Now Ye're Talking - To a Transgender Woman

orthsquel · 05-03-2015 11:54PM

Deirdre, I knew very little about being transgender but I know a heck of a lot more now; from your experience it sounds like an endless battle from yourself in realisations to all the red tape in having your gender recognised. I'm personally glad for you that you've had support that has surely made a difference, in having people to talk about what you're feeling and experiencing, and acceptance from family and some friends and having people I hope help you through legal and red tape issues, even just with empathy.

tbh if a family member or friend or colleague came to me about realising they were transgender, while I know I would be understanding and kind, be supportive in general, offer comfort or advice, advise them to talk to a LGBT group or TENI and get support there (since you mentioned the support for families, and as I see TENI has peer support groups) and be approachable in talking about it, I'm not sure what real support I could be or even know what sort of support I should give other than that;

what are or have been for you, significant acts of support that I, or anyone else could give to someone who realises they are transgender at any stage or throughout the whole transition?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 12:31AM

orthsquel wrote: »

what are or have been for you, significant acts of support that I, or anyone else could give to someone who realises they are transgender at any stage or throughout the whole transition?

That is a wonderful loving question, and thank you for asking.

It's hard to give a set of rules which will work in every case for all transgender people, as each person's journey is unique to them, and everyone has their own set of needs and circumstances. As I said, it can take 5 - 7 years for things to really settle down.

Note that the legal, the red tape, and the medical, aren't, in the overall scheme of things, where the real difficulties lie. The real difficulties lie in social transition - the process of learning how to properly express your true gender in society when all of your training up to that point has been how to express the gender that isn't right for you. And its particularly tricky when you are also navigating through your fears around transphobia.

Note also that transition can bring up a massive range and depth of emotion, so a transgender person can be a bit of a mess. This is where support groups and counselling can be of huge importance. Note also that starting HRT, particularly if you are going male-to-female, can in and of itself create a massive mess of emotions. (A leaf falling from a tree was enough to send me into fits of bawling crying when I was new to HRT

).

I'm hesitant to give a set of prescriptive rules - the supportive, comforting, approachable person is the basis for a damn good ally. But I guess there are a few things that I'd like to say.

The first is that, when the transgender person is expressing their true gender, especially in the early days when they might be a bit self-conscious, be as supportive and encouraging as the circumstances permit, but also try and normalise the situation as much as possible for them. Whereas presenting as female was and is more natural for me than presenting as male, it was still very very new for me in those early days, and it simultaneously felt incredibly "right" and also incredibly "new and unusual, and scary". I've had to work on the latter, and the support I got from some people in the early days (particularly my eldest brother and my father) who behaved with me exactly the same way they behaved with my sister helped enormously. One of the best things my brother ever did was have a few jars with his new sister in the pub. And my father has been known to go shopping with me, and buy me small gifts.

The second is - whereas it's important to recognise and respect pronouns and new names, it's also important to remember that if the person isn't presenting as their true gender "full-time", there may be times when they need to be called by their birth name, as they may still be negotiating their fears around transphobia, not to mention still coming out to people.

Never ever "out" a transgender person unless you are specifically asked to or given permission to. I gave my brother permission to "out" me to his close friends. But apart from that, I wouldn't want anyone ever "outing" me, even today, even after I've been in national newspapers identified as a transgender person!

And I'll finish on this - when you see homophobia or transphobia, if you can, call it out, regardless of whether you are in the company of your transgender friend or not. You may, unknowingly, be in the presence of a new friend who is struggling with gender issues.

I guess "support, and help normalise" are the two main things I'd like to say if your friend is self-conscious and/or just starting.

Thanks again

December2012 · 06-03-2015 08:28AM

Thanks for doing this Deirdre.

I like to think I'm an egalitarian and fully supportive and open, but you've answered some very well presented questions in a very informative way. So now I have the information behind my beliefs.

I wish I had something clever to ask but I can't so I'll ask this.

You mentioned about drag queens and transvestitism. After Pantigate and Pantis Noble Call did you receive more support? Did people get you wrong and think of you as being in drag?

Obviously your gender has been a barrier to overcome, has your sexuality been easier by comparison?

As I said, sorry if these are stupid questions.

Gloomtastic! · 06-03-2015 11:45AM

Fantastic answers Deirdre, so articulate, well done!

Would you like to have children?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 12:39PM

December2012 wrote: »

You mentioned about drag queens and transvestitism. After Pantigate and Pantis Noble Call did you receive more support? Did people get you wrong and think of you as being in drag?

I think pantigate and Noble Call have both been very very good for the LGBT community, and I include the transgender community in that.

I most certainly have been mistaken for a drag queen, though since I now pass a lot better it doesn't really happen for me anymore. So it's hard for me to answer your question as to whether my transgender friends who don't pass as well, or transvestites (who also have a different experience to drag queens), have been negatively affected in the way you suggest. But given the support I see for Panti on-line from the community, I'd have to say "no". I think the public understand Panti is a one-of-a-kind - a force of nature

Obviously your gender has been a barrier to overcome, has your sexuality been easier by comparison?

A lot easier. When you let go of the gender binary as it is taught to you by society, it becomes quite easy to embrace your sexuality.

As I said, sorry if these are stupid questions.

Nope - they are great questions. Thanks.

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 12:41PM

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

Fantastic answers Deirdre, so articulate, well done!

Thanks!

Would you like to have children?

Ouch

I didn't discover my brooding instinct until I was quite a way in to my medical transition. It would technically have been possible for me to stop, wait some months, freeze some sperm, and start again. But I needed to transition, and anyway I was in my 40s.

There was a grieving process - one of many - but I've now come to accept it.

teemxxts · 06-03-2015 01:53PM

Hi Deirdre, good to see something like this on boards. Anything that opens peoples eyes to our experience is always good. I say our because I too am transgender. Like you I came to that realisation quite late although I saw and accepted myself as a transvestite or crossdresser for many years even though I realised early on that I was 'different' to other CDs.

It's remarkable how we can suppress the truth inside ourselves. Aged about forty I came to realise I wasn't a CD but transgender. As you know this is both a liberating and horrifying moment. In my mind people like me couldn't be transgender, not my family not in Ireland. I began to come out to friends and the reaction was by and large positive. In fact if anything they embraced it, which surprised me. In fact most told me that everyone thought I was gay because of my obvious feminine personality. It never occurred to anyone that I was TS. Not only that the company I worked for at the time was very supportive of LGBT. So I had every opportunity to finally be myself.

Nevertheless I knew I could never transition. I admire people like you, people who can stand up and say 'This is me'. I'm not brave enough to do that. Reading about the experiences of transition like yours and others put me off. Not the hormones or surgery but the interaction with people and family. I couldn't deal with that.

I coldly decided to commit suicide even choosing the place and circumstances so it would look like an accident. As you know a lot of us take that route. It's the easy exit. Those of us who choose to transition are the bravest.

But here I am today, married, to a woman, we have two beautiful boys. Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I suppose I tried to put the TS thing behind me.

You can't. The gender dysphoria haunts me every day. It's actually a physical feeling at times.

But my life now is for my children. I didn't realise how instinctive that is. It can't quite compensate for having to continue to live a lie but it helps. I'm sad for you never having children. I can't imagine a world without mine. Mind you, they think the world revolves around them!

So well done never underestimate your strength. I envy you.

Sorry for waffling on. Thanks.

Slutmonkey57b · 06-03-2015 01:57PM

Following on from your comments re: surgery, it's certainly no less than daunting. You seem pretty confident in your decision that the transition was the right one for you, and you're going to have the right body at the end of it. Has it ever felt like you were engaged in a daily battle with your "old" body, and how did (do) you get through it if so?

Do you think many trans people either abandon transition, or turn away from it, knowing what is entailed?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 02:26PM

Hi, and thanks for the post.

teemxxts wrote: »

Nevertheless I knew I could never transition. I admire people like you, people who can stand up and say 'This is me'. I'm not brave enough to do that. Reading about the experiences of transition like yours and others put me off. Not the hormones or surgery but the interaction with people and family. I couldn't deal with that.

I completely understand that. There are a couple of my friends who need to transition, but due to family, friends, community, or other circumstances, they can't. I guess I was lucky in a way that I simply couldn't not transition. I knew that if I didn't transition, the effort of living as male would eventually kill me.

I think it's important to say two things though. The first is - there is a lot of support out there. Which isn't to say that there is enough support for everyone who needs it, sadly. The second is - I was surprised that the social aspects of transition were easier than I thought they would be (probably because once I started expressing Deirdre, there was no stopping me!) which, again, isn't to say that it's going to be that easy for everyone. And it certainly wasn't easy.

I'm going to risk dropping my "activism" email here - deirdre@transgender.ie - so if there is anyone reading this who wants to talk "off-line" drop me a note.

But here I am today, married, to a woman, we have two beautiful boys. Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I suppose I tried to put the TS thing behind me.

You can't. The gender dysphoria haunts me every day. It's actually a physical feeling at times.

Yes. I tried for 30 years to ignore my gender issues.

But my life now is for my children. I didn't realise how instinctive that is. It can't quite compensate for having to continue to live a lie but it helps. I'm sad for you never having children. I can't imagine a world without mine. Mind you, they think the world revolves around them!

I'm glad you found such a wonderful way to live.

So well done never underestimate your strength. I envy you.

I see myself as weaker than you. I simply could not possibly have done what you've done. But I guess our circumstances are very different - it was physically impossible for me to be sexual with anyone with the junk I had, so kids were out of the question for me.

Envy me? Don't. Please don't compare yourself to others - instead marvel in your own strength that got you this far and which created the wonderful family life you have.

And thanks for sticking around to tell us your story. As you say, too many of us take our own lives. 40% of transgender people attempt suicide at least once. Thankfully I'm in the 60%, in spite of everything - I just have a determination to not die by my own hand.

Thanks again
xx

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 02:39PM

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Following on from your comments re: surgery, it's certainly no less than daunting. You seem pretty confident in your decision that the transition was the right one for you, and you're going to have the right body at the end of it. Has it ever felt like you were engaged in a daily battle with your "old" body, and how did (do) you get through it if so?

Being transgender isn't about your body so much as it is about who you are at your core. Your body expresses that core reality, so if the body is saying the opposite, it's pretty hard to take.

So the battle wasn't between my male body and my female body - my battle was between the male persona imposed on me by society, and the female persona that I am at my core. Early on in my transition, I had a (moving) "conversation" between those two personas.

Now this seems really weird for me to type, because it's as if I'm splitting myself into two. It's important to say that I'm not two people - I had a facade which was imposed by society on my true persona. But I don't know how to write about that "conversation" without making it sound like there were two people involved in it.

The male facade knew he was dying, but he was glad to go, because he knew he was nothing more than a facade. Deirdre, at the time, was starting her second puberty, and I was doing it with gusto - partying like I've never partied before. I knew I was going to have to find a way to be the person who pays the bills - at the time, he was doing that - but I was confident I could do it. But I think resolution came when he said "it was my privilege to carry you for 40 years"

Do you think many trans people either abandon transition, or turn away from it, knowing what is entailed?

Some do. I know someone who detransitioned due to pressure from her family. But detransition is very very rare - most people find a point along the path of transition that feels sustainable for them, and stay there.

And again I feel I should emphasise that there is support out there, and that transition is usually easier than it sounds (though it's not easy). And again I'll drop one of my email addresses here - deirdre@transgender.ie

MrWalsh · 06-03-2015 02:46PM

What about your job Deirdre, did you keep the same job and was/were your workplace/workmates supportive?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 02:52PM

MrWalsh wrote: »

What about your job Deirdre, did you keep the same job and was/were your workplace/workmates supportive?

Yes I kept the same job. And yes, after a period of adjustment, my workplace and workmates have been grand.

Deirdre's first day on the job was a damn scary experience for me, and it was a definite adjustment for my colleagues, as it was a small office. Everyone had been informed that it was about to happen. That day, there was only one person in the office - someone who is really supportive of me (everyone else was out with customers). At one stage, I could hear him on the phone to the boss, and I overheard him say "it's a bit weird, but it's OK".

I relaxed after that.

Maximus Alexander · 06-03-2015 03:19PM

Thanks for doing this Deirdre. I haven't had much exposure to real (as in, not TV / film caricatures) transgender people and as such, never heard much about what it's like firsthand. You've answered a whole lot of questions I didn't even know I had.

strobe · 06-03-2015 04:08PM

Hi Deidre, really interesting thread, thanks for taking part.

Kinda a two part question:
Firstly, I noticed in your posts you tend to refer to yourself as a 'transgender girl/woman' rather than just 'a girl/woman'. I was just wondering if there is a reason behind that?

Secondly, I'd tend to think of MtF or FtM transsexuals, after transition, as MtF or FtM transsexuals, rather than just men or women. So I don't think of a MtF as a woman, but no longer would think of them as a man either, but rather a third category. I was wondering if that would be considered to be offensive by transsexuals in your opinion? Do you think it's not an accurate way of viewing things, and if not why not?

Thanks.

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 04:38PM

strobe wrote: »

Firstly, I noticed in your posts you tend to refer to yourself as a 'transgender girl/woman' rather than just 'a girl/woman'. I was just wondering if there is a reason behind that?

Context. I'm currently participating in a discussion about transgender issues. When I'm down the pub, or with my friends, or in the shops, or with my family, I'm a girl/woman.

Secondly, I'd tend to think of MtF or FtM transsexuals, after transition, as MtF or FtM transsexuals, rather than just men or women. So I don't think of a MtF as a woman, but no longer would think of them as a man either, but rather a third category. I was wondering if that would be considered to be offensive by transsexuals in your opinion? Do you think it's not an accurate way of viewing things, and if not why not?

I'm going to speak for myself here, because I don't agree with you, but there is a very small minority of transgender people who would.

Look - I don't deny for a second that my experience of gender is atypical. But the key message I'm trying to get across is - my body, my genitals, my chromosomes, my appearance - these are not the most important way I experience gender. The most important way I experience gender is in my head, my heart, my soul. And in those places, I'm female. And it feels like that reality of mine is being denied, and that I'm being "othered", when I'm labelled as you label me.

My atypical experience of gender is not my fault. It's not of my choosing. It's something - and something really difficult - I was born with.

I'll give you an analogy. Imagine someone born in the Netherlands, who has been living here for a few years, who has embraced our culture, and who says that he's Irish. When he's saying he's Irish, he isn't talking about the facts of his birth - he's talking about his innermost experience of himself in relation to the world around him.

So at what point does he get the right to stop calling himself Dutch, or Dutch-Irish? When he changes his passport? When he learns the language? When he dyes his hair red?! Or, because he was born in the Netherlands - never?!

And, who gets to decide when he gets to call himself Irish?

strobe · 06-03-2015 05:09PM

Thanks for the response. Just to say I'd always refer to someone by the gender they wished to be referred to by, out of courtesy. And I absolutely think transgender people should be able to change their name, gender, whatever else on their documentation etc, it's not hurting anyone, so of course they should. Just it's how I think about the whole thing in my own head.

Edit: Oooh actually I've got another one if you don't mind. From reading stuff, a common phrase you hear is "being born in the wrong body" and the general accepted theory is that it's something from birth. Would you be of that mind? That it is how people are born? With a female brain in a male body for instance? And as such, if that is the case, would it follow that you believe there are significant innate differences between male and female brains from birth?

Another one actually just came to mind, kinda along the similar lines. Did you notice any significant shifts in your personality once you started the hormone therapy? For instance men having a higher sex drive is often linked to testosterone, with both men and women with higher testosterone levels having a higher sex drive than men or women with lower levels. Did you notice a drop in sex drive when you commenced the hormone therapy? Were there any other differences you noticed of feeling more stereotypically female in this kind of way once you started blocking testosterone and taking estrogen?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 05:15PM

strobe wrote: »

So was just curious if it'd be something better kept to myself should I find myself in the company of a transsexual.

First of all, you probably already have been in the company of one of us. I regularly get called "love" by Dublin bus and taxi drivers, for instance. Second, the word "transsexual" isn't really used in the transgender community, as our experience of gender has nothing to do with our sex or our sexuality - it's an innate thing. Lastly, I think it's as inappropriate as it would be for you to contradict someone who says they are Irish because they weren't born here.

teemxxts · 06-03-2015 05:25PM

I would echo that above. As I sit here typing this I look like a man. I'm dressed as a man. But internally and in every way that matters I'm female. In fact a rather conservative middle aged woman. I do think to be fair many people have trouble grasping the idea. After all there is no disconnect in their minds between the internal and external. It's eternally frustrating for me that I for the most part cannot interact with people as a woman and that I have to maintain my male façade most of the time. Paper thin though it may be.

But a couple of questions, Deirdre.

Does it irritate you or does it even happen that people say 'When you were a man'? It always jars with me when someone refers to me as a man even though I know I'm supposed to be one.

Do you wake up in the mornings sometimes and smile to yourself when you realise how far you've come? Do you ever think that its like it was all a dream.

My dream come true would be to wake up tomorrow morning as a woman with the 'thing' gone but everything else in my life the same. Well except maybe that I'm rich.

I avoid mirrors mostly because I hate what I see in spite of the fact that the face looking back is of a rather good looking guy, I'm told. I even dislike looking in a mirror when presenting as a woman because the it never matches the image in my mind. Do you enjoy what you see in the mirror now?

On another tack, what are the long term implications, health wise for a woman who has transitioned? I know there are complications with hormone treatment at times.

strobe · 06-03-2015 05:25PM

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Second, the word "transsexual" isn't really used in the transgender community, as our experience of gender has nothing to do with our sex or our sexuality - it's an innate thing.

Oh right, sorry bout that. Transgender is the more acceptable term?

Whispered · 06-03-2015 05:49PM

Such an interesting thread. Thank you!

Do you feel there is anything that could have been done in your upbringing that would have allowed (for want of a better word) you to realise your true gender from an earlier age?

What advice would you give to parents on the subject of gender and traditional gender perceptions and self acceptance?

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 06:35PM

Does it irritate you or does it even happen that people say 'When you were a man'?

It used to really jar me. These days, situation permitting, I'd take the opportunity to do a bit of educating, and move on.

Do you wake up in the mornings sometimes and smile to yourself when you realise how far you've come? Do you ever think that its like it was all a dream.

I keep one picture of "him" with me on my phone. Every time I look at it, I do indeed marvel, though there are other emotions too, like regret I didn't transition sooner, and shock that I sort-of hardly recognise him!

My dream come true would be to wake up tomorrow morning as a woman with the 'thing' gone but everything else in my life the same.

Very typical for a transgender person...

Do you enjoy what you see in the mirror now?

No, actually. I'm quite overweight. But I'm less self-conscious now than when I was trying to be male

On another tack, what are the long term implications, health wise for a woman who has transitioned? I know there are complications with hormone treatment at times.

I don't know, actually. I probably wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for transition, so it's not the most important thing for me to know the medical downsides. I have check-ups every 6 months in the hospital, so there are people looking out for that.

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 06:37PM

strobe wrote: »

Oh right, sorry bout that. Transgender is the more acceptable term?

Yup. Thanks.

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 06:47PM

Whispered wrote: »

Do you feel there is anything that could have been done in your upbringing that would have allowed (for want of a better word) you to realise your true gender from an earlier age?

In my case - no. The information just wasn't available. My parents are quite liberal, and believe that their kids gender shouldn't define them or their future.

What advice would you give to parents on the subject of gender and traditional gender perceptions and self acceptance?

You've phrased that question so well I'm not sure there is anything I can add!

If your kid shows strong cross-gender behaviour or desire, don't panic. Support them as best you can. They might grow out of it (and childhood is the best time for such explorations and experimentation - and you'll be left with a much better rounded child), or they may not (and you'll be making life a whole lot easier and better for them if they subsequently need to transition).

Redser87 · 06-03-2015 09:34PM

Thanks so much for doing this Deirdre, you're very articulate and I've learned a lot from what you've said.

A lot of what I wanted to know has already been asked and answered really clearly, so thanks.
Hope this isn't an offensive question. I'm thinking of the women I know and there is a definite spectrum from complete 'girly girl' (painting nails, wearing dresses and skirts, the TV shows they prefer) to 'one of the lads' (can drink the boys under the table, knows every rule of rugby and soccer, would never be caught dead in a skirt). And, as with most things in life, most people don't neatly into any box and have a mixture of "feminine" and "masculine" hobbies, interests and preferences. Just wondering if you are particularly "feminine" in your tastes?

(In saying all of this, I am not saying that these tastes and hobbies "should" define a person - but our society loves a good binary.)

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 10:17PM

Redser87 wrote: »

Just wondering if you are particularly "feminine" in your tastes?

I basically never wear makeup - even when I should. I'm about 70% of the time in dresses / skirts, the rest in jeans/trousers/teeshirts. I wear my hair shoulder-length, and it is coloured (to hide the grey!). My interests include astronomy, I.T., and electronics.

(In saying all of this, I am not saying that these tastes and hobbies "should" define a person - but our society loves a good binary.)

Agreed.

One of the questions I had to ask myself was - to what extent am I making changes to myself because it's who I am, and to what extent am I making those changes because it's what's expected of me. In other words, am I going from one set of conformities into another.

For me, I answer that question by not wearing makeup. I'm lucky in that I pass well enough without it, but makeup definitely isn't "me", and even though I "should" wear it, I generally don't.

But damn do I look hot when I do!

lol

deirdre_dub · 06-03-2015 10:31PM

In case you're wondering, here are three pictures of me -

A recent one taken by a talented friend who knows how to take a photo, and re-touch it!

Screen grab from last year's People's Debate with Vincent Browne. The reason why I have that look is because Vincent is asking me a silly question

Dr. Lydia Foy (one of my heroes) and I

Ain't modern medicine wonderful!

anewme · 07-03-2015 12:38AM

I was wondering what you look like! but didn't like to ask😃. You look very young looking as you've very good skin. I believe not wearing make up a lot has contributed to that.

A question that might be a bit personal and you don't have to answer but it is the bugbear of most women. are you conscious of your weight or figure.? For example I don't have a typical feminine hourglass figure as I'm quite thick waisted naturally and have a flat backside.

Would you have the same hang ups?

deirdre_dub · 07-03-2015 12:51AM

anewme wrote: »

A question that might be a bit personal and you don't have to answer but it is the bugbear of most women. are you conscious of your weight or figure.? For example I don't have a typical feminine hourglass figure as I'm quite thick waisted naturally and have a flat backside.

Would you have the same hang ups?

I'm quite overweight, so that's a problem. It's more a problem to me from the point of view of that I don't like what it does in terms of my health, though as the introduction said, I'm currently studying TV presenting, and fat women tend to find it hard to get jobs in the TV industry.

I'm now far more comfortable in my skin than I've ever been. But I'd like to be thinner. As for the hourglass shape - it would be nice - but I can't say I'm hung up on it or upset over it.

orthsquel · 07-03-2015 12:54AM

Love the pics!
Since you mention Dr Lydia Foy....yesterday I understand was the debate in the Dail of the Gender Recognition Bill. You've referred to this a few times in responses... Now I wouldn't have read it or even known this was still an on-going issue although a good overview was a press release on the merrion street website as well as details from TENI about it and tbh I've seen little reference to it in media. I understand its status is still in limbo and going forward to a Dail Committee next week.

Does this particular Bill (in its current amended form as changed before 2nd Seanad Debate) represent what you want and what Dr Lydia Foy have fought so long for? Does it reconcile the differences between Irish and EU Human Rights Law? How are you feeling with it dragging on and on at each stage, surely it must be tedious waiting and waiting on it..? And given that there has been pressure on Ireland to finally deal with it after abandoning it, do you think that the various organisations - the EU and UN for example - should have been more proactive or challenging in finally getting Ireland to deal with it given there was indeed a need to provide for it?

CramCycle · 07-03-2015 01:44AM

deirdre_dub wrote: »

I think the question can be asked - why do we need gender on our national IDs at all? What purpose does it serve? It seems to me that the only purpose it can serve is to enable gender discrimination or discrimination on the basis of sexuality.

Great point and one I never thought of, it's an absolutely unnecessary bit of info for your ID card.

You mentioned facial surgery to give a more feminine appearance. Is there a masculine facial surgery? A friend of mine transitioned. I don't recall a drastic change at any point although their would have been gaps due to life that we didn't see each other for a few months.He looks more like a man then me ( broad shoulders, good looking), and despite knowing him for a few years before, I can't remember him as a woman at all other than his name. Is it as common? I just never remember it being mentioned as an option.

Now Ye're Talking - To a Transgender Woman

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