Etiquette and Manners

JupiterKid · 26-02-2015 06:15PM #1

Do you think that good manners are the same as observing and following correct etiquette? Can you have good manners without following etiquette?

For instance, I open doors for people and always say please and thank you but my late father would stand up at a dining table when a woman would ask to be excused.

Valetta · 26-02-2015 06:18PM

JupiterKid wrote: »

Do you think that good manners are the same as observing and following correct etiquette? Can you have good manners without following etiquette?

For instance, I open doors for people and always say please and thank you but my late father would stand up at a dining table when a woman would ask to be excused.

Manners are always manners and shouldn't change.

Etiquette on the other hand evolves through time.

I wouldn't stand when a woman leaves the table. (they definitely shouldn't "ask" to leave).

keno-daytrader · 26-02-2015 06:20PM

Valetta wrote: »

Manners are always manners and shouldn't change.

Etiquette on the other hand evolves through time.

I wouldn't stand when a woman leaves the table. (they definitely shouldn't "ask" to leave).

But they do this in Downton Abbey.

COYVB · 26-02-2015 06:20PM

Valetta wrote: »

I wouldn't stand when a woman leaves the table. (they definitely shouldn't "ask" to leave).

I think proper etiquette dictates anyone "asks" to be excused when leaving a table if a meal is in progress, male or female

26-02-2015 06:23PM

They are linked, certainly, but they're not one and the same.

Some etiquette these days would be considered bad manners

Corvo · 26-02-2015 06:26PM

I don't know if you have ever seen proper dining etiquette (I mean top-class stuff) - it boarders on ridiculous. So I wouldn't confuse that with manners.

I would consider manners to be saying please, thank you. A good handshake. Holding a door for a woman. Taking her jacket. That sort of thing.

26-02-2015 06:28PM

I don't 'ask' to leave, but I do excuse myself if I have to walk away from a table. I don't expect anyone to stand when I do.

Karl Stein · 26-02-2015 06:31PM

Would you shake someone's foot if they had no arms?

Valetta · 26-02-2015 06:32PM

Candie wrote: »

I don't 'ask' to leave, but I do excuse myself if I have to walk away from a table. I don't expect anyone to stand when I do.

This.

Excusing yourself is good manners. Asking to be excused is archaic and outdated.

What would you do if someone said "no"? :eek:

26-02-2015 06:34PM

To me manners are treating people with respect and consideration. Etiquette is a way of behaving in a particular circumstance that is open to change and may evolve as society does.

Valetta · 26-02-2015 06:36PM

Candie wrote: »

To me manners are treating people with respect and consideration. Etiquette is a way of behaving in a particular circumstance that is open to change and may evolve as society does.

Thank you.

Now please excuse me while I join the other men in the drawing room for cigars.

Rubberchikken · 26-02-2015 06:40PM

good manners/etiquette is making a person feel comfortable and treating them respectfully no matter what.

strobe · 26-02-2015 06:57PM

Manners is doing what you would expect of other people. Etiquette is doing what others expect of you.

Heh, that's actually pretty good. Just made it up off the top of me head. Sounds like it could be a thing though. Probably nonsense. But I'm so proud that it sounds like it could be a thing, that I'm gonna have myself a nice sit.

ALiasEX · 26-02-2015 09:22PM

Corvo wrote: »

I don't know if you have ever seen proper dining etiquette (I mean top-class stuff) - it boarders on ridiculous. So I wouldn't confuse that with manners.

I would consider manners to be saying please, thank you. A good handshake. Holding a door for a woman. Taking her jacket. That sort of thing.

Why would she have a jacket when the mannerly thing would be to give her yours when she is cold? :rolleyes:

bjork · 26-02-2015 09:24PM

Candie wrote: »

To me manners are treating people with respect and consideration. Etiquette is a way of behaving in a particular circumstance that is open to change and may evolve as society does.

This^^
Some people can be all etiquette and no manners

K4t · 26-02-2015 09:46PM

One thing I do not understand, is the whole knife and fork etiquette. Both are pieces of cutlery, usually used together, yet one mustn't dare lick food off of the knife, or even put it near their mouth! Forks only! Bizarre.

O'Neill · 26-02-2015 09:55PM

Corvo wrote: »

Holding a door for a woman. Taking her jacket. That sort of thing.

I'm not a woman, but surly that's a bit patronising? I personally hold the door open for anyone.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 26-02-2015 10:04PM

Ive been known to fcuk my overcoat on puddles for women in the style of Walter Raleigh.

Paramite Pie · 26-02-2015 10:05PM

^^ And plenty of women have held doors open for me.

conorh91 · 26-02-2015 10:08PM

Most 'etiquette' and 'manners' is self-congratulatory nonsense.

Someone once told me he walks on the street side of the kerb, because it's an olde tradition that gentlemen would save women from mud splashes.

I didn't know whether to cringe or pass out with laughter. Move over, Downton Abbey.

It's all so contrived and forced.

Slicemeister · 26-02-2015 10:10PM

One thing I'll never do is rub my snots on the person next to me's trousers at a dinner out.

On the bottom of the table or not at all.

Mint Aero · 26-02-2015 10:17PM

How do you do OP. Ladies & gents of this thread. May I post a reply, I await your response with great joy.

stinkle · 26-02-2015 10:27PM

I know someone who would bore you silly with the ins and outs of dining etiquette, for example, but kinda lives in a world of their own when out and about. They never think to give up seats on public transport to more needy people and tends to walk straight onto the Luas/into lifts without letting people out first.

I prefer having manners and being aware of my environment enough to think of others rather than stressing over tiny artificial rules.

JupiterKid · 26-02-2015 10:38PM

So it seems like manners and etiquette are two separate things. I'd agree with that. Downton Abbey was set for 90 years ago so a lot of the etiquette on that show is outdated in 2015. Dining table etiquette can be overbearing and ridiculous.

I was brought up to have good manners. They cost nothing and show others consideration and respect.

Tarzana2 · 26-02-2015 10:53PM

Corvo wrote: »

Holding a door for a woman. Taking her jacket.

Ick, so patronising. As said, hold the door both sexes or nobody. As a female, I do if it make sense for me to hold the door rather than the other person. And the jacket thing, wtf?

Slicemeister · 26-02-2015 11:16PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Ick, so patronising. As said, hold the door both sexes or nobody. As a female, I do if it make sense for me to hold the door rather than the other person. And the jacket thing, wtf?

So if I hold the door for a woman she might see it as patronising? Or should I tell her I'd have done the same if she were a man? Just so as not to patronize her.

bjork · 26-02-2015 11:20PM

Slicemeister wrote: »

So if I hold the door for a woman she might see it as patronising? Or should I tell her I'd have done the same if she were a man? Just so as not to patronize her.

Tape a video of your self holding the door open for a man
Upload it to youtube
Show the proof, words are meaningless

Slicemeister · 26-02-2015 11:23PM

bjork wrote: »

Tape a video of your self holding the door open for a man
Upload it to youtube
Show the proof, words are meaningless

I do it regardless of their sex. Whether you believe it or not is your own decision.

Answer my query as to how I come out of a polite gesture not looking patronizing( in some eyes )

To Elland Back · 26-02-2015 11:23PM

Good manners are the mark of a person. Etiquette is put on nonsense

bjork · 26-02-2015 11:26PM

Slicemeister wrote: »

I do it regardless of their sex. Whether you believe it or not is your own decision.

Answer my query as to how I come out of a polite gesture not looking patronizing( in some eyes )

Carry a sign saying : Slicemeister -an equal opportunities door opener. That along with the youtube video should cover most situations

Tarzana2 · 26-02-2015 11:26PM

Slicemeister wrote: »

So if I hold the door for a woman she might see it as patronising? Or should I tell her I'd have done the same if she were a man? Just so as not to patronize her.

Urgh, people defensively starting off sentences on the internet with 'So.'

With the door thing, it's hard to tell obviously, sometimes. But there has been times where guys have took aside for me where it was ridiculous for them to do so. A few days ago, a guy was getting on the bus ahead of me, he was nearly on, then he stepped off to let me go on. Seriously like? Just get on the bus!

The coat thing, well that's pretty obviously patronising to me. If you don't think it is, carry on.

Etiquette and Manners

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