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Don't know what to do.

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  • 05-03-2015 1:01am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Took a while to post here but here goes.

    I can't seem to be happy or get any enjoyment out of things anymore. I mean to say that everyday is a struggle. I have my good days but the bad ones seem to be more frequent lately.

    Christmas was the best time of year for me usually but was a disaster. I can't really explain what happened as if it was me or what but I couldn't stay in the parents house after a few hours. That's when I knew for a fact something was not right.

    I'm married and have a young family and that's my life. No friends to speak of outside the house. I could easily go 3 or 4 days without a text or a phone call from anybody not within my immediate family. It's really getting me down. I had really good friends but they either moved away or passed away and each time it was a piece of me going too only it took me a few years to figure that out.

    My temper got terrible for a while but I seem to just not care anymore about things. I could spend all day inside looking at TV or sit in the field looking at the cattle for hours and not really care. If I manage to start a job it will be finished but it's starting the jobs that are the issue.

    I can easily say no one knows what I'm feeling as I can easily conceal it and I notice people are putting it down to me just being grumpy. My head is really muddled and have a constant pain in head the last good while. I'm the youngest farmer in my area and its a struggle as I'm not seen as an equal by many because I'm younger and not part of the "inner circle" so to speak so any chats i might have are all business with my neighbours and no banter or real friendliness. It's just the way they are.

    Doctors or that aren't an option for me as my off farm job can look into my medical file at any time and if something like this pops up there is a good chance I would lose my position due to the nature of my work. Can't talk to any of my colleagues. Can't say anything to my wife as she is a worrier and would get wound up and wouldn't help the situation.

    Not sure how I'm to sort this out but said I'd take this step anyways and see what becomes of it. Not sure if any of this makes any since as I'm just typing what is going through my head at the minute. Thanks for reading and sorry for the rant.


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    #2
    Future Farmer
    Registered Users Posts: 430 ✭✭Future Farmer


    guest8110 wrote: »
    Took a while to post here but here goes.

    I can't seem to be happy or get any enjoyment out of things anymore. I mean to say that everyday is a struggle. I have my good days but the bad ones seem to be more frequent lately.

    Christmas was the best time of year for me usually but was a disaster. I can't really explain what happened as if it was me or what but I couldn't stay in the parents house after a few hours. That's when I knew for a fact something was not right.

    I'm married and have a young family and that's my life. No friends to speak of outside the house. I could easily go 3 or 4 days without a text or a phone call from anybody not within my immediate family. It's really getting me down. I had really good friends but they either moved away or passed away and each time it was a piece of me going too only it took me a few years to figure that out.

    My temper got terrible for a while but I seem to just not care anymore about things. I could spend all day inside looking at TV or sit in the field looking at the cattle for hours and not really care. If I manage to start a job it will be finished but it's starting the jobs that are the issue.

    I can easily say no one knows what I'm feeling as I can easily conceal it and I notice people are putting it down to me just being grumpy. My head is really muddled and have a constant pain in head the last good while. I'm the youngest farmer in my area and its a struggle as I'm not seen as an equal by many because I'm younger and not part of the "inner circle" so to speak so any chats i might have are all business with my neighbours and no banter or real friendliness. It's just the way they are.

    Doctors or that aren't an option for me as my off farm job can look into my medical file at any time and if something like this pops up there is a good chance I would lose my position due to the nature of my work. Can't talk to any of my colleagues. Can't say anything to my wife as she is a worrier and would get wound up and wouldn't help the situation.

    Not sure how I'm to sort this out but said I'd take this step anyways and see what becomes of it. Not sure if any of this makes any since as I'm just typing what is going through my head at the minute. Thanks for reading and sorry for the rant.

    Hi, sorry to hear you feel like that. You should really just look at the positives you have a wife, a family, a farm and a job. Four things that people would nearly kill for. You don't need to go down the medical route, but why not see if you could find a counselor in you area?

    I have a friend who was feeling like you are, but after a couple of weeks of uploading on a counselor and looking at the positive in his life, he really started to feel much much better.

    It always helps to talk:
    http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you?gclid=CLSj-p3xkMQCFUSx2wodMkMA4Q


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    #3
    mayota
    Registered Users Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭mayota


    The dark winter evenings can really affect the mood and there's more people than will admit it affected. A family, a farm and a full time job is a lot of stress on a person. Make a small list of jobs to be done and take pleasure in doing these jobs and crossing them off the list. Many of us are in the same boat as regards friends, people drift apart and concentrate on there own lives, not out of badness btw, this is life. Try do more activities with the kids, the laugher and love will do ya good. Good luck.


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    #4
    Base price
    Registered Users Posts: 11,133 ✭✭✭✭Base price


    Agree with the above. Try and talk to a counsellor. It is non of your employers business.
    If you can spend time with your children, go for walks and point out different types of birds, trees, plants etc. The fresh air and exercise will do ye all good and the evenings are getting longer.
    Best of luck OP.


  • Options
    #5
    whelan2
    Registered Users Posts: 29,078 ✭✭✭✭whelan2


    Base price wrote: »
    Agree with the above. Try and talk to a counsellor. It is non of your employers business.
    If you can spend time with your children, go for walks and point out different types of birds, trees, plants etc. The fresh air and exercise will do ye all good and the evenings are getting longer.
    Best of luck OP.
    i was talking to an old friend yesterday, she said she has been suffering from depression for a good while, she was sent to a counsellor, she felt he wasnt listening to her and it made her worse, she changed counsellor and the new one is great, she said she feels so much better, she can tell them alot of whats on her mind that no one else would listen to. She feels like a weight has been lifted from her everytime she goes there


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    #6
    Big Davey
    Registered Users Posts: 778 ✭✭✭Big Davey


    Have a chat with your gp its confidential and he/she could point you in the right direction.
    A huge amount of people suffer from depression and it's not a sign of weakness it can often be a chemical imbalance or just circumstances etc
    Councillors work for some people tablets work for some people and a mixture of both can also work.
    You have taken the first step by posting here and every step you take now it gets a bit easier step by step and one day you will wonder why you did not do it sooner.
    Good luck op its gets better from here trust me.




    guest8110 wrote: »
    Took a while to post here but here goes.

    I can't seem to be happy or get any enjoyment out of things anymore. I mean to say that everyday is a struggle. I have my good days but the bad ones seem to be more frequent lately.

    Christmas was the best time of year for me usually but was a disaster. I can't really explain what happened as if it was me or what but I couldn't stay in the parents house after a few hours. That's when I knew for a fact something was not right.

    I'm married and have a young family and that's my life. No friends to speak of outside the house. I could easily go 3 or 4 days without a text or a phone call from anybody not within my immediate family. It's really getting me down. I had really good friends but they either moved away or passed away and each time it was a piece of me going too only it took me a few years to figure that out.

    My temper got terrible for a while but I seem to just not care anymore about things. I could spend all day inside looking at TV or sit in the field looking at the cattle for hours and not really care. If I manage to start a job it will be finished but it's starting the jobs that are the issue.

    I can easily say no one knows what I'm feeling as I can easily conceal it and I notice people are putting it down to me just being grumpy. My head is really muddled and have a constant pain in head the last good while. I'm the youngest farmer in my area and its a struggle as I'm not seen as an equal by many because I'm younger and not part of the "inner circle" so to speak so any chats i might have are all business with my neighbours and no banter or real friendliness. It's just the way they are.

    Doctors or that aren't an option for me as my off farm job can look into my medical file at any time and if something like this pops up there is a good chance I would lose my position due to the nature of my work. Can't talk to any of my colleagues. Can't say anything to my wife as she is a worrier and would get wound up and wouldn't help the situation.

    Not sure how I'm to sort this out but said I'd take this step anyways and see what becomes of it. Not sure if any of this makes any since as I'm just typing what is going through my head at the minute. Thanks for reading and sorry for the rant.


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    #7
    have2flushtwice
    Registered Users Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭have2flushtwice


    go to the GP or a counsellor, its confidential and they aren't allowed to disclose details.

    if your don't trust them, go to a different town using a different name. you need to get the words out to somebody.
    I went to a counseller in the past, his name was "john" when we met first he told me his real name wasn't john, and asked me what my real name was. I asked wtf?! he replied, "because people usually book in under a different name - its very common". there was nothing written down, never met or saw they guy after. it did help


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    #8
    longgonesilver
    Registered Users Posts: 734 ✭✭✭longgonesilver


    Hi Well done on posting this origional poster.

    The symptoms that you have discribed in some way could be taken as a normal case of depression. One missing is the tiredness that many people feel.

    CONSTANT PAIN IN YOUR HEAD is not a usual symptom of depression.
    You think you have depression, but a brain tumour or anurism can also cause the symptoms you describe especially the pain.
    I dont want to worry you but I think you need to see a doctor and soon. Tell your doctor about your employment situation. I am sure that your employer would rather that you looked after yourself. Good luck


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    #9
    Timmaay
    Registered Users Posts: 11,394 ✭✭✭✭Timmaay


    longgonesilver wrote: »
    I am sure that your employer would rather that you looked after yourself. Good luck

    +100 to this, I don't know what line of work you are in but thankfully the stigma of mental health is diminishing in Ireland, most employers by now should accept that depression simple as is is an illness and it's in their benefit that you get healed.

    In any case go to a councillor definitely, I know people often give false names when booking a councillor to keep their identity secret, however don't be afraid to reveal all to your councillor afterwards.

    Best of luck, you've taken a brave 1st step by posting up here already.


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