Women asking Men to get married

Barely There

I was interested in the various views in another thread regarding asking for your fiancée’s father's permission/blessing before popping the question.

What struck me most, was not the different views on the matter, but the fact that it was almost uniformly the man who asked the woman to get married.

Given the advances in equality between the sexes in this Country over the last few decades, it strikes me as strange that this seemingly hasn't changed.


So, if you're a guy, would you be shocked if your girlfriend popped the question?
If you're a girl, is it something you'd consider doing or would you feel weird about it?

For me personally, I don't think it's strange at all - my girlfriend(now wife) asked me.

osarusan

My wife bullied me into asking.

Thankfully.

Shenshen

I asked him, so I wouldn't consider it all that strange, really.

uch

My Missus asked me 20 years ago, I left her waiting for a response for 6 years.

TheDoctor

Do men still ask the father of their girlfriend for their blessing before asking the question?

Shenshen

TheDoctor wrote: »

Do men still ask the father of their girlfriend for their blessing before asking the question?

You haven't seen the thread that's been bouncing around AH for the last few days, then?

Apparently, some do.

fleet_admiral

Its tradition on the 29th of February

uch

I asked my Father in Law for a few Quid for taking her off his hands

Shenshen

fleet_admiral wrote: »

Its tradition on the 29th of February

Yes, though I only heard about that after coming to Ireland.

looking_around

thread needs poll :P

yeah, I plan to propose, I think. Mostly because there's alot of advantages legally/tax wise to being married, that you dont get for living together. And if I'm going to be with him for all the years to come..why not?

I'm not into the whole white dress and wedding rings though,

TheBeardedLady

osarusan wrote: »

My wife bullied me into asking.

Thankfully.

Genuine questions: do you think that's how it goes most of the time? Do people think it's mostly the woman's decision and they kinda coerce the man into it or is it mostly the man's?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

My mother told me to get married.

Defender OF Faith

I dont think feminist would like the Idea of kneeling down in front of a man

A Dub in Glasgo

My wife asked me on 29th Feb 1996, I said yes!

eviltwin

We just mutually decided, no one was asked at all.

TheBeardedLady

eviltwin wrote: »

We just mutually decided, no one was asked at all.

How would you both feel if I asked you to marry me?

The One Doctor

TheDoctor wrote: »

Do men still ask the father of their girlfriend for their blessing before asking the question?

I did. Haven't popped the question yet though. I told my girlfriend that I asked for permission though.

eviltwin

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

How would you both feel if I asked you to marry me?

There is always room for one more my dear

osarusan

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Genuine questions: do you think that's how it goes most of the time? Do people think it's mostly the woman's decision and they kinda coerce the man into it or is it mostly the man's?

I have no idea. I haven't ever discussed it with anybody else.

"You're getting married? Fantastic, congratulations. (Confidential whisper) she bullied you into it, right?"

Defender OF Faith

Defender OF Faith wrote: »

I dont think feminist would like the Idea of kneeling down in front of a man

Ah you're back!

Shakespeare's Sister

eviltwin wrote: »

We just mutually decided, no one was asked at all.

That's what I view as the ideal from the more practical perspective, when both know it's on the cards. Although the idea of an out-of-the blue proposal is lovely.

Women who are waiting for him to propose (thought it was supposed to be unexpected?) or "dropping hints" - instead of just saying it themselves... genuinely baffle me.

Not tied up at the moment so all i can say is ladies id be flattered to be asked Make sure to send a pic and at least 500 words in the PM as to why you'd make the perfect dinner...er sorry i mean the perfect soul mate for me :pac:

AnLonDubh

I think the woman should be respectful and ask the man's mother for permission first.

alwaysadub

I proposed to him, but we had discussed getting married before that so i knew he'd say yes!

TheBeardedLady

osarusan wrote: »

I have no idea. I haven't ever discussed it with anybody else.

"You're getting married? Fantastic, congratulations. (Confidential whisper) she bullied you into it, right?"

Question wasn't specifically for you and didn't mean it in any smart arsy way (if that's how you took it up). Just wondered whether it was something men would generally do of their own accord or would it normally take a bit of persuasion from women. I know the wedding day itself is generally a female thing but wondered about the marriage part. I suppose it depends on the couple.

TheBeardedLady

Candie wrote: »

Ah you're back!

Oh and wasn't he missed!

Lapin

I'm gonna be out of sight all day on the 29'th of February 2016 and 2020.

Just in case she gets notions like.

leftwinger

Glad that my missus asked me when she did in 1991 after a short enough (by Irish standards ...about 18 months) period of "going out".

Shenshen

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Question wasn't specifically for you and didn't mean it in any smart arsy way (if that's how you took it up). Just wondered whether it was something men would generally do of their own accord or would it normally take a bit of persuasion from women. I know the wedding day itself is generally a female thing but wondered about the marriage part. I suppose it depends on the couple.

That's sort of what my husband expected somehow - I always felt it should be about BOTH of us, so made him be involved. Well, as much as possible, he can be stubborn baxtard.

osarusan

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Question wasn't specifically for you and didn't mean it in any smart arsy way (if that's how you took it up). Just wondered whether it was something men would generally do of their own accord or would it normally take a bit of persuasion from women. I know the wedding day itself is generally a female thing but wondered about the marriage part. I suppose it depends on the couple.

no, I didn't take it in a smart arsy way either.


I think that if one partner has come to the conclusion that they want to spend the rest of their life with their partner, but their partner hasn't yet reached that point, there's going to be some awkward discussions, I'd imagine.

The partner who's made their mind up probably can't help but be a little confused about why their partner doesn't feel the same way, and it can't be a nice thing to be thinking about. Likewise, the other partner must feel some pressure to decide it's what they want, which isn't fair on them either.


I'm not sure that one sex is more likely to 'bully' the other into marriage than the other way round, but maybe females are more likely to consider marriage earlier in a relationship than males (in general)?

DLMA23

My OH asked me 7 years ago & I said no

Don't feel the need to marry now or ever, still with my partner, love her to bits & always will, but marriage...no, not for me :eek:

PS we are with each other 14 years now

looking_around

DLMA23 wrote: »

My OH asked me 7 years ago & I said no

Don't feel the need to marry now or ever, still with my partner, love her to bits & always will, but marriage...no, not for me :eek:

PS we are with each other 14 years now

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

beano345

looking_around wrote: »

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

That's exactly why I'd be avoiding it

looking_around

beano345 wrote: »

That's exactly why I'd be avoiding it

That seems foolish.

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".
You won't have any rights to make decisions if she's in a state where she can't make them herself.

It happens often enough.

I couldn't bare the thought of my partner not having a say, should I be in an accident or something.

That's just one aspect.

Married people also pay less tax.

princess-lala

looking_around wrote: »

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".

You can be next of kin without a ring on your finger!

beano345

looking_around wrote: »

That seems foolish.

What if you or she ends up in hospital. Doctors can refuse to give ye any information because you're not "next of kin".
You won't have any rights to make decisions if she's in a state where she can't make them herself.

It happens often enough.

I couldn't bare the thought of my partner not having a say, should I be in an accident or something.

That's just one aspect.

Married people also pay less tax.

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

looking_around

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

that can happen without divorce though, all she needs is to be living in that house for "x" mount of time. (I dont know the number of years, but marriage isnt necessary, marriage may actually help you with access to your kids)

Shenshen

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

Vs not being married, and not having any access at all to your kids should you split up?

Barely There

beano345 wrote: »

What about if things go south you end up divorced having to move out of your own house, restricted access to your kids,loss of assets etc

Now that seems foolish to me

You think you'd be entitled to better access to your kids as an unmarried father?

DLMA23

looking_around wrote: »

even for the legal side of it?

Marriage makes ye next of kin to eachother.

You don't want that?

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

PhoenixParker

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

If you were married she'd get it all tax free though. Unmarried she has to pay a high rate of tax.

NewCorkLad

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

You should look into that, if something were to happen to you and those policies werent set up properly a large chunk of that money could go in taxes.

DavyD_83

osarusan wrote: »

no, I didn't take it in a smart arsy way either.


I think that if one partner has come to the conclusion that they want to spend the rest of their life with their partner, but their partner hasn't yet reached that point, there's going to be some awkward discussions, I'd imagine.

The partner who's made their mind up probably can't help but be a little confused about why their partner doesn't feel the same way, and it can't be a nice thing to be thinking about. Likewise, the other partner must feel some pressure to decide it's what they want, which isn't fair on them either.


I'm not sure that one sex is more likely to 'bully' the other into marriage than the other way round, but maybe females are more likely to consider marriage earlier in a relationship than males (in general)?

I think this is pretty much what happened for us.
I asked my now wife, in reality because she was ready for it much sooner than I was. She had decided she wanted to get married, and was just waiting for me to catch up, knowing that I'd let her know when I was ready by proposing.
I knew she wanted to get married and would say yes for about a year before I proposed; and the delay was almost entirely down to me getting my head in the right place to deal with the whole process (including dealing with a bereavement).

Reading that it sounds far more like the 'bullying' scenario than I think it really was.:D

DLMA23

PhoenixParker wrote: »

If you were married she'd get it all tax free though. Unmarried she has to pay a high rate of tax.

NewCorkLad wrote: »

You should look into that, if something were to happen to you and those policies werent set up properly a large chunk of that money could go in taxes.

I said I'd marry her when I retire & we relocate to our island holiday home to see out our golden years, just so she can benefit from my pension & estate etc.

nelly17

I think its mostly happens under the guise of an ultimatium

looking_around

DLMA23 wrote: »

I don't feel I need validation for my commitment to someone from the state or church, neither of which I have any respect for or belief in.

My OH is covered re., my insurance polices etc., & all my wordly belongings are bequeathed to her in my will, so as far as I'm concerned she's kin either way.

It's not about commitment.

Is that not clear in my post about planning to propose to my OH?

It's simply about simplifying the legal side of things.


Also less tax :cool:, can't forget the less tax :P

DLMA23

looking_around wrote: »

It's not about commitment.

Is that not clear in my post about planning to propose to my OH?

It's simply about simplifying the legal side of things.


Also less tax :cool:, can't forget the less tax :P

It is for me :eek:

So your proposal is a legalese tax saving ploy?

How romantic

_Kaiser_

nelly17 wrote: »

I think its mostly happens under the guise of an ultimatium

Ah the let's get married or lose me approach? It happens alright.

I'd say a lot of men would happily continue unmarried for their entire lives, but society has taught us that the goal of life should be to settle down, get married and have kids. How many women have their wedding all planned out years beforehand (even as kids) - how many young boys go around thinking of their big day?

You could apply the same theory to kids as well I reckon.

Note that this doesn't apply to every man - myself included - but I have seen it happen.

Shakespeare's Sister

DLMA23 wrote: »

It is for me :eek:

So your proposal is a legalese tax saving ploy?

How romantic

I think they're saying the commitment and romance would ideally be already there; marriage is just official cementing of the relationship into a family unit.

DoYouEvenLift

Approaching and asking men out would have to become a lot more common first I think. I know there are some women who approach men and I think it's great, especially if they're direct about their intentions just like women like us to be direct about ours. Have heard a lot of guys being weirded out by this for some reason though, one said he feels intimidated since it makes him feel like a pussy for not being confident enough to have been the one to initiate.

looking_around

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

I think they're saying the commitment and romance would ideally be already there; marriage is just official cementing of the relationship into a family unit.

Thank you.

In my first post here, I said I'd hope to be with my partner for the rest of our years, so "why not get married?".

The marriage itself, is not a sign of commitment to me. Merely something that simplifies a whole range of legal issues.