No longer attracted to my girlfriend

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 05:35PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Large "one"? You mean large person, right?

I rrrreeeeaally doubt you don't judge people on their weight. When you're getting down to the nitty gritty of giving actual figures for the percentage body fat range that makes an attractive woman (amongst other very precise yardsticks), it's quite hard to believe that you don't.

No... I meant an 18 point buck. :rolleyes:

I said I don't judge people on their weight day in, day out. Obviously if I see a person over 350 lbs, somehow still mobile, it's a sight to behold and it's hard not to look. It's like a car crash and a show of human endurance all in one; they've destroyed their bodies but on the flip side have to deadlift 350lbs every time they want to stand up.

The only times I remember actually casting proper judgement is when I've seen fat parents with little fat kids. I feel so bad for the kids because they're too young to know better and aren't being cared for properly. But obviously I don't say anything.

Only one one occasion have I actually legitimately wanted to fly off the handle with rage. Was in the Trafford center in Manchester during the summer in the food court. Some idiot who I assume was the father was feeding a baby (definitely under two - not great with kids ages but it was in a buggy and was tiny) a happy meal burger and a fizzy drink. The entire family were like a solar system of mini-planets orbiting two larger ones. They're all doomed.

Also, bodyfat is the easiest and fairest way to judge obesity on an individual level. Weight and BMI are fine for mass population measurements or to track progress, but for visual factors, two women with 10% bodyfat will look reasonable the same. As opposed to weight which doesn't factor in height, muscle, bone structure etc..

Tarzana2 · 21-12-2014 05:51PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

No... I meant an 18 point buck. :rolleyes:

It was your own demeaning wording so you might want to retract the ol' rolly eyes there.

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 05:58PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

It was your own demeaning wording so you might want to retract the ol' rolly eyes there.

Someone's super sensitive.

Of all the offensive words used for a fat person in this thread you zero in on the fact that I called them a "one".

Tarzana2 · 21-12-2014 06:16PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

Someone's super sensitive.

Of all the offensive words used for a fat person in this thread you zero in on the fact that I called them a "one".

Aye.

Anyway, best of luck in your search for a girlfriend who meets your standards. Let's hope when you find someone who reaches them all that you also measure up to all of hers.

rafa05 · 21-12-2014 06:41PM

Only buy food shopping for yourself. Spent her half on hookers. You get your hole and she gets slim. Win Win.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 06:57PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Aye.

Anyway, best of luck in your search for a girlfriend who meets your standards. Let's hope when you find someone who reaches them all that you also measure up to all of hers.

That's how it should be, two people in a relationship should be attracted to each other.

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 06:59PM

Sugar Thief wrote: »

That's how it should be, two people in a relationship should be attracted to each other.

Preferably not due to gravitational pull.

UCDVet · 21-12-2014 07:08PM

Sugar Thief wrote: »

That's how it should be, two people in a relationship should be attracted to each other.

I'm reminded of this 100% true story involving one of my best childhood friends. His first year of uni he meets a girl. She's a friend of a friend. She's kinda chubby. He was just some nerdy guy. Neither one of them thinks much of one another.

They meet again, six years later. Still both friends of the same friend. In those six years, he had finished school and started a very successful career in banking. She'd lost a lot of weight. He noticed her. She noticed him too, in fact she was very impressed with his brand new BMW. He ended up giving her a ride home at the end of the night.

They're married now, and my friend jokes about it...but it is the reality of the world we live in. She didn't pay attention to him, some socially awkward nerd....and he didn't pay attention to her as a chubby girl. But him as a successful business man....she found that attractive. And her, in shape....he found that attractive. And once they were both attracted, they got to know each other.

I have no doubt in my mind, that if he decided to quit his job and watch tele all day, she'd leave him. And I have no doubt that if she gained a lot of weight and made no effort to change it, he'd leave her. And they're both perfectly happy with it.

Tarzana2 · 21-12-2014 07:14PM

Sugar Thief wrote: »

That's how it should be, two people in a relationship should be attracted to each other.

Well, there's only a handful of people in this thread saying otherwise!

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 07:14PM

UCDVet wrote: »

I have no doubt in my mind, that if he decided to quit his job and watch tele all day, she'd leave him. And I have no doubt that if she gained a lot of weight and made no effort to change it, he'd leave her. And they're both perfectly happy with it.

Do you reckon that if she gained a few stone, and he quit his job to become a couch potato, that they'd stay together because their chances are reduced on the open market?

nails1 · 21-12-2014 07:47PM

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 07:57PM

nails1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Good news then!

Make sure to get the diet sorted straight after Xmas. Any work in the gym is useless if her diet isn't in check. I highly recommend a Fitbit (numbers don't lie) and to count calories for the first few weeks.

It's also a great excuse to take up cooking.

Daenarys · 21-12-2014 08:48PM

Fair play OP, not an easy conversation I bet. Just make sure to keep her encouraged and that no matter how many times a week she kills herself in the gym, it won't come off as fast as it went on. That can be the most disheartening part if you're exercising for weight loss.

Tarzana2 · 21-12-2014 09:07PM

Yes, and OP, you also need to be cognisant of the fact that it will take time. At one to two pounds a week, you could be looking at six months or more depending on how much she has to lose. And there could be a the odd week where there is no weight loss, that happens to everyone. Say, a week with loads of events happening and whatnot. Know that it will take a while and don't heap pressure on if the weight is coming off nice and steadily.

Pwindedd · 21-12-2014 09:34PM

nails1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Just as I'd written ya off you come back all guns blazing. Good man. And good luck. To both of you.

eternal · 22-12-2014 12:52AM

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

strobe · 22-12-2014 12:58AM

Too many potato waffles, that's her problem I bet.

Penny Tration · 22-12-2014 07:44AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

Wtf?

Fair play, op. Wasn't expecting that. As somebody said though, it takes time, so don't expect miracles overnight. Both of ye could take up cooking and take turns to make healthy meals.

Sugar Thief · 22-12-2014 08:00AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

This is just a ridiculous post, so should he just be content with a partner he isn't attracted to?

Saipanne · 22-12-2014 10:00AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

I'm a ride.

One eyed Jack · 22-12-2014 10:52AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

Because you're not superficial at all, eh?

IrishCule · 22-12-2014 11:00AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

The self righteousness leapt from the screen and nearly hit me in the face, just ducked in time.

Tarzana2 · 22-12-2014 11:29AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Because you're not superficial at all, eh?

Well, I don't know if that's superficial. It's just kinda saying "If you're demanding a certain standard of physical attractiveness, what do YOU bring to the table?"

Saipanne · 22-12-2014 11:31AM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, I don't know if that's superficial. It's just kinda saying "If you're demanding a certain standard of physical attractiveness, what do YOU bring to the table?"

But what if the op keeps himself looking well?

Milk_Tray · 22-12-2014 11:40AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

I say your moths as Rough as a bears arse

Blowfish · 22-12-2014 11:48AM

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh.

In Ireland, death rates due to heart disease are about 10,000 per year. The number that died due to car accidents last year 190. 'A bit of extra flesh' hugely underestimates the problem.

Tarzana2 · 22-12-2014 11:49AM

Saipanne wrote: »

But what if the op keeps himself looking well?

Oh, he might well do!

Amalgam · 22-12-2014 11:49AM

Buy a Tuba..

22-12-2014 11:50AM

nails1 wrote: »

My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight over the past year and I find myself less and less attracted to her. I no longer wish to have sex with her but still love her which I don't think she realises. Am I best to tell her about how I truly feel or does this sound selfish?

Try making love with her rather than just having sex.

Saipanne · 22-12-2014 11:50AM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Oh, he might well do!

So, if someone makes the effort to not over eat, and maybe exercise now and again, is it too much to expect your oh to make some effort too?

No longer attracted to my girlfriend

Comments