No longer attracted to my girlfriend

osarusan · 21-12-2014 10:32AM

Dean0088 wrote: »

:rolleyes:
However, the most common scenario for weight gain over a year or so is someone getting lazy. We don't need a post-match analysis to discover it either. If the OP is coming in the door every evening to find herself plonked on the couch with a pizza and a tub of Caramel Choo Choo then the reasons are plain as day.

The reasons for her weight gain are plain as day - too many calories.

The reasons why she knowingly consumes too many calories isn't plain as day.

It might be laziness, but it might be something else.

You have your mind made up though.

Saipanne · 21-12-2014 10:38AM

osarusan wrote: »

The reasons for her weight gain are plain as day - too many calories.

The reasons why she knowingly consumes too many calories isn't plain as day.

It might be laziness, but it might be something else.

You have your mind made up though.

I love the way that people take the most probable (lazy) and least probable (medical reason) scenario, and give them equal weighting.

osarusan · 21-12-2014 10:41AM

You must have loved my post then.

Saipanne · 21-12-2014 10:42AM

osarusan wrote: »

You must have loved my post then.

Your post was the most loveable post I've ever seen. And I've seen some pile of love, in my time.

osarusan · 21-12-2014 10:45AM

Saipanne wrote: »

Your post was the most loveable post I've ever seen. And I've seen some pile of love, in my time.

That's great. Perhaps when you actually understand it, you'll like it even more.

Wibbs · 21-12-2014 10:51AM

Saipanne wrote: »

I love the way that people take the most probable (lazy) and least probable (medical reason) scenario, and give them equal weighting.

Indeed. More and more we medicalise as reasons for behaviours when the more probable reasons are dismissed as unpalatable(no pun). There are people with medical issues that lead to major weight gain(and loss for that matter), of that there is no doubt, but IMHO the way the net is spread so wide to every case demeans such people's struggles.

Tarzana2 wrote:

Why it has happened is what needs to be examined,

I would agree. I would also ask questions like why didn't it happen to nearly the same degree a couple of generations ago and certainly far less in the young? Today we have more knowledge, more supports in place, yet certain cultures, those with the most knowledge and the most support are piling on the pounds.

21-12-2014 10:53AM

Let her go and find some who will love her for herself.

eternal · 21-12-2014 11:02AM

And wtf does the poster look like? He could be ming central and here he is complaining. He should be delighted that he has a gf. Weight can be lost like.

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 11:03AM

osarusan wrote: »

The reasons for her weight gain are plain as day - too many calories.

The reasons why she knowingly consumes too many calories isn't plain as day.

It might be laziness, but it might be something else.

You have your mind made up though.

It's highly likely that it's laziness. I can back that up with national national statistics and plenty of anecdotal evidence.

Saipanne · 21-12-2014 11:03AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Let her go and find some who will love her for herself.

And let him find someone who loves him enough to consider him worth the effort.

osarusan · 21-12-2014 11:04AM

Dean0088 wrote: »

It's highly likely that it's laziness. I can back that up with national national statistics and plenty of anecdotal evidence.

I think it's likely too.

What I don't agree with is that it's so likely that it's a waste of time to consider anything else, or, in your words, any 'post-match analysis.'

whupdedo · 21-12-2014 11:08AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Let her go and find some who will love her for herself.

Which is what, a fat overeating lazy slob who has lost all pride in her appearance, it's all well and good saying he should love her as she is but that would be fine if he was into the better built women, but when she let herself go to a fatty after she had him hooked, she only has herself to blame, you have to remember she was slim when they met and he didn't think she would turn into a blob

Fukuyama · 21-12-2014 11:08AM

osarusan wrote: »

I think it's likely too.

What I don't agree with is that it's so likely that's it's a waste of time to consider anything else, or, in your words, any 'post-match analysis.'

Like I said, when your car won't start you check the obvious first. Only when that fails do you take it to a mechanic.

I'm not denying that depression can cause comfort eating which leads to weight gain. I'm just saying that the majority of fat people are fat due to being lazy and eating like ****. Being lazy doesn't mean a lack of exercise - it can also mean not being arsed to cook decent meals, not researching online to find out whats going on and assuming that your partner will be fine with a fat wife.

Penny Tration · 21-12-2014 11:18AM

Some of the posts saying 'let her go find someone who will love her how she is' are unfair.

The OP is obviously going to feel differently about her appearance if it's changed drastically since they got together. Love is great, but it's not enough to sustain a physical attraction.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 11:22AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Let her go and find some who will love her for herself.

From what I read he does love her, the problem is he doesn't fancy her. Should he stay with someone he doesn't fancy, that would suck the life out of anyone.

Venus In Furs · 21-12-2014 11:24AM

Dean0088 wrote: »

OP should drop a bombshell. If it has a reaction then he can invest a few months helping and encouraging her. If she brushes it off or ouright explodes at the audacity of him having mentioned it then he should pack a bag, leave and find someone with a nice arse as opposed to a bag of cottage cheese he has now.

And hopefully who's a nice person too. You seem preoccupied with appearance to the point of not even thinking about personality. Now before you misinterpret me, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to fancy your partner or to find excess weight unattractive (I don't need a guy to be ripped to oblivion to fancy him but I wouldn't be physically attracted to an obese guy either) - but in addition to them having an attractive personality.
I'm just considering the idea of a woman posting on After Hours "Leave him and find someone with a nice torso instead of a beer-gut" - there'd be hell to pay. But AH has no derogatory comments towards women, only "man-bashing" - and women are harder on each other than men ever could be. :pac:

Wibbs wrote: »

I would agree. I would also ask questions like why didn't it happen to nearly the same degree a couple of generations ago and certainly far less in the young? Today we have more knowledge, more supports in place, yet certain cultures, those with the most knowledge and the most support are piling on the pounds.

There was far less food though, and far more physical exertion required. People still got depressed however.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 11:27AM

Venus In Furs wrote: »

And hopefully who's a nice person too. You seem preoccupied with appearance to the point of not even thinking about personality. Now before you misinterpret me, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to fancy your partner or to find excess weight unattractive (I don't need a guy to be ripped to oblivion to fancy him but I wouldn't be physically attracted to an obese guy either) - but in addition to them having an attractive personality.
I'm just considering the idea of a woman posting on After Hours "Leave him and find someone with a nice torso instead of a beer-gut" - there'd be hell to pay. But AH has no derogatory comments towards women, only "man-bashing" - and women are harder on each other than men ever could be. :pac:

There was far less food though, and far more physical exertion required. People still got depressed however.

A woman shouldn't be content with a partner who is overweight if it means she doesn't fancy him either. I'd' say most on AH would agree.

Godeatsboogers · 21-12-2014 11:30AM

Subtly hint that shes gained weight by pretending youre caught in her gravitational pull

Saipanne · 21-12-2014 11:39AM

Godeatsboogers wrote: »

Subtly hint that shes gained weight by pretending youre caught in her gravitational pull

Time slows down as you approach her.

Play a fun prank, by wearing a normal watch, and adjusting the wall clock to run faster. Then stand next to her.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 11:53AM

Saipanne wrote: »

Time slows down as you approach her.

Play a fun prank, by wearing a normal watch, and adjusting the wall clock to run faster. Then stand next to her.

Someone saw interstellar.

Saipanne · 21-12-2014 12:16PM

Sugar Thief wrote: »

Someone saw interstellar.

I did. I also have had a keen interest in cosmology and physics from a very young age.

But yeah, it was the mediocre film.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 12:17PM

Saipanne wrote: »

I did. I also have had a keen interest in cosmology and physics from a very young age.

But yeah, it was the mediocre film.

Hopefully the jokee does too.:D

Wibbs · 21-12-2014 01:06PM

Venus In Furs wrote: »

I'm just considering the idea of a woman posting on After Hours "Leave him and find someone with a nice torso instead of a beer-gut" - there'd be hell to pay.

Not from me anyway. I'd support her all the way if those were her feelings on the matter. If a previously fit guy started to blob out on the sofa chugging chinner dinners and ales of an evening a year into the relationship and if he had a pattern of this in relationships, damn straight I would.

There was far less food though, and far more physical exertion required.

There was far less food in the 1970's? Or 1980's? Dunno about that. More physical exertion? Stronger ground there, particularly among young kids, but adults? There were far fewer gyms, joggers and general keep fitists too.

On the food front it would be my humble/weird angle on it that it wasn't the quantity but the types of food people were eating. More homecooked "meat and two veg" going on. Chippers and the like were an odd treat, rather than a staple and things like pasta and Chinese food and the like was rare to encounter.

People still got depressed however.

Oh certainly V but it would be my strong belief they did so at lower levels than today.

21-12-2014 01:17PM

Sugar Thief wrote: »

From what I read he does love her, the problem is he doesn't fancy her. Should he stay with someone he doesn't fancy, that would suck the life out of anyone.

For me the two go hand in hand. If he doesn't fancy her, he doesn't really love her and would be better off ending it and letting them both have a chance of happiness with someone who truly loves them.

Penny Tration · 21-12-2014 01:18PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

For me the two go hand in hand. If he doesn't fancy her, he doesn't really love her and would be better off ending it and letting them both have a chance of happiness with someone who truly loves them.

Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing. You can have one without the other.

Sugar Thief · 21-12-2014 01:26PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

For me the two go hand in hand. If he doesn't fancy her, he doesn't really love her and would be better off ending it and letting them both have a chance of happiness with someone who truly loves them.

They certainly don't go hand in hand for me, I can love women without fancying them and vice versa.

21-12-2014 01:29PM

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing. You can have one without the other.

I disagree. If you have one without the other, you are not in a loving, lasting, fulfilling relationship.

Venus In Furs · 21-12-2014 01:30PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Not from me anyway. I'd support her all the way if those were her feelings on the matter. If a previously fit guy started to blob out on the sofa chugging chinner dinners and ales of an evening a year into the relationship and if he had a pattern of this in relationships, damn straight I would.

What I mean is the language though - I just don't understand why some people feel the necessity to be so derogatory when they can make the point minus it.

There was far less food in the 1970's? Or 1980's? Dunno about that.

True. I was thinking in terms of further back than that. Although the portion sizes that are the norm now would have been massive even as recently as the early 90s.

I'd be of the belief that depression levels were no different back in the day - it wasn't recognised though so people had to stew in their misery or self medicate with alcohol (my grandfather)/get prescribed sleeping pills/valium (my father) or were sent to the mental hospital.

UCDVet · 21-12-2014 01:40PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I disagree. If you have one without the other, you are not in a loving, lasting, fulfilling relationship.

By that definition most men are doomed to not remain in a loving, lasting, fulfilling relationship.
http://www.bustle.com/articles/40157-okcupid-says-men-are-most-attracted-to-20-year-olds-and-heres-why-it-totally-doesnt-matter

Studies show that as women age, so does the age of men they find most attractive.

Those same studies show that as men age, there preference does not. As a group, regardless of how old the men are, they find women around 20 years of age to be the most attractive.

I'd post the chart directly, but I dunno how.
http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/92/6739b310-1ffd-0132-08bb-0eae5eefacd9.jpg?w=790&h=550&fit=max&q=70

Tarzana2 · 21-12-2014 02:08PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Why does every issue need to be approached with the most tender, cotten-padded kid gloves available?

Again, I'd understand if this was a teenager or someone who the OP knew was going through something. As her OH it'd be pretty obvious if she was going through depression.

However, the most common scenario for weight gain over a year or so is someone getting lazy. We don't need a post-match analysis to discover it either. If the OP is coming in the door every evening to find herself plonked on the couch with a pizza and a tub of Caramel Choo Choo then the reasons are plain as day.

It might not be obvious at all.

Maybe she is lazy. But if someone is doing loads of comfort eating, that's certainly worth exploring to find out why, at the very least.

But, as someone here already said, you appear to have made your mind up. With scant info and not knowing the woman at all, you appear to know exactly what is going on in her life.

No longer attracted to my girlfriend

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