Women asking Men to get married

looking_around · 04-10-2014 09:13PM

DLMA23 wrote: »

My OH asked me 7 years ago & I said no

Don't feel the need to marry now or ever, still with my partner, love her to bits & always will, but marriage...no, not for me :eek:

PS we are with each other 14 years now

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

beano345 · 04-10-2014 10:44PM

looking_around wrote: »

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

That's exactly why I'd be avoiding it

looking_around · 05-10-2014 09:32AM

beano345 wrote: »

That's exactly why I'd be avoiding it

That seems foolish.

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".
You won't have any rights to make decisions if she's in a state where she can't make them herself.

It happens often enough.

I couldn't bare the thought of my partner not having a say, should I be in an accident or something.

That's just one aspect.

Married people also pay less tax.

princess-lala · 05-10-2014 09:48AM

looking_around wrote: »

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".

You can be next of kin without a ring on your finger!

beano345 · 05-10-2014 10:48AM

looking_around wrote: »

That seems foolish.

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".
You won't have any rights to make decisions if she's in a state where she can't make them herself.

It happens often enough.

I couldn't bare the thought of my partner not having a say, should I be in an accident or something.

That's just one aspect.

Married people also pay less tax.

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

looking_around · 05-10-2014 11:12AM

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

that can happen without divorce though, all she needs is to be living in that house for "x" mount of time. (I dont know the number of years, but marriage isnt necessary, marriage may actually help you with access to your kids)

Shenshen · 05-10-2014 11:20AM

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

Vs not being married, and not having any access at all to your kids should you split up?

Barely There · 05-10-2014 01:52PM

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

You think you'd be entitled to better access to your kids as an unmarried father?

DLMA23 · 07-10-2014 12:30PM

looking_around wrote: »

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

PhoenixParker · 07-10-2014 12:35PM

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

If you were married she'd get it all tax free though. Unmarried she has to pay a high rate of tax.

NewCorkLad · 07-10-2014 12:39PM

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

You should look into that, if something were to happen to you and those policies werent set up properly a large chunk of that money could go in taxes.

DavyD_83 · 07-10-2014 01:09PM

osarusan wrote: »

no, I didn't take it in a smart arsy way either.

I think that if one partner has come to the conclusion that they want to spend the rest of their life with their partner, but their partner hasn't yet reached that point, there's going to be some awkward discussions, I'd imagine.

The partner who's made their mind up probably can't help but be a little confused about why their partner doesn't feel the same way, and it can't be a nice thing to be thinking about. Likewise, the other partner must feel some pressure to decide it's what they want, which isn't fair on them either.

I'm not sure that one sex is more likely to 'bully' the other into marriage than the other way round, but maybe females are more likely to consider marriage earlier in a relationship than males (in general)?

I think this is pretty much what happened for us.
I asked my now wife, in reality because she was ready for it much sooner than I was. She had decided she wanted to get married, and was just waiting for me to catch up, knowing that I'd let her know when I was ready by proposing.
I knew she wanted to get married and would say yes for about a year before I proposed; and the delay was almost entirely down to me getting my head in the right place to deal with the whole process (including dealing with a bereavement).

Reading that it sounds far more like the 'bullying' scenario than I think it really was.:D

DLMA23 · 07-10-2014 01:16PM

PhoenixParker wrote: »

If you were married she'd get it all tax free though. Unmarried she has to pay a high rate of tax.

NewCorkLad wrote: »

You should look into that, if something were to happen to you and those policies werent set up properly a large chunk of that money could go in taxes.

I said I'd marry her when I retire & we relocate to our island holiday home to see out our golden years, just so she can benefit from my pension & estate etc.

nelly17 · 07-10-2014 01:19PM

I think its mostly happens under the guise of an ultimatium

looking_around · 07-10-2014 07:32PM

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

It's not about commitment.

Is that not clear in my post about planning to propose to my OH?

It's simply about simplifying the legal side of things.

Also less tax :cool:, can't forget the less tax :P

DLMA23 · 07-10-2014 07:36PM

looking_around wrote: »

It's not about commitment.

Is that not clear in my post about planning to propose to my OH?

It's simply about simplifying the legal side of things.

Also less tax :cool:, can't forget the less tax :P

It is for me :eek:

So your proposal is a legalese tax saving ploy?

How romantic

_Kaiser_ · 07-10-2014 08:19PM

nelly17 wrote: »

I think its mostly happens under the guise of an ultimatium

Ah the let's get married or lose me approach? It happens alright.

I'd say a lot of men would happily continue unmarried for their entire lives, but society has taught us that the goal of life should be to settle down, get married and have kids. How many women have their wedding all planned out years beforehand (even as kids) - how many young boys go around thinking of their big day?

You could apply the same theory to kids as well I reckon.

Note that this doesn't apply to every man - myself included - but I have seen it happen.

Shakespeare's Sister · 07-10-2014 08:32PM

DLMA23 wrote: »

It is for me :eek:

So your proposal is a legalese tax saving ploy?

How romantic

I think they're saying the commitment and romance would ideally be already there; marriage is just official cementing of the relationship into a family unit.

DoYouEvenLift · 07-10-2014 08:45PM

Approaching and asking men out would have to become a lot more common first I think. I know there are some women who approach men and I think it's great, especially if they're direct about their intentions just like women like us to be direct about ours. Have heard a lot of guys being weirded out by this for some reason though, one said he feels intimidated since it makes him feel like a pussy for not being confident enough to have been the one to initiate.

looking_around · 07-10-2014 09:37PM

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

I think they're saying the commitment and romance would ideally be already there; marriage is just official cementing of the relationship into a family unit.

Thank you.

In my first post here, I said I'd hope to be with my partner for the rest of our years, so "why not get married?".

The marriage itself, is not a sign of commitment to me. Merely something that simplifies a whole range of legal issues.

Women asking Men to get married

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