Farting in Enclosed Spaces

wretcheddomain

You're feeling somewhat ill and need to see your local GP.

Upon lurching toward the waiting room, you discover it's only small enough to seat around nine people.

It's eerily quiet. There is no substantial ventilation, and it also happens to be an oppressive, torrid day.

Without warning - a thunderous fart erupts. It vibrates throughout the room, briskly coming into intimate contact with your nasal passages.

He farts again. This time with the intensity of a well-fed American.

What do you say? Nothing maybe, keep quiet?

Schwiiing

Launch a counter attack. It's your only hope OP.

Kevin McCloud

Take a deep breath and think of your parish.

The_Valeyard

Open window,

Escape outside,

Run free.

Renegade Mechanic

Laugh.

And then fart harder to establish dominance

Mint Aero

Find a duvet and cover him with it then get under and kneel near his crotch and wait for it....:)

Egginacup

Whatever you do don't light a match.

CruelCoin

Did it have depth of character?

A nice bassy tone?

I do love my morning piddle and the enormous reverberating ass bellow that accompanies it.

Herself doesn't like it too much, being in the next room still asleep, but meh. I've had my fun and that's all that matters.

KungPao

High five him, of course.

gerrybbadd

Mutter "well ya dirty cúnt ya", strain hard to counter attack, possibly soil the jocks to let a little squeeker out, breathe through the mouth

Mesrine65

Fist bump

Roger_007

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

wretcheddomain

Roger_007 wrote: »

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

I'm afraid not.

jester77

Tell him to go see a doctor :pac:

Schwiiing

wretcheddomain wrote: »

I'm afraid not.

It would be useless anyway. Fart gas is Hydrogen Sulphide.

wretcheddomain

Schwiiing wrote: »

It would be useless anyway. Fart gas is Hydrogen Sulphide.

There is a hydrogen sulphide alarm in the room.

It's broken though.

Schwiiing

wretcheddomain wrote: »

There is a hydrogen sulphide alarm in the room.

It's broken though.

May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Frynge

Mint Aero wrote: »

Find a duvet and cover him with it then get under and kneel near his crotch and wait for it....:)

Dutch oven level: suicide!

Capt'n Midnight

Worry not

If the atmosphere has less than 4.4% methane, an explosion cannot occur even if a source of ignition is present.

TPD

Schwiiing wrote: »

Launch a counter attack. It's your only hope OP.

Agreed. You have to dilute it with a bit of your own vintage, wont smell so bad then. To you, anyway

nullzero

It's an opportunity to start a group therapy session. You turn to him and say; "well it's no secret why you're here, how about the rest of you cnuts?"

philstar

i never forget one night i had a fish burger + 2 pints of carlsberg

the following morning in college i had an awful pain in my gut and let off the most hideous fart that cleared the classroom...it was vile...thankfully it was silent so nobody knew who to blame:o

Zippie84

Why say anything? All just human Laugh it off.

On the subject of farting in enclosed spaces, I had a really crappy taxi driver last night (don't get me started), and by coincidence I needed a fart, and managed to do a good smelly one in the back of his car.

Been a while since I enjoyed a fart quite as much as that one.

fleet_admiral

Roger_007 wrote: »

Was there a Carbon Monoxide alarm in the room?

No doctors surgeries have Carbon Dibackside alarms

Antar Bolaeisk

Immediately declare non-ownership, even if it's yours and there's only one other person in the room.

Wacker The Attacker

That gentleman needs a thundering round of applause

Tearin It Up

Alcohol smelling farts are the worst.

jojofizzio

Was on a spin bike at 6.45 am yesterday when the stinky b*****x beside me left one off...only that my feet were tied on I would have fallen off the bike...woke me up anyway,but could have done with a gas mask...

Dr Strange

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVe7hYl_xN4

Capt'n Midnight

Useful information on Hydrogen Sulphide.

Other human data:
...
olfactory fatigue occurs at 100 ppm [Poda 1966]. It has also been reported that 50 to 100 ppm causes mild conjunctivitis and respiratory irritation after 1 hour; 500 to 700 ppm may be dangerous in 0.5 to 1 hour; 700 to 1,000 ppm results in rapid unconsciousness, cessation of respiration, and death; and 1,000 to 2,000 ppm results in unconsciousness, cessation of respiration, and death in a few minutes [Yant 1930].

But - A Stinky Compound May Protect Against Cell Damage

Although the gas is noxious in large doses, scientists found that cellular exposure to smaller amounts of the compound may prevent mitochondrial damage. This could have future implications in the prevention of strokes, arthritis, heart disease, among other things, the researchers say.

conorh91

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Useful information on Hydrogen Sulphide.



But - A Stinky Compound May Protect Against Cell Damage

The Sun/ Irish Mirror/ Daily Express missed a headline there

Headline: 'FART ATTACK
Tag: Smelling farts may reduce occurrence of heart disease and stroke, according to Docs

philstar

it can happen anytime anywhere

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB9cvTDmJ9Q

Aidric

Remember those plastic like chairs in secondary school. A loud fart on those was like holding a megaphone to your arse.

sligojoek

philstar wrote: »

i never forget one night i had a fish burger + 2 pints of carlsberg

the following morning in college i had an awful pain in my gut and let off the most hideous fart that cleared the classroom...it was vile...thankfully it was silent so nobody knew who to blame:o

I did the same thing at a deli counter one monday morning. I gained three places in the queue after it.

Calibos

What does it say of my maturity, that I sit here LMFAO as I reminisce about a Fart I did in school over a quarter of a century ago?

Seated in back corner of classroom. Upset Tummy and I release a silent but incredibly noxious smelling emission that literally had people falling out of their desks in a slow motion blastwave radius arc effect spreading out from the back corner of the room. Those further out turning and wondering WTF the commotion was until the radiating wave hit them too whereupon they too would recoil and almost fall out of their desks.

Irish Steve

Sitting here smiling to myself as I read the last post, and recall a colleague on a training course in Southend on Sea, nearly 40 years ago, there were 20 of us learning how mechanical adding machines worked, so we could repair them, the instructor was a crusty old so and so who was known for having regular sense of humour failures at students that didn't pay attention.

This one individual suffered, if suffered is the right word, from a digestive system that didn't cope well with disruption to his routine, and being away from home, and having meals at different times from normal had a fundamentally disruptive effect on his bowel, which could be relied on to (silently and violently) clear the room at least twice a day, the problem being that the blast wave took a while to spread, and the people closest to the launcher suffered greatly for a few moments until they could move away without incurring the wrath of the instructor. After a couple of days, it became clear that this was an ongoing problem,and the instructor, to his credit, recognising the significant distress that was being caused to the section of the room in the immediate fall out zone set up a standing agreement that on a given signal, the room would break for coffee, with those closest to the windows charged with opening them as they exited the room. To coin a phrase from a recent TV advert, the source was unfortunately "nose blind", so blissfully unaware of the damage that his output was causing to those around him. We were there for 4 weeks in total, it was noticeable that after the second week, there were a significant number of empty desks in the area around the devastator.

In 40 years. I have never come across another individual who was capable of producing such widespread and nauseous output on a regular basis, which is probably why the memory has remained so strong. If you were close to the perpetrator, it was enough to bring tears to your eyes! Oh yes, we did manage to learn how those mechanical adding machines worked, to say that they were complex, with incredibly tight tolerances on the adjustments, is putting it mildly, we were all very happy when electronic calculators came along and replaced them.

I never did encounter our gas giant again, I can only assume that he moved on to another (hopefully outdoor) employment, his "skills" would not have been appreciated in the large offices that most of our users operated in.

Fart

Expect... the unexpected .

Existentialist

I learned the hard way not to fart in the gym cubicle - to gas oneself.......... it is evil and unright. Putrid and uncouth. Vomitous and manknificent. Blearch.

Never fart in elevators.

It is wrong on so many levels.