Could you forgive your other half?

fussyonion · 21-11-2014 12:18PM #1

Would you forgive your other half if he/she cheated on you?

I've always thought I wouldn't but I was thinking about this the other day, after a close friend of mine confided in me that her husband is cheating on her.

I was thinking I probably would forgive my partner, even though at first I'd be fuming and would probably temporarily move out until I calmed down.

But because I love him and because he's my world, I know I would forgive him.
What would you do?

AnonoBoy · 21-11-2014 12:21PM

After what it left in the toilet bowl this morning I don't know if I can ever forgive my bottom half.

Generic Dreadhead · 21-11-2014 12:22PM

Cheating regularly and cheating as a once off are 2 different things IMHO
My answer is Yes, I think I would, but I know deep down I'd always carry it with me, so No in that sense, that's about as clear as mud

650gs · 21-11-2014 12:23PM

Forgive yes anyone can make a mistake ONCE but I think the trust would never come back

Macavity. · 21-11-2014 12:25PM

No, I wouldn't. That'd be it.

Wise Old Elf · 21-11-2014 12:26PM

I like to think I'd try for a one off, but it'd be much harder for an ongoing affair.
Even if I did forgive, I think I'd find it very hard to let it go completely; I'd probably bring it up in every argument and just prolong the agony and it would probably be a slow end to the relationship. Hopefully not something i will have to deal with.

OldNotWIse · 21-11-2014 12:26PM

I think I would want to, but whether or not I could... Forgiving and forgetting are two different things, and it would be hard to build up trust again.

Gongoozler · 21-11-2014 12:27PM

Most likely not. I can't imagine how he or I could ever justify the cheating. I'm not saying I wouldn't consider it but I can't see any situation where I would consider it justifiable.

obriendj · 21-11-2014 12:27PM

fussyonion wrote: »

Would you forgive your other half if he/she cheated on you?

I've always thought I wouldn't but I was thinking about this the other day, after a close friend of mine confided in me that her husband is cheating on her.

I was thinking I probably would forgive my partner, even though at first I'd be fuming and would probably temporarily move out until I calmed down.

But because I love him and because he's my world, I know I would forgive him.
What would you do?

It would depend on the situation.
There would be multiple factors that effect the answer

Relationship Status:
Are you going out long?
Are you married?
Kids?
House Together?

Mistress/mister (whats the male term for mistress)
Do you know her/him?
Has is been going on long? once off?
Will they see that person again? (like are they a work colleague)

Personally I think the depends on how happy you were with the relationship before the incident occurred. I would be fuming tho.

Shenshen · 21-11-2014 12:28PM

I think my definition of cheating might be very different from the majority's.

It would very much depend on the situation. Everybody makes mistakes, but I value honesty. If he's honest, I would most probably forgive and forget.

If he was trying to hide and I found out through some other channel - I don't know. There'd be some serious discussions.

Candy_Girl · 21-11-2014 12:32PM

It's not an easy yes or no if you're in a long term relationship with children involved, it really depends on the situation. Although some forgive it's another thing rebuilding trust.

Winty · 21-11-2014 12:32PM

Its all in the detail

Was the cheat a long term thing with holidays away, money spend on gifts and a sharing of loving kiss or a handj*b by a drunk girl in a nightclub carpark after a night of beer

Big Difference

bur · 21-11-2014 12:34PM

Depends on who with. But even then I'd find it impossible to get that image out of my head.

Nothing more pathetic than a doormat.

Tokyo · 21-11-2014 12:41PM

How the other person dealt with it would be a huge factor I think. If they were truly remorseful then yes, maybe there's a chance. If not, then no way. I tried to work things out once with a cheating partner only to find out that their apology came with too many caveats and I ended it shortly afterwards. Not soon enough though.

RoyalMarine · 21-11-2014 12:43PM

Nope. 100% nope.

Been cheated on before, and I know what it feels like.

I explained this to my current girlfriend, and she knows that its the one thing I cant accept.

Colser · 21-11-2014 12:53PM

Fair play to anyone who says they did and continued on to have a happy relationship...Once the trust is gone thats it imo...everytime your OH would walk out the door that nagging doubt kicks in and its impossible to ignore...Eventually you realise that you cannot live like that and have to make a clean break which is very difficult if you still love the other person. What you thought you would do in that situation can change dramatically when you are actually in it...its a horrible thing to have to go through ..

Tilly · 21-11-2014 12:54PM

I tried before to forgive but it just didnt work out in the end. Every text or call had my mind racing. So now if someone did it to me it would be game over.

Super-Rush · 21-11-2014 12:54PM

I'd forgive my missus for forcing me into cheating on her.

anncoates · 21-11-2014 12:56PM

If one half of me cheated, it would only be 50% as bad, I suppose.

suicide_circus · 21-11-2014 12:58PM

It would always be at the back of my mind

Summer wind · 21-11-2014 12:58PM

The one thing I can't stand is being lied to. Plus if someone cheats on you once they will do it again so no I would never forgive or forget.

RoboRat · 21-11-2014 01:00PM

Nope, I have been cheated on before and if my wife done it to me I would walk because I know that it would always be eating away at me and would probably drive me back into depression.

Also, if she was to cheat it would show that I would never be good enough because I do everything I can to make her happy (and she does the same for me). If thats not enough, there is nothing more I can offer. I could possibly understand if I was a bad husband and neglected her, but I am not so there would be no point in trying to fix it.

GLaDOS · 21-11-2014 01:03PM

Would depend on the circumstances, but I don't think I would. It's a horrible breach of trust.

Penny Tration · 21-11-2014 01:08PM

It really depends.

If my OH kissed someone else while drunk, I could probably forgive it.

A situation I was in before, in a long term relationship:

I was suffering badly with depression and post traumatic stress, and couldn't bring myself to have sex for 3 months. Understandably, this was very hard on him, I get that.

One day, I hopped onto yahoo on his laptop (he told me I could use it) to check my email. It automatically was logged into his face email (with a fake surname, misspelled). All of the emails were from women he was arranging to meet for sex. On the anniversary of me being raped, when I was seriously suffering, he had given me space. More like ignored me because he was off sleeping with someone else that day.

I tried to forgive him. I couldn't. So we ended the relationship and we're both friends and much happier with our partners.

Shenshen · 21-11-2014 01:12PM

I've got a question to all posters here:

I read a while ago that women would be more likely to fogive and forget a man who cheats once, especially if it was with a stranger.
They would generally be much, much more concerend if it was a friend, and if they suspected that there was an emotional side to it.

Men, on the other hand, are very unlikely to forgive any cheating, be it once-offs or ongoing. They wouldn't see much difference.

So just out of curiosity, would you find that to be true?

I'm female, and as long as he's honest with me and there's no deep feelings involved, I would forgive and forget.

Generic Dreadhead · 21-11-2014 01:22PM

Shenshen wrote: »

I'm female, and as long as he's honest with me and there's no deep feelings involved, I would forgive and forget.

Fair play, would he get a number of strikes? Like if he did it once wit ha stranger, owned up to it and told you and was remorseful, but then did it a 2nd time a year later and owned up again.....

Holsten · 21-11-2014 01:24PM

If any girlfriend cheated on me in any form it would be over as soon as I found out.

There is simply no reason or justification for it. End the relationship and then go do whatever you want.

I don't think that once a cheater always a cheater, but once it's done it's that relationship over.

valoren · 21-11-2014 01:28PM

Reputation is everything.
You defend it as well as you can.

If you cheat on your partner, you show an appalling lack of respect for their own feelings. If you get caught, then your reputation is beyond repair. You have lost someones trust.

For me it's 100% a deal breaker.

And I would expect the same treatment if I were to cheat and get caught myself.

If you want to cheat then do the other person a favour by ending it.

Otherwise, tug one out or schlick one out if you're that randy.

NZ_2014 · 21-11-2014 01:30PM

No way hozay. Once bitten twice shy.

Esterhase · 21-11-2014 01:38PM

I'm female and I don't think I'd be able to forgive, and I certainly would never be able to forget. Doesn't matter if it's a stranger or friend, or one time or many. If the OH wasn't happy enough to only be with me I'd rather be broken up with than cheated on.

Potatoeman · 21-11-2014 01:41PM

It would seem like an indication of their attitude to the relationship. If they do it then they clearly dont respect you.

Could you forgive your other half?

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