6 year old Autistic american child has no friends turn up to his birthday

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:42PM

Candie wrote: »

They still could have had the manners to rsvp, not doing so is not a reflection on the childs mother since the other parents certainly know that the person who would suffer most is the epileptic, autistic child.

I don't care why they didn't go, or how horrible the mother might be, if people don't want their kids at the party that's fair enough, but letting the parents know you're not coming means they can do something else for the kids birthday. It's just the decent thing to do.

This might of well worked in the 1800s when there were very few people in the village. Now we live in towns with thousands of people If you have a few kids you would never get anything done doing all this admin work responding to this crap they bring home all the time. Most people file it important or invite -rip up- as kid would say its his mate. Seems to me this is more like the mother blew a load of cash on the party no one came and trying to recoup the money.

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:44PM

allibastor wrote: »

Have you kids. Or manners.

If you have either you will know why its important to let someone know by rsvp.

The kid may be satan incarnate, or the family complete nutcases, but no kid deservses that

I have kids and manners thank you, RSVP is for friends and family. If you have the time to do it for everyone good for you.

Pumpkinseeds · 23-02-2015 05:45PM

Colser wrote: »

Thats the bit that makes me feel Pumpkin is right..Id find it very hard to believe that 16 parents just wouldnt RSVP..Could there have been another party on that this child want invited to I wonder? I find that while people may not RSVP that they are attending most do when they know that they wont be there (at least thats what I do).

Ya see this is what I'm talking about. Even leaving the RSVP part aside, they're classmates, which means that the parents could easily have spoken to the mother when she was dropping off or collecting her son at school or made their kids make an excuse to tell the kid why they couldn't go to his party. It just doesn't add up to me that none of the parents responded and nobody attended. It's as though a united front was being put up by the other parents.

Either way, after her hissy fit it's unlikely that her kids will get invited to any other kids parties ever again.

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:48PM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Ya see this is what I'm talking about. Even leaving the RSVP part aside, they're classmates, which means that the parents could easily have spoken to the mother when she was dropping off or collecting her son at school or made their kids make an excuse to tell the kid why they couldn't go to his party. It just doesn't add up to me that none of the parents responded and nobody attended. It's as though a united front was being put up by the other parents.

Or they are all pretty ignorant people and don't talk outside their sphere of friends. I would hold off adjusting the tinfoil hat just yet.

23-02-2015 05:48PM

Colser wrote: »

Thats the bit that makes me feel Pumpkin is right..Id find it very hard to believe that 16 parents just wouldnt RSVP..Could there have been another party on that this child want invited to I wonder? I find that while people may not RSVP that they are attending most do when they know that they wont be there (at least thats what I do).

Are people really that callous that they don't have the decency to text an rsvp knowing there's a kid at the centre of it? It doesnt matter what people think of the mother, it's the kid that suffers and everyone except the most poisonous self centred types is aware of that.

Pumpkinseeds · 23-02-2015 05:50PM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Or they are all pretty ignorant people and don't talk outside their sphere of friends. I would hold off adjusting the tinfoil hat just yet.

It's not tin foil hat thinking, just strange that nobody bothered to attend and the conclusion that everyone jumps to is that all the other parents are cnuts, which they might very well be. Be interesting if there was a follow up story with the parents of the other kids.:D

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:52PM

Candie wrote: »

Are people really that callous that they don't have the decency to text an rsvp knowing there's a kid at the centre of it? It doesnt matter what people think of the mother, it's the kid that suffers and everyone except the most poisonous self centred types is aware of that.

Well I tend to take this kind of stuff with a pinch of salt as in the real world most of the time you would not get anything back. The real world does not work like the idealised moral and politically correct version people like to portray on social media. But that's just me. If I was the mother I would have rang people up to check after a few days of not receiving anything back or asked people in the school. Seems odd just to throw a party on an assumption.

Pumpkinseeds · 23-02-2015 05:53PM

Candie wrote: »

Are people really that callous that they don't have the decency to text an rsvp knowing there's a kid at the centre of it? It doesnt matter what people think of the mother, it's the kid that suffers and everyone except the most poisonous self centred types is aware of that.

Tbh I'm surprised at the RSVP thing. We're talking about a kids party not a wedding for goodness sake. People either go or they don't. When kids are in the same class can they not just tell each other if they are attending or not. The thing to remember here is that when all is said and done it was just a kids birthday party, nobody died.

Colser · 23-02-2015 05:54PM

Candie wrote: »

Are people really that callous that they don't have the decency to text an rsvp knowing there's a kid at the centre of it? It doesnt matter what people think of the mother, it's the kid that suffers and everyone except the most poisonous self centred types is aware of that.

I would hope not but it does seem that this was a planned boycott of sorts.Its a horrible thing to do to any child of any age and very hurtful for the mother as well...I could accept that a small group of parents might do it(we all know the coven at the school gates)but 16 seems too many unless there is something else that we dont know..

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:55PM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Tbh I'm surprised at the RSVP thing. We're talking about a kids party not a wedding for goodness sake. People either go or they don't. When kids are in the same class can they not just tell each other if they are attending or not. The thing to remember here is that when all is said and done it was just a kids birthday party, nobody died.

Well human decency did according to social media :pac::pac:

darkpagandeath · 23-02-2015 05:57PM

Colser wrote: »

I would hope not but it does seem that this was a planned boycott of sorts.Its a horrible thing to do to any child of any age and very hurtful for the mother as well...I could accept that a small group of parents might do it(we all know the coven at the school gates)but 16 seems too many unless there is something else that we dont know..

Why did the mother not ask anyone after not receiving anything back, very simple really. I would not throw a party if I knew people were not coming. Would make up some excuse to my child and try to get one going another day with a party or a day out. Why do you measure the party by how many randomers turn up. I used to have about 3-4 people at mine.

allibastor · 23-02-2015 06:02PM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

I have kids and manners thank you, RSVP is for friends and family. If you have the time to do it for everyone good for you.

I doubt both. There are 16 kids in the class, so an invite on average every 2.6 weeks. It takes about 2 mins to ring or text and say we cant make it.

My child has about a similar number in class and alwsys make time to say yes or no.

Colser · 23-02-2015 06:05PM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Why did the mother not ask anyone after not receiving anything back, very simple really. I would not throw a party if I knew people were not coming. Would make up some excuse to my child and try to get one going another day with a party or a day out. Why do you measure the party by how many randomers turn up. I used to have about 3-4 people at mine.

At least you had a party.There were none in my day tbh.

Anyway times have changes unfortunately and most of the younger children have one now(phases out in the older classes).I always hated having them tbh. If we take the mother at face value then I wouldnt blame her for not asking people,she gave the invites so it would be up to them to let her know one way or another.Id be guessing that she has an idea why no one turned up but I could be wrong..

DeadHand · 23-02-2015 06:09PM

Total non-story. Just another chance for people who don't actually care to indulge in some competitive emoting over a child none will ever meet and most would sooner throw themselves under a bus than engage with.

And he's disabled! Quickly, the internet must know how wonderfully compassionate and tolerant I am!

Internet pretense at it's most pathetic.

Pumpkinseeds · 23-02-2015 06:10PM

The headlines with this story read 'Florida Community rallies together for autistic boy'. Then when you read the story there's a direct quote from the mother saying 'the neighbours were probably peeking out their windows wondering what was going on'. Doesn't sound like the community rallying together does it when you're own neighbours don't come out to see what the Police, Fire department and Paramedics are doing at your house

Neyite · 23-02-2015 06:11PM

I'd say with the firemen, sheriffs, police bikes and helicopters his classmates are gutted that they didn't go.

Pumpkinseeds · 23-02-2015 06:16PM

I'm just suspicious of these stories as I used to know someone who always blamed everyone else and never herself or her kids. She moved her 3 kids through all 4 local primary schools because according to her all the kids and all the teachers were bullying her kids. It had nothing to do with the fact that her kids had issues or that she was an overbearing bitch, apparently.

AndonHandon · 23-02-2015 06:19PM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I'm just suspicious of these stories as I used to know someone who always blamed everyone else and never herself or her kids. She moved her 3 kids through all 4 local primary schools because according to her all the kids and all the teachers were bullying her kids. It had nothing to do with the fact that her kids had issues or that she was an overbearing bitch, apparently.

Perhaps her kids got it from her?

allibastor · 23-02-2015 08:58PM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I'm just suspicious of these stories as I used to know someone who always blamed everyone else and never herself or her kids. She moved her 3 kids through all 4 local primary schools because according to her all the kids and all the teachers were bullying her kids. It had nothing to do with the fact that her kids had issues or that she was an overbearing bitch, apparently.

That could be it too, but again if it was the case would you not have seen some rebuttle from parents on the other side

NachoBusiness · 23-02-2015 10:09PM

I have an autistic sister and when she was growing up my parents often invited local children to her birthday parties but only one little girl ever showed up and that was because her parents used to push her to as they were friendly with mine. The girl did try her best to play with my sister but although they may have been the same age, there was obviously gulf of difference in what they were interested in. The young girl was naturally into boybands, clothes etc but my sister was totally unaware of such things and although she liked music, enjoyment of it for her meant rocking back and forth to the same song over and over again.

Not that she couldn't be great fun to be around, she was and still is but quite often she could be quite happily playing and then suddenly, without warning, could strike out at another kid, or pull their hair and so would could excuse some children from being nervous around her, or their parents for being nervous to have them around her. Such behavior just reenforced feelings of difference which the local children naturally felt towards, not just my sister, but all children in my area. Something which manifested itself most evidently when they would make faces at autistic and mentally handicapped children as they were being dropped home each afternoon. Sadly it wasn't too uncommon eithervto hear one or two of them shout 'mentallers' at them.

I'm not saying that this a particular kid has had a similar reaction from the children in his area, he may very well not, but while it is certainly not a universal experience for autistic children to be ostracized and isolated through no fault of their own or their parents, it is however sadly quite commonplace. I now work with autistic adults in a large care home in Dublin where they are get placed (if they are very lucky, Portrane for those who are not) when their families simply no longer have the strength to take care of them into adulthood and I honestly can't recall the last time one of them had a birthday party which was attended by anyone other than their own siblings, the siblings of other residents and staff. In other words: while not unknown, friends from childhood are a rarity for the autistic community.

Again, not suggesting this is the reason for the no show at this kid's party but I wanted to address comments which had been posted on the thread by users who seem perplexed that a party for an autistic child could go un-RSVP'd. It happens, even today on the back of such events which attempt to raise awareness such as the Special Olympics. Keith Duffy in our country has done a remarkable amount. Unfortunately though, there does seem to still be quite a lot of ignorance around regarding children on the autism spectrum and in this day and age, there really is no excuse for it.

Baby Jane · 23-02-2015 10:14PM

I spoke to a woman once who experienced something very similar to this in relation to her little boy. There may not have been as many children invited, but nobody showed up.
As the woman explained, it wasn't a case of "Ew, he has autism" - it's not like children that small would know what autism is anyway.
It was just, she explained, that other children could not relate to him - nor him them.
Autistic children can sometimes act out, as described in the post by Nacho Business, and while they don't mean any harm by it, their peers aren't old enough to understand this - and some parents just think the child is being bratty and has parents who can't control them etc.

xLisaBx · 23-02-2015 10:23PM

I personally found it really upsetting for the family, but I don't think anybody is to blame. Autistic children can, at times, have violent tendencies and maybe the other children were quite scared of him? Not that it would be his fault either.
Hopefully as he grows up he will make some friends and have some supportive people in his life. I went to school with a disabled girl, she had an emotional age of about 6 and myself and a few friends always went to her birthday parties and spent lunch with her. It's just the right thing to do, 2 or 3 hours out of the year at a party isn't much to ask.

K4t · 23-02-2015 10:44PM

Happy Birthday kid

myshirt · 24-02-2015 12:45AM

Each one of those kids should herewith be invoiced.

cassid · 24-02-2015 04:32AM

My youngest had a birthday party at the weekend. He was allowed to ask whatever pals he wanted.

There were two boys he refused to invite, at the tender age of 5, because they are bold, hit other people in his class and make them cry. I tried to point out that it might hurt the boys not to be invited and I got told, they don't care if they hurt people. I then pointed out that I know one of the mums really well and she is really nice and I was informed that he would invite the mum instead of the boy.

Children can be very clued into the behaviour of other children and they may not like this child and the way he behaves. The child is classified as mild austism but they does not indicate how well he interacts with his peers. If he is percieved to be "mean" by children they won't want to engage with him.

It is pretty rude not to RSVP, its hard to believe that not one parent would not reply even just to say thanks for the invite, sorry we can't attend, that just seems bizarre

Irish Guitarist · 24-02-2015 07:44AM

I invited almost everyone in my class to my ninth birthday party, even classmates I didn't like. There was one that I didn't give an invitation to. There was no reason for this as I didn't dislike him or anything. He begged me if he could come to the party and I said no. He said he was going to give me a present anyway.

He then called to my house on the day of the party and handed me a present of a jumper and a Subbuteo style football game. My mother asked if he wanted to come in and he said no and walked away. I went back to my party.

If this happened today there would be a story about me on the internet and how I'm as evil as Hitler and Stalin combined.

old_aussie · 24-02-2015 08:02AM

Amia Strong Surfboard wrote: »

What if they just don't like him? Wouldn't that be a genuine enough reason?

Is that why no one goes to your parties?

yankinlk · 24-02-2015 08:03AM

both my boys growing up had an autistic child in their class. the child was always included in parties growing up.

i recall the last football party, as usual the game was stopped to give him a chance to kick a goal... every single kid simply understood that they did this for him... just what they were used to doing every day for him.

this behavior though was learned from the support of the school, and especially from a special needs assistant to the teacher.

allibastor · 24-02-2015 10:34AM

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

I invited almost everyone in my class to my ninth birthday party, even classmates I didn't like. There was one that I didn't give an invitation to. There was no reason for this as I didn't dislike him or anything. He begged me if he could come to the party and I said no. He said he was going to give me a present anyway.

He then called to my house on the day of the party and handed me a present of a jumper and a Subbuteo style football game. My mother asked if he wanted to come in and he said no and walked away. I went back to my party.

If this happened today there would be a story about me on the internet and how I'm as evil as Hitler and Stalin combined.

Did you not feel a bit bad afterwards. The kid probably went home and sobbed his eyes out.

allibastor · 24-02-2015 10:47AM

yankinlk wrote: »

both my boys growing up had an autistic child in their class. the child was always included in parties growing up.

i recall the last football party, as usual the game was stopped to give him a chance to kick a goal... every single kid simply understood that they did this for him... just what they were used to doing every day for him.

this behavior though was learned from the support of the school, and especially from a special needs assistant to the teacher.

I agree with this, in a lot of schools there is not much mention of anything like this. My eldest had a girl whos parents were going through a ****ty divorce where the parents used the kids against each other.

The child in my childs class became very unpopular very quickly due to this, but no one knew the background to it, so just wrote the child off as a pain.

6 year old Autistic american child has no friends turn up to his birthday

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