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Can you be just friends with members of the oppisite sex?

135

Comments

  • #62
    CJ Haughey
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 449 ✭✭CJ Haughey


    Not a hope.


  • #63
    Johny_cash
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 61 ✭✭Johny_cash


    I agree we


  • #64
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    The real question is do you occasionally get a little bit gay/bisexual for a friend of the same sex?


  • #65
    JonEBGud
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 220 ✭✭JonEBGud


    Depends what you want.
    Granny. . . . Yes.
    Mother . . . .Yes.
    Sister . . . . Yes
    All other females. . . No.


  • #66
    Venus In Furs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Venus In Furs


    Are people really so incapable of viewing someone of the opposite sex in other terms besides wanting to bone them? Surely they don't fancy EVERY member of the opposite sex they've ever encountered?


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  • #67
    steddyeddy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,565 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Just to clarify I asked the question because I know a lot of males and females who think that it's improbable that there's nothing going on between me and my female friend. I obviously know that you can just be friends but I wondered how common the opposing view is.


  • #68
    The Strawman Argument
    Closed Accounts Posts: 477 ✭✭The Strawman Argument


    JonEBGud wrote: »
    Depends what you want.
    Granny. . . . Yes.
    Mother . . . .Yes.
    Sister . . . . Yes
    All other females. . . No.

    ...daughter?


  • #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,046 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I used to be friends with a lot of girls in my early twenties but I fell for pretty much all of them at some point.. Now, I'm friends with girls socially but would never be texting or organising to meet11

    I honestly don't think it's possible as you get older. Like really, can any of you imagine your Mum or Dad having best friends of the opposite sex?


  • #70
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,046 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Venus In Furs wrote: »
    Are people really so incapable of viewing someone of the opposite sex in other terms besides wanting to bone them? Surely they don't fancy EVERY member of the opposite sex they've ever encountered?

    Missing the point.. Becoming best friends with the opposite sex naturally leads to one person wantinf more. Which is a bit different to "wanting to bone them".


  • #71
    The Sidewards Man
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,570 ✭✭✭The Sidewards Man


    I draw the line at my first cousins.


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  • #72
    Turtwig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Yes you can. You'd have to be incredibly insecure to think otherwise.


  • #73
    The Sidewards Man
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,570 ✭✭✭The Sidewards Man


    Turtwig wrote: »
    Yes you can. You'd have to be incredibly insecure to think otherwise.

    That is your opinion, don't brand us all with that brush.


  • #74
    Turtwig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    The Sidewards Man wrote: »
    That is your opinion, don't brand us all with that brush.

    It's really simple, if a significant other were to have friends of the same sex as their partner and that partner couldn't accept the possibility of them being just friends then that partner is insecure. Fair enough if evidence to the contrary presented itself, but if the first assumption prior to any other knowledge is that such friendships aren't possible then it's insecurity.


  • #75
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Mister Vain wrote: »
    It happened to my mate. He rode the wrong twin.

    Your mate is telling porkies!


  • #76
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    I think you can, absolutely. But for me personally, I don't have any male friends that SOMETHING didn't happen with, whether that was physical or more emotional, there's a bit of history with them all


  • #77
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,650 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    I can, but if I do want to be involved wih them romantically I can't be just friends with them at all,

    If I'm not sexually interested, I can be friends though it's fairly rare. I imagine if I was besties with a girl I could develop feelings for her just because I wouldn't be friends with ugly people.


  • #78
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Cauchygauss wrote: »
    Of course you can. It's possible for both a man and a woman not to be attracted to each other.

    I do think this can change over time. My current oh, I know him since I was 17. He had a serious girlfriend (much prettier than me) at the time, and we got friendly over him fixing my laptop, and we kind of just took it from there. He had absolutely no interest in me, and I didn't find him attractive either, but he was an amazing friend. About two years into the friendship, and by now we were inseparable, little things started to change. We were both in different counties during the week with college, and he started to blow off his girlfriend/college friends to stay in chatting to me via msn. It was never flirty, never hitting on me, just chats. The following year, I realised I had feelings for him, and I suspected he felt the same because he started getting very mean and jealous if I was meeting a guy I was into in college. Whereas before he'd have been all for it, now he was telling me how I could do better, how he was an idiot etc.

    Now obviously I think he's gorgeous, but I definitely didn't think that at the start. Sorry for the tl;Dr but that not attracted business can always change


  • #79
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    Friends for years. I always thought it was just them trying it on when drunk so I put it down to that. I wouldn't want to loose a friend just because he was drunk and tried it on.


    Fair enough. Your situation is different to mine.


  • #80
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,386 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Links to scientific studies please. Or properly cited articles, not Wiki segments with vague statements and little to no citations.

    I've asked you to link a study before to stony silence. :pac:
    :pac: all you like, I can't help it if you're not up to speed in some areas, so here ya go:

    http://www.theguardian.com/science/2009/may/24/genes-human-attraction
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/the-smell-love
    http://www.reuters.com/article/2009/05/24/us-genetics-attraction-idUSTRE54N2BH20090524
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090525105435.htm

    Scent and attraction has been an ongoing area of research for quite some time.
    LexieOnRale wrote:
    Now obviously I think he's gorgeous, but I definitely didn't think that at the start. Sorry for the tl;Dr but that not attracted business can always change
    Oh sure. Again it's very much down to the individual L. For example in my case I have never had anyone "grow on me" in such a manner. Very early on, usually at first meeting, they either triggered sexual/romantic attraction or they didn't. If they didn't they were put in the "friend" pile(if we gelled in a friendly way of course). Me personally would be very black and white on this score. Others of course aren't.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #81
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    I'm gay and have same sex male friends (straight and gay) no issue. I presume it's the same for heteros


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  • #82
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,386 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    minidazzler wrote: »
    I imagine if I was besties with a girl I could develop feelings for her just because I wouldn't be friends with ugly people.
    :) I dunno MD. EG I had a very good woman mate for many the year and objectively I could see she was good looking. Well inside top 20% kinda level. She got a lot of attention from men, but for me, nada. Nothing stirred in my loins and ditto for her. Now I'm sure if we were the last man and woman on earth and were tasked with repopulating the planet, we'd get jiggy with each other, but we'd both require copious quantities of drink to do it. :D It would feel like incest or something.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #83
    Grayson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,442 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    I'd say I probably have more female friends than male. Probably my best friend is a girl from work. Years ago we worked in the same company that open plan seating and you just took whatever desk was available. I always took the same desk. One day I came in and there was this girl sitting in it reading brave new world. I fancied the pants off her instantly.
    We got to know each other and I was going to make a move on our last night in the company. I got really drunk and was cock blocked by someone. After that I just never tried again.
    Over the years we've become really good friends. And it's not like I'm friend zoned. I honestly don't think that if we ever hooked up it'd work out. The chemistry I felt seems to have just disappeared and we're just friends. But she's one of the very few people I can go to the pub and talk about mad stuff with. We always end up talking about random mad stuff like free will, metaphysics, psychology etc...
    When I signed up for ok cupid, she was on the first page of matches that was sent to me.

    I have loads of other girls I'm friends with. Next weekend I'm meeting with my undergrad classmates. I went back as a mature student and I ended up hanging out with three girls. I have no interest in any of them sexually even though I will admit I think they are attractive. (As in Ms. X is my friend. I do think she is pretty and has a great arse. I'd like to think some of my female friends think the same about me :) )

    Having said all that I will admit to being friend zoned in my early 20's. It's mainly because back then I had no idea how to relate to women. If I liked a girl I became friends but had no idea how to deal with it from there. I had no way of compartmentalising my feelings if there was no chance it would go anywhere. And I had no idea how to push it in a direction where it might lead somewhere.


  • #84
    bb1234567
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    Unless they're ugly, one or both of you are in a relationship, or you're gay/lesbian, or you grew up with them from a young age and don't think of them in a sexual way then I think its hard for feelings between you two not to happen. I mean if you're friends, then you get along great, you find each other funny etc and if the other 4 things above I listed aren't true, then why wouldn't you have feelings for them?


  • #85
    Username here
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,044 ✭✭✭Username here


    Grayson wrote: »
    ...I got really drunk and was cock blocked by someone....

    Gotta love that phrase!


  • #86
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,386 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    bb1234567 wrote: »
    Unless they're ugly, one or both of you are in a relationship, or you're gay/lesbian, or you grew up with them from a young age and don't think of them in a sexual way then I think its hard for feelings between you two not to happen. I mean if you're friends, then you get along great, you find each other funny etc and if the other 4 things above I listed aren't true, then why wouldn't you have feelings for them?
    My male mates are funny etc and we'd be close, but I don't want to bone them. The willy wants what the willy wants, or doesn't as the case may be.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #87
    Idjit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 853 ✭✭✭Idjit


    Of course they can be friends. The friendship would be better off if they both saw it in a platonic way but even if there's an attraction on one side I think it'd work if they were able to see past that.


  • #88
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    When God made Adam and Eve did he want them to be "just friends"???!

    Come on!


  • #89
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    catallus wrote: »
    When God made Adam and Eve did he want them to be "just friends"???!

    Come on!

    We need to talk about that...


  • #90
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    Gummy Panda wrote: »
    We need to talk about that...

    Ok....you go first :)


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  • #91
    BadMoonRising
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭BadMoonRising


    I do believe its possible but in all of my own experiences, feelings have developed on their side. I do think a lot of guys will try it on anyway if they know you are single, whereas if you have a boyfriend they know the possibility isnt there so they focus more on the actual friendship.

    I've never developed feelings for a male friend as I'd know early on if I was into them, but its happened every single time I've been friends with a guy, that they develop feelings down the line. These lads wouldnt have much experience with girls romantically, which I think may play into it. They seem more prone to interpret friendship with a girl as more than it is.
    Just my two cents :/


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