Can an introvert become an extrovert? My job depends on it.

CM24 · 12-03-2015 3:04pm #1

So, I've just started a new job that requires me to be dealing with people face to face for hours at a time. I'm a Personal Trainer in a busy gym. The onus is on me to attract clients myself and so I spend all day on the gym floor wearing my PT shirt and trying to give people advice where I see fit.

I'd consider myself an introvert and so I'm finding these first couple of days incredibly draining. I'm generally very comfortable in a gym environment as I've been a fitness fanatic for nearly a decade now. It's different when you're working there though. People are constantly looking at you and you feel like you have to be switched ''on'' all the time. Every person there is a potential client after all.

Anyway, I fully expected this when I signed up to the job. I wanted to be put in a situation where I'm forced to come out of my shell. I'm just surprised by how quickly my mind gets fried and I just need to escape for a while. When I get into conversations with people after being on the floor for a few hours my ability to speak just deserts me! Half way through my sentences I sort of change the word I'm going to say and just blurt out something that barely makes sense.

I'm sure this is making me look really un-professional. This problem has plagued me in several jobs in the past. (I'm 26). I got let go from jobs in retail and on reception because I was told I was too quiet. Prior to this job, I had been doing an internship at a big gym and was told I needed to show more of myself.

The thing is, I'm not lazy! I'm really dedicated to helping people and am constantly expanding my knowledge. It's just, I can only cope with people for short bursts at a time. After prolonged interaction with people I just start making stupid mistakes and can't think straight. I even banged my head off a barbell today which I had put there myself!

I'm constantly locking myself in the bathroom cubicles and just closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to try and ''recharge''. I'm sure the bosses think I'm just in there wasting time or something but I literally need to do it just to keep myself from getting overwhelmed.

I think I will improve as I get familiar with my surroundings. Problem is, I haven't lasted long enough in similar previous roles to know if it does get easier or not.The only jobs I've lasted more than 2 weeks at have been manual labour type jobs where you don't really have to chat to people. In those jobs I can work long hours with no breaks with no issues.

Can anyone elighten me? Is it normal to get flustered when starting a new job? Is there anything I can do to calm myself and stop rushing my sentences? At the moment I feel ridiculous. I literally have to take few deep breaths and psyche myself up before a simple conversation! They want me to start teaching classes now too. I taught a few classes in the past on my internship and know I'm pretty bad at them. I constantly have the same problem where I speak without fully thinking about what I'm trying to say, and the whole class just looks at me weird!

I've tried lots of supplements that are supposed to ease anxiety but none of them have done much. To be honest, the thing that's helped me is ecstasy! The first time I tried it really opened up my eyes. I felt what it was like to be ''normal''. I was able to chat away with everyone and actually enjoy it. Even things like dancing started to come naturally to me. I've taken it a couple of times per year now for the last 3 years and find for a couple of weeks after I'm able to socialise a lot more easily. Obviously it's a risky solution though.:)

Anyone have similar problems and manage to overcome them? Does it just come with practice?

Wacker The Attacker · 12-03-2015 3:06pm

Finally, a good reason to become a juice head.

On a serious note. Perhaps you may take to the job like a duck to water. You wont know until you try

RoboRat · 12-03-2015 3:11pm

I used to be extremely shy and had zero self confidence but I managed to get over that and come out of my shell. You are probably just doing what I used to do and over thinking a lot and you have it in your mind that everything you say is being analysed when in reality, the person you are talking to feels its just a normal conversation. As part of my job I have to do presentations, I used to be petrified until I just realised that people were interested in what I had to say and they weren't critiquing me or making judgements.

You just need to treat every interaction as another conversation, same as you would when talking to a mate. If you get tongue tied, make a joke of it and lighten the mood, try not to be too serious either. If you are constantly analysing what you are saying it will only get worse, just let the conversation flow naturally and try not to force it.

Mint Aero · 12-03-2015 3:14pm

Adopt someone elses personality. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger for example and go around the gym with an Austrian accent blurting out random one liners. People will love it and more importantly you'll get to keep your job.

lazybones32 · 12-03-2015 3:17pm

cocaine?

hardCopy · 12-03-2015 3:18pm

I've never been myself but I have heard toastmasters recommended by lots of people.

spurious · 12-03-2015 3:20pm

You might be surprised how many very shy people go into teaching. It's definitely something that can be worked on. The Toastmasters (above) is a good suggestion.

bmm · 12-03-2015 3:23pm

I've never heard of a drug lasting for three weeks in your system. It might be the fact your going out and letting off steam, resetting the anxiety, so to speak.

Sounds like you are being too hard on yourself. Its Ok not to be perfect . Be yourself. If the job does not suit ur personality, so be it.

Lots of books out on learning meditation to control anxiety.

Peace !

Triceratops Ballet · 12-03-2015 3:27pm

Mint Aero wrote: »

Adopt someone elses personality. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger for example and go around the gym with an Austrian accent blurting out random one liners. People will love it and more importantly you'll get to keep your job.

this, play the part of someone who loves chatting to people and you'll become one of them. I would consider myself an introvert, but I ended up in a sales role, and found myself every day playing the part of a salesy girl and then after a while it clicked. For the first while though I would have to go into the office and do a bit of deep breathing before and after to calm myself down.

Turn it into a little challenge, tomorrow think right today I'm going to talk to x number of people for x number of minutes each. Have an entrance strategy and an exit strategy for each convo and get in and get out! It could be as simple as complimenting someone on their form. Hey, noticed you have great form on those squats, been lifting long?...let them answer...good stuff man well keep it up, and you're out!

If you have a friend who is in the gym, maybe offer to train them for free, and give them a brilliant routine, I know when picking my pt, i spent a few weeks watching all the pt's with their clients to see who did the exercises that most fit with me.

Fundrous · 12-03-2015 3:37pm

In career and life coaching, the dream scenario is for people to find jobs that they enjoy and find most satisfying because this means they are working to their strengths and that the job fits with their unique set of gifts, skills, training, experience and values. Of course, most of us have some elements in our jobs that we don't find thrilling, but if the core of your job exhausts and drains you - rather than simply challenges you - to the extent you say it does there may be something that needs to be looked at.

I think as a previous poster said, it is definitely possible to grow in confidence and effectiveness, and you could certainly learn to manage your introversion in a more effective way for your job, but trying to be someone completely different isn't good for self esteem and could lead to burnout. And goes without saying that if you need to take drugs in order to your job better, there's something amiss

That said, it is normal to find the first few weeks of a new job tiring and maybe even overwhelming at times. Maybe decide an amount of time that you plan to keep at the job and if you still feel drained at that stage, it might be time to re-evaluate. My tuppence worth anyway.

harry Bailey esq · 12-03-2015 4:03pm

alcohol is a good tool for this,but if you go to work drunk it will most likely be frowned upon

Korat · 12-03-2015 4:08pm

I've worked with introverted people before who had to take on leadership roles and motivate large groups of people. I never asked how they coped but they seemed to manage just fine. It was just something that had to be done I suppose.

conorhal · 12-03-2015 4:15pm

You sound like you suffer from a social anxiety disorder. Perhaps you should talk to your GP or see sombody about it, perhaps read up on the subject about coping mechanisms that will increece your comfort zone around people.

JanaMay · 12-03-2015 4:33pm

I was similar when I first started teaching and would sometimes hide behind the whiteboard to escape! I managed by faking it, or at least pretending to be a chattier version of myself. I was confident that I knew my subject, knew what I needed to do, was well-prepared so all I had to work on was confidence in speaking in front of groups. I tried my best to act confident, as if I weren't in the least bit shy, and as if I loved chatting to strangers. And with time, I grew into that sort of person (at least while at work).

Focus on what makes you good at your job: your background and preparation in fitness, ability to determine what the gym users might need, and willingness to help. Be confident in these abilities and it will come across to others. It's ok to be shy. You aren't there to entertain people, and you really don't need to try to be someone you're not, just a slightly chattier version of yourself. To be honest, I'd find a trainer who was over-confident or cocky to be very intimidating. Lots of gym users might feel ill-at-ease at the gym (I know I do) and they're thankful for an encouraging word from a trainer.

Best of luck. BTW, at least in writing you have a great way of expressing yourself, you just need to practice it when speaking. As an instructor, you know that practice makes perfect! :pac:

CM24 · 12-03-2015 5:01pm

bmm wrote: »

I've never heard of a drug lasting for three weeks in your system. It might be the fact your going out and letting off steam, resetting the anxiety, so to speak.

Lots of books out on learning meditation to control anxiety.

Exactly. I'm sure the drug itself doesn't last that long in my system. It's something that's called the ''Afterglow'' effect, whereby for a period of time after the drug has worn off, you maintain the different perspectives and insights that you gained. It's like pressing the ''refresh'' button on my mind every time I take it and all my little fears and insecurities vanish, only to slowly start creeping back in again as the weeks pass.

Meditation is something that I might look in to.

Mint Aero wrote: »

Adopt someone elses personality.

I know what you mean. Fake it til you make it. I just don't think it's possible to keep up a facade for hours on end, day in, day out.

hardCopy wrote: »

I've never been myself but I have heard toastmasters recommended by lots of people.

I probably should have done this before I started the job! At the moment I just don't have the time. I've seen other trainers in gyms really good at projecting their voice while training clients and other users overhear it and become interested too. My voice is really nasal-y and monotone. Need to work on it!

spurious wrote: »

You might be surprised how many very shy people go into teaching. It's definitely something that can be worked on. The Toastmasters (above) is a good suggestion.

I did arts in college and many of my classmates are now teachers. To be honest the thought of being up in front of a load of rowdy teenagers with nowhere to hide all day terrifies me!

dottie_lottie wrote: »

Turn it into a little challenge, tomorrow think right today I'm going to talk to x number of people for x number of minutes each. Have an entrance strategy and an exit strategy for each convo and get in and get out!

This is, once I establish myself and get some clients. I will only need to work in short blocks. Most PT's do 2-3 sessions in the AM and 2-3 sessions in the PM. Lots of time to recharge and clear your head in between. It's just recruiting clients in the first place is tough.

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

alcohol is a good tool for this,but if you go to work drunk it will most likely be frowned upon

I do rely on alcohol a lot when I'm going out, but it can be messy. Not to mention it's very unhealthy and calorific and training on a hangover is next to impossible. I think even the cocaine suggestion was better than this!

conorhal wrote: »

You sound like you suffer from a social anxiety disorder. Perhaps you should talk to your GP or see sombody about it, perhaps read up on the subject about coping mechanisms that will increece your comfort zone around people.

Hard to say. I remember the guidance counsellor in college sent me to see the psychologist cos I wasn't really engaging with my course and had no idea what to do with myself. The pyschologist asked me a load of stuff about myself and said he was fascinated by me but we didn't really get anywhere. Ended up just about scraping through my degree. Spent all my time reading about fitnessy stuff, rather than my chosen subjects to be honest!

JanaMay wrote: »

Best of luck. BTW, at least in writing you have a great way of expressing yourself, you just need to practice it when speaking. As an instructor, you know that practice makes perfect! :pac:

Thanks for the advice and the kind words. That's the frustrating thing for me. English was always my strong subject. Was my only A in the Leaving Cert and was my Major in college. Somehow though, I only ever had to give one presentation and so I never really developed any public speaking skills. Paying the price for it now!

Mr. CooL ICE · 12-03-2015 5:29pm

Go to the bathroom and fap like crazy. It will relax you and allow you to articulate yourself better.

Trust me on this. I'm a wanker.

The Diabolical Monocle · 12-03-2015 5:43pm

Watch Ross Noble twice a day for the next two weeks.
Listen to 30 minutes of Izzard before bed.

its okay to talk shyte.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtVG0BxsJpk

CM24 · 12-03-2015 5:45pm

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

Go to the bathroom and fap like crazy. It will relax you and allow you to articulate yourself better.

Trust me on this. I'm a wanker.

No! Without de-railing the thread. I actually did 70 days of NoFap once. Was attempting the 90 Day challenge. Google it! There's a thread on the AH about it too. Lots of guys raving about how it boosted their confidence and overall sense of wellbeing! It defo makes you more inclined to chat to females anyway!

nelly17 · 12-03-2015 5:48pm

I know this may sound like bull**** but there are courses used in the corporate world like Presentation skills which are designed to build your confidence, they might help

Triceratops Ballet · 12-03-2015 6:02pm

CM24 wrote: »

This is, once I establish myself and get some clients. I will only need to work in short blocks. Most PT's do 2-3 sessions in the AM and 2-3 sessions in the PM. Lots of time to recharge and clear your head in between. It's just recruiting clients in the first place is tough.

It is, but from short interactions you'll gauge if someone is interested, a few off the cuff short interactions with "easy targets" will make it easier to approach someone and give them the big sell on hiring you as their PT. You have to chat to people to get an "in" to sell yourself. In terms of building your client base set up a FB page and put a few basic tips on it maybe a few videos of your own PB's show people what you can do, all that salesey bs!

12-03-2015 6:36pm

You can be a shy extrovert, happy to be with people once you're comfortable with them personally, but a true introvert can become exhausted from being in a position where they have to interact with others for long periods. I know I do, and I deal with people all day on most days.

My only advice to the OP is that he takes a couple of hours to himself when he leaves work, and doesn't put himself in a postition where he has to continue interacting with others. Take some time to be quiet and recharge, and take any opportunities as they arise. In my last job, I used to sit in my car in silence during breaks, as I'd be expected to chat if I was in the office or staff room. I just needed the few minutes to myself to recharge. If you can take advantage of any quiet times in work to just be still and quiet for even a few minutes, it might help you charge your batteries enough to stay switched on.

You do get better at coping with it, over time.

frankoreagan · 12-03-2015 7:01pm

I felt like this when I started my job last year. I had to interact in person, plus talk to so many people on the phone on a daily basis that I'd be exhausted from trying to make sure I didn't do or say anything stupid. Brain would be fried by the afternoon and I'd spend all evening when I got home dreading the next day. I was even anxious about having lunch with my team in the massive canteen!

Took a month or so, but I just sort of got used to doing all the things I dreaded, and I don't even think about doing them anymore.

I thought I had social anxiety at one stage, and my doctor wanted to give me a script for something or other, but went to see a psychologist as a last resort. She pretty much said that the only thing that will help in the long term is sticking it out and adjusting to the situation.

dd972 · 12-03-2015 7:28pm

Just reading your post OP reminds me why I want to be a Train or Lorry Driver, I've no issues with shyness whatsover but the only people I want to talk to are my family and friends. These people who can go to some place of work and schmooze and a**elick around are seriously fricking weird to me. I nickmame them 'Operators' or 'Worko's'.

househero · 12-03-2015 8:30pm

quit. i know people who worked a lifetime and died because they hated their jobs (dealing with people)

harry Bailey esq · 12-03-2015 11:52pm

CM24 wrote: »

I do rely on alcohol a lot when I'm going out, but it can be messy. Not to mention it's very unhealthy and calorific and training on a hangover is next to impossible. I think even the cocaine suggestion was better than this

I forgot to mention cocaine.That tends to make a fella chatty alright,used in combination with the booze you'll be the most extroverted confident person in the room,the world in fact.

Fat Christy · 13-03-2015 12:02am

I'm a outgoing introvert which wasn't always the case!! I used to be really shy with very little confidence when I was young. I only started coming out a bit more when I was in my late teens but I still need to recharge my batteries!! House shares were always a complete disaster, as all I wanted to do was come in and go to my room. I couldn't take the whole 'oh let's all be friends' thing because we live together. Most people would describe me as bubbly and extroverted but I would disagree with being described as 'extroverted'. I need huge amounts of alone time to recharge. I just love going to the cinema on my own, shopping on my own, into town etc. I would be part of a few clubs and have loads of friends. Don't get me wrong I love my friends, I love my hobbies, I love meeting new people but I just need my alone time too. It's so important to me.

bb1234567 · 13-03-2015 12:14am

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

alcohol is a good tool for this,but if you go to work drunk it will most likely be frowned upon

go tipsy and nobody notices

Im fine with regular conversations in college, and going to lunch with my usual friends, and even one on one with somebody I don't know that well. But If say I had to go to a restaurant with a group of people, and its the usual group conversations where youve to say bits in front of everyone, I need some drink on me. Just couldn't do it sober tbh

13-03-2015 12:18am

Fat Christy wrote: »

Most people would describe me as bubbly and extroverted but I would disagree with being described as 'extroverted'. I need huge amounts of alone time to recharge.

I'm exactly the same, people think I'm a real people person because I tend to get along with everyone and I've no problem chatting or having a laugh, but I really need time to myself and look forward and enjoy doing things alone.

If I've been busy all week, I'll really badly crave my alone time.

Stheno · 13-03-2015 12:21am

Candie wrote: »

I'm exactly the same, people think I'm a real people person because I tend to get along with everyone and I've no problem chatting or having a laugh, but I really need time to myself and look forward and enjoy doing things alone.

If I've been busy all week, I'll really badly crave my alone time.

Same here I've been repeatedly classed as an introvert in multiple personality tests, yet work in a job where I deal with huge amounts of people

I must have my "silent" time alone after work each day

I think also that people think extrovert = life and soul of the party and introvert = wallflower. I've found that's not the case, introverts tend to be less likely to be free with personal information, extroverts the opposite.

It doesn't necessarily mean you can't engage with people.

13-03-2015 12:27am

Stheno wrote: »

I think also that people think extrovert = life and soul of the party and introvert = wallflower. I've found that's not the case, introverts tend to be less likely to be free with personal information, extroverts the opposite.

It doesn't necessarily mean you can't engage with people.

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

Fat Christy · 13-03-2015 12:36am

Candie wrote: »

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

I think that's it! I'm described as an extrovert because I'm out going and friendly. But I'm not an extrovert, I am definitely an introvert. I recharge when I'm alone and I do a lot of things by myself. Driving on my own is pure bliss. I used to give a girl a lift into work for a while before I moved and I was literally drained everyday. I didn't realise how important that alone time was to me. I knew I was an introvert when I moved out and tried sharing with people. The first house I ever lived in was with 7 girls who wanted to be my friend and socialise and go out all the time. I thought I was going to crack and kill them all. I have my own plans, my own friends, I couldn't be ars*d going to cinema and going out with them. I just wanted to go home in the evenings and chill, not that I was there much anyway.

I moved out after a month and moved in with 2 guys. Best decision ever as they never bothered me and I actually did become really good friends with one of them.

Introverts aren't always shy, we just need alone time to recharge.

harry Bailey esq · 13-03-2015 12:41am

bb1234567 wrote: »

go tipsy and nobody notices

The thing is,people do actually notice,but the few drams give you the confidence in your head that they don't

HamsterFace · 13-03-2015 12:42am

I'm fairly introverted but regularly lead meetings with anywhere between 5 to 30 people.
Can le stressful but overall it's grand, easier the more it happens.

Don't think anyone relishes public speaking but it gets easier.

And trust me, work and personal are different. You can be all over work but a best man speech can knock you over, and vice versa

And it's amazing when you see the difference between the first time you do something like that and the fifth, or tenth etc
Just like running, games etc

In short, no bother to ya horsebox, the only way to do it is to go and do it!

CM24 · 13-03-2015 12:46am

househero wrote: »

quit. i know people who worked a lifetime and died because they hated their jobs (dealing with people)

Well, I'm signed into a 6 month minimum contract and if I quit, I have to pay a massive amount of money as I'd owe the gym rent for using their facilities.

Also, I don't want to quit. Everybody at the gym is really sound, even the managers. Nobody has given out to me for being shy or anything, unlike in my previous jobs. I just need to find a way to keep my bearings.

Candie wrote: »

My only advice to the OP is that he takes a couple of hours to himself when he leaves work, and doesn't put himself in a postition where he has to continue interacting with others. Take some time to be quiet and recharge, and take any opportunities as they arise. In my last job, I used to sit in my car in silence during breaks, as I'd be expected to chat if I was in the office or staff room. I just needed the few minutes to myself to recharge. If you can take advantage of any quiet times in work to just be still and quiet for even a few minutes, it might help you charge your batteries enough to stay switched on.

You do get better at coping with it, over time.

That's funny. I've always done the exact same thing at lunch time, wherever I've worked. My co-workers must think I'm really snobby and unfriendly but it needs to be done.

I think a part of the reason I've found the last few days so exhausting is that I moved house just before I started the job. I'm now living in a small room in a house share, full of young Irish people (I've recently moved to Oz). Everyone's constantly socialising and it's hard to get privacy. They are all really sound to be fair, but now that I've been introduced to them all I think I need to just spend a bit more time in my room by myself.

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even though I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

I don't like the thought of taking prescription drugs though, at least not long term. If I could have something with no side-effects that I could take for stressful periods such as this that would be great.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Glad to hear some of you have made big improvements.

Supercell · 13-03-2015 12:47am

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

Fat Christy · 13-03-2015 12:50am

CM24 wrote: »

Well, I'm signed into a 6 month minimum contract and if I quit, I have to pay a massive amount of money as I'd owe the gym rent for using their facilities.

Also, I don't want to quit. Everybody at the gym is really sound, even the managers. Nobody has given out to me for being shy or anything, unlike in my previous jobs. I just need to find a way to keep my bearings.

That's funny. I've always done the exact same thing at lunch time, wherever I've worked. My co-workers must think I'm really snobby and unfriendly but it needs to be done.

I think a part of the reason I've found the last few days so exhausting is that I moved house just before I started the job. I'm now living in a small room in a house share, full of young Irish people. (I've recently moved to Oz) Everyone's constantly socialising and it's hard to get privacy. They are all really sound to be fair, but now that I've been introduced to them all I think I need to just spend a bit more time in my room by myself.

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even thought I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

I don't like the thought of taking prescription drugs though, at least not long term. If I could have something with no side-effects that I could take for stressful periods such as this that would be great.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Glad to hear some of you have made big improvements.

Marry me?

Seriously though, I need down time when I get home. I got so sick of my housemate's mindless babbling, that I usually don't go home until she's gone to bed, or I'll go home and keep the light off. I hate when she walks in and I'm in the kitchen. I'm just not cut out for living with other people.

Could you maybe get out for a walk at lunchtime. Sometimes I go off for a walk just me and my music. Always feel a bit better afterwards.

Macavity. · 13-03-2015 12:52am

CM24 wrote: »

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even thought I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

Oh, if caffeine makes you anxious then it's not for you. Stay well away. It's illegal anyway, and you would have to fake being ADHD to get a prescription.

CM24 · 13-03-2015 12:53am

Supercell wrote: »

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

I'll give it a watch later. I have to go to work soon.

Need a quick power nap.

Stheno · 13-03-2015 12:53am

Candie wrote: »

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

Agreed, in one group I was working with we got to discussing personality tests and personality types, and decided to do a timeout session from the serious stuff and guess at introvert/extrovert.

Everyone of the group of ten classed me as extrovert as I had spent three days presenting to them, they were shocked at the results of my personality tests

Supercell wrote: »

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

Interestingly the most extensive personality test I had led to a five page report which specifically referenced that I had learned to hide the introversion by becoming very well versed in news/sports topics to give me a common and neutral subject to talk about with people I was interacting with.

Essentially fake it til you make it as you say above

HamsterFace · 13-03-2015 1:09am

I'd also say don't indulge yourself with your perceived weaknesses.

You're no better or worse than the rest of us, work can be tough, that's why they pay you for it.

Go earn your money, it's satisfying that way

Littlekittylou · 13-03-2015 1:13am

It's as much about listening as anything.

13-03-2015 1:14am

HamsterFace wrote: »

I'd also say don't indulge yourself with your perceived weaknesses.

You're no better or worse than the rest of us, work can be tough, that's why they pay you for it.

Go earn your money, it's satisfying that way

Introversion isn't a weakness.

Stheno · 13-03-2015 1:20am

Candie wrote: »

Introversion isn't a weakness.

As I've moved up the food chain in work through the years, I've found it's a hidden strength.

Not feeling the need to share my life with people means I seperate work and life far more effectively than those who do and as I work as a consultant it's a definite bonus.

I work in a small company now of approx ten people, and all of the senior team (3 in total) are introverts, yet all spend their life presenting ideas, leading groups in innovating/transforming/recognising their abilities, and most of all, being foremost in proposing ideas to enable companies to change, and being seen as experts in enabling change.

Yet at the end of the day they all go home, have clearly defined borders about work contact and value their private lives intensely

13-03-2015 1:29am

I really recommend this book, it's a great insight into what makes us as we are and how introversion is a positive aspect of self.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking-ebook/dp/B0074YVW1G/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1426206100&sr=1-1&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking

The power of the introvert is still to be fully appreciated!

bb1234567 · 13-03-2015 1:29am

Candie wrote: »

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

A lot of people who are introverted also suffer from social anxiety though due to their more limited social experience , because of not wanting to be around people as much! I think thats why people get confused

bb1234567 · 13-03-2015 1:32am

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

The thing is,people do actually notice,but the few drams give you the confidence in your head that they don't

They really don't though. Or maybe Im just good at hiding it, its not like your personality changes much when you're tipsy. I just feel more relaxed really, don't speak much more than I usually would.

Stheno · 13-03-2015 1:39am

bb1234567 wrote: »

A lot of people who are introverted also suffer from social anxiety though due to their more limited social experience , because of not wanting to be around people as much! I think thats why people get confused

Some of the most famous people in the world today are classed as introvert.

Google INTJ famous people, they span a large range of specialities

And I do think you are limiting what you are saying in terms of social experience, as an introvert, I've years of experience as a volunteer, have played team sports, lead teams, lead initiatives and am now part of a startup business that requires me to contribute.

Introversion is more about focussing on what you rather than the great unwashed think, and trusting that, rather than being a social cripple as so many think.

bb1234567 · 13-03-2015 1:43am

Stheno wrote: »

Some of the most famous people in the world today are classed as introvert.

Google INTJ famous people, they span a large range of specialities

And I do think you are limiting what you are saying in terms of social experience, as an introvert, I've years of experience as a volunteer, have played team sports, lead teams, lead initiatives and am now part of a startup business that requires me to contribute.

Introversion is more about focussing on what you rather than the great unwashed think, and trusting that, rather than being a social cripple as so many think.

Yeah Im not saying an introvert can't be very outgoing and socially capable. I'm just saying, if you were to look up the relationships between social anxiety and introversion and extroversion, there would be a much higher number of people suffering social anxiety who identify as the former rather than the latter/

13-03-2015 1:46am

Being introverted doesn't mean you limit social contact. It's more an internal thing. Introverts tend to be thinkers before sayers, more likely to plan before act rather than act impulsively, more considered in their choices. It's far from a disadvantage in life.

I laugh with my colleagues on a daily basis and value friendships and company. I socialise a lot, have no problem talking or having fun with anyone, where and whenever I can, I'm not shy in the slightest. I'm also profoundly introverted.

13-03-2015 1:54am

Macavity. wrote: »

Sort of does, tbh.

You misunderstand. Some introverts limit social contact, others do not. As Jung said, it's a tendency, not a given.

Stheno · 13-03-2015 1:59am

Candie wrote: »

You misunderstand. Some introverts limit social contact, others do not. As Jung said, it's a tendency, not a given.

Exactly, Russel Crowe, James Cameron, J-Zee, Mark Zuckerberg, Stpehen Hawking and Jodie Foster are all introverts, all of the INTJ personality (I've the same personality so I googled them)Given that the founder of the largest social network in the world is an introvert, that says a lot about the perception people have.

Introvert does not equal shy/socially repressed, it's a tendancy, but some are brilliant leaders

Can an introvert become an extrovert? My job depends on it.

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