fostering

cena

What are people views on fostering kids etc. Could you do it yourself fostering a child that isn't yours?

The Diabolical Monocle

Hey Brah,
with the amount of stank I get on my hang low its probably one of mine anyway.

holler at me hoes.

AlanS181824

Hi there.

Bye there.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

We did it for 14 years. And at that I'm out of this before the usual AH rot sets in.

Ihatecuddles

I grew up in foster care. Applied to do it myself, but I'm pregnant so its not an option anymore.

In a few years I definitely will. It's difficult though, there was some very troubled kkids in the house. One newborn addicted to heroin

Sir Osis of Liver.

No,wouldnt do it myself.

But hats off to those that do.

gubbie

Adoption I could do. Fostering I couldn't. I couldn't deal with having kids come and go so easily in my life. Fair fups to those who do though. Takes a strong person

whiskeyman

Unreal dedication from those who do it.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Anyone know how much it pays?

Tasden

I know a few people who do. Its not all horror stories and difficult kids. Yeah the chances of the kids having certain issues is higher, but I know of a few very happy families with kids of their own and foster kids and the only problems they have are the same any family would have. I know one family fostering a severely disabled child and they've basically dedicated their lives to the child, they go above and beyond, amazing family. Must be difficult to welcome a child into the family and then all things going well see them leave after however many months or years.

yeahimhere

I've a friend who does it and is bloody fantastic. Her mother still does it also and think it's in their genes, they're just really caring loving people but also have a no nonsense attitude so know when to lay down the law. As far as I know they haven't had really difficult cases, but I'd assume they'd keep certain things to themselves if they had.

I don't think I could do it though, I don't think I've the personality for it.

muddypaws

I fostered for around 13 years, 10 of them fostering teenagers when I lived in London. Your life is never boring and its definitely something worth doing.

Jesus Wept

I've considered the possibility, but they'd have to be sound. I suppose that is where the problem is, do you get to find out that they are sound beforehand?

Actually forget that, I was thinking of adoption. Carry on.

Jawgap

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

Yes.......

.......not enough.

I doubt anyone does it for the money - hats off to those that do, especially if they're involved in remand foster care (if that's done in Ireland).

Jaxxy

I think it's an amazing, selfless thing to do and I have the utmost respect for those who do it. I'd love to be able to do it myself. Maybe one day, finances and circumstances willing, I'll be able to.

cena

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

I think 365 a week

eviltwin

We applied a few years ago but we didn't have a spare room so that was us out. When the eldest moves out we'll reapply. I love kids and teens and can't think of anything I'd love more than to help a child in need.

honey79

This is something I would love to do at a later stage in my life

My fear would be I could get too attached and wouldn't want them to go

Zippie84

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

It doesn't 'pay'

NachoBusiness

Anyone remember the comedy TV show in the mid-80s that was based on a house full of fostered kids in Engalnd?
ITV I think. Used to love it. Can't remember what it was called though.

I am highly tempted to do it. But with the spare house I am more looking for people who ARE doing it. The last two people who lived in my "spare house" were both contrived by me to be people who were themselves looking after someone. So I was doing some vicarious fostering.

Direct fostering - given my position and the spare house and the place I am in - I could really do. I doubt myself though - as it is easier to do vicariously. I have my own kids - and I find a LOT of time to give to them and the kid of the person living in the "spare house" - but could I lend the equal time to a kid that is not under someone elses stewerdship?

Id like to try! But we plan to have two more kids too. 2 Already - one walking. One not - I am not sure I could be a foster parent or not - but I could see myself being an "open house" for kids or people who need a short term solution

-=al=-

Our family fostered new borns for about 10 years or so, mosltly during my teens.

A couple of months at a time we'd get a brand new baby while the mother (usually single mothers from the country) decide what they're doing... Either keep the child or put it up for adoption. It was pretty tough yet rewarding at the same time and not fully sure how my mother done it! She just loves kids and looking after them but it's a family affair. Most of them went for adoption in the end but they went to happy loving families and it was great to see the joy it would bring!

That was in the 90's to the mid 00's too. Not sure what it paid but it was just enough to cover food and baby stuff. You don't really do it for the money!

My 2c anyways.

Lucyfur

I've looked into it. And I'm still thinking about looking into in a bit more detail. The only thing stopping me is how I'd feel/cope when the child/children go back to their home

I have looked into it and would definitely consider it. There are some personal aspects I would need to take into account though.

Members of my family have done it for a very long time. My great aunt had two children, a brother and sister, from the time they were very small, they were no different to her own children (who are all adults). Herself and her husband passed away close together when their foster children were teenagers and they had to be moved into new homes

She could never adopt them because their parents were still in their lives. It's heartbreaking.

supersean1999

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

I am not sure of the amount but i dont think you are left out of pocket. I know a couple who were quiet open in saying that the amount of money they got was great. And they loved fostering. But im not sure they would do it for the minimum amount. So id imagine the money is a major attraction. All the do gooders will say its a vocation etc etc. How many rich people foster for free.

anncoates

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

My friend did it and I remember thinking the 'money' wasn't bad but as said already, you'd hardly do it for the money as it can be hard going and obviously kids cost money to rear as well so the money just covers the costs really.

My friend's lad was from a pretty challenging background (2 junkie parents) and it was very hard going at times but he's a good kid. They had him from about age 13 to 16 I think.

It's actually something I'd try myself but I've 2 small kids already and space is at a premium here. I've a lot of respect for people that do it

muddypaws

supersean1999 wrote: »

I am not sure of the amount but i dont think you are left out of pocket. I know a couple who were quiet open in saying that the amount of money they got was great. And they loved fostering. But im not sure they would do it for the minimum amount. So id imagine the money is a major attraction. All the do gooders will say its a vocation etc etc. How many rich people foster for free.

It may sound like there's good money in it, but you are 'working' 24/7, so if you break it down to an hourly rate, its really not a lot. I was asked to help out another fosterer that I didn't know, she had a new placement but was working, so he came to me for two days. She dropped him off on her way to work, I gave him his breakfast and lunch, and snacks through the day etc. It was in London, they broke it down to an hourly rate and I got something like £10 for the day, he was a nice lad, but hard work and take out the cost of breakfast and lunch. So yeah, really not good money if thats how you want to look at it.

If you do it right, the child becomes part of your family and goes on holiday, family celebrations etc with you. However, a lot of the time, due to their early experiences, they don't behave on these occasions the way your own children would, so your holidays aren't usually a holiday. We got kicked off a campsite as the two lads I was fostering and another lad my friend who was on holiday with us was fostering broke into a machine in the games room. I also spent time in A&E on that holiday with one of the lads as he'd tried to jump a barbed wire fence running away from someone and hadn't quite made it. The night we were asked to leave, we were told we could stay that night and go in the morning, my friend and I spent the whole night awake, watching over her foster son who had stolen beer and spirits and was very, very drunk. He passed out, we had to keep waking him, cleaning him when he vomited, move him, put clean covers on him, clean him, move him etc. All on a campsite on a cliff overlooking the sea, with a bit of a wind blowing. Funny now when I look back, but not at the time. Another friend had two sisters and went on a once in a lifetime holiday to Disneyland. The sisters decided to run away when they were there, cue lots of American police involvement, and a ruined holiday for their own children. You and your own children may also have to miss out on things sometimes, if a child's only power is to stop you doing something, they may do it, they have had a life of feeling powerless, if they can control something, why wouldn't they? How much money is that worth?

Foster children also cost more money to look after than your own children, there have been studies done on it, they get through more bedding, clothes and toys etc.

You also have to consider if you want a break, or a night out, who can you leave the children with, all sorts of rules around that, garda checks etc. Then there's the social workers coming to your house for meetings, your home and your way of life is constantly judged. How much is that worth?

One of my foster sons was always in trouble outside of our home, my first time in court was going along with him to support him :rolleyes: he was excluded from school, well known to the police, but in the 3 years he lived with me, not once was he late home for his dinner. Such an insignificant thing, but I guess nobody had ever actually put dinner on the table for him before, and it meant something to him. One of the saddest things was a girl that came to me, I washed all of her clothes and ironed them, she put her school uniform on on the Monday morning and started crying - apparently it was the first time she had ever had anything ironed, and she was going to school looking smart. That kind of thing makes all of the other stuff insignificant, and makes it all worthwhile.

The money may allow you to do it, but if it is the reason to do it, then god help the kids.

kfallon

The people who do it, and do it well are absolute heroes!

Ihatecuddles

kfallon wrote: »

The people who do it, and do it well are absolute heroes!

My mam did it for 30 years. We fostered triplets for years, most of the time we only had two of them though. Their parents were on drugs.

I was completely in love with one of them, they were part of our family and we felt sorry for them when they'd go home to their parents. After a few years we only had them at weekends, we started fostering them at 10 months, and when they were 5 one of them told their mam that my mam hit him. He was a bit troubled in the head, would say sexual things and curse a lot, hurt his brothers.

It was a complete lie and it broke all our hearts. So they weren't allowed back to us and my mam never fostered again. She spent years making them into great little boys, as soon as they went back to their parents they were terrors and destroyed her reputation.

30+ years and she went out with a broken heart it's a really touchy subject for her.

muddypaws

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

My mam did it for 30 years. We fostered triplets for years, most of the time we only had two of them though. Their parents were on drugs.

I was completely in love with one of them, they were part of our family and we felt sorry for them when they'd go home to their parents. After a few years we only had them at weekends, we started fostering them at 10 months, and when they were 5 one of them told their mam that my mam hit him. He was a bit troubled in the head, would say sexual things and curse a lot, hurt his brothers.

It was a complete lie and it broke all our hearts. So they weren't allowed back to us and my mam never fostered again. She spent years making them into great little boys, as soon as they went back to their parents they were terrors and destroyed her reputation.

30+ years and she went out with a broken heart it's a really touchy subject for her.

I'm sorry it ended so badly, allegations come with the territory unfortunately, its a disgrace that your Mam wasn't supported through it.

Gloomtastic!

We're currently going through assessment - just another 10 or so interviews to go, plus all the other checks - financial, health etc

Depending on the age of the kid (teenagers pay more I think). The pay is about €300 per week, but the money needs to be accounted for.

Watch this space!

Venus In Furs

Friend of a friend fostered her nephew - his father (the foster-mother's brother) is in prison, his mother is an addict and incapable of raising kids. He was a very sad little boy at the start but went on to thrive. However he gets down about it at times, and he's hitting adolescence now so there could be a bit of an emotional minefield ahead. However it's still fantastic that he's in a loving, nurturing home.

cena

I guess there is good with the bad. It must be hard handing back a child after you get use to them been around.

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Gloomtastic!

cena wrote: »

I guess there is good with the bad. It must be hard handing back a child after you get use to them been around.

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Talking to other carers, when the kids go home it's because everything has worked out so see it as a positive

Candy_Girl

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

If money is your motive you'll be in for some shock to your system! It's hard work and most children come form abuse, neglect and violent backgrounds, it's a big decision not to be taken lightly to bring a child with such background into your own family.

_Brian

i heart chewy louie wrote: »

I've considered the possibility, but they'd have to be sound. I suppose that is where the problem is, do you get to find out that they are sound beforehand?

Actually forget that, I was thinking of adoption. Carry on.

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.


We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

_Brian

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

We're currently going through assessment - just another 10 or so interviews to go, plus all the other checks - financial, health etc

Depending on the age of the kid (teenagers pay more I think). The pay is about €300 per week, but the money needs to be accounted for.

Watch this space!

Good for you !!
Hope it goes well, being assessed so intimately can be a very stressful and thought provoking process, not for the faint hearted at all, we used to joke that it was as much an endurance test as an assessment for the adoptions..

AnonoBoy

Not a beer thread.

I think I need new glasses.

OldNotWIse

Wouldn't do it myself, not out of any kind of biological snobbery and wanting "my own" but simply because it would be impossible to not form an attachment to the child and then there would be heartache when they go Total respect for anyone who does it.

OldNotWIse

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.


We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

My older brother is adopted. My parents fostered him for the first two years. I think that's just how it was done then. The biological mother could take him back at any stage before his second birthday. I don't think my parents slept for two years, planning how to flee the country with him if she so decided!

Candy_Girl

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Wouldn't do it myself, not out of any kind of biological snobbery and wanting "my own" but simply because it would be impossible to not form an attachment to the child and then there would be heartache when they go Total respect for anyone who does it.

It's really difficult and upsetting but if you've done your best for the child, shown them love and given them some happy lasting memories then it's all worth it.

The only thing that puts me off fostering is the involvement the parents still have in the child's life, while some are fine and have the child's best interest at heart others don't give a rats arse and they still have all the say in the decisions regarding the child, it can be infuriating.

Ihatecuddles

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.


We have two children through adoption, yet I couldn't deal with the potential short term nature of fostering. I tip my hat to those who open their families to Fostering not knowing if the child will be part of their family for six weeks, six months, six years or forever...

Of course you need to know what they're like beforehand. To think otherwise is stupid. The social worker will run through their background and you agree that they are suitable. They don't just throw random kids on your doorstep because that's how nature works.

harry Bailey esq

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Anyone know how much it pays?

From people I know who've fostered kids,loads.

Candy_Girl

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

From people I know who've fostered kids,loads.

Depends who your fostering from hse or private, it ranges from €260 - €350.

muddypaws

cena wrote: »

Are the above posters parents still in contact with those they fostered??

Some of them yes, usually when they need something, but then aren't all kids like that

One teenage girl I had was very troubled, the placement didn't last long, or end particularly well, but a year after she left I had a phone call from her, she was in a residential psychiatric unit, and wanted to thank me for all I'd done for her, I honestly didn't think I'd done anything but it obviously meant something to her.

Candy_Girl wrote: »

The only thing that puts me off fostering is the involvement the parents still have in the child's life, while some are fine and have the child's best interest at heart others don't give a rats arse and they still have all the say in the decisions regarding the child, it can be infuriating.

Totally agree, the hardest part is dealing with the birth families, not all of them to be fair, sometimes people are ill and obviously love and have cared for their children but just need a little bit of help for a time. But usually they are dysfunctional and are harder to deal with than the children.

However, I've recently seen it from a different side, my Mum has alzheimers and is now in a nursing home, and it is so, so difficult to trust someone else to care for her, I hate walking away and leaving her with people that don't know her, don't know how special she is, what an amazing woman she is, so now I understand so much more why some families may act the way they do towards foster carers and their children being in care. Really, how do they know that the people caring for their child are doing it properly and for the right reasons? Just because someone can't look after a child, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and worry about them.

Candy_Girl

muddypaws wrote: »

I understand so much more why some families may act the way they do towards foster carers and their children being in care. Really, how do they know that the people caring for their child are doing it properly and for the right reasons? Just because someone can't look after a child, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and worry about them.

Totally agree with that and it's very understandable, but the issue I have is with the parents that actually don't care about the child at all! They just want to stick their beaks to upset the child and show their still in control...it really makes me mad.

muddypaws

Candy_Girl wrote: »

Totally agree with that and it's very understandable, but the issue I have is with the parents that actually don't care about the child at all! They just want to stick their beaks to upset the child and show their still in control...it really makes me mad.

I know, and deliberately make the child's life difficult, and social workers bend over backwards to accommodate them, when its meant to be all about the child.

BetterThanThou

Wouldn't mind a pint of Fosters right now.

_Brian

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Of course you need to know what they're like beforehand. To think otherwise is stupid. The social worker will run through their background and you agree that they are suitable. They don't just throw random kids on your doorstep because that's how nature works.

Actually I was responding to someone who said they would only consider a child if they were "sound", which is an idiotic notion..

That's totally different to knowing a child's history and current family situation.

_Brian

_Brian wrote: »

Why would you need to know what they are like before hand??

Birth-parents don't know if their child is going to be "sound", quite often its the very opposite..

Fostering/Adoption isn't a way of shopping or selecting children that will be "sound".. Its a way a family is created, how it turns out depends on how much effort and thought is put into the family unit, just like any family.

_Brian wrote: »

Actually I was responding to someone who said they would only consider a child if they were "sound", which is an idiotic notion..

That's totally different to knowing a child's history and current family situation.

The only way to enjoy After Hours is to assume that every single post is a pisstake.

SMJSF

I was in care for 10 years until 2012.
I would probably be on drugs, alcohol and have no education to my name if I wasn't.
It saved me from violence, addiction and neglect "at home".
I had 2 foster placements (2 years and 5 1/2 years) and a residential (2 years).

I know "fostering" has a bad name to it, but it can be rewarding too.
Some kids have behaviour/anger problems because nothing has been explained to them, one minute they are at home, then in a strangers house the next day, and can act out in frustration from confusion.
The last time they may see their parents & siblings could be the day they leave home, and never see them again.

we aren't all bad!