Farting in Enclosed Spaces

wretcheddomain · 13-03-2015 02:38PM #1

You're feeling somewhat ill and need to see your local GP.

Upon lurching toward the waiting room, you discover it's only small enough to seat around nine people.

It's eerily quiet. There is no substantial ventilation, and it also happens to be an oppressive, torrid day.

Without warning - a thunderous fart erupts. It vibrates throughout the room, briskly coming into intimate contact with your nasal passages.

He farts again. This time with the intensity of a well-fed American.

What do you say? Nothing maybe, keep quiet?

Schwiiing · 13-03-2015 02:40PM

Launch a counter attack. It's your only hope OP.

Kevin McCloud · 13-03-2015 02:40PM

Take a deep breath and think of your parish.

The_Valeyard · 13-03-2015 02:41PM

Open window,

Escape outside,

Run free.

Renegade Mechanic · 13-03-2015 02:41PM

Laugh.

And then fart harder to establish dominance

Mint Aero · 13-03-2015 02:41PM

Find a duvet and cover him with it then get under and kneel near his crotch and wait for it....:)

Egginacup · 13-03-2015 02:42PM

Whatever you do don't light a match.

CruelCoin · 13-03-2015 02:42PM

Did it have depth of character?

A nice bassy tone?

I do love my morning piddle and the enormous reverberating ass bellow that accompanies it.

Herself doesn't like it too much, being in the next room still asleep, but meh. I've had my fun and that's all that matters.

KungPao · 13-03-2015 02:42PM

High five him, of course.

gerrybbadd · 13-03-2015 02:43PM

Mutter "well ya dirty cúnt ya", strain hard to counter attack, possibly soil the jocks to let a little squeeker out, breathe through the mouth

Mesrine65 · 13-03-2015 02:43PM

Fist bump

Roger_007 · 13-03-2015 02:44PM

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

wretcheddomain · 13-03-2015 02:46PM

Roger_007 wrote: »

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

I'm afraid not.

jester77 · 13-03-2015 02:46PM

Tell him to go see a doctor :pac:

Schwiiing · 13-03-2015 02:46PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

I'm afraid not.

It would be useless anyway. Fart gas is Hydrogen Sulphide.

wretcheddomain · 13-03-2015 02:48PM

Schwiiing wrote: »

It would be useless anyway. Fart gas is Hydrogen Sulphide.

There is a hydrogen sulphide alarm in the room.

It's broken though.

Schwiiing · 13-03-2015 02:49PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

There is a hydrogen sulphide alarm in the room.

It's broken though.

May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Frynge · 13-03-2015 02:50PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

Find a duvet and cover him with it then get under and kneel near his crotch and wait for it....:)

Dutch oven level: suicide!

Capt'n Midnight · 14-03-2015 11:07AM

Worry not

If the atmosphere has less than 4.4% methane, an explosion cannot occur even if a source of ignition is present.

TPD · 14-03-2015 11:10AM

Schwiiing wrote: »

Launch a counter attack. It's your only hope OP.

Agreed. You have to dilute it with a bit of your own vintage, wont smell so bad then. To you, anyway

nullzero · 14-03-2015 11:14AM

It's an opportunity to start a group therapy session. You turn to him and say; "well it's no secret why you're here, how about the rest of you cnuts?"

philstar · 14-03-2015 11:15AM

i never forget one night i had a fish burger + 2 pints of carlsberg

the following morning in college i had an awful pain in my gut and let off the most hideous fart that cleared the classroom...it was vile...thankfully it was silent so nobody knew who to blame:o

Zippie84 · 14-03-2015 11:21AM

Why say anything? All just human

Laugh it off.

On the subject of farting in enclosed spaces, I had a really crappy taxi driver last night (don't get me started), and by coincidence I needed a fart, and managed to do a good smelly one in the back of his car.

Been a while since I enjoyed a fart quite as much as that one.

fleet_admiral · 14-03-2015 01:04PM

Roger_007 wrote: »

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

No doctors surgeries have Carbon Dibackside alarms

Antar Bolaeisk · 14-03-2015 01:13PM

Immediately declare non-ownership, even if it's yours and there's only one other person in the room.

Wacker The Attacker · 14-03-2015 01:55PM

That gentleman needs a thundering round of applause

Tearin It Up · 14-03-2015 02:15PM

Alcohol smelling farts are the worst.

jojofizzio · 14-03-2015 02:43PM

Was on a spin bike at 6.45 am yesterday when the stinky b*****x beside me left one off...only that my feet were tied on I would have fallen off the bike...woke me up anyway,but could have done with a gas mask...

Dr Strange · 14-03-2015 02:54PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVe7hYl_xN4

Capt'n Midnight · 14-03-2015 05:16PM

Useful information on Hydrogen Sulphide.

Other human data:
...
olfactory fatigue occurs at 100 ppm [Poda 1966]. It has also been reported that 50 to 100 ppm causes mild conjunctivitis and respiratory irritation after 1 hour; 500 to 700 ppm may be dangerous in 0.5 to 1 hour; 700 to 1,000 ppm results in rapid unconsciousness, cessation of respiration, and death; and 1,000 to 2,000 ppm results in unconsciousness, cessation of respiration, and death in a few minutes [Yant 1930].

But - A Stinky Compound May Protect Against Cell Damage

Although the gas is noxious in large doses, scientists found that cellular exposure to smaller amounts of the compound may prevent mitochondrial damage. This could have future implications in the prevention of strokes, arthritis, heart disease, among other things, the researchers say.

conorh91 · 14-03-2015 05:24PM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Useful information on Hydrogen Sulphide.

But - A Stinky Compound May Protect Against Cell Damage

The Sun/ Irish Mirror/ Daily Express missed a headline there

Headline: 'FART ATTACK
Tag: Smelling farts may reduce occurrence of heart disease and stroke, according to Docs

Farting in Enclosed Spaces

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