fostering

Venus In Furs · 01-02-2015 09:40PM

Friend of a friend fostered her nephew - his father (the foster-mother's brother) is in prison, his mother is an addict and incapable of raising kids. He was a very sad little boy at the start

but went on to thrive. However he gets down about it at times, and he's hitting adolescence now so there could be a bit of an emotional minefield ahead. However it's still fantastic that he's in a loving, nurturing home.

cena · 05-02-2015 12:47AM

I guess there is good with the bad. It must be hard handing back a child after you get use to them been around.

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Gloomtastic! · 05-02-2015 09:06AM

cena wrote: »

I guess there is good with the bad. It must be hard handing back a child after you get use to them been around.

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Talking to other carers, when the kids go home it's because everything has worked out so see it as a positive

Candy_Girl · 05-02-2015 10:51AM

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

If money is your motive you'll be in for some shock to your system! It's hard work and most children come form abuse, neglect and violent backgrounds, it's a big decision not to be taken lightly to bring a child with such background into your own family.

_Brian · 05-02-2015 10:57AM

i heart chewy louie wrote: »

I've considered the possibility, but they'd have to be sound. I suppose that is where the problem is, do you get to find out that they are sound beforehand?

Actually forget that, I was thinking of adoption. Carry on.

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.

We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

_Brian · 05-02-2015 11:03AM

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

We're currently going through assessment - just another 10 or so interviews to go, plus all the other checks - financial, health etc

Depending on the age of the kid (teenagers pay more I think). The pay is about €300 per week, but the money needs to be accounted for.

Watch this space!

Good for you !!
Hope it goes well, being assessed so intimately can be a very stressful and thought provoking process, not for the faint hearted at all, we used to joke that it was as much an endurance test as an assessment for the adoptions..

AnonoBoy · 05-02-2015 11:03AM

Not a beer thread.

I think I need new glasses.

OldNotWIse · 05-02-2015 11:06AM

Wouldn't do it myself, not out of any kind of biological snobbery and wanting "my own" but simply because it would be impossible to not form an attachment to the child and then there would be heartache when they go

Total respect for anyone who does it.

OldNotWIse · 05-02-2015 11:09AM

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.

We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

My older brother is adopted. My parents fostered him for the first two years. I think that's just how it was done then. The biological mother could take him back at any stage before his second birthday. I don't think my parents slept for two years, planning how to flee the country with him if she so decided!

Candy_Girl · 05-02-2015 11:29AM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Wouldn't do it myself, not out of any kind of biological snobbery and wanting "my own" but simply because it would be impossible to not form an attachment to the child and then there would be heartache when they go Total respect for anyone who does it.

It's really difficult and upsetting but if you've done your best for the child, shown them love and given them some happy lasting memories then it's all worth it.

The only thing that puts me off fostering is the involvement the parents still have in the child's life, while some are fine and have the child's best interest at heart others don't give a rats arse and they still have all the say in the decisions regarding the child, it can be infuriating.

Ihatecuddles · 05-02-2015 11:36AM

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.

We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

Of course you need to know what they're like beforehand. To think otherwise is stupid. The social worker will run through their background and you agree that they are suitable. They don't just throw random kids on your doorstep because that's how nature works.

harry Bailey esq · 05-02-2015 11:48AM

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

From people I know who've fostered kids,loads.

Candy_Girl · 05-02-2015 12:02PM

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

From people I know who've fostered kids,loads.

Depends who your fostering from hse or private, it ranges from €260 - €350.

muddypaws · 05-02-2015 12:03PM

cena wrote: »

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Some of them yes, usually when they need something, but then aren't all kids like that

One teenage girl I had was very troubled, the placement didn't last long, or end particularly well, but a year after she left I had a phone call from her, she was in a residential psychiatric unit, and wanted to thank me for all I'd done for her, I honestly didn't think I'd done anything but it obviously meant something to her.

Candy_Girl wrote: »

The only thing that puts me off fostering is the involvement the parents still have in the child's life, while some are fine and have the child's best interest at heart others don't give a rats arse and they still have all the say in the decisions regarding the child, it can be infuriating.

Totally agree, the hardest part is dealing with the birth families, not all of them to be fair, sometimes people are ill and obviously love and have cared for their children but just need a little bit of help for a time. But usually they are dysfunctional and are harder to deal with than the children.

However, I've recently seen it from a different side, my Mum has alzheimers and is now in a nursing home, and it is so, so difficult to trust someone else to care for her, I hate walking away and leaving her with people that don't know her, don't know how special she is, what an amazing woman she is, so now I understand so much more why some families may act the way they do towards foster carers and their children being in care. Really, how do they know that the people caring for their child are doing it properly and for the right reasons? Just because someone can't look after a child, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and worry about them.

Candy_Girl · 05-02-2015 12:12PM

muddypaws wrote: »

I understand so much more why some families may act the way they do towards foster carers and their children being in care. Really, how do they know that the people caring for their child are doing it properly and for the right reasons? Just because someone can't look after a child, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and worry about them.

Totally agree with that and it's very understandable, but the issue I have is with the parents that actually don't care about the child at all! They just want to stick their beaks to upset the child and show their still in control...it really makes me mad.

muddypaws · 05-02-2015 12:25PM

Candy_Girl wrote: »

Totally agree with that and it's very understandable, but the issue I have is with the parents that actually don't care about the child at all! They just want to stick their beaks to upset the child and show their still in control...it really makes me mad.

I know, and deliberately make the child's life difficult, and social workers bend over backwards to accommodate them, when its meant to be all about the child.

BetterThanThou · 05-02-2015 12:27PM

Wouldn't mind a pint of Fosters right now.

_Brian · 05-02-2015 02:49PM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Of course you need to know what they're like beforehand. To think otherwise is stupid. The social worker will run through their background and you agree that they are suitable. They don't just throw random kids on your doorstep because that's how nature works.

Actually I was responding to someone who said they would only consider a child if they were "sound", which is an idiotic notion..

That's totally different to knowing a child's history and current family situation.

05-02-2015 03:03PM

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.

_Brian wrote: »

Actually I was responding to someone who said they would only consider a child if they were "sound", which is an idiotic notion..

That's totally different to knowing a child's history and current family situation.

The only way to enjoy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

SMJSF · 23-02-2015 02:00PM

I was in care for 10 years until 2012.
I would probably be on drugs, alcohol and have no education to my name if I wasn't.
It saved me from violence, addiction and neglect "at home".
I had 2 foster placements (2 years and 5 1/2 years) and a residential (2 years).

I know "fostering" has a bad name to it, but it can be rewarding too.
Some kids have behaviour/anger problems because nothing has been explained to them, one minute they are at home, then in a strangers house the next day, and can act out in frustration from confusion.
The last time they may see their parents & siblings could be the day they leave home, and never see them again.

we aren't all bad!

melissak · 23-02-2015 04:17PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The joy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

Ahh. I get it now. I was wondering.... why would people waste their time making piss take statements about serious issues..

melissak · 23-02-2015 04:18PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The joy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

Ahh. I get it now. I was wondering.... why would people waste their time making piss take statements about serious issues..

melissak · 23-02-2015 04:18PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The joy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

Ahh. I get it now. I was wondering.... why would people waste their time making piss take statements about serious issues..

melissak · 23-02-2015 04:25PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The joy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

Ahh. I get it now. I was wondering.... why would people waste their time making piss take statements about serious issues..

cloud493 · 23-02-2015 04:28PM

I find its enough of a challenge to look after one thats related to me, let alone taking on more :P maybe when I'm older and more responsible and have more money.

nathughes · 04-03-2015 11:16AM

Hi

Myself and my husband are considering it maybe start the process at the end of this year as i would like to have some money saved up. I was wondering will one of us have to give up work completely?? I am wondering because im afraid that we wouldn't be able to support the kid we are fostering as we are both working full time at the moment and the drop of one wage could be a problem.

Nat

SMJSF · 04-03-2015 12:24PM

nathughes wrote:

Myself and my husband are considering it maybe start the process at the end of this year as i would like to have some money saved up. I was wondering will one of us have to give up work completely?? I am wondering because im afraid that we wouldn't be able to support the kid we are fostering as we are both working full time at the moment and the drop of one wage could be a problem.

the process that's bout 2 years, and at the early stages they will say yes or no if your suitable to become a foster parent.
it depends on the age of the child, or may need a lot of hospital appointments.
you or your partner may need to be free to take the child to family access meetings, counselling appointments, Maybe to different churches or mosks to practice a different religion to yours, etc.

And im not trying to scare you, but you shouldn't be worrying about money, the biggest thing is if your capable of looking after kids who are mentally damaged from abuse and neglect, drug dependant babies, violence, anger issues, etc. are you up for sleepless nights while you stay up and wait for them to return after running away?

I'm a past foster kid who have been with families and a residential unit, I've seen and heard it all!
And most people think it will be easy, but when it's someone else's kid, you have to think how they grew up and what there living conditions were before coming to you.

nathughes · 04-03-2015 12:44PM

SMJSF wrote: »

the process that's bout 2 years, and at the early stages they will say yes or no if your suitable to become a foster parent.
it depends on the age of the child, or may need a lot of hospital appointments.
you or your partner may need to be free to take the child to family access meetings, counselling appointments, Maybe to different churches or mosks to practice a different religion to yours, etc.

And im not trying to scare you, but you shouldn't be worrying about money, the biggest thing is if your capable of looking after kids who are mentally damaged from abuse and neglect, drug dependant babies, violence, anger issues, etc. are you up for sleepless nights while you stay up and wait for them to return after running away?

I'm a past foster kid who have been with families and a residential unit, I've seen and heard it all!
And most people think it will be easy, but when it's someone else's kid, you have to think how they grew up and what there living conditions were before coming to you.

Thank you so much for getting back to me. Honestly all of what u said doesn't really phase me or scare me its something i really want to do... Personally i would prefer to take on an older child or teenager as i have worked with this age group and my husband currently works as a youth development officer with disadvantaged children so we would both have some training in certain area and also some experience.
With the money i was just worried that we would be able to support the kids while they are with us.

Tarzana2 · 04-03-2015 12:46PM

It's interesting, I find people are very binary on this, very yes/no. I'm a 'no' person. Couldn't do it, wouldn't enjoy it, but have huge respect for people who do it. Whereas my sister has always professed an interest in it. She's newly married and during the time so far that she has been with her new husband, she has still brought it up so I can only assume he's up for it too!

Dog of Tears · 04-03-2015 12:47PM

I would consider it if the child was Caucasian, blonde and adorably cute.

Would consider a black child only if they had a good catchphrase along the lines of 'Whatcha talkin' bout Willis'.

fostering

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