passive aggression vs full on aggression

Robsweezie · 03-04-2015 11:35PM #1

would you rather deal with someone who skirts around issues with vague comments, without confronting the issue at hand, in a passive aggressive style, or someone who full on rants and raves, screams and shouts about the issue directly and confronts others every time, at the risk of upsetting them, in an aggressive style?

which side do you fall on? id be more the passive type myself but trying to veer away from it towards assertive.

efb · 03-04-2015 11:36PM

Prefer tact and courtesy myself

JacquesDeLad · 03-04-2015 11:37PM

Is there no option for persuasion?

cloud493 · 03-04-2015 11:39PM

Nothing more irritating than some passive aggressive ****, frankly. Rather neither mind.

biko · 03-04-2015 11:41PM

I'd be more passive-aggressive because apparently it's "wrong" to punch people I don't like.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 03-04-2015 11:42PM

Aggressive people annoy me. Especially when they're your typical "hardman" spoofer types who couldn't box their way out of a paper bag. Sad, really.

Desolation Of Smug · 03-04-2015 11:43PM

biko wrote: »

I'd be more passive-aggressive because apparently it's "wrong" to punch people I don't like.

Modern niceties eh? God be with the days when a good old slap in the puss quieted the rowdiest critic.

Señor Fancy Pants · 03-04-2015 11:44PM

Can we not just have a cup of tea and be nice to each other?

efb · 03-04-2015 11:46PM

Truffle Pig wrote: »

Can we not just have a cup of tea and be nice to each other?

Apparently not

Renegade Mechanic · 03-04-2015 11:48PM

Truffle Pig wrote: »

Can we not just have a cup of tea and be nice to each other?

Fine. But you won't be getting sugar..

Edit: Obligatory passive aggressive smiley

One eyed Jack · 03-04-2015 11:48PM

They're the two extremes really and tbh I cannot stand either one. I much prefer to deal with people who are honest and assertive and don't expect that I should be able to decipher what they mean with passive aggressive crap, and equally I have no time either for the shouty, ranty types.

I have it down to an art now that I can tune out whenever I see either type coming, I can just tell by the look on their faces, both of 'em.

Eugene Norman · 03-04-2015 11:48PM

I'd prefer neither.

Señor Fancy Pants · 03-04-2015 11:49PM

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Fine. But you won't be getting sugar..

Edit: Obligatory passive aggressive smiley

Gggggrrrrr!!!

You are such a fcuking.....nice guy

efb · 03-04-2015 11:49PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

They're the two extremes really and tbh I cannot stand either one. I much prefer to deal with people who are honest and assertive and don't expect that I should be able to decipher what they mean with passive aggressive crap, and equally I have no time either for the shouty, ranty types.

I have it down to an art now that I can tune out whenever I see either type coming, I can just tell by the look on their faces, both of 'em.

I just put them on ignore

Mallagio · 03-04-2015 11:51PM

Full on aggression....... Its someone showing emotion.

Passive is for the sly that tends to chip away at the decent imo. - Kinda like Chinese water torture.

One eyed Jack · 03-04-2015 11:53PM

Desolation Of Smug wrote: »

Modern niceties eh? God be with the days when a good old slap in the puss quieted the rowdiest critic.

Aye, there's something to be said for that alright. I used work in a plant with 400 other men, all men, and if something kicked off, there were slaps thrown alright and some downright nasty injuries, but five minutes after we'd have made up, apologies exchanged and we'd laugh about it.

Christ I miss that place

catallus · 03-04-2015 11:53PM

Chinese?

Great bunch of lads.

peckerhead · 03-04-2015 11:56PM

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, for they are vexations to the soul.

Ignore passive-aggressive ones, for they are just a pain in the hole.

pidgeoneyes · 03-04-2015 11:59PM

"You know the type, loud as a motorbike but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight"

4zn76tysfajdxp · 04-04-2015 12:05AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Aye, there's something to be said for that alright. I used work in a plant with 400 other men, all men, and if something kicked off, there were slaps thrown alright and some downright nasty injuries, but five minutes after we'd have made up, apologies exchanged and we'd laugh about it.

Christ I miss that place

Sounds very professional.

I've found that anyone who pines for a lifestyle of casual violence is really just another typical Walter Mitty type. Spoofers roaring obscenities from the safety of their Transit.

bb1234567 · 04-04-2015 12:08AM

I hate nothing more than passive aggression its so cowardly or something.
I dunno there was this guy I used to talk to and whenever I took a while to reply to a text and apologised for the lateness he'd make little jabs 'like oh don't worry its not like I had to wait an hour for your reply or anything.' or 'its okay I guess Im not interesting enough for you'
It pissed me the **** off, like just tell me you don't want to talk to me if I take too long to reply or stop moaning

One eyed Jack · 04-04-2015 12:42AM

Lillian Raspy Poinsettia wrote: »

Sounds very professional.

I've found that anyone who pines for a lifestyle of casual violence is really just another typical Walter Mitty type. Spoofers roaring obscenities from the safety of their Transit.

I never claimed it was any sort of a 'professional' environment. We wore boiler suits, not Armani suits for jaysus sake :pac:

You're reading waaaay too much into what I said in my post to conclude that I 'pine for a lifestyle of casual violence', and none of us would ever roar obscenities from the transit. We had more respect for people than that sort of idiocy. We kept our idiocy to ourselves

It was over 20 years ago and yes, it was an employment I remember fondly, we weren't always knocking spots off each other, and in fact we were quite a close knit group that still keep in contact to this day, where nowadays indeed I do wear a suit to work, never get my hands dirty, and do indeed miss the days of physical manual labour and the closeness we had.

If that's Walter Mitty, then call me Walter Mitty :rolleyes:

Robsweezie · 04-04-2015 12:53AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I never claimed it was any sort of a 'professional' environment. We wore boiler suits, not Armani suits for jaysus sake :pac:

You're reading waaaay too much into what I said in my post to conclude that I 'pine for a lifestyle of casual violence', and none of us would ever roar obscenities from the transit. We had more respect for people than that sort of idiocy. We kept our idiocy to ourselves

It was over 20 years ago and yes, it was an employment I remember fondly, we weren't always knocking spots off each other, and in fact we were quite a close knit group that still keep in contact to this day, where nowadays indeed I do wear a suit to work, never get my hands dirty, and do indeed miss the days of physical manual labour and the closeness we had.

If that's Walter Mitty, then call me Walter Mitty :rolleyes:

I admire how passive aggressively defensive that retort was mr mitty :0

seenitall · 04-04-2015 12:44PM

bb1234567 wrote: »

I hate nothing more than passive aggression its so cowardly or something.
I dunno there was this guy I used to talk to and whenever I took a while to reply to a text and apologised for the lateness he'd make little jabs 'like oh don't worry its not like I had to wait an hour for your reply or anything.' or 'its okay I guess Im not interesting enough for you'
It pissed me the **** off, like just tell me you don't want to talk to me if I take too long to reply or stop moaning

^ This, so much this. Hate that siht.

I have to say that I have found myself stooping to passive aggression on boards at times, generally with posters or remarks that I would get a ban if I actually posted what I really thought of them; although at the same time there is nothing I despise more than people being passive aggressive.

I do think I stay well clear of it IRL, especially when it comes to any kind of conflict or confrontation - I like everything aired, out in the open and cleared up ASAP.

My bf used to drive me up the wall a bit in the beginning, because unfortunately, clamming up, shutting down, and generally dispensing the silent treatment of a couple of hours or so, is his go-to emotional response to any stress or disagreement. I'm just not used to that kind of communication, and I have found it to be really damaging to the relationship. So I had to sit him down a couple of times and patiently explain that it was completely unacceptable to treat me like that, instead of talking things out like mature adults.

He must really like me, cos he has improved no end.

Cold War Kid · 04-04-2015 01:02PM

I'm NEVER passive-aggressive.

Mozzeltoff · 04-04-2015 01:17PM

I don't like either.

My father was the aggressive type. If anything pissed him off or irked him in any way at all he would shout and roar and you'd hear him all over the place. He was never violent but the ranting and shouting was enough.

I had an ex then who was passive aggressive. If he was angry with me over something he would never come out and say it. He'd just dance around the edges and drop a barbed comment. At first it made me feel bad but it didn't take too long to tell him to go **** with himself.

I prefer honesty. I have one friend who will tell me straight out if she's angry or upset with me. None of this tip toeing around with her. I admire her for it.

Ted_YNWA · 04-04-2015 01:18PM

Anything to be said for saying another Mass?

super_furry · 04-04-2015 01:44PM

Which one gets me a dig in the head?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-04-2015 02:54PM

I don't like either, but I prefer dealing with aggressive people, because I find it fairly easy to stay calm and assertive in that situation. I have a ferocious though very occasional temper myself, so I know from experience of being the aggressive person that once you start shouting the other person has the upper hand. So when someone else starts roaring and shouting that's grand, I've won

Passive aggression on the other hand, can't hack it. I've learned to call people out on it fairly quickly, and in a calm and assertive manner because if I ignore it for a while I end up reaching the end of my tether and losing my temper.

04-04-2015 02:56PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I'm NEVER passive-aggressive.

I catch myself at it, and I hate it about me, though I do try not to be.

I don't know where it comes from but I really wish I was better than that, but as it turns out, I'm not.

conorh91 · 04-04-2015 03:29PM

I find that anyone who has ever house-shared tends to have great stories about passive aggressive housemates.

Are these people more abundant in the rental market, or what?

Anyway, I lived with one passive aggressive loser once. He'd never say anything to your face, but would leave notes in the fridge, send catty texts about the laundry being left in the machine, and was forever dropping veiled insults by passing them off as banter.

You know what they hate? Confrontation. Every time they pull this behaviour, confront them about it.

So when you get a vicious text, don't reply with, more of the same. Say, "we'll discuss this back at the house". (They will avoid you for days.)
When they try to pass an insult off as a joke, acknowledge what they're doing in the open, to their face.
When you get a catty note on the washing-up, show it to them later and talk about it in person.

They hate this.

Passive-aggressive people thrive on non-confrontation. So don't give them the oxygen. In my experience, as soon as you keep confronting them, they'll eventually learn to cut it out. Or at least, they'll stop doing it to you because they'll learn they cannot get away with it.

passive aggression vs full on aggression

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