people who love you want to celebrate the milestones with you and don't hurt people if you can avoid it.

mickotoole

We went to Florida to get married. Us and 10 guests. We had a party when we came back and the stress of it made us realise that we did the right thing going away. Personally i couldn't justify spending all that cash for one stressful day.

Good luck with your decision op

MrWalsh

Jogathon wrote: »

I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

It's a bit odd alright that they chose witnesses from the family but left other people out, they'd have been better off having no one from the family there at all.

deisemum

I got back from a cruise in the early hours this morning. A couple had their wedding onboard. I thought it was lovely and it only cost a couple of hundred euro on top of the cruise to cover the ceremony, flowers and cake.

I'd be very hurt and upset if any of my children got married without me being there. I can understand not having the big wedding but I'd want parents and siblings to be present.

Strongbow10

mickotoole wrote: »

We went to Florida to get married. Us and 10 guests. We had a party when we came back and the stress of it made us realise that we did the right thing going away. Personally i couldn't justify spending all that cash for one stressful day.

Good luck with your decision op

Can I ask about the organisation and logistics of this? Did you pay for the 10 guests (flights and hotel?)

I would love to do this, but its costly to pay for so many people for this trip. It would cost as much if not more than a traditional wedding day with all the trimmings in ireland.

Equally its a bit much to ask folks to shell out a fair chunk to fly to Florida. Its enough inconvenience for some to take one day off work to attend a wedding in Dublin!

How did you do this if you don't mind me asking? Not having a pop or anything like that, sounds like the perfect wedding to me.

stickybookmark

I have a question for those that eloped - my friend just did this last week and married her long term partner. She sent us a photo to tell us they were married, there was no-one there only the 2 of them. Just wondering what the protocol is for giving presents to couples that eloped?! Like they are coming to my wedding later this year and (I assume) will give me a present, so I guess I should send something? Did ye feel hard done by if couples who's weddings ye had attended and gave presents didn't give ye something when ye got married, even though ye had eloped??

MrWalsh

stickybookmark wrote: »

Did ye feel hard done by if couples who's weddings ye had attended and gave presents didn't give ye something when ye got married, even though ye had eloped??

We had a party when we came home and some people gave us "normal" wedding presents, but some gave nothing or some gave something small.

We didnt care in any case and there was no feeling of hard done by but objectively, the people who we received a "normal" present from were people whose wedding we had already attended and given a gift, and for people who gave something small they werent married yet, however when it did come to their wedding we just gave something normal and didnt base in on what they had given us.

It did result in a couple of people coming to us years later and saying they hadnt realised that they should have given us a better present at the time!!

As I said, it didnt matter anyway, I would always be giving a present based on my relationship with the person and not on the type of party they throw for me lol!

lazygal

We'd also base a gift on friendship rather than what type of wedding they had. A friend of mine had a family only wedding and then a party later on, she's a good friend so we gave what we'd have given if she'd had a usual Irish wedding.

theduffer

Hi Folks,

Looking at this this thread with interest, if anyone has any info on a travel agent they recommend for assistance getting married in the carribbean can they PM me with details. Looks like its going to be the 2 of us so looking for help!!

Regards,
theduffer

stickybookmark

lazygal wrote: »

We'd also base a gift on friendship rather than what type of wedding they had. A friend of mine had a family only wedding and then a party later on, she's a good friend so we gave what we'd have given if she'd had a usual Irish wedding.

thanks lazygal and MrWalsh but what is the present protocol when the couple don't have a party afterwards ?

Spanish Eyes

I don't get why people go off - just the two of them - to get married, and then come back and have a big hoolie!

It it were me, I would either have a big wedding all the bells and whistles, a small one, about twenty guests - immediate family only, OR

Race off somewhere and get married, just the two of us, and that's it!

Not knocking anyone, each to their own, but the big party after an elopement, really makes me smile. OK you are not paying for all the bits and pieces associated with a full on wedding, but it brings its own headaches I'd imagine.

But as I said, it's a personal choice.

Spanish Eyes

Oh and another thing, my youngest sister went to Vegas and got married in the Little Wedding Chapel. Just the two of them. That was ten years ago, my Dad had just passed away, and she couldn't bear him not being there at a big do.

We knew about it beforehand. She asked us if we would like to go and because many of both their families could not afford the gig, none of us went, it was all very amicable.

They had a video up on a channel that we could watch live online as the ceremony happened. I cried buckets, even though it was Vegas, it was very moving.

Then when they came home, there were ten of us for dinner, his Mam (rest of them were in OZ), our Mam, and us. Lovely.

Sadly my sister died two years ago, and every time I see or hear of a wedding in Vegas, I cry my eyes out.

They did it their way.

groovyg

Jogathon wrote: »

I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

His mum was so hurt that he didn't want her there, and the guy I was seeing was hurt that he picked one brother over another to be there. They are a close family and it caused bad feelings. On the day that they came down and announced it, I must say it didn't feel like a celebration, the parents just couldn't understand why he left them out.

But...by all means go for it, but be mindful that people who love you want to celebrate the milestones with you and don't hurt people if you can avoid it.

But maybe the brother didn't want any fuss, while they may have been upset and hurt, when you announce you are getting married, some family and parents start to involve themselves in the planning and sticking their nose in where its not wanted. He had the ceremony he wanted and as long as he's happy thats the main thing.

While its understandable that families feel hurt when their loved ones elope, some people just cannot afford the big wedding and there can be alot of pressure from parents to do it their way as opposed to what the couple want.

There have been lots of threads on here where parents/family members involve themselves so much that you are kind of wondering is it the parents that are getting married or their son/daughter?

This thread from a few weeks back is an example how some relations like to involve themselves and pass judgement on something that's got nothing to do with them.

I have a friend who had a humanist ceremony for their wedding, he got dogs abuse from the parents, uncles, aunts about it not being in a church. Some even said they wouldn't attend because of it, but on the day they did go. Thats just adding stress that a couple don't need.

MrWalsh

stickybookmark wrote: »

thanks lazygal and MrWalsh but what is the present protocol when the couple don't have a party afterwards ?

I'd give you the same present regardless of you having a big formal wedding, an elopement followed by a party or no party at all!

MrWalsh

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I don't get why people go off - just the two of them - to get married, and then come back and have a big hoolie!

I'd have hated a big formal all day event travelling to and staying over in a hotel with a sit down meal, speeches etc...

The party was just an evening thing, informal, just finger food a bar and a dance floor. People went home after and it was just like having a night out.

Spanish Eyes

MrWalsh wrote: »

I'd have hated a big formal all day event travelling to and staying over in a hotel with a sit down meal, speeches etc...

The party was just an evening thing, informal, just finger food a bar and a dance floor. People went home after and it was just like having a night out.

Sounds ideal really.

Glad you enjoyed it!

jlm29

stickybookmark wrote: »

thanks lazygal and MrWalsh but what is the present protocol when the couple don't have a party afterwards ?

There isn't a protocol. I would choose what gift to give based on how close I was to the couple, rather than the type of wedding they had.

lazygal

stickybookmark wrote: »

thanks lazygal and MrWalsh but what is the present protocol when the couple don't have a party afterwards ?

I'd give the gift I would've given regardless. It's an important event no matter how it's celebrated.

homemadecider

theduffer wrote: »

Hi Folks,

Looking at this this thread with interest, if anyone has any info on a travel agent they recommend for assistance getting married in the carribbean can they PM me with details. Looks like its going to be the 2 of us so looking for help!!

Regards,
theduffer

We used Club Travel and they were excellent. I recommend them.

stickybookmark

lazygal wrote: »

I'd give the gift I would've given regardless. It's an important event no matter how it's celebrated.

i'm not particularly close to them. they'd be more extended circle of friends. hmm i think she'd be morto if i give the full whack 200 euro to be honest. maybe 75?

jlm29

You don't necessarily have to give them cash. You could get them a voucher for a meal or something.

PhoenixParker

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I don't get why people go off - just the two of them - to get married, and then come back and have a big hoolie!

It it were me, I would either have a big wedding all the bells and whistles, a small one, about twenty guests - immediate family only, OR

Race off somewhere and get married, just the two of us, and that's it!

Not knocking anyone, each to their own, but the big party after an elopement, really makes me smile. OK you are not paying for all the bits and pieces associated with a full on wedding, but it brings its own headaches I'd imagine.

But as I said, it's a personal choice.

We're not running off somewhere to get married but we are having the ceremony separate (day before) to the party and it's immediate family only.

There's a few reasons I'm really happy it's this way.

On the ceremony side, the moment feels kind of private and while I can see sharing it with immediate family, I don't really want it in front of 100 people. It also makes the ceremony easy to organise. It's short & in the registry office. No venue hire, no solemniser payments, no decor costs, no ceremony music. That's a bunch of money I can spend elsewhere. Also I really wanted to host the reception on a Saturday which is an awkward day to organise a non-religious ceremony.

On the reception side. With photos & ceremony out of the way, the party starts at 4pm with no hanging around. I find normal weddings very long and this shortens it nicely. Guests can check in at 3pm, get ready and come downstairs. They can have lunch and not be starving. Guests can travel the morning of comfortably. I won't be over tired before dinner even starts. We won't miss half the cocktail hour as we're off getting photos.

I still have the fuss of a normal big wedding but the fuss isn't really what I'm trying to avoid. For me the separate ceremony and party just works for what I want.

stickybookmark

jlm29 wrote: »

You don't necessarily have to give them cash. You could get them a voucher for a meal or something.

i was thinking of that but then was thinking i'd say everyone will give them vouchers for meals! maybe a 50 euro voucher for brown thomas.

i told my OH last night that people online told me that we should give the couple that eloped the same present (which would be 200 euro) that we would have given them if they'd invited us to their wedding and he said 'that's a load of boll*x, if that was the case everyone would elope coz they'd make all the profit of a wedding without having to pay for one'
hmm back to the drawing board :rolleyes: