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Can an introvert become an extrovert? My job depends on it.

CM24

So, I've just started a new job that requires me to be dealing with people face to face for hours at a time. I'm a Personal Trainer in a busy gym. The onus is on me to attract clients myself and so I spend all day on the gym floor wearing my PT shirt and trying to give people advice where I see fit.

I'd consider myself an introvert and so I'm finding these first couple of days incredibly draining. I'm generally very comfortable in a gym environment as I've been a fitness fanatic for nearly a decade now. It's different when you're working there though. People are constantly looking at you and you feel like you have to be switched ''on'' all the time. Every person there is a potential client after all.

Anyway, I fully expected this when I signed up to the job. I wanted to be put in a situation where I'm forced to come out of my shell. I'm just surprised by how quickly my mind gets fried and I just need to escape for a while. When I get into conversations with people after being on the floor for a few hours my ability to speak just deserts me! Half way through my sentences I sort of change the word I'm going to say and just blurt out something that barely makes sense.

I'm sure this is making me look really un-professional. This problem has plagued me in several jobs in the past. (I'm 26). I got let go from jobs in retail and on reception because I was told I was too quiet. Prior to this job, I had been doing an internship at a big gym and was told I needed to show more of myself.

The thing is, I'm not lazy! I'm really dedicated to helping people and am constantly expanding my knowledge. It's just, I can only cope with people for short bursts at a time. After prolonged interaction with people I just start making stupid mistakes and can't think straight. I even banged my head off a barbell today which I had put there myself!

I'm constantly locking myself in the bathroom cubicles and just closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to try and ''recharge''. I'm sure the bosses think I'm just in there wasting time or something but I literally need to do it just to keep myself from getting overwhelmed.

I think I will improve as I get familiar with my surroundings. Problem is, I haven't lasted long enough in similar previous roles to know if it does get easier or not.The only jobs I've lasted more than 2 weeks at have been manual labour type jobs where you don't really have to chat to people. In those jobs I can work long hours with no breaks with no issues.

Can anyone elighten me? Is it normal to get flustered when starting a new job? Is there anything I can do to calm myself and stop rushing my sentences? At the moment I feel ridiculous. I literally have to take few deep breaths and psyche myself up before a simple conversation! They want me to start teaching classes now too. I taught a few classes in the past on my internship and know I'm pretty bad at them. I constantly have the same problem where I speak without fully thinking about what I'm trying to say, and the whole class just looks at me weird!

I've tried lots of supplements that are supposed to ease anxiety but none of them have done much. To be honest, the thing that's helped me is ecstasy! The first time I tried it really opened up my eyes. I felt what it was like to be ''normal''. I was able to chat away with everyone and actually enjoy it. Even things like dancing started to come naturally to me. I've taken it a couple of times per year now for the last 3 years and find for a couple of weeks after I'm able to socialise a lot more easily. Obviously it's a risky solution though.:)

Anyone have similar problems and manage to overcome them? Does it just come with practice?

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harry Bailey esq

bb1234567 wrote: »

go tipsy and nobody notices

The thing is,people do actually notice,but the few drams give you the confidence in your head that they don't

HamsterFace

I'm fairly introverted but regularly lead meetings with anywhere between 5 to 30 people.
Can le stressful but overall it's grand, easier the more it happens.

Don't think anyone relishes public speaking but it gets easier.

And trust me, work and personal are different. You can be all over work but a best man speech can knock you over, and vice versa

And it's amazing when you see the difference between the first time you do something like that and the fifth, or tenth etc
Just like running, games etc

In short, no bother to ya horsebox, the only way to do it is to go and do it!

CM24

househero wrote: »

quit. i know people who worked a lifetime and died because they hated their jobs (dealing with people)

Well, I'm signed into a 6 month minimum contract and if I quit, I have to pay a massive amount of money as I'd owe the gym rent for using their facilities.

Also, I don't want to quit. Everybody at the gym is really sound, even the managers. Nobody has given out to me for being shy or anything, unlike in my previous jobs. I just need to find a way to keep my bearings.

Candie wrote: »

My only advice to the OP is that he takes a couple of hours to himself when he leaves work, and doesn't put himself in a postition where he has to continue interacting with others. Take some time to be quiet and recharge, and take any opportunities as they arise. In my last job, I used to sit in my car in silence during breaks, as I'd be expected to chat if I was in the office or staff room. I just needed the few minutes to myself to recharge. If you can take advantage of any quiet times in work to just be still and quiet for even a few minutes, it might help you charge your batteries enough to stay switched on.

You do get better at coping with it, over time.

That's funny. I've always done the exact same thing at lunch time, wherever I've worked. My co-workers must think I'm really snobby and unfriendly but it needs to be done.

I think a part of the reason I've found the last few days so exhausting is that I moved house just before I started the job. I'm now living in a small room in a house share, full of young Irish people (I've recently moved to Oz). Everyone's constantly socialising and it's hard to get privacy. They are all really sound to be fair, but now that I've been introduced to them all I think I need to just spend a bit more time in my room by myself.

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even though I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

I don't like the thought of taking prescription drugs though, at least not long term. If I could have something with no side-effects that I could take for stressful periods such as this that would be great.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Glad to hear some of you have made big improvements.

Supercell

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

Fat Christy

CM24 wrote: »

Well, I'm signed into a 6 month minimum contract and if I quit, I have to pay a massive amount of money as I'd owe the gym rent for using their facilities.

Also, I don't want to quit. Everybody at the gym is really sound, even the managers. Nobody has given out to me for being shy or anything, unlike in my previous jobs. I just need to find a way to keep my bearings.

That's funny. I've always done the exact same thing at lunch time, wherever I've worked. My co-workers must think I'm really snobby and unfriendly but it needs to be done.

I think a part of the reason I've found the last few days so exhausting is that I moved house just before I started the job. I'm now living in a small room in a house share, full of young Irish people. (I've recently moved to Oz) Everyone's constantly socialising and it's hard to get privacy. They are all really sound to be fair, but now that I've been introduced to them all I think I need to just spend a bit more time in my room by myself.

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even thought I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

I don't like the thought of taking prescription drugs though, at least not long term. If I could have something with no side-effects that I could take for stressful periods such as this that would be great.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Glad to hear some of you have made big improvements.

Marry me?

Seriously though, I need down time when I get home. I got so sick of my housemate's mindless babbling, that I usually don't go home until she's gone to bed, or I'll go home and keep the light off. I hate when she walks in and I'm in the kitchen. I'm just not cut out for living with other people.

Could you maybe get out for a walk at lunchtime. Sometimes I go off for a walk just me and my music. Always feel a bit better afterwards.

Macavity.

CM24 wrote: »

Macavity, I'll look in to this Dextroamphetamine stuff. Surprised I've never heard of it because I've done a lot of research into anxiety-reducing supplements and the like. You say it's a stimulant? I used to take a massive amount of caffeine just to help me power through the tiredness but I think it actually makes my anxiety worse. My mind starts over-thinking everything. Then when I get to bed I can't sleep even thought I'm exhausted. I've found reducing it to one cup in the morning to be much better for me.

Oh, if caffeine makes you anxious then it's not for you. Stay well away. It's illegal anyway, and you would have to fake being ADHD to get a prescription.

CM24

Supercell wrote: »

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

I'll give it a watch later. I have to go to work soon.

Need a quick power nap.

Stheno

Candie wrote: »

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

Agreed, in one group I was working with we got to discussing personality tests and personality types, and decided to do a timeout session from the serious stuff and guess at introvert/extrovert.

Everyone of the group of ten classed me as extrovert as I had spent three days presenting to them, they were shocked at the results of my personality tests

Supercell wrote: »

OP, take a short time out to watch this TED talk, its one of the most famous ones and for good reason - http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It boils down to "Fake it 'til you make it", but she says it a damn site more eloquently than most people can.

Interestingly the most extensive personality test I had led to a five page report which specifically referenced that I had learned to hide the introversion by becoming very well versed in news/sports topics to give me a common and neutral subject to talk about with people I was interacting with.

Essentially fake it til you make it as you say above

HamsterFace

I'd also say don't indulge yourself with your perceived weaknesses.

You're no better or worse than the rest of us, work can be tough, that's why they pay you for it.

Go earn your money, it's satisfying that way

Littlekittylou

It's as much about listening as anything.

[Deleted User]

HamsterFace wrote: »

I'd also say don't indulge yourself with your perceived weaknesses.

You're no better or worse than the rest of us, work can be tough, that's why they pay you for it.

Go earn your money, it's satisfying that way

Introversion isn't a weakness.

Stheno

Candie wrote: »

Introversion isn't a weakness.

As I've moved up the food chain in work through the years, I've found it's a hidden strength.

Not feeling the need to share my life with people means I seperate work and life far more effectively than those who do and as I work as a consultant it's a definite bonus.

I work in a small company now of approx ten people, and all of the senior team (3 in total) are introverts, yet all spend their life presenting ideas, leading groups in innovating/transforming/recognising their abilities, and most of all, being foremost in proposing ideas to enable companies to change, and being seen as experts in enabling change.

Yet at the end of the day they all go home, have clearly defined borders about work contact and value their private lives intensely

[Deleted User]

I really recommend this book, it's a great insight into what makes us as we are and how introversion is a positive aspect of self.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking-ebook/dp/B0074YVW1G/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1426206100&sr=1-1&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking

The power of the introvert is still to be fully appreciated!

bb1234567

Candie wrote: »

I've seen introversion confused with social anxiety disorder - even on this thread. People are often confused about what introversion and extroversion really are.

A lot of people who are introverted also suffer from social anxiety though due to their more limited social experience , because of not wanting to be around people as much! I think thats why people get confused

bb1234567

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

The thing is,people do actually notice,but the few drams give you the confidence in your head that they don't

They really don't though. Or maybe Im just good at hiding it, its not like your personality changes much when you're tipsy. I just feel more relaxed really, don't speak much more than I usually would.

Stheno

bb1234567 wrote: »

A lot of people who are introverted also suffer from social anxiety though due to their more limited social experience , because of not wanting to be around people as much! I think thats why people get confused

Some of the most famous people in the world today are classed as introvert.

Google INTJ famous people, they span a large range of specialities

And I do think you are limiting what you are saying in terms of social experience, as an introvert, I've years of experience as a volunteer, have played team sports, lead teams, lead initiatives and am now part of a startup business that requires me to contribute.

Introversion is more about focussing on what you rather than the great unwashed think, and trusting that, rather than being a social cripple as so many think.

bb1234567

Stheno wrote: »

Some of the most famous people in the world today are classed as introvert.

Google INTJ famous people, they span a large range of specialities

And I do think you are limiting what you are saying in terms of social experience, as an introvert, I've years of experience as a volunteer, have played team sports, lead teams, lead initiatives and am now part of a startup business that requires me to contribute.

Introversion is more about focussing on what you rather than the great unwashed think, and trusting that, rather than being a social cripple as so many think.

Yeah Im not saying an introvert can't be very outgoing and socially capable. I'm just saying, if you were to look up the relationships between social anxiety and introversion and extroversion, there would be a much higher number of people suffering social anxiety who identify as the former rather than the latter/

[Deleted User]

Being introverted doesn't mean you limit social contact. It's more an internal thing. Introverts tend to be thinkers before sayers, more likely to plan before act rather than act impulsively, more considered in their choices. It's far from a disadvantage in life.

I laugh with my colleagues on a daily basis and value friendships and company. I socialise a lot, have no problem talking or having fun with anyone, where and whenever I can, I'm not shy in the slightest. I'm also profoundly introverted.

[Deleted User]

Macavity. wrote: »

Sort of does, tbh.

You misunderstand. Some introverts limit social contact, others do not. As Jung said, it's a tendency, not a given.

Stheno

Candie wrote: »

You misunderstand. Some introverts limit social contact, others do not. As Jung said, it's a tendency, not a given.

Exactly, Russel Crowe, James Cameron, J-Zee, Mark Zuckerberg, Stpehen Hawking and Jodie Foster are all introverts, all of the INTJ personality (I've the same personality so I googled them)Given that the founder of the largest social network in the world is an introvert, that says a lot about the perception people have.

Introvert does not equal shy/socially repressed, it's a tendancy, but some are brilliant leaders

[Deleted User]

I'm INTJ too. I'd say every person I currently work closely with is also. I work in academia so that's probably not surprising.

Stheno

Candie wrote: »

I'm INTJ too. I'd say every person I currently work closely with is also. I work in academia so that's probably not surprising.

LOL about 0.8% of women (going on your username) are. I work in a niche area of IT doing consultancy, and spend most of my time drawing people out on their pain points and problems.

Just today I met a client and ended up doing a complete reversal from what I/they thought they wanted and articulating that and getting them on board.

It wasn't an academic exercise, but a very intellectual exercise tailored to their circumstances and I thoroughly enjoyed it and at the end they said they got a huge amount from it.

They commented that they were surprised at how much information I extrapolated and digested in a couple of hours and how much I'd helped them progress from being muddy about what they wanted to do, to formulating a specific approach and timeframe to achieve what they wanted.

I put that down purely to my personality, give me a complex problem and a small bit of time and I'll come up with a solution. I'll never be your best friend in that scenario, but I will be someone who'll be a trusted advisor.

It's not dissimilar to what you are talking about, in my area there is massive ongoing debate about best practice and oversight.

I happily then spent 4 hours driving home with myself, digesting the session and enjoying my own company

Macavity.

I'm INTJ as well, but I don't like to label. The reddit subreddit is total cringe, people trying to be more INTJ than everyone else. :rolleyes:

CM24

I was hoping this thread wouldn't descend into a debate about the definition of an introvert! It seems to be a bit of a grey area. I just couldn't think of any other way to phrase the thread title. I don't know if I'm technically an introvert or not. I enjoy socialising with my school friends who I grew up with. I think my social skills just regressed throughout college. I lived at home throughout the 4 years, studying a broad, impersonal course and barely attended any lectures. Didn't make any new friends and just stuck to my old crew who I felt comfortable with. I also found myself falling into a horrible sleeping pattern where I'd stay up til 3 or 4am every night then be too sleepy to do anything the next day. I just feel really at peace staying up late at night, when all the normal people have gone to bed! Probably not the best thing for your mental health though.

To be honest, my parents spoiled me a bit and never told me to go out and get a part time job or anything. So, by the time I graduated at about 23 years of age, I had basically no work experience. I've thrown myself in at the deep end now though, so it's sink or swim!

Stheno

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm INTJ as well, but I don't like to label. The reddit subreddit is total cringe, people trying to be more INTJ than everyone else. :rolleyes:

I think knowing your personality type and validating it through testing is actually quite valuable.

I know I focus more on my weaknesses as a result and work on them moreso than anything else.

E.g. I don't give a ****e if you have children, I want you to get the job done. I've learned through the years to automatically discount e.g. easter as a time to get work done as people with children tend to take that time off.

[Deleted User]

Stheno wrote: »

LOL about 0.8% of women (going on your username) are. I work in a niche area of IT doing consultancy, and spend most of my time drawing people out on their pain points and problems.

Just today I met a client and ended up doing a complete reversal from what I/they thought they wanted and articulating that and getting them on board.

It wasn't an academic exercise, but a very intellectual exercise tailored to their circumstances and I thoroughly enjoyed it and at the end they said they got a huge amount from it.

They commented that they were surprised at how much information I extrapolated and digested in a couple of hours and how much I'd helped them progress from being muddy about what they wanted to do, to formulating a specific approach and timeframe to achieve what they wanted.

I put that down purely to my personality, give me a complex problem and a small bit of time and I'll come up with a solution. I'll never be your best friend in that scenario, but I will be someone who'll be a trusted advisor.

It's not dissimilar to what you are talking about, in my area there is massive ongoing debate about best practice and oversight.

I happily then spent 4 hours driving home with myself, digesting the session and enjoying my own company

I'd say there's a large input of skill and experience at play there too Stheno.:)

Similarly I've had particularly positive feedback on tutorials, using broadly the same skills. I often find small and one-on-one sessions intense and feel quite drained until I've had some peaceful time with myself to recharge. Running and swimming are my major escapes, where nothing intrudes on my thoughts.

I didn't realise the proportion of INTJ women was quite so low!

Stheno

CM24 wrote: »

To be honest, my parents spoiled me a bit and never told me to go out and get a part time job or anything. So, by the time I graduated at about 23 years of age, I had basically no work experience.

Maybe you are just suffering from slightly delayed development then? As you get used to interacting with people you may change your perspective? Figuring out how to interact with people is a challenge full stop, and you're essentially now in a sales role!

Btw sorry for dragging your thread off topic

Stheno

Candie wrote: »

I didn't realise the proportion of INTJ women was quite so low!

I often wonder if it's relevant to the small amount of women in STEM?

On the small groups thing I find the same, easier to deal with larger groups as less time to go into detail

Annasopra

hardCopy wrote: »

I've never been myself but I have heard toastmasters recommended by lots of people.

I've been a member for 8 years. I definitely reccomend it.

bb1234567

Macavity. wrote: »

Your cognitive ability is impaired greatly with all of the depressant type drugs. I could drink a few shots before some event and I'd feel better; more confident, and more able, but that wouldn't be the case.

If it's just for social events like in a bar, clubbing etc.. it's fine, everyone will have been drinking. It won't be seen as unacceptable or odd. Just don't fool yourself into thinking you can get away with it in lectures or at your job. It doesn't work. You forget stuff, and depending on the people involved, it's noticeable.

I did my midterm reviews last week before term ended. I had drank some vodka and orange juice before hand because I was physically unable to present in front of a large number of people while sober. I got an A for my presentation. Do you really think anyone noticed? I remembered everything, I do this quite often so Im perfectly able to function with some alcohol and able to make it inconspicuous.